Stop Smoking Support Thread
Comments
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LisaMarie - oh geez. So the guy's true colors came out again. Do you at least have your clothes? Do you know about a woman's shelter anywhere by you? 29 come up when I google Eastport, but I'm not putting in the correct questions to get a good answer. If you can find one, they are really good at trying to help you get started again & would probably have current ideas for your area. (see description below from NYC site). Looks like in NYC you would dial 311 for NoVA (no violence again) Where is the truck? Could it stay at your daughters for awhile? Do you know if it's worth fixing? I have an a$hole nephew who lives somewhere around you but i expect he'd charge you more than a dealer to even look at your truck and he appears to be a bigger looser than the one you're leaving. Do you have friends in FL? What about getting on a Greyhound bus to your Mom's? Lots of 'pick up' jobs in Vegas. I hate that I can't come up w/something more creative. I'll definitely keep thinking. Hugs!!!!
People who have come upon hard times can often seek assistance and temporary residence from an emergency shelter. Shelters can be charitable institutions that are staffed with volunteer workers who are dedicated to providing relief and comfort to people and animals in distress. They provide beds, showers, food and often counseling and medical assistance. A shelter can also be a private structure for an individual or family in a time of crisis. The following list of terms might help you to understand the various types of shelters available to a community: Battered Women's Shelter: A center that provides help, refuge and support to women who have suffered emotional and/or physical abuse at the hands of a spouse, parent, partner, etc. Women's shelters provide crisis counseling and exit assistance for women who are under constant threat from their abusers.
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LisaMarie - on the lighter side - good thing you're not smoking so you don't have to worry about bucks for smokes!! Not funny I know, but true.
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Bosum: Thanks for your newsy post. I'm laughing about you walking around the gym with a sweat band. Come on girl - get on one of those bikes. You don't have to go fast & you can make sure there are no hills programmed - just ride along like Sunday afternoon in the park. I promise, you won't have to break a sweat if you don't want to. (Blast from my Mother's past - "Daisy, daisy, give me your answer do... but you'll look sweet, upon the seat of a bicycle built for two")
Oh yuck for the stalker. You are so much more brave than I am. I can't even imaging meeting up w/some guy from the web. Hmmm - not to say that I didn't sometimes pick up guys in bars in my younger, drinking days. Of course it was only local bars where I knew the owners, & I'm so darn clever that I was able to accurately scope them out ...Yeah Sure Thing - that made it REAL safe!! I think all of us women take chances by even saying hi to someone in a grocery store and we're lucky if we make it through with no major problems.
Sounds like you're hanging on but the cost is high. I would call the darn therapist every week. Just let her know you're checking in and pretty desperate. Or maybe ask her if she has any other suggestions. Or if you like your MO, go back to him and send up a cry for help. Maybe he/she can pull some strings.
Don't disappear. We don't care if you've succeeded in quitting yet. Your time will come.
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Bosum, thanks on the ring. Bosum, I too had vivid dreams when I too used Nicoderm to quit smoking. I laugh because it freaked me out too. My dream was I had on my mink coat with the silver fox trim, red cowboy boots, my red palazzo pants, and a red plaid blouse. I was talking with my senior inspector and I was going to New York and it was winter. He said I couldn't go out like that and I was stunned as I thought I looked "hot". Anyways, long story short, I woke up sweating and wondering if I had gone to New York. But the best part was I didn't even own red cowboy boots or a red plaid shirt. I then said screw it and immediately went back to smoking. Hindsight now, I think I just used many excuses to quit smoking but that is just me. Everyone is different and how you quit is different. If I didn't get "C" I can honestly say I would still be smoking. I just said to dh that I would love a smoke and his response was if he caught me smoking he would "stuff it up my butt" and leave me. My response was "you'll never know if I had a smoke. But for me it just a moment when I catch myself wanting one. It's not often but when it comes on it screams at me. You'll get there one day and you are on the road. How long it takes is anyone's guess but you'll be there!
