Can we have a forum for "older" people with bc?
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hi dsa..glad you found us..
I think I tried to get a PHD in breast cancer in three weeks when I was diagnosed.
You are right, there is just too much info available on the web...this is a good site..
take your time to click on the information side of it...I also used NIH.gov
and National Cancer Institute at cancer.gov
it is overwhelming, but once you get your treatment plan in place everything will
slow down..Sending hugs to you..by the way I will celebrate my 10 year cancerversary
this fall...SoCal
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dsa..did I miss what kind of breast cancer you have?
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Welcome Deborah, it's great that you are here and I hope you can find the answers and support I have been so fortunate to find in this website. At a very scary moment and we can all certainly relate, there's strength and kindness here for the asking. SoCalLisa posted some great resources for info. I hope this detour is shortlived and not difficult and that you will get back to good health in no time at all. Best wishes, J
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Welcome dsa. Glad you found us here. As Kat ( flying dutchess ) and Lisa said this is never in the game plan we design and usually knocks the wind from our sails for a fair amt. of time. There are lots of answers here and women who will be able to relate. Somehow it becomes easier to talk with those who share this diagnosis.
You will feel a lot more comfortable when you have a total plan in place as you will be taking charge then and not be in the "before it begins" limbo area.
Hope along with Julia you will move through this with as much ease as possible and be feeling fine and in control again soon.
Healing hugs, Jackie
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Hello Julia & SoCal! What a pleasing surprise to get online this morning and find words of encouragement for you! Thanks for taking that time to do so.
SoCalLisa: love your 'tried to get PHD in BC within 3 weeks' comment....glad to know i'm not the only one that has tried it. Congratulations on you cancerversay!!!!! You are now officially ranked 1st as an example to me (and others) because we all aspire to reach the pinnacle you stand on now. And, you're still conversing with others who aren't there yet---thank you! Your question: I have metaplastic carcinoma. I will take a look at the sites you suggested. At this point, I'll read most anything about this BC beast we have in hopes to gain momentum for the long haul!
Julia: you're right...I now understand and realize the importance of making new acquaintances, who are in the same predicament @ the same time, or like SoCalLisa who continue to encourage and stay in touch w/others even after they've step across the cancer free threshold. I too hope this little bump in the road is a diversion that will just slow me down for a brief time.....i have too much I still want to do and see and i had really planned on accomplishing that sooner than later.
have taken off work for time to heal since last friday's surgery and have another one tomorrow--guess this 'healing' process is long-term, right?! gotta wash some clothes & lay out my duds for the hospital trip tomorrow....oh such fun!
Is great meeting both of you.....promise i won't give a dissertation in future emails!
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Welcome dsa.........We're glad you found us and you've come to the right place. The women on this thread are awesome and will help you every step of the way. For me, the first few months after my diagnosis were the worst. I was in shock to begin with and then didn't reallly understand the treatment plans, surgeries, etc. After I finally got my head on straight, educated myself on routine treatment plans, made my decisions, and got a plan of attack, I did much better emotionally. I felt I had a little more control of the situation because at least I was doing something to counteract it. And SoCal Lisa was there to encourage me, too as I went through the chemo and rads.
Hang in there. Come here often. Ask questions and somebody will be able to help you, I'm sure.
Rita
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I am so sorry because I have not been keeping up with my gals on the Board-this thread. OK OK, did I catch that CB actually wrote "SUCKS" on POD board. Don't tell me you erased it or that I dreamed it-HORRAYY-there is a (OK brain fart) "what the hell are we when we get really old" , no-NOT WISE ASS-uhh-you all know the old women that are really wise-like medicine women-good god my brain. And headed to ORLANDO!!!
and welcome to the new ladies-i hope you find that you are in the right place.
dsa, I don't know if you are an old hippie or not but the first diagnosis is sort of like taking a hit of LSD-nothing is right and it is all so wierd!! If you are not an old hippie and pure as the driven snow, nothing is right and it is all so wierd! WELCOME!
