MIDDLE-AGED WOMEN 40-60ish
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Welcome back PMom. I can relate to the breakdown when you got home--I've lost count of how many times I've been "fine" through an appointment, treatment, mammogram, or whatever and fell apart when I got home and safe. And our dogs are some of the very best medicine in the world!
JMW--you certainly do fit in here, and are welcome here. I think Reainnz has a very good point--you will be acting differently, and there will be so many appontments that you won't be able to not mention them at some point. Better to break the news under circumstances that you control rather than getting forced into it. I think the family meeting approach is a great idea. I suggest doing it sooner rather than later--definately before the holidays. It will be too much stress on you to be trying to manage appointments, research, making choices and hiding all that during the holidays.
Did everyone remember to set thier clocks back??????
Mariegal--great write up of the event! Thank you so much for representing us to Dr. Weiss. Your report was worth waiting for!
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hi JMW, and welcome. Sorry that you do qualify to be here - sorry that any of us do {sigh} But this is a doable journey. That's what I've called it from the beginning - and an adventure. Treating it as such, believing the best and having a positive attitude has served me well. I hope you find comfort and peace along the way.....0
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JMW, the advice you have been given is great. I was a single mom of three and I waited to tell the boys until I actually had a dx., but there was no way I could have hidden it. I was more tired, I was now eating the same, my sense of smell became more acute and sensative (I had to go hide in my room when cooking was being done.)
You would be surprised what young peeople understand. Just don't give them more information than they are ready to process. Give the facts as you know them, and let them come to you with more questions. If you don't know the answers, ask you health care team or come here and search.
Let your boys know you are trying to get the answers And be sensative to them. I made my wig a part of the family. To be specific, it was cousin it, and I put it on the back of a chair when I'd get home from work and place my sunglasses on the back of "It". It made it a sort of humorous port of all the BC mess. My oldest was in the military and when he came home it was difficult for him to deal with cousin It so I made other arrngements.
I also had the older two go to one chemo appointment so they could relate to what I was going through and see what other people had to deal with. My chemo center had trwo large rooms with twenty or so chemo stations in each. You saw people from 8 yr olds on up to 80 year olds receiving their tx. I did choose not to have my 14 yr old go there because he was a more sensative child and knew it could upset him.
I was dating DH and he insisted on being there for part of my last tx, so he could see what I'd been through.
Bottom line, let them know.
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Oh, JMW, welcome!
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JMW, You sure do belong here. I agree with the ladies about your children. Mine are grown, but there was no way they wouldn't have noticed how I was feeling. My 2 grandsons who are 3 and 4also know, and have taken it in stride.
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I had my reconstruction re-done last week, and my daughter told my 2 year old granddaughter that I had booboo. She walks into my house yelling, "Nana, got booboo?" Then she strokes my shoulder and says. "OOOO, be careful!" Even at 2, they step up to the plate. What a great way to teach your children compassion and to care for the human race! It makes them realize that there are more people out there, and the world doesn't always revolve around them.
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JMW, I see you have already gotten a nice welcome and some good advice. I didn't have any hesitancy breaking it to the family. I had two older teen boys so I just came out and told them the result of my biopsy was breast cancer. The younger one asked, "Are you going to die?" I said no, I had to get surgery and treatment. The older one came with me on surgery day. Other than that, they remained like the usual self-absorved teens. Maybe that's a good thing. Better than freaking out, anyway.
Oh, and the fitting in thing. There are some here that have younger children. You don't get disqualified for that. If you have Mid-Age issues, and a sense of humor, you do belong here. I'm serious about that.
Claire82, Your granddaughter is a cutie. I know you still have some healing to do from your reconstruction, but I bet you feel pretty good to have all this done before the holidays. I look at your Dx line and see you got the ultimate holiday bummer last year. (Of course, there is never a good time for a Dx, is there?)
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That was the day I diagnosed myself lol - found my lump.
The actually biopsy and official diagnosis were after the new year.
It wasn't a good holiday
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Welcome JMW! Take your time and just walk through this journey one step at a time.
