Stop Smoking Support Thread
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Hey smoking & non-smoking ladies. Can't believe it's been 5 days w/no posts. Judi's off lying in the sun in Florida. LisaMarie's working her bunnies off. April is always overworked. Bosum's doing doc appts & job searching. VJ's having fun w/that wonderful BF. Beckers is playing with the animals. SVG? CBWitt? Everyone else? I'm freezing - but have no excuse to complain since I live in Houston. 40's at night, but most days Warm up from 60's to 70's. But because I've been cold, I've indulged myself & spent a lot of time under my heated throw reading books.
I've been trying to help an 85 year old neighbor understand Medicare Part D drug insurance. What a nightmare this is for even very healthy, intelligent people to figure out - and to be forced to re-think it every single year is even worse. The notion that we "get" to review is wonderful benefit is crazy. But then I'm not much enamored with drug companies in general. Oops - too much of an understatement - I'm pretty pissed off with drug companies. Maybe we can get Judi to start a cottage industry and buy all our drugs in Canada.
Today I went shopping with a friend and ate out at Pei Wei, a fresh food Asian place. Tomorrow I'm playing Chickenfoot (dominoes) with some neighbors. And i need to get Christmas presents wrapped since 98% have to be mailed. One more day gone that I didn't smoke!!!
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Hi everyone & happy belated Thanksgiving!
In the time I've gone silent on this thread I fell off the smoking wagon, but have since hopped back on and not looked back. The holiday and chemo-induced emotional roller coasters are to blame. Overall I'm going to just look at this as a necessary hiccup in one of the most challenging times of my life.
xoxo
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I have down with a cold and glued to the TV. I don't normally watch the news this much but I have been engrossed with the tragedy in San Bernardino. I am the co-chair for the San Bernardino tobacco coalition. The health dept. budget was cut so most of the people I knew who worked there, have retired this last year so I did not personally know anyone there but I am one degree away. A couple people I know, knew and/or worked with some of those who lost their life. One man's daughter was best friends with one of the women who was murdered. I was supposed to go to a coalition meeting in San Bernardino the next day, just a few blocks away from ground zero. In Riverside County where I live, the environmental health employees come to our meetings since they enforce tobacco laws. SB does not enforce tobacco laws, otherwise I probably would have known many of these people too. If our meeting had been one day earlier, we would have been right in the middle between ground zero and where the two criminals were shot.
San Bernardino doesn't have the best reputation (that is being kind) but the people didn't deserve this. So sad.
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Oh VJ - how terrible this is. And thank heavens it wasn't one day later - how frightening. My thoughts are with your colleagues & friends - and the entire city. Hugs.
SVG - glad to hear from you. Hiccup is a good description. We've got your back whenever you're ready.
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Hi ladies,
Have been lurking mostly and not in the mood to post. A dear friend of mine was diagnosed with ALS and it took the doctors a long time to figure it out (at least 3 months) so he is getting progressively worse. Miss you all and think of you.
VJ, wow, so tragic. I am sure you must be relieved you weren't there during the horror!
SVG, hang in there. Took most of us several tries before it stuck. And, what is more, NONE of us is ever totally out of the woods with tobacco. It is evil for sure.
Minus, thanks for the shout out.
Hugs to all!
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Hi ladies. VJ, my heart goes out to you and your friends. As a retired "Health Inspector" you never think it will be a colleague but one of your restaurant owners/complainants, etc. Lots of hugs go out to you. April, lots of hugs also go out to you. Wow, ALS. I've always tried reading "Tuesdays with Morrie" but keeping lending the book out that I have never finished it. Then, on my way to South Africa my friend loses the book. So, I have to buy it again. Now, I'm going to finish it. What a terrible disease and tragic that it took so long to diagnose. We are here for you anytime you want to bitch, cry or whatever!
MT, doing great in the sun. I can't believe I go home in 4 weeks .... I could live down here in Florida except that I hate gators. I see them out sunning themselves and scares the crap out of me. Oh I so wish it would do that soon!
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Kudos Bosum on your comments. You are so right!
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Whew - One AM & I just finished a massive wrapping & packing job so I can get to UPS and the post office tomorrow. I have no family around (except my ex-DH and his wife) so everything has to be mailed. 8 packages ready to go. My SIL will be in town for a concert Saturday so she'll get their bag then, and the stuff to take to my niece. Now I can move along to the cards if the energy holds.
