Stop Smoking Support Thread
Comments
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MT, I agree with you about the online dating. Definitely different times but I think because we could judge someone in a few minutes and see what they were like before we agreed to a date. Not the most logical thinking but logical at the time!
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Here is the story of us - LOL
Had been separated from DH one for over a year. Sister in law said "Stop watching the food channel on Sat. nights and get your ass online on Yahoo personals (don't think they exist anymore?) or Match.com So, after we shared a bottle of wine and a dare, I did it!
I met and dated 3 men before meeting my husband, all very nice but..eh, you know. I was not really looking for a serious relationship, but my hubby wrote to me and although he lived a little over an hour away, I wrote back cause his letter was witty and charming. We met in a neutral place, a restaurant that was close by to me after talking through instant message for two weeks. We have been inseparable ever since.
I had my second date with him two days after the first and then...well, that "3rd" date...LOL. I had been with my ex husband for almost 30 years and man was I scared to death but he is so sweet and we ended up getting married 4 years after we met. Neither of us wanted to rush after long term marriages (he was married 22 years to his ex) so we waited to be sure. We have been married for 8 years this Oct. I was 48 when we met and I just turned 60.
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Oh Bosum, maybe there's a reader in the group that looks like a nerd until he takes his glasses off?
I'm not a beauty queen anymore. In fact, I never was but my Mother was wonderful at teaching me to have a healthy ego. So after my big disappointment in 8th grade when I wasn't selected (lots of tears), I decided I didn't need to be head cheerleader anymore. I made a point of being a bit eccentric by the time I was in hi school - like carrying a daffodil around the halls w/me when they first came up in the spring. Anyway - look a little deeper. Maybe there's someone interesting who doesn't think he's king of the hill & who would treat you like the princess you are.
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Oh but those musicians.....
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Well....I've only "followed the band" twice in my life, but yeah, I guess that counts. A walk on the wild side. Bands are lots of fun but not too much sense of responsibility, if you know what I mean. But - least Bosum & I are shocking the rest of you too badly, I really was an English teacher at one time. And after that a very staid office manager. Not to mention a responsible wife & mother. And I know for a fact that Bosum was the same. So Bosum, I'll have fun recapturing some of my youth as we follow your computer dating stories.
Back to the subject at hand - SMOKING. In every R&R band I've ever known, or R&B, or jazz for that matter, everyone smoked. Even with all the smoky clubs gone, too much temptation for me. I really think it would be impossible for me to live with someone who smoked and not give in. Hats off to LisaMarie!!!
Just for today I will not smoke.
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Bosum, go for the nerds and skip the bad boys. I was married to the bad boy for almost 30 years...exciting for 10 mins and then I wanted kind and sweet...got that the second time. He is a bit of a nerd and it is now a turn on to me that he can do trigonometry just for shits and giggles. Bad boys are fun..for a while. Not long term.
And musicians are LETHAL!!! Skull and Crossbones...poison....mmmm, yummy! LOL
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Bosom , I am so excited to hear that you are Having fun . Don't give up .. 3 days is totally not enough .. ya know the ones that wanna move so fast are out for one thing yaddi yaddi yaddi... Hang in there ... I remember the days of browsing the site and writing to different guys .. it was fun and Exciting .. but it had good days and bad sooo don't give up. I agree with Judi if he is a gent he will buy you dinner .. but always have cash ya never know ... and the best part is ya can always run ..lol .. One time I walked in a place and looked around the bar and saw the guy and walked out .. he called to ask where I was , I said my car broke down .. lol ...
Happy Late Mother's Day to all the wonderful women on here .. I love ya all ..
Minus , at first it was so hard to be around when he smokes ... it would drive me insane .. now I just don't pay much attention .. I am busy working and gardening .. the only time it bugs me is if he kisses me right after .. the smell is very strong .. but I am doing well .. I am actually totally proud of myself ... I have come a long way and never imagined not smoking for this long .. but I am doing it .. One Day at a time ...Just for today I choose not to smoke ..
I was hearing today about hurricanes .. I said OMG ....
I feel bad cause I am not here so much .. Iv'e been so busy working for peanuts .. lol
I do Miss you all very much and will try to get on here more often .. I was going to post a picture of me and my best friend ..My Granddaughter but computer doesn't seem to wanna let me ... well sleep tight everyone it is 9:25pm....past my bedtime ...
xoxoxoxoxoxxo
Lisamarie
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Lisamarie - thanks for posting. You add a valuable dimension. We understand you're busy and just hope you'll check in once in a while.
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Hey LisaMarie, you know we are all so proud of you! We knew that one day it would click for you and the rest would be history. And has far as working "someone has to do it". We retirees love you for doing this for us! Seriously, make sure you take time for yourself as well. Looking forward to see how much your granddaughter has grown!