Spending today trying to get my ducks in a row. They told me to expect my hair to fall out in clumps instead of all over from the brain radiation. WELL THAT'S NOT GONNA HAPPEN! First sign of loss and the clippers are coming out. Getting my wigs washed and cleaned and digging out all my old scarves.
Big day tomorrow. Met with my reg. oncologist and get the low down. Today going to try and enjoy the sunny weather and my family here around me. Missed church but I could sure feel the presence.
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(((PauldingMom)))
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PM So sorry you have to go through all this again. I'm very glad you have a great support system in your family and friends and us. We are all here for you.
JMW Sorry you have to join us, but like you have already been told this is a great place. Everyone on here couldn't be more helpful. If it weren't for this sight, I don't know how I would have been able to get through some times. My family and friends were wonderful, but didn't know how to deal some of the time. These women are great. I am so thankful to have found this place and I hope we can do the same for you that it has done for me.
(((HUGS))) to all who need it. Leisa
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Claire, I loved your post about using this as a teaching experience for children ... so true
PMom, I hope you felt the church presence ... you were on my mind often while I was in church today, rest assured. As for the hair, why not be really proactive and just have a shaving party now? I was really glad I buzzed mine before I even began chemo. When it did start to fall out, I wished I had shaved it then - I immediately shaved once I saw hair on the pillow!!
Seyla - good to see you sweetie, I hope you're well
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Pauldingmom. I hope tomorrow brings a plan and some calm for you.
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Thank you so much ladies, I guess you're right. The boys will know something is up eventually. I just don't want to scare them. I don't start my treatment until January so maybe I'll wait till Xmas is over then talk to them about it. So glad I found this site..... I read it for a while every night. It makes me believe that I can get through this with so much info from other women going through it right now.
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JMW, it's your decision at hte end of the day, but from experience, I'd say that telling them NOW is way better than later for all concerned. They know something is going on ,... much better for them to know what you know when you know it instead of them agonizing over what they THINK it might be. just my opinion
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welcome jmw.. you know your kids, and you'll figure out when the time is right. my journey was fast and furious, many tests, and many decisions that changed after every test. my "kids" are grown me, but i told them right away. that way they knew the extra stress, my changed behavior wasn't them. i even told my 2 yr old G son , nanas got a boo boo.. nd he kept track, believe me! when my port went in for chemo, he noticed i was favori ng my left arm, so i showed him my latest boo boo . he's now seen me recovering from all the boo boo's, and now hat the rough and tumble has started, he's sure nana's getting better. told me the other day, we can play, but easy for your old boo boos. they really need the reassurance that you're not going to disappear. for that, y
ou need absolute confidence. they will get that, too..
Marlegal, i know a face to face is the best, cause i had my 1st one this wkend. met Barbara A , and Marybe this wkend, and it was WONDERFUL... so, meeting this lady will really help her; and you'll be surprised, it will help you having someone "who gets it " close to you, also.
PM welcome home sweetei. our "fur babies " are the best therapy in the world. i know mine are for me. no matter good or baad , how i feel, they're right there with a wag of the tail (or more) and a kiss..always...
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Mar, no didn't get email.
Had really great weekend. Did a lot of fun things and met a lot of nice people.
I could almost feel normal again if it was not for arm problems.
This is good for a laugh for the LE crowd. Cheesehead is PERFECT for keeping arm elevated!!!
Go pack go!!!
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Hey Cookie Gal, I'm with you.....what a great packer game! I watched sunrise over Lake Michigan Sat and Sun topped off by a Packer win...my weekend is perfect.
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WOW so many pages to catch up on! Marlgal, thanks for repreesenting all of us here at BCO to Dr Weiss! Welcome to all the newbies and as 3jays (Cherie) said, it was a great weekend meeting everyone and just hanging out!
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IMHO (in my humble opinion) I would tell the kids NOW before Christmas rather than take away the joy of Christmas by telling them after! Also, there would be a dark shadow hanging over any celebration unless the "C" word is spoken. By telling them now, the urgent pain can ease through Thanksgiving and you can go into the holidays with a fresh heart. Good luck!
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As usual, Barbe has suggested a very logical course of action. I agree. Now is better they would have time to get used to the idea and could still enjoy Christmas.
