Stop Smoking Support Thread
Comments
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KittyL I never wanted to quit. I wanted to be a non smoker but I never wanted to quit. If that makes sense?! I have known for years that I needed to quit. Health reasons, money reasons, etc... But just never could muster it up.
But this cancer diagnosis has kicked my butt! I just can't believe it's happened to ME!! I prayed for the strength to do it. I don't know if you believe in the power of prayer but something just clicked. I'm not saying it's easy by no means! I still want them all the time but I just KNOW this time that I MUST be successful! And you will get there. Just believe that you can do it!
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cbwitt1970 Way to Go!!!!! I will hold you up for inspiration! Round of applause for you!!!
You said it exactly. Want to be a non-smoker, not cough, not stink, but don't want the quitting part. Laughing because after 23 years sober, a place in my brain still remembers (and mourns in a way) the aroma and taste of a cold glass of chablis. Hmmmm, maybe a "mourning" component here, too. Mourning the bliss of Not knowing the process, the abbreviations, the treatments, all the endless crap of breast cancer. Mourning the loss of the perfect unscarred breast. And now I have to lose the smoking too??
Well, I've certainly handled lots worse than this. Oh you guys, I can feel the quitting fire building in my belly. You guys are awesome!!!!!! Thanks!!!!!!
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CB & Kitty - Sorry you have to be here, but welcome. That's it exactly - none of us wanted to quit. We are all "smokers" & always will be, we just aren't smoking anymore. And getting from A to B is a royal bitch!!!. I smoked for 40+ years & quit several times - the longest for over 6 months. Now I've passed my 8th year anniversary (geez, I can't believe it either). I haven't 'needed' a smoke in a long time, but I still think about it once a month or so. And Bosum's right, the thoughts become more fleeting as time goes on. But I can NEVER pick up even one cigarette or I'm toast - since I'll always be a smoker at heart.
CB - way to go - SEVEN DAYS is a darn long time in the scheme of things. Stay hydrated & get as much exercise as you can before surgery. I slammed out of the house & walked around blocks every time I wanted to smoke for weeks. I carried a staff & I told people it was to protect myself from stray dogs. Nope - it was to beat random bushes when I was angry w/myself.
Kitty - We welcome people who are still working on quitting or even just thinking about quitting. No one here will judge since we all know how hard it is. And too right about the place in the brain that remembers or mourns. But a new grandbaby? How fun. There are lots of docs who won't do initial surgery or reconstruction unless you can pass a blood test that you're quit smoking. Have you thought about e-smokes w/no nicotine just for the repetitive motion? Our friend April used those. The anger is real & valid - about the smoking & the cancer & the perfect breast(s).
Good luck to both of you with your quitting project, but even more with your upcoming surgeries. Sounds like they are pretty close to the same day. You might check out the current surgery threads here. Sometimes it helps to be "talking" to someone going through it at the same time. Those nice folks around us really don't understand about the breast cancer anymore than about the smoking.
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Bosum - I'm so sorry about the Wellbutrin side effects. You sure don't need anything to make you more depressed. Will your doc provide a companion mood elevator to get you over the worst days? I can't remember, but did you try Chantix or did you have the same depression? As you know, I never could have quit w/o Chantix. As for the crying, when I quit for 6 months around 1978, all I did was sit on the sofa and cry for weeks & weeks. Went out to dinner w/some business people & my ex kept saying, oh you can have just one, why not just have one, etc. Well, he had never smoked & didn't have a clue but wouldn't believe that I knew I couldn't. And sure enough. Anyway, I do know how depressing it can be with the walls closing in on you. Judi's right - call your doc.
Also sorry to hear about your Mom's fall. Does she live alone? Are you having to do caretaker duty full time? It's time for you to get a break girl!!!
LisaMarie - hoping to hear from you soon.
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Kitty & CB - look back to VJ's last post on 9/2 - page 386. You can PM her and she'll send her quitting book. It's great.
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Beckers - how's it going w/you? We miss you.
Tomboy - are you still lurking and taking care of our smoking urges?
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Minus Two Thanks!!! Sent VJ a PM. Determined to get there (the quitting and staying quit).