Hope everyone is doing OK. Just for today....You know the drill.
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Minus, I love that you send your ex and his wife a gift! I always sent plates of food to my ex after every holiday dinner with my kids who would go to his house after they left mine.
Just have a minute, but hoping you are all well and sending hugs. The holidays are tough this year and I cannot seem to get in the swing even though my sweet grandbaby will be old enough to kind of know about the gifts etc. I hope that I will come around cause I want to be happy at holiday time, but am really missing my dad, mom etc.
xo to all!
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April - It's hard to be the "senior" generation once our parents are gone. I'm having a bittersweet Christmas too. My BFF has been dead right at 10 years now. Seems impossible. Another very dear friend died on 12/10 last year. I'm sending the gift I got for him last year to his daughter, since I can't make myself give it to anyone else.
LisaMarie - sending you hugs as I know how much you will miss your boy this year. Did you ever have any luck with UPS or FedEx?
I actually will have dinner w/my ex and his wife before Christmas. He and I have lunch every other month and I have dinner w/both of them several times a year. She & I give each other something like hand lotion - totally dorky. I think we're probably re-gifting the same lotion we exchanged in previous years LOL. Oh I forgot, one year she gave me a talking tire gauge.
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Hi everyone , April sorry about your friend .. I tried to read and catch up im so very very tired ,, cleaning 2-3 houses a day and not getting hoe until 7 -8 .. then after making dinner i am passing out . today was a early one 6pm.. so I was able to catch some time and say hello... I miss all of you ladies so much .. I will try to find time to get on here some more ,.. Big Hugs
Judi hope you are enjoying the sunshine state .
Bosom ,, hows things going ,
Minus ,, thank you for always thinking of me
xoxoxoxoxo
Lisamarie
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LisaMarie - the good, the bad, the ugly - You've got a job & are making some money. The hours suck and the work is hard. You are exhausted. Sounds like at least you're too busy to do much thinking. How about getting that BF to cook dinner at least every other night? Sending more hugs.
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*vent start* I'm a mess. I've hopped back on the wagon, then fell off again, then back on. I called 1-800-QUIT-NOW earlier today and spent 40 minutes talking to a counselor. I am finishing a pack I bought last night (my 3rd pack since Thanksgiving) and quitting yet AGAIN tomorrow morning. They're gonna call me at noon tomorrow to "check in". This is so ridiculous that I've allowed it to get this far. How I can be clean for months and then neglect why I want and need to quit is mind-boggling. The start of the 30 day window where I need to be 100% nicotine free in order to get immediate breast reconstruction is a few days away. What is wrong with me? How can I jeopardize this situation and self-destruct? No one knows this is happening except my Mom. Even my DH is in the dark or he would be consumed with sadness. I feel like an immature teenager getting a dose of rebellion. *vent complete*
cbwitt1970, if you're still following this thread - I'd love to know how you are doing!
I hope everyone is doing better than I am today.
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SVG - Sorry to hear it sounds like you've still fighting the beast. But glad that you're here to rant & vent.
Yes - a rebellious teen is exactly it. For 40 years my parents never saw me smoke. That was a real trick. Every cigarette I smoked when we were in the same town felt like I was sneaking. Which it was. My ex-DH decided he didn't like me smoking, even though I smoked when we met & married and for 20 years before his declaration. Of course there were other reasons we called it quits, but I took a great deal of pleasure in blowing smoke in his face. Childish? Nah, not me. At work I walked up & down to the 4th floor morning, noon & night, & every time I needed a smoke so I could feel virtuous about the state of my health. Well while I was all the way down there, it made sense to have two, right?
I hope 800-QUIT will help. We'll look forward to your report on that organization. And I hope this time is the charm and you can move forward with your surgery. It's a difficult time of year for many people, but we will all send extra strength vibes your way.
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Hey ladies, I have been trying to quit for years. I thought that being diagnosed with BC last month would be a wake up call but it wasn't. I called the 800 Quit line earlier tonight but didn't feel compelled to join. I'm the same way. Don't know what's wrong with me. I read that smoking and having radiation therapy increases the risk of lung cancer. I've probably smoked 3 or 4 cigarettes since then. Today is my day off. I've been sitting at the computer doing all kinds of research on breast cancer and treatments etc and smoking like a train. Maybe we can quit together! Good luck to us all!
