Catholics
Comments
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Theresa,
Welcome back, and I'm so glad you had a wonderful relaxing weekend. Do you go to this little Church every weekend? I know you have been looking to replace your wonderful Church in N.J., so I am all ears after you take time to decompress and evaluate the source of your spiritual pull, as well as Skip's.
Having grown up in a family of anger/rage etc...I know it is so important to not get sucked in. You are spot on about not showing any emotion. They are looking for a reaction, negative or positive. Anything to get them out of dealing with their own issues and uncomfortable feelings, and I just refuse to take on someone else's. So I will practice the technique of indifference. I worked with a social worker who knew my co-worker and her behavior, and he would say "hummmmm" and then walk away. Clever. But I know, we want to do the right thing, and it really is not so different than dealing with someone actively using. Addiction to drama and martyrdom. I grew up with it, so it's time for me to break the cycle. She was not hired on at our clinic since she completed her LPN degree. I am not the only one that has suffered these years, so she will be moving to another site in a month. The true shame is she does have wonderful qualities, and when she's in a good mood, all is well. As I type this I feel like I am talking about an addict...except her drugs would be dopamine, serotonin, epinephrine and cortisol.
now I have to sort out my nicotine issues....I am going to research using hypnotism...the only harm would be to my wallet. always something...
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Traci - found this while I was googling. (have no idea what this website is - but it has references from Bible on Jesus/apostles casting out the devil.)
http://www.bassfishing.org/thebiblespeaks/miracles/demons.htm
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Janet,
Love the bassfishing.org part....are we talking loaves and fishes here? Just kidding, I will give it a good read, and hopefully we could have a discussion if you are up for it. I'm giving Theresa the night off
I'll be back in an hour or so, daughter and laundry calling.
Thanks so much for looking this up.
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Thanks for giving me the night off Traci!!
I really am kind of pooped. Had to do budget stuff and legal stuff and unpack and I'm hot flashing, so I better just cool my jets tonight!But there's lots to respond to from this past weekend... tomorrow *is* another day.
Today we have celebrated the mystery of the Lord's resurrection, and so now we humbly ask you, Lord, that we may rest in your peace, far from all harm, and rise rejoicing and giving praise to you. Through Christ our Lord, Amen.
May the almighty Lord grant us a quiet night and a perfect end.
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Traci ~ please check your PM
Theresa ~ welcome back, we missed you!
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I will follow up tomorrow, and I am going to join you all in shut eye. Have a Blessed Day tomorrow, Paula I hope your Rads go well.
Tori, I pray you are feeling better.
and Prayers for our Sister Jeannine and Foots, who are both facing great challenges. May they receive the Grace of God, and come back to us feeling much better.
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Thanks Traci.
Sisters ~ I have a question and need your most valuable opinion and answers.
My sister emailed me because our mother, Terry's creatinine blood level is very high (at 511) and refused dialysis due to old age and health condition. My sister thought it'll be a good idea to start talking to and asking questions to the priest. She will be talking to him about last rites and funeral mass when the time comes etc. She asked if I have any questions to ask the priest and definitely I am drawing a blank. What sort of questions or reminders do I need to convey to the priest? Please give me a list and help me out. Thank you! (their meeting with the priest is Nov 20th).
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Paula, I'm so sorry to hear about your Mom!!! I guess I didn't realize she was that poorly. God bless you, your Mom and your family. I feel like I'm an expert on funerals, unfortunately, and it's good your family is thinking about questions now. Does you Mom feel comfortable talking about it, such as her wishes? Ugh! I've had those conversations, then follow up conversations with family and everyone sharing their opinions whether we wanted them or not.
Because we had gone through so many funerals, my Mom basically told us ahead of time what her wishes were and we honored them.
Here are some topics you can talk to the priest and/or secretary about... most of the time, the secretary will do most of the organizational work. You will also want to do the leg work with the funeral home ahead of time too. All this preparation will have its payoff, so to speak, in that it will work like clockwork for your family so you won't have to make important decisions while in a state of grief.
I'm going to give the steps for a funeral with a casket. I do not know what happens in a funeral for those choosing cremation. You can go with a list similar to what I'm laying out here and ask the priest what the differences would be.
At the time of Death - you will work with the parish and the funeral home to get her where she needs to be. Most likely last rites will have already been administered, but if you're close with your priest, he may want to be there at the time of death to say some comforting prayers.