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MT and Bosum, I love your posts. Too funny. I can picture the whole gym thing, pick up thing, and the get out of town thing. LisaMarie, I agree with Mt on her suggestions. Not from the States but I would check with the local Police Department as they know a two or more about violence programs and availability. I'm sure they have a list of shelters that you can seek out. About the vehicle, park it at your daughter's/friend's place, etc. until you have the funds to fix it. I agree with MT, Vegas would probably have more job opportunities. Most important, you need to take care of yourself first so do everything safe. Bosum, I would call the therapist's office daily/weekly to see if they have any cancellations or ask to be put on the cancellation list. Thanks for the offer of the red cowboy boots - they sound awesome!
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Interesting new study results that show Chantix does not cause increased risk of heart problems or depression. Hmmmm. As you all know, it was my savior. I did dream more than usual & probably more colorfully, but didn't have the "out of body" experiences of Judi or Bosum. So I guess I can't have any red cowboy boots?
http://www.reuters.com/article/2015/09/06/us-healt...
LisaMarie - Judi had a good idea. The local police would surely have some idea of how to get in touch with a battered women's shelter. Remember - it's emotional battering too, not just fists. My niece was with a community response/social services team with the local police where she lives. I think I'll send her an email to see if she knows anyone back east.
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OK - I just emailed my niece the cop. She works night shift so I won't hear back until tomorrow afternoon, But hopefully she'll have some useful thoughts. Thanks Judi for triggering my brain in this direction.
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Thanks ladies , I am at my daughters now .. since saturday .. same clothes .. I am leaving with them for NC on thursday I hope before then they can assist me i getting at least some essentials ... my truck is a lost cause so I need to also take the plates off and turn them in to DMV before my licence is suspended .. all this needs to be done before thursday .. then I will see my daughter get married this wekend in NC and after that my son is buying me my ticket to florida .. then from there its just gettimg a job and a car and a life back .. crazy as it all seems . I know I am strong .. but its gonna be tough .. I know material things mean nothing ya know as long as I have me and some clothes I should be fine .. Life is too short and I am so Done with this friggin guy and his abuse .. now he is mentally abusuing me worse telling me if I loved him I would stay and help him with his anger problem and help him get help .. I did this shit several times .. I told hi many times before one more time im gone for good .. but because I kept going back he thought that I will continue .. This is not the case this time . If i dont go I may be in the local news one day dead becuase his anger went a bit too far .. I am glad I am not smoking because I dont have money to smoke .. if I did that id have another thing aggrivating me .. id be angry because I would need a smoke .. so glad im still smoke free ... I am so very greatful for you ladies in my life ... xoxoxoxoxox
Lisamarie
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LisaMarie: For what it's worth, below are the notes from my niece who's a police
officer. Looks like at least such a unit will know what local resources
are available. Sending more hugs. Minus
'Police can do a "stand by" when she collects her belongings to ensure there is
no physical altercation, but property laws vary state to state, so civil laws
may kick in regarding property ownership in a marriage. It's best to pick up
property that is only hers (her clothes, for example).
The police can arrange for her to go to a shelter. Here, we drive them
there and check them in. The location is not publicly advertised,
and you have to have a police escort to get in, to ensure the safety of the
residents.
The police will probably have a unit that focuses on domestic violence.
She should ask about such a unit, as they can provide her with guidance
through the process of leaving a bad relationship and local resources
available to her. It may be called "family assistance crisis team" or something
similar.
She should report the abuse and follow through with victim statements and
photographs of injuries with the police department.
They can help her with an Emergency Protective Order, if her situation meets
the criteria. Or she can apply for a Protective Order separately.
Best of luck to her! Leaving is a huge step.'0 -
Thanks Minus ... Like I said hopefully my daughter and her husband can help me get the essentials like clothes out of the house and my plates to return.. hugs .. xoxoxoxoI appreciate all the love and suppport ..
