MIDDLE-AGED WOMEN 40-60ish
Comments
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I have the ceiling fan screaming over my head and yet a blanket over my legs as I sit by the open sliding doors in the morning dew!
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Isn't it bizarre how at the very same time you can have parts of your body that are literally on fire, and other parts that are contiguous on your body, but feel sooooooo cold??
My hubby thinks it's just a marvel. As in: how in the world is this possible?
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What about this guy as a mascot.
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Goodnight all.....this middle aged woman is off to bed.
Sunday night bedtime over here. I'll think of you all starting your day as I drift off to sleep. well I'm hoping to drift off to sleep......lol
jezza
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you all are certainly entertaining to say the least.................
and the pictures ! so funny.
Here's to a peaceful Sunday all.....................
Blessings, and good night jezza !
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The pictures are WONDERFUL - love the new Hot Flash Mascot - we can nickname him "Sweaty," perhaps? Or just "Flash"? Or???
The sad sun cookie is very funny. Like the combination of "bright and sunny," which usually indicates "cheerful," with the frown. I think he could be my symbol for "Inverse Seasonal Affective Disorder."
Elimar, I liked the reference to the probability that you would "commit typos" when tired. I used to do editing and proofreading (you can't tell from this sort of writing, can you?), and "commit" is certainly the perfect verb in reference to typos.
Remember when people were enjoying crisp fall-like weather and I was sweating miserably with A/C challenges in toasty Texas? Well, I must say that I am LOVING my new portable A/C unit. I am SO much of a nicer person if I've had a cool and comfy night's sleep. I'm thinking these should be covered by insurance when you have a Tamoxifen prescription or Lupron or oophorectomy or any other menopause-causing medication or procedure.
Barbe1958 - I must say that if it had been possible to have more surgery and skip out on things, I would've done it. As it turned out, with the location of my tumor, I was likely to end up with radiation no matter what I had removed surgically, and because it was invasive and hormone receptor positive, Tamoxifen or an AI was in store for me. So the only thing I might've skipped out on were possibly some local recurrences, but I allegedly have a low risk of recurrance and am under surveillance - and I also sort of like the idea that if it comes back, it's in breast tissue where we might find it, rather than under an implant or in the scar or in another organ or the chest wall. Things I read indicated that they can't get rid of all of the breast tissue, and they type of cancer I had showed up way outside what anyone would consider breast tissue - high up on my left inner side - felt like a rib. It's exactly the sort of tissue that would still be there after a mastectomy - little bits off in the corners... I read about the whole thing where lumpectomy and rads had the same spread and survival rates as mastectomy. I'd never had any problems with my breasts before this, and I'd never had any surgery, either, so I was worried about how I would do with anesthesia. So, for me, it was better to start with "less is more." I think also the fact that I wasn't ready to be done with breasts played into it - I would've done reconstruction, and the possible complications from that worried me, especially since I knew radiation would be in my future. My sister got big ol' implants for fun 10 years ago, and I think I had psychological damage from that, since they seemed to change her personality.
Everyone is different - I am very ADD, so I really don't freak out too much with the follow-up appointments, whereas I know that for some women, especially if they had a whole festival of biopsies and other scares over the years, it's just a horrifying and stressful nightmare and the breasts are better off gone. And certainly, mine are on notice: if they act up AGAIN and try to kill me, they will be replaced. But for now, I am happy with my decision, and I still believe people need to do whatever is best for them. Many women with tumors smaller than mine have had bilateral mastectomies, and that was likely the correct choice for them. All we can do is make our own best choices when faced with these nasty options.
Sorry so long - just wanted to get another perspective out there.
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Thanks for the feedback ladies, I certainly wasn't implying that anyone made "the wrong choices" I just hate to read the sad stories on some of the threads.....
I wonder all the time if I've done enough, as I haven't had the rads or chemo! Go figure. I knew risk factors were the same if I did all that or just the BM, but the mast seemed the quickest way to get me back to work. I'm the one whose husband has 3 brain tumours and I pay the bills. The diagnosis was almost a death sentence if I couldn't keep working. I have Fibromyalgia as well, which is very painful for those who don't know. I read on another thread of a woman on Methadone for her FM! I'd love that, but wouldn't be able to drive to work!
Add in my horrendous arthritis (I just applied for a handicapped license plate!) and I'm a mess....sigh.0 -
OOoooh, another thing! Add in the fact that 2 of my kids were getting married this year, both at destination weddings!
I didn't want to be remembered as "that was the year Mom was getting treatment for cancer". 0 -
Hi ladies. I'm 51, so can I join your party? Was just dx'd and still new to the whole thing. I don't quite fit the initial description of the middle-aged, as I still have a 12 year old home and am not near retiring, but looking in the mirror, I'm most definitely a middle-ager!