The Vigil - these are the prayer service(s) you have before the funeral... usually the evening before, so those who have to work can pay their respects, especially if they cannot make the funeral. You have to decide whether to have open or closed casket --- a very personal decision. You can even have closed casket, but request that it be opened for about 10 minutes at the end of the prayer service for those family members who need that closure. (This was a big bone of contention at my Mom's vigil, as the older family members wanted that closure, but Mom had requested a closed casket.) Then the prayers themselves are very personal and are offered for her soul as well as for healing for those left behind. Many Catholics prefer a rosary service. The non-Catholics are welcome to stay and pray.
Liturgy - Some people have Mass and the Eucharist, some have a prayer service. We always had Mass before the funeral. You will need to pick out hymns and readings and someone to deliver a brief eulogy. I don't think a eulogy is mandatory. We chose family members to do the readings, though, and of course, the priest does the gospel reading and homily. Again, this is highly personal and you work it out with the priest.
Interment - Then the casket is taken to the cemetery. You will need pall bearers. The priest says some prayers, blesses the casket, then you depart before the casket is laid to rest.
Things you might want to discuss are flowers. Some people put "In lieu of flowers, please send donations to xyz." Sometimes before departing the cemetery, the girls are allowed to take flowers from the casket spray in remembrance. Sometimes the flowers at the funeral home are donated to nearby nursing homes or hospitals.
You might want to discuss when to have the funeral... what day of the week, if you're expecting folks from out of town or if there's a holiday, etc.
After the funeral - This is a time, again personal, where the family and friends gather to release. Some people have a gathering at a restaurant or the parish hall. Some invite the close family and friends over to their home to have a bite to eat and relax. My family is big on this part of the funeral. I think it's especially releasing for any children... they get to see their cousins, play. It becomes a celebration of the deceased's life... life goes on. There are still weeping ones there, but they're supported by their loved ones instead of going home to mourn alone. This part of the funeral requires planning and if church members or friends or family offer to help with it, by all means, allow it!!! My Mom was in a swim group, so when my brother died, those ladies took care of EVERYTHING after the funeral ... set up, food, clean up. They were angels.
Ok, so I'm at work getting weepy!! D'oh! I'll let it go and get back to work. Sheesh!! :-)
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Theresa ~ thank you so much for the detailed info. My sister, Margaret, just wanted to be prepared ahead of time because our older 2 siblings are really tough to deal with. They are really old fashioned, hard headed and tough to hold any discussions. So the younger of the bunch tend to get things prepared ahead of time. As I was told on Saturday, mom's doing fine but appetite not so good and weaker than before but she still insisted to going to the bathroom by herself.
The kidney specialist cancelled my mom's iron pills and also replaced her cholesterol pill to another brand. He said that sometimes both the iron pill and cholesterol pills can cause the higher creatinine level. So we will see if the levels will go down from this change. I pray that it will. Amen.
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I too pray for your Mom, Paula.
I know what you mean about family and the younger ones getting things done. I'm the youngest... I was executor of my brother's estate, helped my Mom with the details when my step-Dad passed, and was the "working" executor of my Mom's estate... my sisters were co-executors but when the lawyer asked for one person to be the go-to person, they all looked at me. Skip's family is the same... the youngest daughter is taking care of the Mom and her stuff. Skip is the oldest and furthest away from family.
I'm sure it's different in other families, but that's the way it's worked out in mine.
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Prayers for your whole family Paula - Peace!
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Paula, hopefully the medication changes will work and you won't have to make any of these decisions or arrangements for a very long time.
Theresa gave a pretty good overview.
Unfortunately I have recent experience with a funeral followed by cremation.
A funeral with cremation works in much the same way as one with a burial. You can still have the vigil, and an open casket if the family chooses. You can choose any casket except a metal one, and most funeral homes have a very nice one that you can "rent" for the viewing and funeral mass. If you choose the rental, the body is placed in a cardboard container that is placed inside the casket and then draped with the casket liners covering all of the cardboard.
After the mass, you have a choice of having people attend the cremation, or not. We chose to head back to the house after the mass. The ashes were returned to the funeral home to be picked up a few days later, along with the death certificates.
In New Jersey, every funeral home will give you a price list that details what you need to do legally, which services are optional, and how much they cost. That makes it a bit easier to compare. I don't know if other states require that.
Because parish staff changes frequently, the current staff may not know your mother, especially if she has been ill for awhile. It would probably help to tell the priest a little bit about your mother and some of the ways she was active in the parish in her younger days. It also might help them to know how likely (or not) those attending the funeral are to participate in the Eucharist so they have enough blessed hosts available.
You also want to know if there are any local customs that may be unique to your parish because you don't want surprises at the funeral. We still talk about the "special" Rosary Society version of the Hail Mary that the ladies from the Rosary Society recited as they said the rosary at my Mom's viewing over a decade ago. They were at the point of asking for Mary to save us from the powers of hell and damnation when one of my brother's friends who was a lapsed Catholic, and who had some physical handicaps that made him unable to slip in quietly arrived, and he looked fully terrified like these sweet little old ladies were about to attack him.
