Can we have a forum for "older" people with bc?
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Jackie, You are an inspiration. Have you ever thought of motivational speaking, you already do the writing. I Oh, so, wish I had my grandmother, she was the inspiration in my life to do my best, be the best I can be and be grateful for what I do have.
I worked really hard in the back yard yesterday. Me and DH. Trying to clean up and make more space for the baby to play outside safely. We did good but when done i was more exhausted than I have ever been. I felt I might croak and that was scary. It was awful hot, unexpectedly and there was more work than anticipated as usual and I worked harder than I have in months. It feels so good to clean up like that. now the weather is turning with a cold front and rain, maybe hail coming. When the weather turns, I feel it inside me and want to run around making ready things that could blow over or get wet when I prefer they not. Of course, I'm wiped out today but it feels really good outside and the hummingbirds are having wars and diving at each other, one protecting the wonderful nectar I provide. There's plenty, sure wish they would share.
Jeannette, that's so sad, your friend. I don't know how I would tackle that, but I likely would. Hey!!! ask her if SHE could do the walk? You can and that's awesome. I couldn't, but I appreciate all those that do.
Reading online about steriod injections, it's advised not to do more than one in 4 months. some docs want you to wait 18 months!!!!!! Then you'd better give me a double, man, cause more than one joint aches horribly. Too bad we don't have the technology to scan and mend our bodies at the same time. Weren't we supposed to have teletransportation by now?? Sure would make it easy to get together.
~Connie
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(((((((Jeanette))))) xxoo, SV
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OK, where is everybody?? Are we all actually getting a bit of our lives back!! Sweet dreams all, SV
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Gosh, a person goes away for four days and there is four pages of talk to catch up on. You ladies have got it going on here!
Jeanette - It is so hard seeing someone you love making decisions like that, especially when they have seen you go through the process and come out the other side reasonably intact. People often say they will do something but if faced with the situation they change their mind - as many other women have said 'until you have walked a mile in my shoes, you cannot understand' - lets hope she would reconsider if she were ever dx with cancer - fingers crossed she is not ever dx though. Having said that however, my older friend (66 when dx) had a rmx but refused chemo and hormone treatment when they were recommended - she was ILC stage 2, grade 2. She said QOL was more important to her than living with SEs and if her decision shortened her life so be it. She is happy with her decision and all I can do is hope like heck that it was the right one. In fact I admire her strength in a way as I was like you - too scared not to have treatment!
SV - you are up and down, up and down - it must be exhausting for you. Hope the new drug gets you on an even keel soon!
Connie - well done on the yard cleaning - I am amazed you were able to stay out so long. I don't like heat and humidity either - I always wait for cool days to garden in the summer.
Barbara - sorry to hear about your Dad - my thoughts are with you. My Dad suffered for 18 long, terrible months after a massive stroke - it was traumatic for all of us and although I thought after all that time that I was ready for him to die, it was still a shock when he did.
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Thanks gals.....I just wish I could feel better about my friend....but she didn't answer by email. I think it is just how some people are...and I can't change her. She thinks giving-up & having hospice take over means she "doesn't have to suffer", but she is just plain stubborn & rigid in her thinking....about EVERYthing. It's just that she made me feel like I did this all for nothing, because I was going to die anyway, & I was too old for any kind of treatment.
But my Daughter's OTHER older friend, that didn't get further treatment, went to visit this gu-ru guy in Costa Rica I think....."Dr. John"....the quack that is supposed to heal everything. She had a lumpectomy, & now has mets to the bone.....So much for believing in "Dr. John".... And I know, Rainz....that each of us has a choice, but that sometimes is not the best decision, to leave that in our hands....And we all are afraid. Not only of the diagnosis, but the surgery, and then the Rads, & then some of you have the chemo....But it didn't break us down, for long.....I admire this so much in you women....that have gone through so much, and are still fighting for & loving "life!" And you make each day better for someone else, that cares about you! I like to think that is our mission...
Jackie...no wonder you are the way you are! So much compassion for your parents! To lose both Parents like we have, is one of the most heart-breaking things that happen to us. And I STILL have so much of "them" around my house. Even a dress my Mom wore all the time, is in a platic bag in my drawer....And Dad's pillow....I KNOW I should get rid of it, but I can't....I know how much he cried for Mom on that pillow....& I guess it's just part of who I am now. And I too, thank them every day for what they gave me....my values & my life!