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sharsand - Welcome. I see you're in Texas. What part? One problem for us is if we vow never to smoke inside a house or car again, it's not too cold to be hanging around the woodshed outside. And isn't that an old time expression. Webster says 'a place for administering discipline'. Also wasn't that where the men had to go to have a smoke or a sip so the ladies wouldn't be offended? (or find out!!) Of course that was before "You've come a long way baby"
If you're going to hang on the computer, there are some good sites w/blogs about quitting that I read in the middle of the night when I was desperate. Each of us had our own ways & methods over the many times we tried before getting there. Some of us are still trying.
As for the BC - sorry you have to join us for that too. This BCO site has lots of great info and women & men who will give endless support. We've all been there, and we'll be here for you. There are relevant topics for what ever you need to know all along the way. Be careful about Dr. Google. You can get lots of scare stories or questionable information
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Bosum - hope you are OK. You're in my thoughts.
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Morning all from sunny Florida. Enjoying the beautiful weather and the people. Everyone is so friendly here. I could live here but the US exchange is killing us. No shopping for me. April, hugs to you .... all will get better. LM, I love Florida. Sorry you are so tired .... I'm just catching up on my sleep!
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MinusTwo, thanks for the words of encouragement. I live in Cypress. And I agree that there is a variety of helpful information to be found here. How are you feeling these days? I hope you are well. Take care.
I agree with JudiH that there are lots of friendly, helpful and supportive people here. We all could use a laugh, a prayer and a virtual ((((HUG)))) from time to time. It seems like a good place to vent, rant or just offer hope and encouragement to others, as well as a place to feel safe. I appreciate all of you strong women who have traveled this treacherous road and who take the time to help, comfort and inform those of us who are new to this sisterhood. From the bottom of my heart I THANK YOU all for giving of your time! Have a great Saturday. Well wishes, prayers and (((((HUGSSSS)))))) to you all. Peace OUT!
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Shars welcome .. and best of luck .. encouragement and support . I used chantix and it has worked well for me .. now I am over a year woithout smokes and never though I would be here ..
SvG , I snuck that morning smoke and would not let go .. the only ones who knew were the ladies here .. I look back now and laugh like really the only one I was letting down was me .. But take this journey one day at a time one call at a time one moment at a time , its not easy and we all have been there .. if ya ever wanna chat PM me .. I can give you my Number ... Shars you too... I cant say I will always be available to answer I am working a lot but even a text , I can always find time to text a word or two of encouragement .. we all need that at times .. Hugs
Minus ... I wish he would cook .. he doesnt cook never has .. he does help occasiona;lly if we are grilling like burgers or a steak .. he will do my grilling after I marinate of course lol.. but he is doing well . He is on meds and life seems easier with him ...
Judi glad tyo hear you enjoying that sunshine and all the friendly folks .. thats what I miss most about florida .. My friends and the sunshine ... USA is so expensive .. I understand that .. They rated Long Island as one of the most expensive places to live in the US .. and I live here go figure .. enjoy the sun .. Hugs
xoxoxoxo .. remember ladies .. just for today ..
Lisamarie
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From my book, "How to Win at Quitting Smoking" (free PDF copy available to anyone on this list, just send me a PM with email address:
If you quit but have relapsed. Congratulate yourself for completing a "practice run". Don't view this "practice run" as a failure but a learning experience. By reframing this attempt as a "practice run", you will discover where the weakness is in your Plan. Besides you did have a success − look at how many cigarettes you didn't smoke and how much money you saved. (20 cigarettes per day is 140 cigarettes per week or 1400 puffs avoided!)
Look at everything you tried that did work. Look at all the tools you did develop which did help. Don't reinvent the wheel but refine it. Decide if you need to add more tools to your quitting toolbox or if you need to replace what didn't work. Finding out a particular method doesn't work for you helps to lead you to what will. Evaluate the different areas to see where your strengths lie and where you need to improve on your Action Plan: social, physical, emotional, environment and/or thought patterns.