I am getting major pressure from docs to do a double mastectomy. I have homone issues and not a whole lot to be done. Went surf fishing yesterday and was so ill I almost could not get off the beach. I REALLY HATE THIS!! So went to my doc thinking it might be potassium as she had put me on lasix bec of major edema-nada. I am now being slammed into a 'stress test' on monday with echo cardio and then double mammogram on thursday. Har-Har, try as they may they ain't gettin' my boobs yet!! AND WORST BIRTHDAY YEARS YET-I HAVE MY BELLY BUTTON BIRTHDAY MAY 31 AND MY SOBER B-DAY JUNE 6!!! MEET WITH THE SRUGEON ON JUN 2-OH GOODIE!
CONNIE ANYTHING NEW?? How are your doing dear one?
MB how are you doing after second treatment. Miss Kitty OMG are you FINALLY RETIRED!! It was so funny on the beach yesterday-guy brought down his new springer spaniel male (for those who don't know me I have 2, had 3) and this dog needs freaking doggie qualudes-well maybe the owner too. So he sees how well behaved my brood is and wants to pick my brain. So I take his dog and the dog suddenly changes into an angel following all my commands and not one 'jump in yer face' surprise "here I is-do ya see me do ya see me" action. This stud knows who the alpha female is-dat bitch be me!!!! So i give him back to his owner who has this gorgeous mutt in a harness collar (i tell him that you have to control the dogs head-get a neck color w/short leash) and the dog 'does not fart' without your permission. And the guy is going Yeah ok-as he is being dragged back down the beach by his pup-AND ALL I CAN THINK OF IS MISS KITTY AND HER TWO MUTLEYS! And how has DH been doing with training? teehee! Oh and the dude tells me he and wife had a King charles cavelier (whatever) and he accidentally ran over it in the driveway-DOA). Sir buy a cow or a horse!! Something really big that you can see.
Isabella, I missed your posts-is something going on with you? are you OK. Really i hope you are ok. and SoCal-love your photos-finally have the money to get a canon 30d-yeah!!!
Blessings to all going thru all of the crap that goes with BC.
I have two men at home-worthless and i (the lady with cancer and heart trouble who is having the stress test on monday-me) is the one out mowing the lawn today and trying to chop down the jungle created by months of rain on the OBX. and DDad comes out and says don't overdo yourself-who the freak do you think is going to do it if i don't!!!! DB is a useless piece of shyte and sqeeks that he cannot help with the lawn because he might step in dog poop (he is 42 years old!!!!). never a dull moment! Fill me in everyone on the latest-like i can't take the time to read the posts-just feel to icky. I am getting my water colors done and my gallery stocked. But the tourons have invaded and the beach that i have to myself my whole year bec i live on it and noone is here-was packed yesterday. oh god it was awful!! ((((BIG HUGS))) SV
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SV Darlin! You are hallucinating again! No, it wasn't me! Ha! I know better than to do that one!
So what does this mean? Are you having a double mastectomy? Is that all they can do? Be sure & let us know what the docs say after Monday!And if you go back a page, you can read Isabella! That gal is a hoot! She just makes me laugh out loud with her antics!
DH & I went for his pacemaker check-up! He has to have a replacement put in this MONDAY! Geez, I hate this....I am sooooo worried! It has been 8 years, & the battery is in the "red" so we have to replace it before we go to Orlando on the 2nd.....I thought they could wait until November. But he said "No...NOW!" I am more worried about that, than I was about my bareast cancer surgery! Because they have to put him on a machine to keep his heart pumping, while they replace the pacemaker. But it is supposed to only take about an hour...then the recovery. So could you gals say a little prayer for us? Sure appreciate it....Thanks....Later.
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OK FESS UP!! Who wrote the word "S#cks"in their post. I know it was here becase I hooted and howled given the last round of stoning by the "ORC." I am going to go back over every post now.
And oh CB, I am so sorry about DH. oh sweetie this could not be worse timing let alone you having to fret. i am sooo sorry. Prayers are with you and truly i hope this is an easy one with an easy recovery for him!! i know you will make it to Orlando tho that is the least of your worries. GGrief, i had no idea the batteries wore out. and this surgery is done a milion times a week-he will be OK!! They always put you on heart bypass when working on the heart in that kind of surgery. Please try not to worry-my prayers are with you! I love you, SV
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So SV.....Did you find it? Ha! I don't think I saw it, but whoever it was, sounds like our kind of Gal!