Connie! That is a good idea! I SHOULD ask her to walk with us! All she can say is no....Ha! And never write to me again! I shall send her an email & ask if she wants to! And how are YOU doing? Everything settled down?
And Lost....DON'T go after the wasps in the daylight! If you leave the shed door open, & kind of stand to the side, you will be able to see where they are going. THEN when it is almost dark, go in there with Wasp spray & soak the nest. Are they "paper" wasps? I mean the nest will look like a paper cone of some sort. Or you can spray just as it starts to turn light.... If you don't or can't do it this way, you should wait until Winter when they die anyway.
I just didn't want to hurt the little devils, so I devised a plan where I could "re-locate" their nest with them in it. So at dawn, & crept onto our front porch, egg spatula in one hand, & big plastic flower pot in the other....I quietly stood on this stool....held the pot under the nest....& slid the spatula on top of the paper nest, & the pot caught it all....I covered it FAST! Walked rather hurridly over to the irrigation ditch, gently turned the pot over, & hastily made a retreat! I could hear those Wasps going "where am I, what just happened, are you okay Dear?" Ha! I didn't think I could pull THAT one off....Pretty stupid idea it was, but I DID it! It was quite large also! About as big as a foot-ball! But don't try this at home. I didn't tell anyone I was doing this, or they surely would have stopped me, & sprayed the living day-lights out of all of them.
I guess I better see what trouble I can stir up this morning...Isabella, I hope you are hanging in there....So your DH & dog are "in the dog-house?".... Good place! It sounds like it is all coming together....I mean your peace of mind.
Love you gals! xoxoxoxo
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In life, you can never do a kindness too soon because you never know how soon it will be too late.
-Ralph Waldo EmersonHmmm, Neat idea Connie. I do try very hard ( probably because my parents were like that ) to be a one person cheering squad and to try to help everyone land on the bright side of things. Even if it is hard to see a bright side. I also try to follow basic ethics as well as spiritual ethics. At any rate I'm better I think when I write. Since my stroke several years ago now.....when tired I slur my words and never seem to realize it unless I find a word I have trouble forming with my mouth. I seldom think much about that stroke -- I viewed it as a temporary stoppage only........it did though take about three years of hard work and therapy to recover. Lots of physical therapy and for the transitory amnesia I worked lots of crossword puzzles and watched a lot of Jeopardy and Wheel of Fortune. Most people would never guess -- and that is just the way I like it. Too bad though I seldom watch those programs now, as I think I wore myself out of them.
I hope all you ladies have a great day.
Hugs, Jackie
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Jackie, you are a phenomenon. So gentle of heart and spirit and so strong of mind. You inspire all who read your posts. Blessings.
Peace, strength, love n hugs. chrissyb
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Hey Ladies, wow it is raining cats and dogs here and I have done nothing all day but spin my wheels. And yeah Rainz, I am really tired of the ups and downs-I was really stable before chemo-but it just fried my brain and I hate what chemo did to me. I cannot seem to level out and the smallest things throw me very easily. If I had one "doover" in life, I would NEVER have done chemo-like ever! I knew in my heart I did not want to do it-like to the core of my being-but i did it for family. And if cancer comes back, I still won't do chemicals like Taxotere. Dearest Jeannette, I know how your dear friend feels. I truly did not want to do anything, even surgery in dealing with a cancer diagnosis. I have just watched too many women in my family fight on and on and die awful deaths anyway from cancer. I wish I could fix it for you but those of us striken do have a right to chose. I just hope your friend has really educated herself before making such a decision. But very honestly, I do not blame her for feeling the way she does. I still have enormous issues with any treatment. Luckily God or someone chose for me bec the docs here won't do any more chemical treatment bec my allergic reaction to the one chemo was so awful. And I am still not recovered almost a year later! But I SO wish I could make it better for you my dear one. Hugs to all. XXOO, SV
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I am too tired to read and comment on everyone's posts....scans were today and they make me tired and very soon I am going to take my book and go to bed. I once felt as you did SV....never ever was going to do chemo again,(and I certainly will admit yours was a horrid experience no one shuld have to experience) but after trying some other treatments that failed and seeing how much things has progressed in my last scans, I was actually anxious to start another chemo since it sort of hit me in the face, Wow, this is not good, not good at all and it scared me. However, as you said you no longer have an option when it comes to chemical treatments, but if you do find that you need treatment again, I hope you would be willing to try hormonal or other alternatives.