Look at the circumstances that led to that first cigarette. What happened? Where did you get the cigarette? What rationalization did you use to give yourself permission to smoke? Did you follow your ICE plan? If not, why not? Are you willing to write your "pre-commitment" check or did you not make that pre-commitment? (See page 73).
Decide whether you are ready to set a new Quit Date now or if you will try again later.
Start this book all over again. What didn't you do that could have helped? What advice did you ignore? Appendix H (see page 162) is a list of Activities in this book. Which ones did you not do? Resolve to do them for your next effort.
Talk to a Tobacco Treatment Specialist to revise your Action Plan. As specialists in behavior modification, a professional can help you to uncover what is missing in your quitting puzzle. Call 1-800- QUIT-NOW for your local state quit line.
Finally, reassess your desire to quit. Be honest with yourself. Do you really want to "Become Smoke-Free" or were you doing it for someone else or because of outside pressures? There is no right or wrong answer; the purpose is to find out where you need help. Often it is only by looking back and examining the situation that you see what you couldn't before. Hindsight is always 20/20 vision.
Develop an ICE Plan (In Case of Emergency)
The easiest way to never relapse is to never be around cigarettes. To relapse, cigarettes have to be available. Treat them as the poison they are, and avoid contact as much as possible. This is hard to do since cigarettes are as close as the nearest store or gas station, so have a plan in place to handle emergencies or when a craving seems to come from "out of the blue".
By now your common smoking habits are gone and yet seemingly out of nowhere, you get an intense craving. An "out of the blue" craving is a memory your brain has picked up on. The trigger is related to something in your environment, to an emotion, and/or represents a time or activity when you used to smoke.
Avoiding all triggers is unrealistic since some situations or emotions may be so infrequent it would be hard to foresee all possibilities but your brain remembers the connection with smoking even if you consciously don't. You are most likely to relapse in situations for which you are not prepared. Your Tobacco Use Record only covered a short period of time. Sometimes you cannot consciously identify the reason or the environmental trigger for the craving; all you know is that you just want to smoke. But there can be clues that you are walking in a field of landmines if you stay alert and diligent.
Identify early warning signs.
Have you ever ended a bad relationship but after a few months you are lonely and miss him/her? You think about the happy times together, and his/her good qualities. Before you know it, you call to get together but at this reunion you remember the reasons why the two of you are not a match and say, "What was I thinking?" and walk away.
The same thing happens with your cigarettes. You start thinking of how much you enjoyed smoking, and forget their negative traits and how hard it was to quit. You start romancing the idea of having "just one" again, maybe as a treat. But it isn't so easy to walk away after a reunion with nicotine.
Watch what you are saying to yourself. When the thought of a cigarette comes up, are you romancing the idea of being able to have one? What thoughts, or feelings might lead you back to smoking? Examples of these are:
"Oh, this is when I really enjoyed smoking."
"I miss the smell of my cigarettes, blow the smoke my way."
"I can control smoking."
"Nobody's going to know."
"I don't have any other way to relieve my stress."
"I can't have a good time without smoking."
"It's my only vice left."
"One won't hurt" is a common warning sign. Don't believe it. You are not more powerful than nicotine and you can't control a physical addiction. Remind yourself what a powerful hold nicotine has had on your survival instinct.
Besides, one cigarette will "hurt" you. Review the physical effects of just one cigarette: Your blood pressure increases. Your heart rate increases. Your bronchial tubes constrict making your lungs work harder. The amount of carbon monoxide in your system doubles and prevents oxygen from reaching your vital organs. The temperature of your hands and feet decrease.
How can you reframe these types of thoughts or what can you say instead? Think about quitting in a different way:
"One cigarette is too many and 1000 are not enough."
"I'm a puff away from a pack a day."
"NOPE: Not One Puff Ever."
"Let a slip slide."
Focus on your long-term positive "Benefits of Being Smoke-Free" instead of the temporary short-term pleasure of smoking "just one".
Identify high risk situations. As mentioned in Step One, (see page 36) nicotine affects the part of your brain that scans, analyzes and interprets your environment. After quitting, the first time you . . . (name an activity where you normally smoked) without having a cigarette, an intense craving could be triggered. Plan ahead for those "first times": The first time in a bar, going over to a smoking buddy's house, being in an airport, on your annual vacation or family reunion.