My boy was born on my mother's 74th birthday & she promised to stick around to his 21st bday (her 96th); she came within 3-1/2 hours of it. I made the same promise re the grandboy (born a day after my 68th bday). Won't make it if I don't stop. The kids are flying from Denver for a MI wedding in a couple of weeks & I'll meet the baby, who's just over 6 mo. old on Oct. 10. Bet I'll be motivated then! And it sure would be nice to hold him (post-op carefully) on an unstinky lap with unstinky hands and give him unstinky kisses. Hey, that was a great motivating thought. Will type it out & tape to cig pack today. Over the opening, lol. You guys are so great!
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Cbwitt, KittyL, we all quit kicking and screaming! I still miss it and it has been 2.5 years! It is one of the hardest things I have ever done and just like Minus said, we are all smokers who are not smoking...one slip and we are "toast" (Love that Minustwo!) so we just do this one day at a time (KittyL, am sure you are familiar with that concept with 23 years of sobriety) and forge on.
Bosum, hope your sadness is wellbutrin related cause you can stop the drug and feel better! I was allergic to that drug and got welts after taking it for two whole weeks! I did not like that drug at all and it made me feel very strange as well...not sad but flat...felt nothing at all. Hated it!
Lisamarie, thinking of you!
Judi, if Donald Trump wins the nomination and the election can your country accommodate me? I will move to Canada for sure! LOL
Gotta run , am at work!
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Hi ladies . wow so much going on here ..
CBWITT .. Congats 7 days is great .. Yes yes make sure you have a large pocket as we will all be in there hopefully quiet but cant make promises ,,, nice to meet you and sorry you are meeting us this way BC suck ..I remember quitting for mastectomy 3 years ago .. I did so well so I thought only to get my recon and smoke again .. I thought i was scared to death but apparently the little devil came back .. now I am almost a year smoke free .. I cannot believe it .. and I am a year sober 9/27 ... how amazing life can be .. It took me a long time to get where i am today .. There is plenty of support here .. as minus said made sence to me we are all smokers just not smoking .. I also have been getting a few cravings here and there but they do not last long .. good luck and you will be in my prayers ..
KittyL.. welcome also we have sobriety in common ... ive been struggling with that since 18 in and out of the rooms .. but like i mentioned above i have a year 9/27 im so excited .. and i know just after that date i finally quit smoking , I am still amazed today that i have done both and its about a year .. Don't beat yourself up ... I myself used chantix and it was the only thing that kept me from smoking .. although i quit on the patch with my BC .. we will also be in your pocket for your upcoming surgery .. and we welcome you smoking or not .. these ladies are awesome they have been helping me for over 3 years qutiing on and off and have loved me just the same .. so as they say in the rooms keep coming back .. xoxoxoxo
OK so Bosom , Mnus, Judi , April , Beckers ... Me this shit never ends . I am on yet another journey tomorrow .. My uncle just passed away in florida .. my moms brother ,, mom is now the only one alive out of 6 kids ... he passed from COPD .. smoking ... as have most of my family members ..So off to florida tomorrow .. this is just so auful I am tired of death and i am afraid .. first my son 2 months ago to the day my uncle passed .. and i just cannot take it .. but ya know I went to my AA meeting today and realized i was geting ready to celebrate a year I grew excited and accomplished .. I am getting through all this crap without alcohol or a smoke ...
Then I really thought my mom probably does ot have much time left either as she is on constant oxyegen and so on .. so I am going to Vegas to spend the rest of her days with her the kids they will be here god willing .. but i need my mom and she needs me ... I know you all must think im totally out of my mind not knowing were i am living from day to day ,, but this death just hit me hard to know my moms is the best place for me now ..
As for the job , I had to call the abulance 5 am this morning to take him to the hospital he has dementia and sundowns .. saturday I satrted and he was ok besides trying to escape out the door and climbing out of be and reckiner all night .. but last night he was very abusive combative and could not calm him for nothing as he beat me nd his wife , so I convinced her he needed to go to hospital and she could ot live like that .. he needs to be i a fcility for his saftey and hers .. i know she loves him but its not safe so that k=job is out the window .. sorry about all my crazy mispelled words .. this keyboard is easy to hit wrong letters and I dont want to loose what i have types .. so I will iss you all for a few days ...