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Bosum, you have great willpower but you don't realize it yet. It will click for you. I always thought like you as well and then "bam" it was there! Keep going and you will see!
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I agree. After the first HORRIBLE weeks (6? 8?), it does nag at the back of your mind but you just go on. Judi's right - it has to "click" for you when it's right for you. You do have to make some physical accommodations & habit changes - like i didn't drink for awhile & didn't take long drives in the car. Sounds kind of "woo woo", but the stars will be in line for you one of these first days if you're still thinking about/trying to quit.
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MinusTwo, you are absolutely right. I should have said that some physical accommodations and habit changes have to occur, but I sucked out. We all know that in order to quit, you have to do these. For me, the cancer diagnosis was enough and then I did what I personally had to do! We all eventually get it!
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Or perhaps some young, sexy thing will keep you so occupied (ahem) that you won't have time to smoke. Three days later... Your kids don't live at home, right?
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Bosom . Judi and Minus are so right .. you do have it in you .. its just not here right now .. I thought I was a hopeless case and would feel so bad that I let everyone here down .. and thought i just don have the will power ... but one day it will ... it really will ... I know it's hard to believe because I was ;like that too ... The other part is also true ..after the 6-8 week period it still nags you but someway you will get by ... I have my days .. But ya kow what it comes for a split moment .. I will be like wow I want a smoke .. then I say no way because one smoke will be a pack and I dont wanna go through it after all I have done .. it's like a drink for me .. one is too many and a thousand well never enough .. I love ya Bosom and I know in my heart it to will come for you ..
Minus and Judi , I really keep trying to get the phtotos posted I have no clue why it wont let me GRRRRR .. I want to show you my grandson too he is now 5 months and 19 pounds what a chunky monkey ... I am trying to make time for me .. Tonight is Bike night so we will ride the motercycle ... I like it and ya win tickets to ball games and stuff .. fun night .. well I gotta get ready to go to work .. have a great day everyone .. xoxoxoxoxo
Lisamarie
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Hi Everyone ... yippeee here we are Me my daughter Angela and Granddaughter Brianna and Grandson Connor
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LisaMarie - great picture. What a good looking family. Thanks for posting.
Having lunch tomorrow w/some old friends. He & I worked together for a time and were smoking & drinking buddies for 25 years - until I quit. His wife has quit several times but he undermines her by asking her to pick up a pack of smokes or telling her she's being mean to not sit on the patio w/him while he smokes so she gives up. Funny - he was at our house almost every day for 20 of those years and now I haven't even talked to him in 2 years. He acted like my cancer was contagious & they never even saw me w/o hair. I returned his call & spent 45 min on the phone w/his wife catching up on her & their kids, then talked to him for an hour. Wonder if we'll have anything left to talk about? Maybe how to quit smoking?? Ha ha. We're going to a New-Mexican restaurant where - no surprise - you can still smoke at the dinner tables on the patio. Help - I'll be surrounded.
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Oh MinusTwo, you will be tempted but you won't do it. Remember our motto "only when we turn 80" will we meet and have this smoke. But enjoy your lunch .... I love Mexican food. When you are eating, you will probably get pissed off at the smokers as you won't enjoy your meal has much. But remember why you are meeting, sit back, and kick off your heels. Enjoy!
LisaMarie, wow what a great pic! Beautiful family and such good looking girls. Your grandson is such a handsome devil ... love the plaid shirt. Right in style! Yahoo, glad you posted!
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Nice picture Lisamarie...beautiful family!Well ladies,
My husband was hospitalized with severe pneumonia and his anemia is at such a bad level, they may have to transfuse him. He is in serious but stable condition .
The worst part is some of the best doctors in CT have no idea why!!!!! They ask him the same questions over and over again, each new doctor (he has at least a dozen in on his case at this point at Yale which is the best we have here in CT) It is maddening. He has had every test and they are running more every day. He has had 3 chest ex rays, a full body CT scan, another CT scan of his lungs, every single possible blood test and culture and they are repeating his colonoscopy even though he had one last year. 29 vials of blood since Monday!!! He will probably glow in the dark from all of the x rays.
I am scared to death. If you pray, please keep him in your prayers and if not, just keep him in your thoughts. He is the sweetest guy who never complains about anything and now he is so vulnerable.
I am at work today but was out the last two days and will take a half day tomorrow. I can't concentrate on work anyway and I am falling behind. Ugh! I don't even care right now.
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You will be surrounded by smokers only if you allow it. I have no problem telling smokers that I choose to not be around second hand smoke due to MY health issues. I don't tell them they can't smoke, only that I won't be around it. I hope that you asked to sit inside in a non-smoking section and allowed them to go outside when they wanted to smoke. If they insisted that this was unreasonable then I would consider it abuse.