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Paula, I am praying now for you mother and the family!
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Good evening sisters,
I got my allergy shots tonight and I really like the head nurse, but the shots she gives HURT!!!! Dang! She gives them right in the muscle but you don't have to... I've had nurses give me allergy shots and I barely feel them. It was over an hour and a half ago and it still hurts. I put ointment on the site. >:-( I have to get them again on Thursday since we'll be out of town next week. I hope it's the other nurse.
With advent coming, I thought I'd add advent mediations to the Prayer thread. I need to do some research. My SFO formation director sent me something in the mail today, so I'll look at that.
I'm all for the chat room... not quite sure how it will work if everyone says prayers at their own pace. Someone (Paula?) will have to hold my hand and show me how to do it here. I took many online classes to get my degree and I know they all work differently.
Those with addictions ... I read a really good article that made sense to me and put prayer for those addicted to whatever in perspective. He said instead of praying for that person to stop drinking or smoking or using drugs, pray for that person to no longer desire or like that drink or cigarette. Most people drink or smoke or use drugs because they like the effects... my husband only smoked for a little while, but still remembers the pleasure of smoking, so those who have done so a long time really like it. But if that person were to develop an adversion to it... taste, smell, sickness, then he/she would be more likely to quit successfully! I think that was the theory behind some pill they would give the alcoholic, that after they took the pill and drank, they'd get sick.
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It's been really nice to catch up with the postings of such holy women.
I do have to ask Squidwitch.. where do you get kangaroo meat (for dogs)?
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Sheila - you had asked me some questions a few days ago that I haven't gotten to... about The List, meeting Skip and how I learned about the stuff I post.
The List - I guess I put the list out of my mind when I was dating my first husband because of the "flush of young love" as you put it. I was not experienced with dating AT ALL and had actually thought about becoming a nun, so when this guy started paying attention to me and said he loved me and promised to stop drinking, well, I was naive enough to believe him. Got pregnant, then felt I *had* to get married. So I can't look back and say I wish I had done it differently, because I wouldn't have my daughter or son today. Somewhere in the basement or attic, I have about 10 years of diaries from about the age of 14 to about 24. In one of those is The List. After The Great Disappointment of marriage, I don't remember looking at it again. I just wanted to be a good Catholic wife with 6 kids, with a loving husband with this list of qualities. A young dreamer.
So when separation and divorce time came around, I was not a college grad and had little work experience. It was a cold, cruel world for me and my 2 kids and 2 dogs. I had to live with my parents for 2 years, then I was all excited to move out into a 2 bedroom mobile home. Went back to school, got my degree, the jobs became better, moved into a 3 bedroom townhouse. Could not have done any of that growth without the support of my Mom and step-father.
I learned the hard way about being financially independent, and you learned it early. :-) So I was 9 years as a single mother, got a divorce and annulment and started dating again, cautiously. I let my heart go easily and found myself getting in not-good-for-me relationships again. I put myself in the care of St. Joseph... he took care of Mary, so I asked if he'd do the same for me. I tried to say my St. Joseph prayer petition every night. Well, I still had some not-good-for-me relationships, but it was like this magic 3-month deal.... I'd be all awash in new love for 2 or 3 months, then something would hit me like a brick wall and the love-light turned off as quickly as it turned on. A couple of times it was me and a couple of times I had *my* heart broken. So I had had it. I immersed myself in discerning whether I wanted to be a Lay Cistercian, since the Abbey was so close to where I lived. I also joined St. Raphael.com, which was an adult Catholic online "dating" site (now catholicmatch.com) but it was also for those committed to being single. There were forums kind of like BCO where you'd post stuff like we do here, but it was Catholic stuff. I met a couple of nice men, but again, that 3-month thing kept happening. You have to understand that StRaphael.com was a very conservative Catholic dating site. So, in pops this kind of liberal guy named Skip. He'd post on some of the same forums I'd post. He is a musician (not by profession) but does not play the organ or piano, he plays the classical guitar and sings and composes his own liturgical music. I was NOT into guitar music at Mass. So he'd be posting about church music and some of the people would just lay into him about guitar music or he'd say something liberal that would tickle their conservative no-so funny bone, and they lay in on him again. So conservative me, always for the underdog, would play the nice guy and defend him (not that he needed defending because as many converts are, he was well versed in Catholic theology). Then he PM'd me and we talked a bit that way. You really get to know a person if you both like to write, and we do. I thought, hummm, nice guy, nice friend, he's in Idaho and I'm in Virginia, no chance of THAT working into a relationship! So I gave him my phone number (after checking him out -- that he really was a member of the church he said and he really did work at so and so, etc). He called me at work one afternoon and I was pleasantly shocked. If you knew Skip, you'd know that he HATES the phone. Then he called me again and again. We started to fall in love long distance. So I told him I wanted to hear him sing -- he's a ham by the way. Again, at work, he calls me and sings the Unchained Melody!! I was lost!! Within 2 months of meeting online, he flew out and met me. Within 4 months, he sold and packed everything and moved out east to Virginia. Within 10 months, we were married. We will be married for 8 years this coming March. So that's my story about The List and Online dating. I think it's a fantasic way to meet people and you have time to really get to know them in their heart before any physical attraction can blind you.
