MIDDLE-AGED WOMEN 40-60ish
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Lol about the facial hair. Because of my lung issues I was on mega steroids for months. One day I was looking for my chin hairs and realized I had long hairs all over my face. It was white but very noticeable. I ended up getting my cheeks waxed twice. Since I've been off the steroids it's gone back to just regular fuzz. My daughter was really freaked out about it,she thought it was going to happen to her. It was so weird. I was afraid it would come back in scratchy but it stayed soft. Now let's talk about underarm hair. On the radiated side I only have one hair. It is very hard to see so sometimes it gets really long. LOL
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macatacmv ! Omg, I only have one hair on the radiated underarm side as well. Too funny!! (though not really....) In fact, I only have to look at the top half because nothing grows in the bottom half. Oh, the joys.........
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cmharris ~ Welcome back. I do remember you from way back. Cancer is a bitch........sorry if that offends anybody. JMHO. I am so sorry for everything that has happened as a result of that for you. It sure does change our life.... And please don't feel bad about b*tching a blue streak around here. I bet half the things you have already said some of us would like to say out loud & never have ........ maybe I only speak for myself ...... maybe not.
Welcome dwilli.
Dianarose, congratulations! How wonderful for you! Hard work pays off.
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ROFL !! l I have 3 under arm hairs ... I think... my eyesight is so bad, at that angle, reading glasses don't help.. lol.. sometimes I think none are there.. Other times I am like .. oh wait.. there's 1.. 2.. 3.. lol
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VALJEAN!!! heya! Ya I remember you, too!
it has been a long time! Wow! nice to be remembered... but then .. sometimes I think... how could anyone forget my treatment and appointments from hell? LMAO!
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Hey, cmh, sometimes I think I have to LMAO or I won't even get out of bed in the morning!!!!
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cmharris, rofl about the hair on your face. I visit my hairdresser every two weeks and whenever it breaks off in certain areas she blames it on the HT meds. Shoots, I don't care anyhow' ive been checking out some cute wigs and won't have to pay so much for hair care. Me, i swear this HT meds are making me gain weight. Everytime I look in the mirror, my face looks puffier. Ugh!!!! i need to make myself go out and walk, exercise.
Oh yes, there are a lot of insurance companies out there scamming. I also bought extra disability insurance that promise me $2,000 a month if I was disabled. So as soon as I filed temporary disability and was approved by the school I work for-- this other disability at the same time I got the cancer insurance--same company which I won't name (independent of the school I work for) told me by law, I am not allowed to get more than 60% of my regular pay so since my scchool TRS was paying disabilty. this extra insurance company that I thought would give me the $2,000---would only pay me $500 out of the $2,000 at any time per month. And I still have to pay the $72 dollars while I recieve their crappy $500. So actually, they are only giving me $428 a month. What a rip-off?? They did not explain that shit to me when I started paying them $72.00 a month. As soon as I go back to work in August, I am dropping this crappy extra disabilty insurance and banking that $72 and just sticking with my school's insurance. Too many crooks out there taking advantage of the innocent .
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Dwilli: You hit the nail on the target about the crooks in insurance... I had credit card insurance that refused to pay when I became disabled. I had same issue with my disability about going over some arbitrary limit, which was why I had paid for extra insurance. They never explain any of it to you until you try to collect.
Wigs - I had chemo before surgery and lost my hair very early in the diagnosis. I was determined to have fun with that part of the treatment. I expected to be back to work in less than 18 months, so figured I could afford a splurge.. I bought 14 wigs before it was over... Some were very cheap and strictly fun, none were very expensive. Everyone I knew in town knew about the cancer so it was no secret that I was going ot be bald. I told everyone because I knew I was going to need help. So I didn't really get too concerned about whether they looked realistic .. not all of the time anyway. I still have them. I have super short ones, shoulder- length, long ones, curly, straight, blonde, brunette, redhead, almost neon ORANGE (think 5th Element movie with Bruce Willis), black-which I still use at Halloween.. LOL When I got around to radiation, I still had no hair. The first day they took a picture of me with a wig. For the next 3 weeks it was a joke about what my hair would look like; I wore a different one every day. The 15th day, I came in with no wig. They never knew what to expect, and a few times they didnt recognize me lol. I had considered not worrying about a wig at all, but I knew my parents couldn't handle me being bald and niece's son was only 5 at the time and we weren't sure how he would react to me being bald. We took him with us when I went shopping for the first few wigs before my hair fell out. We tried very hard to be upbeat about the situation with him. The day my hair fell out... it looked terrible. My niece sheared my head before we went out to dinner and my nephew asked me to please put on a wig and be pretty. lol Staying upbeat with him must have worked or he blocked it out, because even though we told him I had cancer, occasionally, he will say Auntie Connie, I don't want you to get cancer and die. And I tell him "don't worry, honey, Auntie Connie had cancer and is still here and has fought worse things than the cancer these last few years!" lol
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Oh... and weight gain... I was one of those women you love to hate... eat like a horse, high metabolism, never gain weight... I know.. I am truly sorry...UNTIL... chemotherapy! Then I paid for all those good genes I had... lol
My family was afraid that I would waste away. After all, all we had ever seen was Hollywood chemo - gaunt faces, dark circles, skinny, and patchy hair.. They didn't think I could afford to lose any weight. I gained weight... a lot of weight... and my hair was only patchy the first couple of days as it fell out, then my head was smoother than baby's bottom! lol But the weight... I had been on steroids a couple of times for my asthma and gained weight, but the chemo took me by complete surprise. I don't know if it is just breast cancer chemo protocols, but I found out that most women with breast cancer on chemo manage to gain weight. Just another nightmare to screw with our body images and our health... Needless to say, I believe if men had as many issues as we do with cancer treatments when they were diagnosed with prostate cancer, you can believe they would find a different protocol and treatment plan.