And I know.....I think....that George will be alright....it's just that he is really down right now, & I'm trying to keep him from not worrying! Okay...a "heart bypass"....now I understand! Man, they sure don't tell you much, & I DON'T know what questions to ask! I looked through the window on the door into surgery when he was getting the pace -maker the first time....and even though they had given him drugs to calm him, I saw him thrashing about on the table, & them trying to hold him down. I just hope they give him something to calm him down.....& me too!
But thanks little SV.....I love reading your rockin' posts!
I'm glad you are getting your sense of humor back! And how are you feeling? Going down to the beach? Or just working? Rita....you are sooooo right! The shock is enough to make us bang our head against the wall when they tell us they think it's cancer...I know...I did it! But thanks to this site....and all you women, you just give us all so much support & information, it helps us make it through to the next day!
Hi SocalLisa & Jackie.....it's always like meeting my friends when I see you on this site!
Talk to you later girls! xoxoxoxoxo
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Hi Jeaneatte,
This is a real quickie. It's 10:30 p.m. It has been a long day and tomorrow will be another....and Saturday as well. My friend ( I go to her house every day and clean and help her with her animals and any projects she can't do well herself ) had to go to the hospital this afternoon by ambulance. She has C.O.P.D. -- mainly from multiple allergies, and had an infection along with pneumonia. So, I have to take care of her house and ALL of her animals until she can come home. I don't mind,but it will increase my load a bit along with the feral cat colonies and my own menagerie. We have a couple projects going on here at home. I just hope Maggie gets some good rest and where she is feeling better. I was going to insist she let me take her yesterday evening, but I felt she was still hanging on hard to denial. So.....I'm going to go get jammies on, crawl into my recliner and try to stay awake for a bit.
I already cooked for Mag's dogs. She cooks veggies to put into the dog food....so after seeing Maggie at the hospital, and eating a quick burger....home to cook. I'll see you all tomorrow.
Hugs to everyone.
Jackie
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Saw my BS today. Biopsy is negative YEAH!!!! Spoke to her about the posting saying hematomas can turn cancerous. Per Dr Moorthy, the area she biopsied was outside of the heamatoma. A hematoma can not turn cancerous as otherwise posted here as it is a collection of blood. Only breast tissue can become breast cancer. Always helpful to go to the expert.
Still verticle it sounds as if you have your dogs better controlled than the men in your life! It time to lay down the law. If they don't mow the lawn hire someone and tell DB he can pay for it or risk the doggy doo! I am so upset with men who don"t care as DH far surpassed any expections I had, held my hand through it all, cared for me and the house etc. Of course his version of a clean kitchen and my version do not coincide, but it not slacking off it just not seeing the dirt. Maybe because I have 4 sons (now adults) and no daughters I trained my "men" from the start that housework means the work of anyone who lives in the house. I got a lovely letter from son #3 when he was in college starting out with "Mom, I hated you when I was growing up, but now that I have an apartment on my own......." and ending with "I love you for caring enough to teach me" So give the men in your life enough love to teach them. You deserve to be cared for.
I confess I wrote that cancer sucks. I hope they don't delete my reply as cancer really does suck.
Kat
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Great news Kat, what a relief, hope all your results are good from now on.
Hi Jackie, I hope your friend is much better very soon. You surely have a busy life, there aren't enough naps in the day for a still life like me to take on a fraction of it.
Hey CB, my prayers and best wishes for DH on Monday. Wishing it were this time next Tues, successful procedure, and the two of you are all set for that lovely trip to Orlando.
Howdy DSA, thank you for bringing up the fact that SoCalLisa is "over the threshold" and continues to support, inform, amuse, etc. ...we are so fortunate to see the depths and quality of a true generous spirit. As SCL would say hugs all around!