Chevy, Maybe your friend is like that also....it is easy to say Oh, I would never do that, but if she woke up tomorrow with a cancer diagnosis, she might not feel the same way....it is hard to think of what it would be like until it actually happens to you. I am sure she spoke without thinking and did not realize that she might be saying something that would be upsetting to you. I for one certainly never ever thought I would be in this boat....I also remember back when I made the statement I did not want to live to be old (was in highschool and had told my Dad how old I thought he was)....now I am thankful for each birthday....could do without the wrinkles that go with the years, but alas guess we can't have it all.
Well, I am off to sleepy land. Hope you are getting a few zzzzzs in Barb. It is very frustrating to be tired, yet unable to go to sleep and stay asleep. I did not know about your father's health and am so very sorry. I think watching my father go down hill and losing a parent is very very difficult and I still miss my mother.
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Hi all - saw dad today, twice. He is fading but it is better in that his wife got a hospital bed in today. Much better. Yesterday it hurt him when we moved him to sit up to eat. Today he was breathing easier and I got a smile when I kissed him and he squeezed my hand. Sigh. Hard. I think tomorrow may be the day.
Rae-Thanks for the thoughts on Dad. Tough time.
MB-(((HUGS))) on the scans and results.
Isabella, the part about DH on his knees brought ME to my knees laughing as the visual I had was priceless.
Lost- I would have been out there spraying. I am allergic and HATE them.
CB-sometimes friends do strange things and our job is to listen. ??? I have friends like that, too. They are camels...with their heads in the sand and you can't change the stripes on a zebra nor the humps on a camel.
SV-don't melt. Rain is good but it ain't looking too hot for S FL the next week or so.
Jackie, I did two kindnesses today and plan to increase them exponentially each week.
All - I am walking Saturday in the SGK Race for the Cure St Pete. Looking forward to it and worried I will collapse at the same time. I joined my St Anthonys Breast Center team since their treatment got me through.
Yikes. It is sometimes too much.
I must add, at the end, I have been sleeping most all night (since Thursday) with melatonin and beer/wine. Don't want to count on that every night so will ask the shrink tomorrow when I see her.
Thanks for listening to my rambling.
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Hello, all you dear ladies. I joined the Stage I and II Forum and thought I'd join this one too. My name is Kathy and I'm 60. User name is QCA because I was a Quality Control Analyst with state social services for 34 years, just retiring 2 years ago. This breast cancer diagnosis really took the wind out of my sails. I was called back after my annual mammogram due to an area which was "different" and was having a biopsy before I'd had time to even think. Got called 2 days later with the news, and now I've had lumpectomy with re-excision. Today I found out that my oncotype score is 11, so no chemotherapy, and I'm so relieved. Next, on to radiation.
SV, you are where my husband would love to be! He and some friends have been taking an annual fishing trip to the Outer Banks for several years, in October, but this year he's decided not to go due to me. He always has a great time, fish or no fish, and the last couple of years it has been no fish, but still fun. I feel bad about it, but I'm really glad he'll be here with me! And believe me, we can match you on the rain here in Monroe tonight.
Barbara, I'm sorry to hear about your father. Mine died this past January and I know it's hard. We see our friends going through the loss of their parents especially now, but that doesn't make it any easier when it's your time. I hope for his comfort and peace, and also yours.
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Welcome QCA Kathy! Sorry to meet you in these circumstances - but this is a great forum and a wonderful resource. Our thread (or pod) of older-but-gooder has really nice ladies - everybody brings something else to this table, and we manage to muddle through even though we're not young enough to know everything. Glad you were able to escape chemo; and best of luck with rads.