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I'm glad I looked in right now when I did. I've been thinking to write this a couple times previously and this may be nit-picking, but you know that phrase I put in the opener about having SMALL CHILDREN? Well, the whole phrase is "We aren't young with small children." So you see, I'm thinking if you are in THIS AGE GROUP, you are not exactly YOUNG with small children. I'm thinking you are MID-AGE with small children. So, yes, yes, yes, you ARE in the right place, unless you aren't ready to own the "middle-aged" part. I had to overcome that hurdle myself.
I might just edit that part out one day, since it get's misinterpreted that this thread is for women with older children only. That's not so. BTW, you don't even have to have kids to get in on our group. We're accepting, we're varied, we're cancerous, we're NED, we're just not "old" or "young" so here we are in the middle.
HI to new posters and readers. Hope the Holiday Weekend finds you all having some fun and/or resting up. I was so tired yesterday. Got a burst of energy today. Did chores. Tired again.
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Good Day Ladies, I am cleaning house like you elimar cleaning and resting.
ready for my tests and appt. Thank for all the support, I know how much it helps
to know someone else has been threw or knows how you feel, Somedays I feel
very tired of cancer and being in a wheelchair. but then I think of others, I have
prayed for on the prayline and feel so blessed. We all are a sisters fighting to
make life better as we age and WE ARE WINNERS. God bless you all, Debbie
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Barbe - my nurse friend who had pancreatic cancer took methadone 30mg per day (for pain, obviously) and drove herself to some of her treatment appointments last summer. She said it didn't make her drowsy at all. At the end, she was down to about 5-10mg/day - I assume the cancer went to her liver and she wasn't metabolizing it as well.
I'm not sure what a policeman would say if she got in a car accident and had to take a blood test though.
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Have I been here B4? Heck, anyone who thinks 53 is middle age...........I LOVE YOU!
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Haha...middle age sure is a funny term.....if I double my age....um.....lets not go there...!
Welcome coolbreeze...hope you enjoy being part of this group.(The all welcome non cat fighting group)
Hey whats your holiday for? I'm at work now (lunchtime)
Betta go!
Hugs
jezza
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ONE HUNDRED is the new EIGHTY!
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Jezza, our holiday is called Labor Day. (Labour Day to you.
) It celebrates us working stiffs. Kind of outdated but who can complain about a three day weekend?Where in Oz are you? It's always been my dream to go to Australia. I would love to see the entire country, from Tazmania to Sydney to Perth! Maybe someday I'll get there.
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HI All,
I have finally caught up with all of the posts. I feel like I have been reading for days! LOL I am glad that we have this forum. Good luck and healing energy to all of those that need it. Here is a shoulder for all of those that need a good cry. It might be damp from my own crying. I did want to respond to Barbe’s post.
I had unilateral mx. I did not want it. I may be vain or superficial, but I also enjoyed the arousal and pleasure derived from my breasts, still. I loved them. I thought they were beautiful and complemented my figure well. I tried everything to keep them. I fought with my BS, my PS, and my onc. I cried hysterically to my PCP. I was adamant.
It has been nearly 2 years since I had my mx. I still miss my breast and cry regularly over it. I have a TE still, awaiting recon. I have very mixed emotions regarding recon. My PS is pushing hard for DIEP and I am very anxious over having more invasive surgery and changing my figure and body once again. I do not want to have my belly button moved around and I have always enjoyed the small pooch that I had for a belly. My figure has always been on the slim side. I do not want to lose any more feeling than I already have if they have to “revise” my good breast to make a match.
Opting for a bi-lateral was definitely not a choice that I would make voluntarily. In addition, having the mx did not prevent me from having chemo and rads. I had it all thrown at me and have lingering side effects. I also take methadone for the neuropathy. It is not a strong dosage and I can still drive while taking it. It does not completely eliminate the pain, but it does make it possible for me to get out of bed. I actually have to take a Percocet with it when I drive. I have had a handicapped placard in the car for over a year now.
I would not say that having a mx would have been the easy way out. In fact, for me, I still have the handicapped sticker, the permanent SEs from the chemo, the darkened skin under my TE from the rads, and the disfigurement from the mx and will have from the recon. One thing that I do still have at least temporarily is one good breast that makes sex enjoyable. Now if I can just get the other parts of me working properly. Maybe I could get off of disability and go back to work.
BTW, I was always on the slim side and in excellent health prior to dx. Sorry for the long post, but I thought it was important to understand that having a mx does not guarantee that you can forgo the other tx and their potential for SEs. It is also no guarantee that the cancer will not recur. I thought it was naïve to say that women having a mx could avoid these. A bilateral mx would not have made a difference in my tx or my prognosis.