Much hugs xoxoxoxoxo
Life is never easy .. but I know i will not smoke or drink today ..
Lisamarie
xoxoxooxoxoxoxoxoxxo
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LisaMarie - geez girl. You have my sympathy on your uncle's death. Hope the trip to Florida and the funeral isn't too hard. But it's just way too soon after your son's death. I'm REALLY glad you going to your Mom's. It sounded like you had such a good time together when you were there last year. And Vegas may be an ideal place to find a job. No - we don't think you are crazy - just bombarded by the most unbelievable chain of events.
Too bad about the husband going bonkers. I'm glad the wife agreed that you should call 911 and you didn't have to argue w/her too. It's a horrible disease.
Most important - CONGRATS on your one year anniversary. What a milestone. With everything this year has thrown at you, it's really a major accomplishment that you are still not drinking & smoking. You are such a strong lady. Be careful on your trip & check in when you can.
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Wow, so many posts that I don't know where to start. So, welcome to the new ladies. Quitting smoking is one of the hardest things to do in life. Seems harder then beating cancer. But your first step is that you recognized that you want to quit .... getting there is hard but you will find what works for you. April, ha, ha about Donald Trump. Canada may consider you an alien and bar you from entering. Amazing isn't it considering that the States wanted to take Canada over some time ago. As for Donald, he may be good for the country. He'll never win but the man has "balls". Better then our politicians whose t.v. ads are sickening ..... "nice hair", too young to be elected", etc. LisaMarie, many congrats to you .... first on your anniversary, second on knowing your job, and third for going to be with your mom. I know you told me that you have a difficult relationship with your mom but as I said to you "you only got one mom". Kudos to you for realizing that and going to Vegas to be with her. Condolences on the death of your uncle. I just said to my friend today that I wondered how long I have on this earth but then I remembered that MT and I are meeting at 80 to have our smoke. So knowing this, I have quite a few years to still kick it!
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Ah, but I can apply for a Visa Judi and try to get a job so I can be a permanent resident alien...HA!
Lisamarie, you sure have had your share of the shitstorm lately. My condolences on the loss of your uncle. I am glad you have made the decision to be with your Mom and I agree with Minus about Vegas being an ideal place to find a job. The desert is filled with retirees and finding work in your field should be a cake walk with all of your experience. HUGS and hope it all works out for you. CONGRATS on your 1 year coin/chip (whatever it is AA gives you..lol) as you sure as hell earned it this year! You are amazingly strong considering this year was so hard for you and you stuck to it. Kudos and moving forward, may you find happiness and harmony! xo
Gotta run, am at work as usual! xoxo to all
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I've been reading over the latest posts and what I find so common among all of us is the feelings of either shame and/or guilt. Shame that there is something wrong with me that I don't want to quit smoking knowing that I "should", and/or guilt because I want to and haven't been able to quit. I am certainly familiar with both of those emotions.
I had quit for 2 months the first time I was diagnosed with BC in 1987 when I was 32. I relapsed during chemo, I just couldn't handle the stress--back then they didn't have the anti-nausea drugs they have now and every worst story you have heard about throwing up from chemo is what I went through.
Back then you could smoke anywhere and everyone I knew was on my case to quit--even other smokers would say, "VJ why are you smoking, you've had cancer?" I would just last back at them, "how do you know you don't have cancer?" My anger was just a cover up for my feelings of shame that I just couldn't quit smoking and guilt every time I relapsed. I would be able to go for a couple of months and then bam--I'd relapse. I call myself the Queen of Quitting since I've quit for at least three months--9 times.
Yet the common emotions for those who are now smoke-free is the joy and freedom we feel to have broken through and accomplished our goal of becoming smoke-free---one of the hardest things it is to do in life. Yet those who are successful have travel a journey that others are still taking.