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((((MB)))) Sweetest dreams my dear friend! And big welcome QCA. And yes, the diagnosis takes the wind out of yer sails! Like the whole world changes. How cool is it that your DH gets to the OBX to fish. I would love for you to come out with him and drop a line in the water! Barbara, my prayers are with you and I know that angels surround your Father. I pray for peace and serenity for you all. My Dad is failing tho he keeps trying to put up a good show. He is a hardheaded, strong Scotsman and he truly believes he can 'will' anything to happen. God Bless him though we do not get along!! Still it will be hard as it was so incredibly hard with my Mom. She passed and I was diagnosed with cancer about a month later. I do not think she could have handled me having cancer because her sister died from it. Even after extremely radical care at the Mayon Clinic, my Aunt Barb hung on for five years and just could not do it anymore. It broke my Mom's heart. ERRGH-enough sadness. Jackie, write something to cheer us up in the profound way that only you can do! XXOOO, SV
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((((MB)))) Sweetest dreams my dear friend! And big welcome QCA. And yes, the diagnosis takes the wind out of yer sails! Like the whole world changes. How cool is it that your DH gets to the OBX to fish. I would love for you to come out with him and drop a line in the water! Barbara, my prayers are with you and I know that angels surround your Father. I pray for peace and serenity for you all. My Dad is failing tho he keeps trying to put up a good show. He is a hardheaded, strong Scotsman and he truly believes he can 'will' anything to happen. God Bless him though we do not get along!! Still it will be hard as it was so incredibly hard with my Mom. She passed and I was diagnosed with cancer about a month later. I do not think she could have handled me having cancer because her sister died from it. Even after extremely radical care at the Mayo Clinic, my Aunt Barb hung on for five years and just could not do it anymore. It broke my Mom's heart. ERRGH-enough sadness. Jackie, write something to cheer us up in the profound way that only you can do! XXOOO, SV
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((((MB)))) Sweetest dreams my dear friend! And big welcome QCA. And yes, the diagnosis takes the wind out of yer sails! Like the whole world changes. How cool is it that your DH gets to the OBX to fish. I would love for you to come out with him and drop a line in the water! Barbara, my prayers are with you and I know that angels surround your Father. I pray for peace and serenity for you all. My Dad is failing tho he keeps trying to put up a good show. He is a hardheaded, strong Scotsman and he truly believes he can 'will' anything to happen. God Bless him though we do not get along!! Still it will be hard as it was so incredibly hard with my Mom. She passed and I was diagnosed with cancer about a month later. I do not think she could have handled me having cancer because her sister died from it. Even after extremely radical care at the Mayon Clinic, my Aunt Barb hung on for five years and just could not do it anymore. It broke my Mom's heart. ERRGH-enough sadness. Jackie, write something to cheer us up in the profound way that only you can do! XXOOO, SV
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Barb, I am so sorry to hear about your Dad:
"Any man can be a father,
but it takes a special person to be a dad."
ProverbI well recall a couple of years before my Dad passed on. He had just gotten back home from the hospital from having had a truly bad case of pneumonia. It was so bad that he was in a coma for 8 days and recalled absolutelly nothing. The minute the two of us were alone he said to me how shocked he was about this lost time....and that he needed to tell me something important. Then he said don't you forget now....if something happens to me, make sure you get yours. He meant that my sister would find some way to take my inheritance, but Dad never knew that I had more than my sister could ever even dream about --- I had the love of my Dad and it was all I ever wanted. Money does not last and it can be taken away..........but LOVE -- if you have that, you have everything.
I don't have a lot of words of wisdom, but I read this story a long time ago. I hope you will find as much meaning in it as I did.
At an airport I overheard a father and daughter in their last moments together. They had announced her plane's departure and standing near the door, he said to his daughter, "I love you, I wish you enough."
She said, "Daddy, our life together has been more than enough. Your love is all I ever needed. I wish you enough, too, Daddy." They kissed good-bye and she left.
He walked over toward the window where I was seated. Standing there I could see he wanted and needed to cry. I tried not to intrude on his privacy, but he welcomed me in by asking, "Did you ever say good-bye to someone knowing it would be forever?" "Yes, I have," I replied.
Saying that brought back memories I had of expressing my love and appreciation for all my Dad had done for me. Recognizing that his days were limited, I took the time to tell him face to face how much he meant to me. So I knew what this man was experiencing.
"Forgive me for asking, but why is this a forever good-bye?" I asked.