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Older gal checking here with 2 years since dx and beginning of tests, scans, and chemo schedule set in place. As far as Cancer Sucks, I may have said it also. In fact, while doing chemo, I made soda can covers with those exact words on. The chemo nurses loved them and I could not make them fast enough. I made one for my onco with Chemo Savvy on and she almost fell off the chair when I gave it to her (laughing...).
Welcome to the new gals who never wanted to join this "club". Hugs and Blessings for all, Nancy
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Chevy, Thoughts and prayers are on the way for your hubby as he undergoes the pacemaker surgery! I understand how unsettling this must be for you and why he'd be a little depressed. Hey, I get depressed when we have several rainy days in a row so he has a good reason to be a little down. Glad you're there to "perk him up" a bit.
Jackie, I hope that Maggie's health improves. You are such a wonderful person to help her out each day and she is so fortunate to have your for her friend............well, in my opinion, I think we're all fortunate to have you as our friend!
Wonderful news, Kat! YEA for negative biopsies! Breathe in, breathe out, and continue on with your life! SUPER!!!!
I'm off to tackle the job of organizing my desk! Phew! It's become a major dumping ground and needs my attention. Catch you all later.
Rita
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You gals are great! So I guess it's pretty much the concensus here, that cancer sucks! Ha! How funny!
Good for you flyingdutchess! It always pays to check things out! I'm so glad your biopsy was clean! So if we all hear something that we don't think is quite right, we just have to find out for ourselves....
And as for some gals choosing not to take their treatments any further after surgery, then we have to just respect their wishes, I guess. It's always our choice....& some of the treatments are worse than the actual cancer...... I remember talking to one gal during our Radiation treatments, & she would just not do chemo.....I felt so bad for her....but she had such a hard time with just all of it, that she was just DONE!!! Done with everything.....
And my sister-in-law won't even go back for a Mammogram now....because she said "it hurts!" Well damn right girl, but that's how they found mine, & I'm sure a whole lot of others too!
Have to say that I'm always amazed at all of you gals that take care of so many pets! You are all angels! I admire you for having such caring hearts! I cook for our Little Lacee also! We buy the best beef liver at Sunflower, fry it up, cut it up, & mix it with her kibbles every night! Also cooked carrotts & brown rice....I know....I should get a life.....ha! Even those roast chickens from Costco last us forEVER....with Lacee's share also! She probably eats better than some people.
Bye girls....have fun today! xoxooxo
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A quickie this a.m. as I may not get much computer time at work and have to find a quote to put on my home blog which is the Illinois blog Rita authored. I think any of you would do any of the things I do if it presented to you as it does me. It is just a part of the path our life takes and when mine opened to ( all I do for animals and good friends ) this particular door, the word no just did not appear.
Way to go Kat. I am so happy for you. I'm sorry it was so worrisome for you, but with the twists and turns of this disease....we just have to worry about EVERYTHING until it is proves to be nothing. May you keep having lots of nothings -- in fact, hope we all do.
I need to run and get started. Will check in late tonight with all of you....sooner if I can.
Hugs, Jackie
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Alright FlyingDutchess-you rule!!! and yeah, my relationships with men are the worst-the longest relationships I have had are with horses and dogs-like 18 years on my female Springer Spaniel-she was a monster and a hoot! Hope all is going well with all. Short note today but sending blessings! XXOO, SV
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Hi Friends,
This will be quite quick as it's late.....Long day as I knew it would be. Did everything I did yesterday with the addition of going to the hospital and seeing Maggie. Took her a newspaper and cup of Mc.Donalds coffee which she loves. Then came home and cleaned veggies home grown by a co-worker till just five mins ago. So, it's 11 p.m. and I do know where my recliner is and the popcorn that is waiting for me. Did not get time for any supper tonight. Happens now and then. Hope you all have a fantastic Friday and are looking forward to a wonderful week-end. You are all deeply in my thoughts.
Hugs, Jackie
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Hey Jackie, please don't tell us you have time for everyone else but no time for your own meal...this is unacceptable!
I'm with you SV...men!!! Recently an acquaintance of a friend of mine said to her "if you were 30 years younger, boy could I go for you". Did you ever!!! Have a great weekend.