Do you live in a State that still allows smoking in restaurants and bars where the combination of alcohol, being around other smokers and having a good time can lead to a relapse?
If you live in a State that has banned public smoking, how will you handle it when traveling to another State where smoking is allowed? Or your annual vacation or business convention, that has, in the past, always included your cigarettes?
Social situations are often a place where temptation lurks:
- If you can't avoid an event, bring along a support person. Avoid alcohol. If someone lights up, excuse yourself and go to the bathroom, go say "hello" to someone else—anything to get around sitting there while someone is smoking.
- If you're at a social event and feel tempted, leave if you are able to do so and protect yourself from caving in to saying, "I'm just going to have one." You could always develop an upset stomach for which you need to leave to take care of.
- Do you still go out to the "butt hut" or the smoking area on your work breaks with your smoking buddies? Some smokers might try to sabotage your success and won't take "no" for an answer. Give your reason(s), change the subject, or try some humor to deflect their temptations.
What situations happen in your life, that aren't listed, which could cause you to be tempted to smoke?
Activity: Create your ICE Plan.
What are some of your early warning signs and high risk situations? If you have quit and then relapsed, what caused you to pick up that first cigarette? Where did you get the cigarette? Did you buy a pack, bum one or did someone give it to you? What did you say to yourself to make it OK to smoke it? Use your answers to find new solutions to avoid relapsing this time.
Write down the answers to the following questions in your notebook, so you can read back your ICE plan when you need to. Have it all written out so you don't have to think about what to do when that "out of the blue" craving hits you.
What can you say to yourself to talk yourself out of caving in?
How can you change your behavior to avoid smoking? What can you do instead? Where is a safe place for you to be where smoking isn't allowed?
Who can you call for help? Call someone who is understanding and will not judge you when you are being tempted to smoke. See page 82 for a list of your supporters. Are there some saboteurs you need to avoid for a while?
What tools in your Action Plan helped in similar situations or that you used in previous attempts?
What life skills do you need to work on? (i.e. stress, anger or time management, weight control, alcohol and/or substance dependence)
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Thank you VJ for taking the time to compose such a long and informative post. Knowledge is power. You provided a lot of good tips. For me personally, the strongest addiction is psychological because I have used both the patch and the gum and they both work until my mind gets in the way. So I appreciate your post and would like more information. I have sent you a PM. Thanks.
Hope everyone is having a good day and feeling well. (((HUGS)))
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More from my book:
Understand Relapse
If you wanted to drop weight, you need to be willing to change your food intake and increase your physical activity. This takes a commitment, making a Plan and taking action. Slowly over time the pounds come off.
If after six months you went to a birthday party where your favorite chocolate fudge cake was being served and this one time you are unable to resist treating yourself to an extra-large corner piece with lots of frosting, you would not gain back the pounds you lost (you would if you continued this way of eating, but not from one slip).
Now imagine if you are at same birthday party but instead of being tempted by the cake, the temptation is a cigarette. Social events are when you enjoyed smoking the most, everyone is celebrating, alcohol is involved and it doesn't feel the same without smoking. A friend is smoking your brand and offers you one. You slip, smoke it and the receptors in your brain get flooded with dopamine. Your brain seductively says, "Don't tease me with one, I want the whole pack".
The dopamine makes you feel better, big red warning flags don't pop up to caution you of the landmine right in front of you and you give yourself permission to smoke another one. Within a few cigarettes, your brain expects to have the same level of nicotine it had been used to prior to quitting, and you will relapse to your previous level of smoking. It would be like eating "just one" slice of chocolate fudge cake and overnight gaining back all the weight you had lost in the previous six months. It will feel as if you had never quit. Many will get discouraged feeling all their hard work is for nothing and won't try to quit again for years. Don't let this be your experience.
You always have a choice! It is important to not slip and smoke any cigarettes but since you are only human, slips do happen. Stop a slip when a craving first comes up. You always have two choices:
- You work through it and remain smoke-free, or
- You slip and smoke a cigarette.
If you choose to slip, again you have two choices:
- You resolve to remain smoke-free and learn from the slip, or
- You blame yourself, beat yourself up, feel guilty and smoke another cigarette.
If you choose to smoke another, your next two choices are:
- You renew your resolve to become smoke-free and start anew, or
- You relapse and become a smoker again. Realize you need to work on your motivation, make changes in your Action Plan and/or set another Quit Date when you're ready.