As far as how I learned about the stuff I write... no I'm not well versed at all and had horrible religious education growing up. I like to read, and between Skip and me, we have a pretty big Catholic library of books. I love Bishop Sheen books and am trying to read all the St. Francis books that Skip brought with him. I took an online class for credit called God, Man and the Universe. But that's it. I worked in a library for 10 years, so I have pretty good research skills, so I google a lot when I'm curious about something. But my memory is shot. I had poor memory before chemo (dyslexic) and now, forgetaboutit.
So, I think I answered your questions more than you probably wanted to know!! LOL Life goes on... so much to learn!! Namaste! Pax et bonum!
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Traci - your turn. At least my mind is off my sore arm!
No, we don't go to the little church every weekend. It's St. Elizabeth of Hungary in Colonial Beach. I cannot tell you how moved I was by the priest's homily this weekend. I don't know if anyone is praying for me after I lamented that I don't have a "vocation", but it was as if I had this tidal wave conversion. St. Elizabeth's has a mission church in a nearby town called St. Anthony's. You know I'm in Franciscan formation.... St Elizabeth of Hungary became a Secular Franciscan and we all know St. Anthony is probably the best Franciscan after St. Francis himself! And Skip said something was tugging at him too. So there's something working there. The commute from Colonial Beach to work is as bad, if not worse, than the commute from the Shenandoah Valley, so that won't be a picnic if we decide to spend half our time there and half here. There are supposed mountains to move, but if the Lord is really calling us to be at that church, He will help us to find a way. Skip also found an SFO meeting in Fredericksburg, which is about a half hour away from Colonial Beach. I don't know where this calling is leading, but I'm excited about it. I hope it works into some vocation for me and continues Skip's. I hope they can use a guitar playing musician for some of their Masses. ;-)
St. Elizabeth parish runs an Our Lady of Guadalupe Free Clinic for those low income folks who are not insured and immigrants. I have to confess that the illegal immigration problem riles me up, but we (our country) caused this mess and we have to do something about it. Westmoreland County is a farming community and brings in those illegals to work the fields. It's a no-win situation. The Clinic is selling Our Lady of G Christmas cards as a fundraiser... Skip sent me the link. I was so moved, I started to get teary eyed again. They rely on volunteers to run the place and doctors and nurses donate their time and talent. We just did the Our Lady of G novena!!
I have a lot of praying to do, discerning, and the Lord needs to move some mountains. Like I told Skip the other night, I've said "no" to the prompting of the Holy Spirit too many times in my life. I want to be able to say "yes" this time. But I need his "yes" also.
You read Little House on the Prairie books?? I had all of them!! I loved the show. And The Waltons. Maybe that's why I crave simplicity so much. Somewhere along the way, my life got way too complicated.
Getting close to bedtime. Redskins are losing big time. :-(
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Theresa, Michelle, Pat & Laura ~ thank you for your prayers. I, too hope that by changing her meds, the creatinine level will go back to her 367 level. I know that's still high, but 100+ points lower than what it is now. I will continue praying.
Pat ~ I also want to thank you for the cremation details. I appreciate it.
My rads ~ so I've completed 22 rad tx and there's 11 more to go. 2/3 down.
Theresa ~ enjoyed your online love story. Know what? You guys are meant to be. I so believe it, it brought a smile to my face as I was reading your story. Not so fun with the flu shot though. Hope that sting goes away quick!!
Yes I've noticed that we haven't heard from Jeanine almost a month now. Is anyone communicating with her? Foots is on my mind.
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Theresa......... thank you for sharing your story! Awesome!....
I think... the road to religion... is hardship...
xoxoxo
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Woo Hoo Diamond Girl! 2/3 of the way done with rads! So glad to hear that!
I too, am thinking of Foots and hoping we hear from her soon....
prayers for you all...
