Stop Smoking Support Thread
Comments
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Bosum, he is more than an ass. He is an ASS in capital letters. What is wrong with men these days? Are they really that shallow? One would think that when they are out of their early years (teens, twenties) they would realize women are more than a set of ta tas and thong underwear! We have hearts and minds and brains way beyond our "nether parts." YIKES, I am afraid for the future if men are that selfish. They do have "another head" and they should use it once in a while, no?
The E-Cig really worked for me. It took the edge off. I still keep one fully charged in my purse so when I get the urge, I reach for it. Of course, it has zero nicotine now but in the early days, I used the one with a small amount of nicotine. This is the brand I used.
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Thank you ladies , I have found a group The compassionate friends .. we had a dinner last night at the diner . met many nice people who have all lost thier children .. it meets 2 times a month .. I foound it comforting ...
Bosom I am cheering over here hope you can hear me ... Lets Go Bosom Rah Rah Rah .. you can do this Rah Rah Rah .. Love ya girl ...
xoxoxoxo
Lisamarie
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Bosum - double what Judi said. So double ASS!!!
LisaMarie - so glad you got connected w/Compassionate Friends. I didn't know about this group, but their web site is marvelous.
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LisaMarie, I'm so happy for you. This group will provide the comfort you need when you need it. Grieving is a long process and finding comfort through others is part of the healing process.
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I had forgotten about Compassionate Friends. One of my dear friends lost a child and hooked up with them and was very happy to be able to share with people who "get it" cause like Bosum said, we can only empathize. Hugs ((((LisaMarie))))
Judi, love it. I will be telling people to FOCUS and inside I will be cracking up! HA!
Off to the shower...TGIF! This is my favorite day of the work week...ummm, wonder why? LOL
Have a lovely day ladies and remember, "Just for today, I will not smoke." xoxo
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April, have fun on your "TGIF" day. Best day of the week!
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Judi - your saying totally did not register last night. Love it - FOCUS!!!
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Ha, ha MinusTwo. This is my new saying to my dh! Must have worked because he bought me a 1 carat diamond ring today for my upcoming 60th birthday. What a gem since today was his birthday and he totally surprised me by this kind gesture. Trust me ladies, it isn't a small "carrot" like the type we eat!
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Nice hubby ya got there Judi! And a 1 carat diamond is definitely not small like the baby carrots we eat..LOL Your hubby is most definitely focusing but on all of the right things. After all, "diamonds are a girl's best friend" as they say. At least they are for me. It is my birthstone too (April) and I just love me some carats that are fine white...or canary yellow..LOL
Happy Birthday! I turned 60 this past April and I sure didn't get a diamond but I did love my birthday gift of hubby getting well after he was sick for so long. I will take that any day of the week...maybe next year on the "ice"
Hugs to all!
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Why thank you April. AND yes, you did get the best birthday gift that any girl could ask for. To have your best friend, lover, husband, well and beside you is the best thing that could happen to anyone. I never thought of it as "a girl's best friend". We told our friend who put out a mass email telling our friends and suggesting more. We, in turn, sent out another mass email telling our friends that "no I wasn't expecting". But, on a more belated note, HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU. 60 is grand isn't it. Wishing you and dh a very happy year and many more to come!
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Happy Birthday Judi ... xoxoxo great gift ..
April my daughter is April as well.. lol diamonds .. ... xoxoxoxo
Have a great week ladies ..
Lisamarie
xoxoxoxoxxo
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Oh my goodness - 60 is fantastic. I LOVED turning 60. It meant I earned it, I deserved it and I could do what I darn well pleased. No more pussy-footing around for me. And diamonds? Wow. Happy B-day Judi.
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Hi ladies. I'm so glad to find this thread.
I've never posted online comments on anything but Facebook, but here I am w/ TN G3 IDC, between Cycles 3 & 4 of AC chemo, and whatever part of me was too modest to even post an Amazon or Yelp review is a thing of the past. Let's file modesty away in the same drawer as hair!
At 41 now, smoking cigs since high school, with a mom, sister & husband who all smoke - I almost feel predestined to remain a lifelong smoker. I don't want to be. Yet I don't want to endure the quit.
I quit 3 years ago for about 5 months. Incredible! The carrot on the stick was an upcoming colonoscopy & risk of cervical cancer, followed by intense scientific reading on nicotine and how it affects the brain. Beyond money, health, etc. - something about the transformation it causes in the brain sat horribly with me. Enough to drive me past the months of cravings & temptations. But then.....at Christmastime, from seemingly nowhere, I got severe depression. Something I then battled for a couple of years and now feel super strong. There was only 1 thing that kept me out of the pitch black at the time of the attack and assisted during recovery: cigs.