"I am old and she lives much too far away. I have challenges ahead and the reality is, her next trip back will be for my funeral, " he said.
"When you were saying good-bye I heard you say, 'I wish you enough.' May I ask what that means?"
He began to smile. "That's a wish that has been handed down from other generations. My parents used to say it to everyone." He paused for a moment and looking up as if trying to remember it in detail, he smiled even more."When we said 'I wish you enough,' we were wanting the other person to have a life filled with enough good things to sustain them," he continued and then turning toward me he shared the following as if he were reciting it from memory.
"I wish you enough sun to keep your attitude bright. I wish you enough rain to appreciate the sun more. I wish you enough happiness to keep your spirit alive. I wish you enough pain so that the smallest joys in life appear much bigger. I wish you enough gain to satisfy your wanting. I wish you enough loss to appreciate all that you possess. I wish enough "Hello's" to get you through the final "Good-bye."
He then began to sob and walked away.Original story by Bob Perks
If we have love -- then we always have enough. I wish all of you enough.
Jackie
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Welcome QCA Kathy. Though we'd like to say this club will soon be closing, right now its terribly wistful thinking............and there is always room to pull up your chair, sit by the fire and share with so many others just like you. Here's to four letter words HOPE, LOVE and a CURE.
Hugs, Jackie
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OMG, Jackie! What a perfect thing to post! I'm just sobbing here - gotta print that out and put it on my really crowded refrigerator!
Thank you so much for that!
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Thanks Jackie.
Night, All; good sleep and pleasant dreams.
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Okay, now I'm crying too. It just makes me remember my Dad, & how everyday I miss him too! Be there with him Barbara.....It will mean so much to him & to you! When my Dad's time was near, I went to see him (alone) in the hospital room....He was so connected to EVERYthing, but I got to talk to him, & hold his hand, & I whispered things in his ear, & when he felt my face there, he moved his shoulder up to feel me.....I combed his hair with my fingers. He couldn't talk, & could barely breathe, but he "knew" I was there.
I just made it back to his house, met my Brother, & we had just gone to bed, & we got the call....We didn't make it back in time... But at least I was there for him...
Jackie, thank you! I had read that before. Such beautiful thoughts.
I'm still going on the walk this Sunday, but our plans have been "revised"....
My DH doesn't think I can walk the 5K....I know it is only 3.1 miles....But SOME of it is up hill, and our friend, has such high blood pressure, that she is on these water pills that make it impossible for her to walk too far without stopping all the time....So I'm going to suggest we do the "Family walk" instead, which is only a mile! Also we can park at a high school, take the shuttle & not worry about all the street closures & parking! I WANT to try the 5K, but it might not be a good idea, this year! I'm excited to be included this year!Welcome QCA!!!!!!!! So glad you found us....and MOST of us have survived the worst part of all this, & are "on the other side" now! Did you get radiation, or have to take Tamoxifen or Femara? We know about that stuff too! Or Arimidex?
Hi Marybe....I know....I know each of us is different....My friends whole life, had been so "guarded" & closed-off. Her terrible divorce, & not being around family at ALL, when they have get-togethers. She is very rigid & stubborn, & has almost shut her Daughters' out of her life. She only sees them about 1-2 times a year...So much resentment...So she has NO support. Maybe that is why she thinks the way she does! She said she does not want to live, if she gets something wrong with her...because she has nothing & no-one to live for. And THAT is hard for me to understand, because I have sooooo much, & I love life! And her! She has her little dog, & a couple other friends....so maybe she is happy in her own way. So maybe that's "enough" for her.
Okay gals! Have a fun Tuesday! xoxoxoxoxoxo Jeannette
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Hi gals, missed talking waith you all but have been very busy with caregiving for my mother and taking care of grandkids.....so much news and fun to read.....Jackie,,,I am so glad to see you post again as you have a real knack for soothing the soul.....welcome back.....Barbara...so sorry to hear about your dad.....I lost mine 3 yrs. ago and still have some really rough times...I was his only little girl and we were very close....he was so active and was a real presensce in all the lives he touched...sv......loved your pics.....made me very jealous......as far as the lymph node subject I also had all mine removed and was encouraged to so the walking the wall exercises....I still have no feeling under my arm almost to my waist which makes shaving my armpit on that side very difficult....a sidenote on the recon. surgery subject....one yr. after I had my saline implant I sprung a leak and had to have it all done over.....it has held for me so far but always fear the day I might go flat when I am in public.....ha......well gals this is just a quick update but love reading all your posts..have neglected to comment on some of your posts but not intentional......hugs to all....still need your support after all these yrs. as a survivor.......claudia
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Jackie, I'm crying, too. Such a touching and poignant story. Just came back from seeing him and I got a smile from him after I kissed him and he squeezed my hand. Thanks for the back pats HnS, MB, SV, Claud, LC, CB and sisters.