I think I said a few years back... they tell us they are preventing some breast cancers because now women are having prophylactic mastectomies... and this is good research... Well, I must be an effing genius! Since they have determined that if men live long enough they WILL ALL develop prostate cancer.. no ifs, ands, or buts.. I can prevent ALL prostate cancer in men with prophylactic prostate -ectomies... (is that a word? lol) hit the guys around the age of 35-45 and no guy will ever have prostate cancer... but they won't listen to me....Sadly, I am afraid they won't even see the connection... just call me a man hater... There goes my fortune.... For the record, I don't hate men.. I despise the male oriented medical community... lol
OOOH! I feel that angry, bitter, soul creeping out again.... down girl... down girl... lmao
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cmh - I do enjoy your postings. You say it like it is - withholding absolutely nothing! And you throw in a sense of humor too. I am glad you decided to check in again - I am glad to be able to get to know you.
You aren't too far off on the prostate - ectomy. I heard on the news this week that the first ever prophylactic Prostatectomy in London, England. http://www.medscape.com/viewarticle/804423 Maybe there is a trend starting?
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GRRR!!!!!! I knew it! There goes my retirement fortune! I should just keep these things to myself and try to figure out how to exploit them... LMAO! Now some doctor, probably some guy that thought up the prophylactic mastectomy solution will make millions off of my idea! LOL!
BTW in case you didn't pick up on it, I think prophylactic mastectomies are barbaric! I realize some women don't have much choice when they "choose" to have them.. I hate calling it a choice! It just infuriates me that the medical community sees it as wonderful progress and sit back content to continue to mutilate us and call it progress. My first exposure to them was reading a medical journal expounding how brilliantly they had reduced the occurrence of breast cancer in women. All I could think was BS! In my humble opinion it is like cutting off your head to prevent migraines, chopping off your ears to prevent hearing loss if you work in noisy environment, etc.. IF that's good medicine... it is scary!
Barsco: thanks for the compliment! I worry sometimes that I am too blunt.. and as I said before I try to hang on to my sense of humor. I started out tiptoeing around the tough stuff, until I got so frustrated with doctors, nurses, and the media not seeming to get it. A little switch just clicked in my head and I realized that if I tiptoed, invariably I was misunderstood or just ignored. Humor? If I don't laugh, I will cry. Plus, I have always had quirky sense of humor... lol
Eli: I was thinking this morning about this thread and when you started it... way back when... We really are the middle... between kids and parents.. and on that note.. I WILL say the silver lining I found in my cancer experience has to do with my parents. My father suffered from moderate Alzheimers the last 20 yrs of his life. Two years ago, he had a stroke. He was 90. I went home to my parents' so that I could spend time with him and help my mom. The stroke spiraled his Alzheimer's to severe within hours after the stroke. He could not remember how to eat, drink, basic functions of life... I stayed with them for 6-1/2 months out of the 8 that he had left after the stroke. Then I needed a couple more months to settle his estate, I am their executor (sp?). I remember thinking how grateful I felt that was disabled... IMAGINE THAT!! I knew that if I had still been working, there would have been no way that I could have gotten that much time off, to pick up, and travel to their home and stay. Family medical leave is only good for weeks.... I needed months to be with my dad. Cancer gave me that. I will always be grateful for that...