The BC diagnosis was no shock to me, as my mom & aunt both had BC. The waves of sadness from having cancer feel natural, and I have no bitterness about any injustice for having this disease.
However, the loud & endless facts & feelings that tell me to quit are a HUGE injustice to me. My attempts to quit since the "success story" above have tanked. 1-4 days in and I'm back on it. Most recently, last week. Some # of days into a quit, I'm overcome with a wave of deep sadness, one that comes treacherously close to how I felt 3 years ago. It's terrifying to me and those around me how there's this flick of a switch to pitch dark.
I'm on a mild dose of sertraline for the past year already. Oncologist doesn't want to rock the chemical boat and have me switch to Wellbutrin or Chantrix right now. Fair enough, but neither willpower nor good sense nor proper motivation nor goals-written-on-a-paper will work. The power/potency of medicine has never been clearer to me than now, on chemo. Do I push them to dose me up?
Is it wrong to tell myself: if you can eat well (old me didn't), work out regularly (old me didn't), keep working as much as possible (old me is a workaholic), call myself "Nickelchest" as a port homage to Nickelback, and stay strong and positive (old me fought for that daily) - THEN WHY DO YOU HAVE TO QUIT TOO?
Hooray for sharing! Thank you for listening!
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SVG - right on girl. Why do you have to quit? You didn't post much about your chemo SEs so hope it's not too awful. But AC - ugh. I couldn't get past dose 3, tho to be fair I did have TCHP & surgery first so I was already pretty bottomed out. So.... Maybe this isn't the right time for you? But hooray for keeping it in the front of your brain. Lisa will tell you, it's even harder when your DH still smokes, not to mention you said your Mom & sisters smoke. Sorry to hear that your Mom & Aunt have had BC also. What part of the country are you in? Asking because of outside activities that might be useful (or not)
I quit w/Chantix and loved it, but one of the SEs is depression. I'd be worried about how it might effect you. You do sound in tune w/your body so you could always quit the Chantix if you found the world turning blacker. Really it has to be discussed with your MO. So many things change the way chemo works, and you don't want to do that. We have lots of tips & tricks w can share, but do get the OK from your doc before you add more chemicals. Will you have rads next?
Feel free to RANT anytime. "rage, rage against the dying of the light..." (no pun intended - or well, maybe so if the lighter is out of fluid). We've all been there and are here to listen & to support you any way we can.
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Hi MinusTwo (great name btw!). Thank you so much for your reply.
My main external driver to quit is that I haven't had my surgery yet. I'm in neoadjuvant land. Assuming everything stays on track I'll have surgery in January, so I have until then (or rather, 30d before the surgery) to get off cigs to improve healing. Chemo-wise I've simply read that it can affect the efficacy of chemo, and my port was put in last week so I tried to kill 2 birds w/ one stone & try to quit to help healing there. Rads may come afterward depending, and I've heard rads introduces a small increase in developing lung cancer. Sweet! <- I'm sloshing around in my puddle of sarcasm.
My husband smoking is like a damned-if-you-do, damned-if-you-don't situation. I need him happy & strong, so I don't want us both to be miserable. On the flip side, he just wants me to be happy so is quick to hand me a cig to "bring back" the real me. I've told him that has to stop & that I shouldn't so easily have access. He gets it....I think!
I'm in California and it's gorgeous. You're absolutely right that outside activities can be a great go-to! I think my issue is that I've made my lists of great go-to's - both quick fixes and long term - and don't have the motivation to do a single one of them once I'm in the throes. Did you use your go-to's or did you spontaneously decide how to distract yourself?
Chantix does freak me out a bit, esp. after being told it's what they prescribe when Wellbutrin doesn't work. Eesh. I'm going to need a 2nd chat w/ the MO and a chat w/ the psychologist about next steps. How did it change you & your reliance on cigs?
-SVG
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SVG - BTW - We've all quit before the final one that takes. One time I quit for over two years since I had an opportunity to sail for 3+ weeks on a private boat leaving Barbados in the Eastern Caribbean up to Antigua - and stopping at all the islands along the way. Dream trip - no smoking. Of course I quit. And of course I started back again. Funny that I only smoked in my garage for several months. But yes, I remember being soooooo depressed. I just wanted to sit on the soft & cry all the time. So 25 years later & several more attempts, I discovered I had severe osteopenia. I did NOT want to break a hip & get shunted into a nursing home to rot, and yes smoking is really bad for bones. I was also drinking 8 cokes a day, and the bubbles & caffeine were additional culprits. Quitting the cokes was no easier than the smokes, but here we go. And of course I had to start exercising, particularly weight bearing things.