Sorry for the long post, just my opinion from my own experience. But then, I also don’t believe that my breast tried to kill me. It was the cancer. My breast fought it as hard as it could. Thanks for listening. Hope that I don't offend anyone. Apology in advance if I did.C
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WHEW!!! You ladies sure can post..i am tired after catching up.
Welcome to all the new ladies. Hello to all!
It has been another log day here but am glad to be bk at my own house after visiting family today. Grandgirl #1 in bed and #2 is spending the night with hubbys cousin so we will only have to wrestle one tomorrow. YEAH!!
The insurance problem is a bummer and I hope you find out some positive news out of it. I cannot imagine how hard it would be to have to shoulder the costs myself. We were fortunate in that we had taken out a cancer policy and they really came through for us.
I envy you girls that can weep your tensions away. I couldn't conjur up a tear if i tried hard. I have not had a good cry since last year. i cried one night after being dx'd and that was it. I guess i am a hard person or something like that. I tend to internalize things and i guess that's why i have hypertension and all that good stuff.
Most days i don't hate the fact that i had a bi-lat but some days i do miss my boobs. It stinks to have no figure anymore (other than just being one big circle with legs and arms) I sure didn't want to have to roll the dice with the other boob though. I don't miss bras or heat rashes that i got in summer but some days i look in the mirror and just am sooo displeased with what i now see. ( I do not have good looking scars) It has been quite an adjustment but one that i have to keep reminding myself was a necessary step towards ridding myself of the BC. I know that the non cancer side could still decide to go bad on me but i hope that he went deep enough that it won't.
We are survivors. I don't know why we were chosen to walk this walk. But we have quite a large group of amazing ladies on this thread and all over the site that are a picture of strength and courage and i am humbled to be in your midst.
Have a great Labor Day.
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I'm another "middle aged woman with young child" - he's 3, and suffice it to say that my 40s are nearly history at this point. Do I wish I'd become a mom sooner? Of course - but had to meet dh first and all that...so this is when it became possible. But having a 3 year old does put a whole other weight on a bc diagnosis, for sure. I do worry that I should have disregarded the doctor's recommendations and had a mx instead, to reduce the odds of recurrence. I feel like I'm in a holding pattern, waiting for more research about DCIS and whether triple-negative is relevent to it or not (docs say not, I'm not so sure). Lots of cancer in my mom's family, but other bc is pretty distant (great aunts, 2nd cousin). No cancer in 1st degree relatives (but not many 1st degree relatives....) BRCA- So, what to do? For now, taking it a day at a time, learning about and treating my Lymphedema (a side effect I DIDN'T count on, given a SNB and Lumpectomy), and trying to stay on top of the new research about DCIS and recurrence. And of course, enjoying that 3 year old....
Linda
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CoolBreeze and Eldub...welcome.
I have been around here a short time but don't let the middle-age fool you. I too have a 3 year old and I am 53. Don't worry it keeps us young and doesn't give us time to think about the cancer too much...it keeps us driven to get better. Hey I am waiting for college graduations, marriage, and grand kids. Middle aged just gives us tons of lovely wisdom. Night, night and and hope you are having a great day, Jezza!
~NIKKI
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eldub
I had my baby at 40....tried for 10 years before that...have 2 adopted children as well.
Even when you meet the right guy you can't always choose when you have a baby!
Wow..coolbreeze...you're good with the spelling..how did you know we spelt labor as labour..tumor..tumour..etc With computers being so international our spelling is changing more to the American style...you know the kids pick it up ...like texting.....I have trouble understanding some of that stuff.....lol "cld u cum c me mid arvo 2 moro...b 1derful if u cld"...that sort of thing!!
I am in Melbourne (Victoria) but I was born and bred in Tasmania. Hope you get here someday cb
Happy Labour Day All
jezza
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Yikes! I hope it wasn't me you thought said less chance of recurrence with a mast cmharris. If you read all my posts, you'll see that I said there is the same rate for recurrence with mast or lumpectomy. I also said I didn't need the chemo or rads, not everyone! (Hate being called naive...
)The whole point was to say that I felt like I never even had cancer except for the totally flat chest I have. I only look at it when I change, but once my clothes are on, I don't even give it a second thought. Now when I look at women with large chests like I had, I see the sweat and heat of carrying those two girls around all summer. I don't miss bras either Bettysgirl!
My surgeon did say something interesting/dumb when I saw him last month. He said "Save the big guns for the next time." WTF!!!