Besides the best thing we can do for friends who smoke--is to help them quit. The first step is that they have to come to the realization that their smoking is a problem--if they can smoke around you without consequences, then their smoking is not a problem. But if you insist to your right to breath smoke-free air, then their smoking is a problem--they have to go outside--but is that really so much of an inconvenience compared to your right to not endanger your health and/or sobriety from smoking?
The more inconvenience it is for smokers to indulge in their addiction, the more problem it becomes and the more they will gravitate towards thinking about quitting. I have a client right now who is quitting (she is now 7 weeks quit). Her major reason to stop is because of the social stigma and inconvenience of trying to find a place to smoke. She has been smoking for over 50 years and it wasn't for her health, cost or anything else.
Often we don't want to "offend" your smoking friends because we remember how it was when we smoked. But would you get in a car with an alcoholic and let them drive knowing they have been drinking because you didn't want to "offend" them?
My motto is your right to smoke ends where my nose begins.
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Oh April, so sorry to hear about your DH. What a mess that they haven't figured it out yet. Wow - 29 vials of blood. Yes, I'll keep you both in my thoughts and my prayers.
VJ - I actually kind of enjoy the smoke. I often went out to visit w/the smoking group at work. Not to mention that this man will NEVER quit. I have rarely met a more stubborn man - and most of them seem to have some of that gene. He's my friend but he's king of the AH group. The wife was telling me he will take early retirement this year and they're looking for a place to move even further out of town. Their one acre is too close to 'civilization' now. They're looking for 5-10 acres. His only input is that it has to be within 15-20 minutes of his local (bar). Lunch was good. I had two margaritas and got home before today's thunderstorms started. Now for a nap.
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April, my prayers and thoughts are with your husband and you. Hopefully they can find an answer to this illness. It is maddening when they can't find the problem. I always wonder with today's medical advances why there are mysteries. Keep us posted.
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Never say never. i have met too many smokers who were that way until they decided to quit. I really believe that those adamant smokers just don't know YET that they want to quit and I want to be there when they are ready to. We never really know what is going through a person's mind that they only will admit to themselves. Especially with men--they would rather be seen as a smoker than a failure--but that doesn't mean they don't want to quit, only that they are afraid to try. Stubborn is good when it comes to quitting--he might someday surprise you and his stubbornness will help him stay quit.
What is AH group?
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VJ - of course you're right and I want to be available for anyone who's decided to quit, the 1st, 2nd or 10th time. Just a long history w/this particular guy. Both of his parents were still smoking after major health issues when they were on oxygen. And both died with cigarettes in their hands.
"AH" is the exact opposite of your nice gentleman friend. I picked up the term from my SIL and my niece & nephew. That's what they call my ex-husband . I think they seriously dislike him much more than I do & it's his family, not mine. Anyway...can't say it here so... A$$ Hxxe
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Lol-- I thought it was some kind of social group or something. And some people do smoke until they die. My sister was one of them, even though she tried "everything" to quit, she really didn't want to--said it was her only pleasure in life--and she did have a hard life.
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Could very well be a social group. I think Bosum's ex belongs for sure.
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April just popping in this am .. I am sending healing thoughts and prayers for your husband .. xoxoxo
Everyone have a great day .. I am late and off to work .. love ya
Lisamarie
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Ladies, long weekend here in Ontario. Everyone enjoy your weekend because this is a nice long one in Ontario if you worked! Not me, but I'll enjoy it anyways.
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Judi - my calendar only shows "Armed Forces Day", but it's a calendar from Hawaii that lists things like King Kamehameha day. I can't find any holidays in Canada until Victoria Day but I think that's next weekend - same as our Memorial Day?
Just had a wonderful linner/dunch. Cooking things that need to be eaten so today was pork loin roast w/tarragon & dill, roasted potato & onion quarters w/garlic, and Rosemary bread. Tomorrow will be all the veggies that are approaching end of life.
April, hope today is better and the docs are finding some answers.
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MT, yes your calendar doesn't coincide with Canadian holidays. Never heard of King Kamehameha day but interesting. But you are right about Victoria Day. We are just celebrating it a week early - don't know why but we are. Weather sucked today - golfed and it was cool, almost raining. Tomorrow and Sunday is supposed to be beautiful and warm. About time. So, I called 2 doctor's offices for my colonoscopy test results and the surgeon's office closed and my own doctor didn't even call back. Makes me want have a smoke but won't do it. I'll wait till Tuesday when I see the doctor. Sure hope there are no positive results!
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Bosum, I know that sucks, eh? I honestly am going to tell my doc that I called her office and no one called back. I think are test results are important especially when you have cancer. Like really!
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