Lisamarie
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LisaMarie .... kudos to you for doing what is right and recognizing your needs first. That is the most important. Everything else will fall into play. My sister is with her "asshole of a husband" for 45 years and she still doesn't get that he is an asshole. He has kicked her in the face (I mean literally) at least 5 times but she still goes crawling back when he realizes that he has to share his pension. So then he gives her those few little words she craves and she runs back. At 64 years of age, when does she get it. You know what, she'll never get it. At least you got your wits about you and are ready to move on. I love you for this! MT, I hope your niece can give you the info that LisaMarie may need.
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OK my dear. We'll all be thinking of you. Hope you can keep in touch.
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I have posted some very short videos on my website that have some ideas about quitting: http://vjsleight.com/videos.html
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VJ - absolutely amazing. I watched the first couple of your videos. Yes, positive reasons was in the end the only reason I quit - rather than negatuves. I loved the 'breaking habits' video. Do something 30 times w/o smoking. 'By the clock' worked for me and so did a smoking corner. I will watch the rest of your videos because they are great, but I skipped down to the Cancer Support Community video from your Gilda's Club experience - Insight Into Patient Care. It was extremely potent. You are doing such great work for the community. Thank you so much for sharing.
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Hi ladies , I went through hell last night with the police and all . he sent me a message saying he was killing himself .. so I had to call 911 and now there is a missing person report o him .. I know its a ploy to get me back but on the other hand if he does do it , i will never forgive myself ever .. I just lost my son and now this .. it wont be good .. I am riding with my daughter to NC to go to my other daughters wedding then they are leaving me there . I was going to get the train to Florida but my uncle says now he dont have the room for me .. I reached out to a sober friend in Florida and Im waiting on a call to see if i can get into a sober living home until I can get back onto my feet ... I am really working hard towards my freedom , my life and my feelings ... I am totally drained , as I was up all night with the police and have hardly eaten .. I know I am strong because i am still willing and still trying but this is the hardest thing ...
Judi I know he has me crawling back every time .. I cannot let that happen again ... next time i may not get out .. I just get weak .. especially now when he says he will kill j=himself ,, I cannot live with that on myheart .. I love him but I am not in love with him anymore .. I cannot live like that anymore .. I feel so alone ladies
xoxoxoxo
"just for today I will not smokeor drink "
and the urge for a smoke is so strong these last 2 days ... help ....
Lisamarie
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LisaMarie, keep walking and don't look back. Men like this use every trick in the book to make you feel so bad that you come back. Then they turn it around on you and abuse you. You are a strong, independent woman and don't every forget that. He thinks he knows your weaknesses but he doesn't. As far as your uncle, that is confusing but I think he just doesn't want all the baggage at this point in time. If you can't find anyone, keep on moving to your mom's. A mother will always take a daughter because of the bond that is so special between the two. Don't worry .... you'll make it!
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LisaMarie - Bless you my dear, what next?? Judi is right. You are a strong independent woman and as you know, you can't let him use you anymore. When do you leave for NC? Hope your Florida contact works out. And hope you're sleeping tonight. The body need rest & fuel to carry on. Yeah, yeah - I'm nagging but it's with love.
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Judi , I know ... I spoke to my mom last night and she really didnt care where I was going .. it's a long story .. all she said was she could send me a little money ..
but that is how it's always been with my Mom... I love her so much but she tends to not reciprocate ... Minus ... We leave for NC Thursday .. and I am spoke to the Florida contact just still waiting to hear ... I got a job prospect here but no car and nowhere to stay so that does not work out ... I am beside myself .. everyone said he was just pulling this shit to get me back .. I just feel so depressed ... and I have been crying a lot even though im here at my daughters for the past 4 days ...
I think if my damm truck did not break and Id been able to fix it .. Id feel better just to know I have transportation ... im so overwhelmed and life is getting me down ...