I bought the Chantix and started planning. First I quit smoking in my house. No problem, I can still smoke in my car & on the porch. After two weeks I quit smoking in my car. (so I quit driving long distances & that meant becoming a hermit since I live in the wide open spaces of Texas). I joined a gym & started working out. No problem, I can still smoke on my porch. After two more weeks I started the Chantix and followed the program to decrease daily. Yes, it was a nightmare. I pushed out of the house many, many times to walk/run around the block rather than smoke. I hadn't been a walker since high school, but I pushed ahead. I ate sunflower seeds by the bushel. Replicating arm activity - arm up, seed to mouth, arm down, crack shell, arm up, remove shell - start over. I quit drinking because that was a trigger (luckily I've gotten that back). I had previously stopped morning coffee, so another trigger gone. I cried. I went to the gym. I am an avid reader, but always w/a smoke in my hand. I started reading in another room & another chair w/the light & table on the other side. I screamed. I went for a walk. I haunted 'what it's like to quit' blogs on line in the middle of the night. I quit hanging w/friends who smoked (many I've been able to get back with, but I lost a few).
Chantix didn't make me sick & luckily I didn't have bad dreams or depression. I just checked off every box when I got there. Towards the end of the first RX (week 3 or 4 - I really can't remember) I was doing well enough that I cut the dose in half so I could take it longer. I think I took it for a month. One of our members took it off & on for a couple of years. It was the only thing that worked for her, but she'd go off the drug & smoke again. And her boy friend smoked in the house (& in her face like you mentioned your husband being an enabler). She'll likely post later this week.
Whew. I counted every smoke lost - a real no no. I counted every day - something you're not supposed to do but it was a check mark towards my goal. I truly could not believe it when I made a month. I got my carpets & drapes cleaned. I either washed all my clothes or took them to the cleaners. No way I wanted to pay for all that again - another incentive to push ahead. When I reached w months, I started shopping - funny since I've never been a shopper but I had all that "found" money right?
Other ladies on here used e-cigarettes,some used patches, Etc. VJ will post and you can send her a private message to get her book of tips. And not everyone on here has quit yet. We love hearing the stories since we've all been there. One thing you'll see all of us say is that... we are smokers who have just chosen not to smoke. Hopefully we won't smoke forever, but we will always be smokers.
Sorry, this is way too long. But as a last note, I was raised in No. California and it would probably have been easier for me to have quit there since so many people look at you like you're a leper. Or maybe not. Maybe I would have just pushed back. Hang in there w/us SVG.
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i am still offering a free PDF copy of my book, "How to Win at Quitting Smoking" to anyone on this list. I'm actually quite proud of this book. It has a lot of really good information on the psychological process of becoming smoke-free. Anyone who would like a copy, just send me a PM with an email address.
Becoming Smoke-free and then staying smoke-free is really HARD work. If it was easy, most people would have quit already.
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Welcome SVG! I would love to be able to offer my views on the chemo side but didn't have it. Interesting read you provided as I didn't know that "radiation introduces a small chance of developing lung cancer". If my radiologist discussed it, I don't remember as I just wanted everything out and killed. MT seems like the gal with the most info and she is wonderful. My encouragement lies in the fact that when you are ready to quit, you'll know but remember when you go through your surgery, your body needs the oxygen to heal. So this may be the "kick" that you'll require to help you beat the nasty little demon. We have all been there so rant, rant, rant all you want as we will try to help you!
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Welcome SVG! You have come to the right place for support and understanding. As Minus said, we are smokers who are choosing not to smoke, one day at a time (and sometimes in the early days, one MINUTE at a time!) and we know how very very hard this is! It is not easy and we have all quit and relapsed in the past, some of us many times! I smoked for well over 40 years (was a kid in Junior High school when I started) and at times I thought I would never quit! I had quit for as long as 1.5 years in the past and still ended up smoking again.
I am quit now for the longest I have ever been in my life. I quit in April of 2013, so almost 2.5 years ago. When I have a bad day, I will pull out an e-cig with 0 nicotine (in the early days, I used the ones with nicotine) so that I can get over the hump. I used VJ's tips, I used gum, I used the patch. I went to smoking cessation clinic offered free to all cancer patients where I was treated (Yale in CT) I used every single tool in the arsenal! I quit the day before beginning radiation treatment! I am saving OVER 4 GRAND A YEAR (so already at about 10K since I quit) as well as feeling better and doing this for my health. My husband quit several months after I did when he saw that the e-cig and patch worked for me.