Tori
DE COLORES!
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Hi Ladies,
Theresa I am enjoying your love story
Of course I fell asleep when I got home. Then I got up the nerve to cook the Kangaroo. The whole concept was hard, but at 22.50 a pound, I pushed through it. I still have to sort our how to give my kid the vitamin, omegas etc...that should also be in her diet. That or EVO has a salmon/herring at 95% and the rest is all vitamins etc....no grain. Apple, I got the Kangaroo at a butcher in the Del Ray section of Alexandria Va. It's a very nice shop, and I had tried to find it when IAMs first recalled their food to no avail. A month later when my dog was getting sick on the food the vet recommended, I googled again, and there were the magic words "we have Kangaroo again." I guess there were issues with customs for awhile, but this is normal fare for them.
(Paula, will PM you, but yes, I'll take any and all info your friend can provide )
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Sheila,
How are you doing now that your son has moved out?
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Theresa - such a wonderful love story & yes, it was meant to be. I'm trying very hard to be open to the Holy Spirit and his guidance. I get so caught up in the day-today demands of life that I don't "hear" the Spirit and then only in retrospect. Then I swing the other way & get to the point that I agonize over a decision wondering if it's the right one or not. Just another form of worry -- and then try to turn it over to God. Ah, the human condition!
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In the happy moments, Praise God,
in the difficult moments, Seek God,
in the quiet moments, Trust God
and in Every moment, Thank God
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Ladies, I just got home from the National Shrine of Our Lady of Fatima in Lewiston NY.
Its was a very pretty day today so it was the prefect day. After mass I went into a praying room with the staue of Our Lady of Fatima, I placed all of your name in the pray box for all you petions The feeling was so spiritaul. I also lite a candle for our requests. I felt so blessed and happy to be there and with two of my friends. Just want to share with you all.
Betty
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Betty ~ A great big thank yo for thinking about us
I wish I was there with you visiting the shrine today. I want to tell you how much I appreciate that {{{{Hugs}}}}}.0 -
Betty,
That's so sweet and holds such meaning. Thank you so much.
Torigirl,
Sometimes it is just that simple isn't it? How are you feeling?
Janet,
The day to days...I so understand. The anxiety, the responsibility, "putting out fires." Exhausting, I got my boss to laughing as she will be joining her Sisters in a Retirement home for their order. I asked her if I could go too. And she gets a pile of stress too. I spent an hour having to take care of the work not done by others, and my frustration is mounting. I could feel it all over. I just wish there was reliable support and critical thinking. I am wearing down, as the buck stops with me a lot of times. I was on hold the other day, and the most beautiful music was playing, so spiritual and ethereal. I felt it come in through my pores...
Do you have any thoughts or suggestions on opening up to Spirit amidst the noise, the stress, the distraction?
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Me too Betty! I am saying a special prayer for YOU tonight
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I don't know Traci - maybe taking a little time each day to simply meditate and clear the mind and try to listen to God. I think I spend more time talking to God than listening to Him. I just feel I need His guidance more now than ever in my life. I'm trying to decide which oncology practice to follow. One day I'm sure it's one; the next day I'm sure it's the other one. And, I need to decide in the next couple of days. So, I'm trying to turn this over to the Lord and praying hard for Him to somehow show me the way. I know I will feel so much better when I decide, but so far, I just do not know.
Tori - your little quote helped.
Theresa - what are you allergic to? Do your allergy shots help?
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Betty! What a wonderful, wonderful thing to do for us! :-)
Janet and Traci: The day in and day out, letting go to the Holy Spirit... it's so hard to do sometimes. I'm with you Traci, the work situation is so engulfing and I'm in the same situation where the buck stops with me, there's no one else to do it. I was supposed to let go of this one task when I transferred to the VA office, but I'm being sucked back in b/c those left behind are not doing a very good job of it. But it really takes a concentrated effort to bring God to work.
Janet: my doctor tested me for everything environmental (no food testing) and it appears I'm allergic to everything! I was getting 4 shots in NJ, but they combined them here in VA, so I'm getting 2 shots. Yes, they help. A lot. I used to get sinus infections all the time and now it's every once in awhile, and I used to get migraines all the time, and now it's every once in awhile. So I'll suffer with the painful shots! I had to go off while all the surgery and chemo, so they're building it back up.
Very nice prayer Tori... I'll add it to the Prayers.
My sister's MRI turned out good... cysts. Thanks be to God and thank you for your prayers!
Please keep Skip's brother in your prayers... he's going through a messy divorce after 20+ years of marriage and is trying to cope. He'll do fine, but is just having a time of it right now.
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