I think of of the most important steps is changing our emotional outlook from shame and guilt to one of hope and optimism---from "I can't do this, I don't want to do this, I don't know how to do this" to: "someday I will be able to do this, I will be able to figure out my path to being smoke-free, I can do this with help and support and it will be there for me as I seek out different options".
Optimism opens doors to inner strengths that often we don't realize we have such as: resilience, creativity, persistence, problem solving, confidence, ingenuity, critical thinking, courage and self-control.
I'm not saying it is easy, I'm just saying- I know you can do it!
PS, Send me a PM for a free PDF copy of my book, "How to Win at Quitting Smoking" and check out the videos on my websites: http://vjsleight.com/videos.html
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April, you should apply for Canadian citizenship. Then we can visit one another. I'd like that! VJ, you are so right about the "shame". I felt it so many times when I tried to quit and just couldn't do it. Also, I was so ashamed when I got my diagnosis and was smoking. I just couldn't do it because I needed my "best friend". But you are so right about now .... loving the fact that I broke this syndrome!
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All,
With a new quit date coming up soon for me, I've done some digging and found 2 new tools for my quit toolbox. Wanted to share in case anyone benefits from using them as well:
1) This link is about the "Quit Buddy" from the American Cancer Society. You just text "QUIT" or "BUDDY" to a # and you get back an instant text message that is positive/helpful. I tried it and it said, "Bad craving? Do 10 jumping jacks and text again...we'll get through this!" I love the concept of instant replies, day or night, even if it is just a server.
http://www.cancer.org/myacs/eastern/areahighlights/cancernynj_news_quitbuddy
2) This is an iPhone app I downloaded (there are free & paid versions, both seem great). The reviews are outstanding and the story behind it & its research is inspiring. I intend to use this completely during the quit!
https://itunes.apple.com/us/app/smoke-free-quit-smoking-now/id577767592?mt=8
Here in 2015, there are now more high-tech support systems to compliment traditional ones.Also VJ, I completely agree (at least for me) that the positive mentality approach vs. the resentment approach is best. I'm trying hard to keep my thoughts about the upcoming quit more about my excited anticipation than about dread and fear.
Good luck to all.
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VJ - Working yourself up to optimism is absolutely a key. Love "The Queen of Quitting". I didn't know the formal title but I think we've all passed it around,.
SVG - thanks for the links. Have you set a projected quit date yet?
OK April & Judi - I may emigrate too and end up in Canada. Except I HATE the cold and seem to be even more susceptible since chemo & rads. Oh, well, I've gained the weight back - but with the neuropathy my feet are always freezing even when it's 90 degrees.
Bosum - I'm worried about your mother. Hope you can update us soon.
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Hi MinusTwo. I want the quit to be 9/28 but it's pending: (1) oncologist approval of Wellbutrin, and (2) me getting on Wellbutrin & tolerating it enough to also use the patches I have at the ready. My date is looking less likely as each day this week passes, but I don't intend to have it push out much longer. I'm ready!
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SVG - be sure to keep us updated.
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O.K. MT, had to throw this in! Here's the title to "quitting" and let the demon know who's boss!
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Yes Judi!!!
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Love it Judi! Whatever date it ends up being SVG, we are here for you. I love that you are looking toward the smoke free date with optimism...once I did that after years of guilt and shame, it worked (along with every other tool I could find..lol) and I am finally smoke free...for today!
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Afternoon ladies. O.K. I know I'm going to screw this up because my computer keeps going forward. SVG, the date gets really scary when the time approaches. I remember when I was going for laser therapy years ago to quit smoking. I must have had a million before I went and was off smokes for 3 weeks. I couldn't stand it, and back I went. I must have had a million before I finally quit. Remember, take it slow and take in all the tips you can to keep you motivated and strong. As April said, we are here for you.
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Now to continue. cbwitt1970, how goes the battle? It's tough but it gets way easier after a while. Kitty, how are you doing? Bosum, how are you doing .... still on Wellbutrin? LisaMarie, how are you doing? Hi MT and April and to any other ladies I missed. Great day here in Ontario .... for a Fall day we are having "Indian summer" weather.