You can choose to see a slip as a failure or as a learning experience. You can choose to let the events of your life control you, or you can take control of your life. The choices you make are determined by who you think you are, and the benefits and expectations you bring to the situation.
Activity: Five steps to train your brain to think of smoking in a different way.
You need to recondition your brain to stop the automatic thoughts that nicotine has planted. It takes time. If you only change your behavior and not your thinking, you may relapse or turn to something else such as food.
Whenever a craving comes up, use these steps to change the way you think about smoking and having a craving. You can use these steps when you first quit and at any time in the future:
1. "I'm having a desire to smoke right now." Recognize you are having a desire to smoke. This is normal. The craving will go away whether or not you smoke. Just let it run its course.
2. "I can smoke at any time, I'm not deprived." Nobody is taking your cigarettes away from you. It is your choice. Remember what smoking is really depriving you of that is more important: your money, health, and freedom.
3. "I'm a puff away from a pack a day." It's easy to fall into the trap of having "just one". Don't kid yourself that your willpower is stronger than a nicotine addiction.
4. "Right now I have a choice to make for myself. Either I give in to this temporary discomfort and go back to the constant misery of smoking, or I can accept this temporary discomfort and work through it for . . ." (name one of your "Benefits of Becoming Smoke-Free").
5. "At this moment, I willingly accept this temporary discomfort because I want . . ." (then list your "Benefits of Becoming Smoke-Free"). Focus on your personal values that are truly important to you that smoking is depriving you of.
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VJ - I LOVE this thought below from your post. Thanks for posting - and thanks for still offering the free book to us BCO gals.
If you quit but have relapsed. Congratulate yourself for completing a "practice run". Don't view this "practice run" as a failure but a learning experience
So SVG - you've practiced now. Maybe this latest "practice" will make perfect.
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Shars - I assume you are just starting the BC journey. I did all my treatment at the Medical Center with Methodist & Baylor. The exception of Rads which I did that at MD Anderson Katy. Feel free to PM me if I can help you find local things - like wigs.
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Minus, Thanks for offering your local knowledge and help. I am newly diagnosed and awaiting blood test results and do not have a treatment plan yet. Feel free to PM me if you need someone to talk with or vent to. Us Texans have to stick together!
VJ, Thanks for the book. You are very knowledgeable and it is well written. It's as if you are speaking directly to me. I agree with Minus, that your idea of a "practice run" makes it feel like a process, rather than feeling like a loser for failing.
BosumBlues, Sorry you are feeling in a funk. My thoughts, prayers and lots of well wishes are with you! Hang in there.
LisaMarie, thank you for your encouragement and support. Congrats on kicking the habit. And as VJ alluded to, a slip up is nothing more than a learning tool and a "practice run" Good luck.
Thank you everyone for being so encouraging and supportive. I wish you a pleasant and pain free day, both physically and emotionally. Take Care and God Bless us all!
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Thanks Bosum! Good luck with your therapist. It might be hard at first, but talking about stuff usually helps and makes you feel better. I too, tend to stuff things until they build up and overflow. It's best to get it out and let your body, mind and spirit heal. Sending positive vibes and (((HUGS))) your way. Have a good evening all! And good luck with your fight to quit smoking!
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Bosum - I hope you and the therapist DO click. It would be such a relief to dump some of your chit on some other shoulders. We'll be waiting to hear.
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Hey Minus, how you feeling today? I just found out that my genetic tests came back negative! Great news for me and my 3 sisters! Now I can finally move forward and get to work on a treatment plan.
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shars - GREAT news. Congrats. Let us know how you decide to proceed.
Thanks for asking, but I'm having a crappy day because they couldn't get blood out of my port before the CT test w/contrast. They finally got a very small amount, but enough to make sure they could do the test. Trying to access the port took 2-1/2 hours, then wait for an hour for results before the test, then test, etc. So instead of meeting friends for lunch at the Black Labrador (British Pub) at noon, I was stuck at the med center until 3pm. I'll have to go back in Thursday morning so the infusion center can figure out what's causing the problem and get blood to do the other 5 tests. Oh well, presents are wrapped, cards are mailed so I just sat there and read my new Time magazine.
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