Anyway I dont wanna make you all in a down mood.... Have a great day .. Smoke free day ... big Hugs..
even if your smoking and trying to stop have an amazing day .. life is too short ... enjoy every minute of every day ...
xoxoxoxoxo
LisaMarie
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Lisamarie, just sending you a hug and letting you know I care and that I know you are strong! Do NOT let him pull you back in with the drama. He is not deserving of your love! Let us know what happens and how you make out. Am at work so have to run but wanted to tell you that we care about you! xoxo
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LisaMarie, both MT and April have said it best. But you are a strong, independent woman and keep going forward. As April said, and you know, he is doing all this shit to pull you back into the drama. It never changes. It will work out for you so keep your head held high. Love you!
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LisaMarie - drive safely tomorrow and hope the wedding is wonderful. Maybe you can put everything else in the closet & slam the door for a couple of hours. Will you have computer access? We'll be looking for updates and sending our love & hugs.
Congrats that you still aren't smoking. What a success story!!!
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Good Morning everyone , I must tell a story today ... because my higher power is soo good .. I was in the dollar tree yesterday its a dollar store . I wanted to get a card for the wedding and a some autumn stuff to put at my sons grave .. anyway long story short i was online and everyone was getting frustrated with this old man whom was trying to buy some food on his food stamp card .. and the other little old man was yelling at him because he could not get his pin right abd got locked out ,,, so I felt so bad that i paid for the food he had ,, and went about my day .. crying and just lost ...last night my son in laws mom comes in and says I have a job for you its a live in position .. for about a month for my mom and step father .. this way you can do that be safe and get the $$$ you need to fix your truck ... I am so happy ...so I willbe able to work when i return from NC and get the cash I need to repair my truck ...and move on in a better place than I am now .... and let me tell you that must be a mirical ..
Thansk you ladies for telling me I am strong and that you care it means so much to me ,, I will try to keep in touch while in NC at the wedding maybe I can figure out how tosend a photo through my tablet .. xoxooxoxo
Lots of Love and hugs xoxoxoxox
Lisamarie
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Pay it forward works! You did something kind and decent and so that came back to you. Hugs and enjoy that wedding! xoxo
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Oh LisaMarie, what a beautiful story. Even when you are down you still find the time to be generous and caring. That's your nature and God is looking out for you. I am so happy that all has worked out at this time. You are a picture that I would love to be!
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LisaMarie - What a wonderful thing. It makes me cry. Hooray!!! Hopefully you'll be in a different town than the a$$. Have a wonderful time at the wedding. Even if there are lots of smokers, you've got that licked.
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Yup - the weather is finally nice enough to be outside for a day or two. A friend came to town & we saw a cute show 'Honky Tonk Angels', then ate chinese food. We've been trying to plan our leaf cruise, but definitely time to quit for the night. More tomorrow.
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Bosom , Congrats on the dates .. Hope everything works out , I would love you to be happy ..
As you all know I was in NC for my daughters wedding .. I am now back in NY to do the one month live in job and then back out of here.. As I was there my sons family were all sick and of course I got it so I am so sick right now ,,,
Here is a quick photo love you all so much
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It would not let me put two photo 's so here she is with her husband
Xoxoxoxox Lisa marie
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LisaMarie, beautiful photos and your daughter is beautiful. They look so happy and I wish them a long, happy and health life together. Get well my friend and good luck on your new job. You'll ace it and the month will be over before you know it. Bosum, glad you enjoyed your date. Any more future dates with the guy?
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I've debated about posting this, but someone might find it helpful. Both my husband and I quit smoking last December (just in time for me to start RADS), although I still use nicotine lozenges more often than I like to stay smoke free. One of the things we did prior to quitting was to switch to American Spirits brand of cigarettes.
There are no safe cigarettes of course, but other cigarette manufacturers use additives and chemicals to make their products even more addictive (like nicotine is not addictive enough). By switching to American Spirits we weaned ourselves off all those other things prior to our quit date. They are also very expensive, so we couldn't afford to smoke as many, but they seemed to burn slower/last longer (other manufacturers also put stuff in cigarettes to make them burn faster so you smoke more). I don't want to sound like an advertisement for this brand, but we found using them helped us to transition to being smoke free-10 months and counting.
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