Welcome QCA! We may have our bad days and our quirks but all in all we're pretty fun to be around.
Shrink today. Hoping for some pearls of wisdom.
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Hi again.....I realized I forgot to welcome QCA.........A great big welcome to you.....I am a 13 yr. survivor but I still find this forum most helpful......some really neat gals here and lots of information that is most helpful.......hugs to you too....Claudia
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A little something nice for you ladies:
May you listen to your longing to be free.
May the frames of your belonging be large enough for the dreams of your soul.
May you arise each day with a voice of blessing whispering in your heart
...something good is going to happen to you.
May you find harmony between your soul and your life.
May the mansion of your soul never become a haunted place.
May you know the eternal longing that lies at the heart of time.
May there be kindness in your gaze when you look within.
May you never place walls between the light and yourself.
May you be set free from the prisons of guilt, fear, disappointment and despair.
May you allow the wild beauty of the invisible world to gather you,
mind you, and embrace you in belonging.
- John O'Donahoe0 -
Thought you ladies on this thread might like this. I shared it on another thread.
Last night small grandaughter ( almost 2 ) was sitting on my knee. She laughed as she pocked me - think she was feeling the differences between the foob and the real one. Then looked down the front of my top. 'Granny got one boob, that one broken' and gave me a hug. I just hope she doesn't announce this in public.
It is a beautiful spring day here, have just been looking at my new garden and it's growing well, the roses are budding and the pansies are really colourful.
Big hugs
Alyson
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Alyson, how sweet. Glad you have spring. We are looking at a hurricane (maybe) here in Florida. South of me, thank G-d.
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Hi everyone. I'm still up. Having a hard time getting to sleep since diagnosis,, but sure could sleep later in the mornings if it were possible! I read and fool around on the computer until all hours. Just checked the mega millions numbers and once again found that I didn't win. Surprise, surprise. Going tomorrow to radiation oncologist for the simulation, and hope I can get scheduled for the 33 treatments to follow. Have an appointment with the oncologist in November and will be prescribed femara or arimidex then.
We go to a rather small church and I'm amazed at the number of women there who've had or currently are being treated for BC. I know of 5 who are on femara and 3 others who have recently finished treatment for now, as well as 3 who had mastectomies back in the '60's. I make #12, and as I said, it's a small church.
Barbara, as close as I ever want to get to a hurricane was with Hugo on 9-22-89. Even as far inland as we are, we had much devastation, uprooted trees, weeks of no power, etc. The morning after our neighborhood looked like a war zone. I remember finding this fine dust inside our windows, between the screen and the window, and it took a while to realize that this dust was actually finely pulverized leaves.
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Hi QCA, nice to meet you! I remember when Hugo hit your part of N. Carolina. My grandmother was living in Peachland. We were all completely shocked at the devastation so far inland! I remember watching that monster on TV, thinking OMG, it's going all the way to western North Carolina. I think my other grandmother in Goldsboro, on the eastern side, was fine. We were worried about them, but it got y'all instead - what a nightmare that was!
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When you were born, you cried and the world rejoiced. Life your life so that when you die, the world cries and you rejoice.
-- Cherokee Expression0 -
Morning gals! I decorated a couple shirts for the cancer walk this Sunday...."FOR MOM, FOR LAURA, & FOR ME".......Laura is my young niece that fought cancer for 12 years to get well....just so she could see her Son grow......She was so brave.....
AND we have been married for 53 years yesterday! We went up to Black-hawk to play, then stopped at King Soopers for "Chesters" fried chicken & came home & ate! Ha! Fun Day!
xoxoxoxoxoxo
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