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Hi barbe--
I wonder what he means by "big guns"--it seems to me you have already been through quite enough... I have had friends who have had mast. and had to have chemo (which really feels like too much to me) I find it so amazing that every situation is so very different--- I have a friend who had mast. and she is considering doing the other one- b/c she did not have chemo/rads-- I sometimes meet people who think b/c I had chemo/rads that I am "safer"..... I just think that everyone is different.... and for me, I know if there is a recurrence in this breast, I will have to have a mast--- I am grateful that my recur rate is very low..... but I know it could happen=I just don't spend too too much time thinking about it--probably thinking more about it since I have an onc meeting this week...just a follow up..but I am a little nervous.
carol
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Eldub, I too had a lumpectomy and SNB but still have problems with my arm, it poses problems with sleep, some days my arm is puffier than others, and some days it just hurts did not have this issue before. My Rads Onc told me to get a small nerf ball and squeeze it several times a day it will help keep the fluid moving, he also told me it won't go away but after a year or so your body gets used to it, thinks of it as normal and it does not hurt. I see my surgeon again on the 15th so will see what he says, so far I like my Rads Onc the best of all he makes a lot of sense.
Having a nice day today so far picked a bunch of flowers and made some bouqeuts, and am going to pick apples to make sauce and blackberries to make a pie, guess I will always be on the heavy side I like my food too much!! My hubby andI are great "gatheres" and pick many wild berreis, apples, mushrooms etc. I hope everybody gets to do something they enjoy today including those from other countries that do not get to celebrate a holiday today. I too would love to go to Australia some day but after flying to Hawaii a few years ago not sure I could take the flight.
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Carollyn, are you possibly dealing with lymphedema? You might consider asking your onch for a referral to a therapist.
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Barbe - I hate when medical professionals don't think about the effect of their words on the patient. "Next time?" From his perspective, he's just being "helpful," reminding you that if by some awful turn of fate you have to deal with this again, you have some powerful options left. But from OUR perspective, it can sound like "I think this will come back." I had that happen with my follow-up with the oncologist's P.A. Love the actual oncologist - she seems to deal with me as though I am SO done with all of this. But with the P.A., when I was discussing how I appeared to be deemed a "flight risk" when I canceled a bilateral mastectomy last year (hastily scheduled by pushy plastic surgeon staff), referred to my not wanting to have that surgery as "not being ready to do that YET." As though I obviously would have to at some point, but she could see how I wasn't ready. I didn't call her on it, and tried to focus on the fact that this is Texas, where more is always better. The majority of women, I'm learning, who see the team of doctors I see (surgeon, rad onc, med onc) have had at least single if not double mastectomies. I'm a holdout, I guess.
Carollynn - I would LOVE to gather, but about the only thing I could gather here would be the mushrooms that periodically sprout up when someone overwaters their lawn, and I'm fairly sure those are toxic. : ) So do some gathering for me, and I'll go do my gathering at the grocery store, I guess.
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I've been wondering about something, and it's based on comments I've already seen "around" in other forums.
1) Do fair sklnned people get a worse skin-burn when they do rads than darker skinned people? In other words, does sun sensitivity equal rads sensitivity?
2) I read about a woman who regularly went topless in a tanning bed, & did her rads with basically no skin breakdown at all. Not exactly the same theory as above; but rather does sun exposure have a preventative effect no matter what original color skin you have. Myth or fact?
Thought I would check with my "home thread" first, if anyone here knows about this.
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Elimar, I was told by my rad tech that if you tanned easily you might suffer less from rad SE. I didn't tan topless.............okay, well once but my boobs were turned down. But my skin did hold up pretty well during radiation.
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Hey, "Homey," my radiation oncologist said that it's usually very light skin and also very dark skin that experiences more radiation side effects (burning). It's also true that you can't truly predict how people will do. I did really well, and I'm generally a pasty person (blondish-reddish hair, fair skin, freckles, not great at tanning) who would probably have been expected to have issues. I have an "oval" from the boosts that's sort of slightly tanned/lightly freckled, and while I got pink during radiation and my nipple did NOT like it, I did surprizingly well. I don't think you can give yourself a "base tan" in a tanning bed and then enjoy symptom-free radiation. I will also say that they HAVE recently determined that there's a link between tanning bed use and skin cancer, and certainly I feel that my body has already shown that it knows how to make cancer, so you won't find me testing the odds in a tanning salon...
I think another factor affecting side effects has to do with breast size and shape and the location of the boosts. It seems that a lot of women have trouble on the "bottom" of the breast, especially with large breasts where there is skin-on-skin contact (you could hold a pencil or something under your breast). I don't have a lot of overlap, probably due to my dense breasts (previously thought this was a GOOD thing!), and my tumor was up high, so my boosts were, as well. Boost to the lower part of the breast in a breast where skin meets skin is problematic.
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Elimar, I have reddish blonde hair and am sensitive to sun, I burn easily I had burns below my breast and at the top where it folds from the Rads, I am big breasted so that didn't help. I followed the directions given me by the nurse and doctor am healing quickly, I was offered to stop for a week but only had 3 left and said no lets get it finished with.
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