We are here for you no matter if you still smoke or if you quit. We are a tight knit little bunch but we will give you as much support and understanding as we can. I highly suggest taking VJ up on her e-book! Best to you in treatment and in your quest to kick cigs to the curb!
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Bosum - we miss you. Hope you're OK.
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SVG , Hello and welcome . I know exactly how you feel everyone in family smokes .. I am the only one who quit .. and believe me I thought that BC was the thing to make me stop and yes it did for my surgery but that did not last long .. I was back to it on no time .. I think every thing that went on in my life was my reason to smoke .. and it did not matter if it was good or bad ... I thought I had earned that right to smoke . I currently live with a smoker and it is hard to handle at times . I think in my earlier days it was harder , but My BF is different in that he wont hand me the smoke .. lol but he does make me angry at times ... and hurt me . Now I have been though it all the hell of all Hell's . I lost my son of 25 years in July and if that did not make me smoke again I hope nothing will .. I am about 10 months now maybe more who knows I decided to not count this time and i feel it has helped . I do know that i have to take deep breathes sometimes to get over the urges . I have been getting them a little more frequent in past month .. but hopefully this too shall pass ... I am glad you are here and as you can see these women are the most beautiful , compassionate, helpful, bunch I know ... and when the time is right I am sure you will find the strength to quit .. Until then Lots of Hugs ..
Hi everyone .. I am here and there , just trying to get life back on track and now in just 9 days my youngest will be married ... so off to NC for the wedding next weekend .. and she is also having a baby so in Feb I will become a grandma for the 4th time ... I miss you all ...
Love and Hugs
Lisamarie
xoxoxoxoxoxo
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Hi All! LisaMarie, I'm so glad you are strong. You words show strength and love and God Bless you! Happy to hear that you are going to be a grandma again .... my dh is going to be a grandpa for the 1st time. His oldest daughter is expecting and baby is due in January. We will just be coming home from Florida (yes, I'm going to be a Snowbird) and the baby will be here. I truly believe that all happens for a reason. Personally, I just said to dh, that I'm believing I got cancer was to make me quit smoking. But we are all so different in our thoughts and beliefs and as LisaMarie said, we all care for each other. We have your back even though we all live so far away from one another ..... me, I think I'm as far north as you can get!
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LidaMarie - I agree with Judi. You sound like you're making it. Well I know, you don't have any other choices, but I to am glad to hear you sounding brave. Always sending hugs. A wedding in NC sounds good. Will it be on the beach? And a new grandbaby!!! How lucky.
Judi - Are you renting a house in FL or staying in an apt? What city are you going to? I can't remember - do you both golf? Or fish? I'm so jealous.
April - I didn't know your DH had quit. That makes it so much easier. And I'm glad to hear that he's still doing well after that long hospital scare.
SVG - when's your next chemo?
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Hi MT! We were very luck and got our friend's condo in Brayington for their cost. I don't know if that is the right spelling but it's close enough. They also gave us 3 days free at Orange Lake so we are leaving Ontario around November 21st. Yes, he golf's and I try so there is always something to do. There is a gym so I plan on using it plenty. Golf, I think I will be a "golf goddess"!
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Judi - 'golf goddess' - I love it. I enjoyed looking up the locations - one by the Gulf & one by Disneyland. So you're staying through Christmas? You can have a Norfolk Island Pine in a pot. I don't remember meeting any Florida people of this thread, but I'm friendly with several on other threads. There are some pretty active BCO people who meet for lunches, etc. That said, Florida is a BIG state
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Hi MT - Bradenden, Florida is where I'm going. South of Tampa. Yes, my friends have a small X-mas tree up so I won't need much. Here is a pic of my ring that I got!
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Oh WOW. That's just gorgeous. Thanks for sharing. You definitely have a keeper DH.
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Hey Bosum - Weren't you talking about joining a gym? I did water aerobics 3x a week for three months, but dropped out this month. Did you ever get scheduled with a counselor? How's the dating game going? There has to be a reason they call it a game - LOL. May be worse than playing the slots?
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I don't know what to say except my life is back to utter chaos ... WTF ladies ...I have not been able to fix my truck since my son died .. I left the wacko again last night at midnight ... So im at my daughters for a few days but cannot stay here .. I am desperatly trying to leave NY and go back to Florida .. my daughter and I figured that was the best for me , as I lived there 10 years and love it .. only problem . $$$$ and no car .. she says she can drop me off in NC then I can make money some where and het a bus ticket to .. I hate to loose all the things I have but that i guess is the least of my problems...Does amyone know where the heck I can get assistance to possibly fix my truck and get out of here so I can start a new life ... ty
Hugs all
Lisamarie
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