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Morning ladies-anybody awake. I am in a terrible funk this morning-cannot sleep. I am wound up over "stress test' i have to take on monday and another mammogram on Thursday. I feel that all of this is the back door to leading up to my docs trying to get me to make the decision to do a bi-lateral matestectomy. i simply do not have it in me and worse, i do not care. I have had such an amazing life and have a 30 percent relapse rate on the cancer with it likely going to lungs or bones. Who in the world would want to live with that? i feel so puny bec so many women warriors are facing so much and I am not one of them-i just cannot do the 'rah rah susan colman' breast cure' thing because there is no cure for BC. Not sure if anyone feels this way and sorry to be such a bummer but i just want to die with some dignity and have some choice about my death. Women are often sensitives and i simply do not see another outcome-the feeling thatthe cancer has returned and is lurkig somewhere is strong-is that strong. This is truly is not depression (working on that end very hard) but a resignment and an Ok that "my great philosophy on life is that we are given the time we need and then we have to give it back." I simply am not cut from the western model of medicine that we must do everything to beat cancer and stay alive. For what? Again, sorry to be such a bummer but i have nver been chained by anything like this disease. i have gone where I have wanted, done what i wanted, when I wanted my entire life. The life of an invalid is not for me. And right now I am an invalid. i wish I had more postive stuff to throw out but this to me is positive. i don't do "sick", never did, never will. Anyway, just needed to dump-XXOO, SV
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what .......... WHAT? Is this my Melissa cracking under the pressure! Don't DO that Hon! We are all here.....Just go do the stupid tests....maybe the results aren't what you think! And if you have to have the girls removed, but ...........nobody told you you did...... Right? Then you can face that challenge yet once again!
Sometimes we have these awful feelings about what is wrong with us....but it's in that little head of yours! Just go do what you been doin' & leave the rest to them! You KNOW what to ask, & how to handle those Docs! And you ain't gonna go anywhere....not for a long time! Just imagine if you were as old as me? You would for sure, just put on your pajamas, get a margarita & wait in the moon-light for your dire end!
Dang girl! Pick yourself up! Your dogs can't do it, & you BROTHER, that "worthless piece of s&*%" won't....& your Dad can't....so you are all you have! Except us! Oh wait till the girls read THIS one! They will be all over you like cheese on pizza!
It hasn't been but a few months since your "chemo from hell" nearly took you out! If THAT didn't do it, you can't give up yet! You just GOTTA hang in there kiddo!
Do I sound like your MOTHER? Well I should! You know what she would say! You are a "gem" little Melissa....I don't even know you, but your heart has touched mine....I love being your "friend" and you are so valuable to yourself & your dogs & your life, & ..........us!
So just never mind you a'thinkin that you are down today! Grab your happy butt & go play outdoors somewhere! And I expect a report back! Love you! xxooxoxoxo
(We gotta help her gals.....)
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SV - One of the women who plays bridge where I do had a double mastectomy some years ago. She said her golf game improved immediately and she is happy when she walks or runs because nothing bounces any more. She has not had reconstruction, does not wear prostheses and looks great! Except for a week or two after surgery you will NOT be an invalid! I only had one boob off on a Monday and by Friday I walked to the pub with drains attached still because that's where my friends are every Friday. They did insist on driving me home. I'm not special. Not at all. The surgery is just not that awful. And living for whatever gives you reason to get up in the morning is a pretty good result. I don't want to miss whatever it is that's going on.
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Good moring everyone.
Gorgeous day out with a beautiful sun which we have not had in a while. Teeny, our little long-legged Dachshund is just outside sitting in the sun. I know she is truly enjoying that as she is a little ball of fire and seldom sits much anywhere.
As far as giving up -- my feeling on it is that it does not glorify our Creator and so does not glorify us either since we all have a large spark of our Creator inside of us.. We were not put here to give up. It is going ahead and climbing the mountains that shows our ability to live up to the gift of our life. There are down days, and questioning hours -- they are a part of finding our way. Each of us has to make decisions and be responsible for them. As for me, I can't just sit back and not give every fiber of my being up to the gift of my life. If that means operations, chemo, drinking radiated iodine -- whatever. I am compelled by the elan' within to continue to move forward as long as the breath of this life remains. Giving in for a short while to rest and re-group is ok -- giving up and not doing what is possible is not an option for me. I woud not like to look back in a life review ( no one checks a list of our sins when we go to the other side -- our eternity ) and see where I gave up when I could have kept going. I would not want to set that as the exampe I gave to others and myself.