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I am on day 11 & still smoke free! I am DETERMINED to sling this monkey off my back😛 However my surgery date is fast approaching (29th) & I am so nervous that I'm shaking. Much like I was the 1st 2 weeks after Dx. I am so ready to move forward & get this cancer out of me but so terrified of the unknown. How much pain will I be in? How disfigured will I look when I look in the mirror? Most importantly what will my pathology report say? So many unknown variables. And I like to be in control. So I guess I'm screwed for a while
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Oh cbwitt1970, good for you with your determination. Yes, your surgery date is fast approaching and like you, I just wanted the "C" out of me. I did everything in my power to get it over with quickly and it did. Everyone likes to be in control but this one you just have to sit back and go slow. I only had a lump removed but I had to do it twice. The second time was much easier then the first because I knew the drill and what to expect. The first I had no idea so I was so nervous but I think we all are. No kidding aside, it did hurt afterwards because it is major surgery. I remembered I could barely move my arms but two weeks afterwards, I started my exercises (told to do this). I was surprised that I could barely do it but I prevailed. I was only smoke free for 3 days so I was really out of breath and was so for quite awhile. But everyone heals differently so talk to someone about your fears. I have a disfigured "boob" and I remembered I couldn't stand it. I even told the oncologist that as soon as I could, I would have that fixed. Fast forward five years (in December) and I still have the disfigured boob, exercising is a breeze, have lost 20 lbs gained from the pills and overeating, I'm almost finished my meds, and I'm smoke-free. The unknown is always the scariest!
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JudiH you must feel so free to have it behind you! I am looking forward to that😊 My mother had BC 15 years ago & opted for lumpectomy & RADS. She is not thrilled with the aesthetics of it but she is cancer free & at the end of the day...THATS WHAT MATTERS MOST! Our lives. I am fairly large chested to begin with. And the PS told me it would be nearly impossible to match them. Plus I was looking at a reduction & lift on the other side anyway. I could never make peace with the lumpectomy option so I'm just hoping I can live with my decision of BMX. I feel at peace with it now(as much as is possible at this point). Thank you for your encouragement about the smoking. I miss them & crave them like crazy but they don't own me! And neither does this damn cancer!!
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cbwitt - best decision I ever made was to have BMX. Yes, it's an individual choice & everyone's different, but like you I was fairly large and just wanted them GONE: a) so I wouldn't have to worry anymore, and b) so I could just pull on clothes & go w/o trying to match things, ) they found things much more involved anyway when they got into surgery. Reconstruction was successful after 7 months with TEs. Did you join a current surgery thread? It helped me to "talk" to women who were going through this at the same time. As for control - you'll do OK as long as you never stop asking questions & learning about your own progress.
Day 11 - Hot damn!!! You go girl. Sounds like this one is really the charm for you.
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MinusTwo. Yes I have joined September Surgery Sisters & have been trying to read everyone's posts to get the most information I can before next week. I am dreading the TE's as I've heard they are a painful process but, no pain no gain I guess😞
It sounds like you & I have the same mindset about just wanting to get rid of the cause & move forward. I sincerely feel at peace with my decision but I'm sure I have some more tears & fears ahead of me
Thank you for your responses & encouragement about the smoking. I have amazed myself as well!😉
We will see how I feel long about next Thursday. I may have a whole different perspective but I hope not
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cbwitt1970, it sounds to me like you have "your shit" together and as much together as you are going to get today. Each day your mindset will get stronger and stronger as your gather more information. Sorry to hear about your mom but you also gave me encouragement. I too only had the lumpectomy and rads and I'm only coming up 5 years. Wow, 15 years .... thanks for the encouragement today. I always need it. Day 12 of not smoking .... yay! Remember, you need the oxygen to heal so try and think of that when that little bugger tries to break you down!
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JuhiH so glad I was able to give you some hope & inspiration today! My mother also took Tamoxifen for 5 years. She still white knuckles her mammogram appointments but she gets through them. Even though she doesn't know what it feels like to have both breasts removed & reconstructed, I am thankful to have her to talk to. She DOES understand my fear & anxiety & has been so supportive. As have all of you strong beautiful women!
I don't know if I have my shit together but I am trying!
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