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JMW, I'm sure it's incredibly difficult to have kids that age and figuring out what to do / how and when to do it. Personally, I would prefer sooner rather than later as well. It will give them plenty of time to process and ask questions as they arise. The holidays will then bring a much needed distraction and joy! For me ...... if I waited ..... it would be weighing on me terribly; like the proverbial elephant in the room that nobody talks about.
They will take their cue from you. I wish you peace in your journey. It's not fun but it is doable. {hugs}
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JMW welcome, glad you joined this thread, there are some very positive, uplifting, funny ladies here to lift your spirits and give you support. I agree with everyone about telling your kids as soon as possible, my daughter is much younger, but I just know from my experience that anxiety has caused me a lot of stress, whether it is waiting for a phone call from a doctor, or waiting to talk to a friend of family member about results, it is good to get it all out. I am sure you will have the support you need from family and friends.
My daughter is 3 1/2, she knows mommy has a booboo, and that I have to go to the doctors a lot. She is so protective of me, when I pick her up she says "oh no mommy, be careful, I don't want to hurt your booboo". I have a Barron book that I have read to her called "Mom has Cancer", I am not sure what else there is out there. I do know that some of the hospitals have good libraries too, and have books that help with the subject of "how to tell your children you have cancer".
Pauldingmom, I am thinking of you. It sounds like you have the right attitude. Good luck with your treatments.
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Barbe1958 the bumpit is a nifty hard plastic thing you stick on your head under your hair (when you have hair) that gives the look of being teased at the back. I am not sure why I decided I needed that as I am real tall and don't really need more height, but it was a great info-mercial!
PMom "Set it and forget it- I set it on top of the freezer in the garage and forgot it" I love that! You crack me up!
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Wow! I DID IT! I caught up! Man, you miss a day or so and this thread just gallops off into the sunset - literally, and I must say those were some spectacular photos. Enjoyed Marlegals's tale of her great evening, and am totally horrified by PauldingMom's new findings while admiring her attitude. Meece - I hope your son is doing better.
Cookie - pumpkin pop tarts? I need to look for those!
Joni - many pages ago you made one of your comments that spoke directly to me: "puberty=demonic possession." Could not agree more.
I actually have NO "Mums story," as we lucked out again and my sophomore was still blissfully boyfriend-free for homecoming and didn't get one. Sadly, since then she has gotten her braces off, and she's all smiley and cute and confident and I am fully aware that the party will be over soon and we'll be dealing with DATING. If you don't know what a "mum" is, you should try Googling it. I may see if I can find a picture of one. The tradition started out as an actual crysanthemum flower adorned with some ribbon. It has mutated into a gargantuan "thing," with one to three fake mum flowers as the "base," festooned with three-foot-long ribbons, glitter, charms, stuffed animals, pictures - even LIGHTS are not out of the question. The boyfriend's mom is responsible for making them for the girl, and the boy receives a smaller one that's on a garter for his arm. They start out at about $60 and the sky is the limit as far as price. They are so heavy that in some cases they must be attached to a strap because they would destroy a dress. The band kids are not allowed to attach them to their uniforms because they would damage them, so they resort to carrying them attached to a hanger. This means that on homecoming night, the "popular" band kids are carrying a water jug, their instrument, their hat case, their marching uniform jacket, and a hanger with a ginormous, glittering THING trailing ribbons. Magical. Texas is definitely all about "more is better." These are the most gaudy and ridiculous accessories I have ever seen - and what the heck do you do with it after homecoming? Are people SAVING these somewhere?
Okay - maybe that WAS a story.0 -
Despite an actual degree in MIS, I have no clue how to post a picture on here. Google "Homecoming mums," and you will see some splendid examples. I forgot to mention that sometimes they even include cowbells. Wish I were kidding.
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P-Mom, Hope you and your MedOnc came up with a devastating plan of attack today.0
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Kleenex, Too bad no Homecoming Mum story, but I was fully prepared to illustrate it with online photos. Why don't i just put some here for the uninitiated...
Here's what any old state has to offer:
Now let's see some Texas-sized ones:
I have mixed feelings about the decapitated plush animal. Here's more, notice actual gi-normous size!
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HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
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OH my! What a hoot!
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