My breakfast is ready to I am going to go and feed myself. Julia,you are right I do believe. It is un-acceptable to go without a bite to eat for supper. Henceforth, I shall make a better attempt to get this done. Hi to all not posting right now. You are in my thoughts.
Hope you all have a fantastic day and hopefully lots of sun and warmth like we are having here today.
Hugs, Jackie
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SV,Melissa, First of all, why would they want to do a bilateral mast? Is your cancer lobular? Do they still see tumors after that horrible round of chemo you had....surely with all the other terrible things it did to you, it must have done a little something to the actual tumors. And so far as it going to the bones and lung, mine did that a long time ago and although it is not something you would want, it is something you can deal with when it happens. You may not consider yourself a warrior, Melissa, but you are! You are one heck of a woman and an inspiration to many. We share your ups and downs and I was so thrilled when you were having some good days and able to fish and restock the shelves with your works of art a week or so ago. Won't hormonal treatments work to keep things under control for you since you are +.....or maybe you can' t do those, I forget. Chevyboy, I love your advice and way with words....like cheese on pizza. LOL. I love all you ladies and am so glad I decided I had passed the mark and was an older person and joined you all.
Have not been writing a lot lately as the navelbine seems to make me want to sleep.
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SV,Melissa, First of all, why would they want to do a bilateral mast? Is your cancer lobular? Do they still see tumors after that horrible round of chemo you had....surely with all the other terrible things it did to you, it must have done a little something to the actual tumors. And so far as it going to the bones and lung, mine did that a long time ago and although it is not something you would want, it is something you can deal with when it happens. You may not consider yourself a warrior, Melissa, but you are! You are one heck of a woman and an inspiration to many. We share your ups and downs and I was so thrilled when you were having some good days and able to fish and restock the shelves with your works of art a week or so ago. Won't hormonal treatments work to keep things under control for you since you are +.....or maybe you can' t do those, I forget. Chevyboy, I love your advice and way with words....like cheese on pizza. LOL. I love all you ladies and am so glad I decided I had passed the mark and was an older person and joined you all.
Have not been writing a lot lately as the navelbine seems to make me want to sleep.
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You see SV? We gals ain't gonna sit by & watch you worry your little head to pieces! You don't even KNOW what is wrong with you yet! So listen to these well informed women, that have BEEN there & DONE that! You DO have strength! You of all people! Anyone that thinks their car is a boat can do ANYthing! You are just having a "bleep" in your day!
I had Breakfast with some old friends that I knew from 8 years ago....We lost contact over time, but finally met up with a Brother to one of the gals....got her number, & we met again today! Just like we used to at this great Mexican Restaurant & have a Tostada! ANYway, I was talking to them about my Cancer stuff, & told them....How very much support & caring I find here on this website! That all you gals are my "friends"....that it is so important to me to be able to "hear from you" & "talk" with each other. You have picked me up so many times....I just want you all to know that I love you....that I honestly cherish this friendship....
So Thank you.....thank you for what you have given me.....xoxooxxoxoxo
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Oh J., you know i love you so much and you have become my MUM since mine passed. And ladies, i love you so much and thank you. i cannot get off of Prempro and they want all of the breast tissue gone to improve chances of survival and no recurrance of cancer in the breasts. After writing my 'treatise' I met with several gals i sponsor in AA then got to a 7:30 AA meeting and there is no place to here on the Outer Banks like a support group to go too to whine about cancer. I am open in AA about it as it relates to my recovery but the room always goes so very silent like noone knows what to say. i just hate that this is such a silent disease and that the mere mention of the word cancer can stop a clock. Got home and I am just sick as a rat-hit with eosinophiliac gastritis from God knows what. Rarest disease in the world and I have it. I am trying to get protein i me like I am told I must, but I have Celiac Spru and am lactose intolerant and the stomach issues exploded on me. My own fault for eating too many bagels with cream cheese and drinking ensure. i have this disorder flair up about once every three years and today it just really slammed me. So i think that a big part of my "boo-hoo" and feeling awful this morning-but trying to push on. And i cannot do prednisone-the only first line treatment for this bec I have a freaking stress test on Monday-but may have to cancel that as if I get dehydrated, I am sunk and in the ER AGAIN!! GOOD GOD how could we wonderful women be driven by such demons???!!!! We deserve so much more from the powers that be whomever they may be-God? Sometimes I just don't know-I don't doubt, but I just don't know. There is so much I want to do and my life was so full and now I cannot get off the couch!! And again, i know so many women are facing so many harder things than I but we have reached an age where we deserve and must demand grace and angels every minute of each day in our lives. We must live the Divine bec there is so much of it. This morning I awoke and heard the ocean roar and the yip of the little wild fox who has a den somewhere near my bedroom window. Today I pray I can find the Divine in the smallest of things. And I think of the Navajo women that i know and the women of Emmigration Canyon who belong to the 'One breasted clan" (I think someone famous from Utah wrote a book about 'the one breasted clan" and I need to read it.) i am not christian based in that thinking that i must push on for some ideological dream and sorry-judge me as you will, but i believe that as many other cultures believe, we can choose our time-the Navajo simply lie down outside under a tree-but they know when the time has come as taught through their tradition and culture. But there is no room for judeo-christian argument in my decisions about my own life so don't push them on me. It is not helpful. And that too will silence many women (who think me so very sinful for writing my truth) on this board which is so very sad. SOOO sorry to be so weary and to sound like such a martyr-XXOO, SV
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Melissa, I am not going to push any religious values on you. I am Jewish, Jackie is Christian. I think from the way you sound you are an atheist. I don't know who on the board is black or white, or asian. But all of us on the board have become a family losing you would hurt all of us.
We are a group of women who are "older" and therefore all of us by definition have gone through highs and lows in our lives. And all of us know that as crappy as the lows feel when we work through them we grow. None of us wants to have a low and I hear you, you are in a deep pit. One of my friends lost her only daughter pregnant with her first child to a suicide bomber in Israel. She told me she learned so much about the preciousness of life and how to appreciate each day we have. She surely would rather have her daughter than this insight. We don't get to chose the horrible experiences that lead to our lows. We do get to chose how we deal with those lows. Please don't put all of us through lows by giving up and having us lose you. You are too precious to all of us. I can't figure out which key gives the hugs. But here are a lot of hugs from myself and the rest of the gang. We all care about you so much.
Love, Kat
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Hey Kat, thank you so very much. And no I am not an athiest at all.i believe in a God who loves me unconditionally, but sometimes i gotta wonder what the heck is going on!!!! . Much of my spirituality comes from AA. Though I am a trained theologeon and was training for hospital ministry, i have such mixed emotions when it comes to the vengeful God and 'it is such a sin not to fight cancer" ideas. And i get so confused why a God of my understanding would inflict such horror on (I can only speak for me) on women like me. I don't understand how I can go from such strong missionary work in my five year study of Trappist Monks and working with them in the monastery and 20 years later still have them call me every week just to check in-to have all of that grace and then to be so incredibly ill after doing all of the right things-getting sober; doing hospice; doing enormous charity work among the poor and on it goes. i should probably PM the LOWS but truly i cannot believe that i am the only woman who feels this way (for ever how long) and who grows so tired of the battle. if we cannot give each other permission to "crash" and i mean really crash, how can we give others the power to know it is OK to be a coward; to rest awhile and then to try to move forward. I am at a stage right now where my legs cannot even hold me up. They actually fall out from under me and i do not know what is wrong. My lumbar spine is killing me and will not hold my weight-and i am seeing all of my doctors and getting no answers.That is the most frustrating part of it all!! I have the great disadvantage of living in the bible belt, but I have studied all over the world. Just makes it very hard on me sometimes when i am seeking so hard and I get no answers. XXXOOO, SV
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