I don't have kids. My kids are my cats. My niece is probably as close to a child as I will get. I like to think she loves me more than her mom LOL!! And I think my sister resents me for it ..but oh well... My niece had just moved from Maine to Georgia, a few months before my diagnosis, to be closer to me. She was still 4 hrs away, but she became my rock. She came over for my first surgery.. had to leave as soon as I was out of recovery, but she was the only member of my family that was with me. She traveled every week to see me during my first round of Adriamiacin/Cytoxan. On the days I had chemo, she would arrive that evening after I got home from the hospital and leave the next day. I know it was difficult coming to see me on her only day off and... with a 5yr old in tow - she was BRAVE! lol She moved to TX a little over a year ago, and I miss her terribly.
This is supposed to be that time in our lives when we can relax and watch our children mature and have families of their own; a time to give back to our parents the care they gave us. I don't have children and I can only imagine what some of you have faced.. I think we have been robbed of that... BUT... as I said I did have a silver lining with my dad.
When things get really tough, I stop and remind myself.. that without cancer, I would have missed some cherished moments with my dad. I might have missed some important bonding with my niece. And... If/when my mom needs me... I am hoping that I will be able to at least be able to visit and be there for her.. even if I am not much help... Heck, these days I barely help myself... except to more ice cream.. lol
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Looking for or focusing on the silver lining does in no way indicate that a person is in denial about the horrors or this disease. Looking for the silver lining, the small blessings, can be one of the many coping mechanisms that help us to live our lives, even with all the big, new cancer question marks that have come up, threatening us with lifelong misery. The mental battle of cancer can be every bit as challenging as the physical, sometimes even harder.
I do believe that we actively have to resist cancer invading our psyches and robbing our lives of the beauty, fellowship, and fun which make life worth living. That's my take on it anyway.
As far as the barbarity of treatment...As anyone who has ever worn a peg-leg, or wooden dentures will tell you, we are at the technological mercy of our times. Just because we have come a long way doesn't mean we don't have even further to go.
(cmh, I told myself I was lucky that I got my B/C when my kids were old enough to be doing for themselves, including driving themselves. It is hard for me to imagine the younger women going through this, plus having the daily demands of small children. B/C is such an energy drain. I don't know how I would have gotten through. There is NEVER a good time to get cancer, but all things considered, I seemed to have more "time for it" getting it when I did.)
LOL, all the hair commentary. Middle-age and cancer takes the hair from where we want some, then gives it in places we don't want it. Not a fair trade at all!
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Posting as I read ... underarm hair .. my radiated side has none at all, not even one. Which doesn't bode well for my non-radiated side, because I kind of forget about it! Just from chemo or aging or whatever, the hairs there are sparse. However, one must still remember to shave them occasionally! Thank God I don't think I've forgotten for occasions where it would show, but during the winter? Uh ... let's just leave that one alone!
Weight gain - my next door neighbor of 30+ yrs made a comment when she saw me one day going to radiation, after my 16 weeks of chemo. We're friendly, but not friends ... so she says "How's treatment going?" "Actually, I'm done chemo and just started radiation" "Oh, well at least you didn't lose any weight, looks like you may have even gained" Yeah ... being always about 20 lbs overweight, that's what I wanted to hear!!!!
Silver linings ... my Mom died in 1989. We were very close and I did, and do, miss her terribly. (Dad died when I was 9) But when I hear coworkers, or friends from BCO, talking about the trials and tribulations with their parents, I find myself feeling guiltily grateful that I don't have that to deal with on top of everything else. Hubs parents are both deceased too, so we both feel the same way. Miss them, but don't have to make horrible choices that I hear my friends going through.
Insurance - I had many a conversation with our health insurance rep telling him what the policy dictated about certain things that he missed. I didn't necessary enjoy reading all the mumbo jumbo in that damn policy, but read it I did so that I found a way to get everything covered that I needed covered. Example: compression sleeves for LE - they are considered a medically necessary side effect treatment for mastectomies. I found that little gem hidden in subpart of subpart of subpart of a certain line item. That's a pretty cheap example overall, but the one that jumped to my mind at the moment!
Ah Middies, having this place to be so brutally honest and share is just so good. Peace out
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I just found out today and no one really know what I'm going through
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Oh Patti... I am so sorry that you are here to join us! Hearing the news that we have this dreaded disease is never easy. If you need to chat or have any questions, we will do our best to help you. I am hoping that they caught it early for you. Feel free to send me a PM if you need to chat. I am sure it is still very early for you to know many details but as you find out, we will try to help you navigate your course of treatment. As you read through posts on the site, try to bear in mind that a lot of times, people stress the negative aspects and the positives tend to be minimized. We try to balance it out on the site. Just remember that every case has its own negatives and positives.
A diagnosis can be very overwhelming at first, take time to breathe and reach out to the women here on the site. I was diagnosed in 2007 and I can assure you that it is perfectly natural to feel lost, overwhelmed, overly emotional, bereft, and confused. At least here, we have been there. We can definitely relate to how you feel.
I am sending big hugs to you and hope you find some comfort here.
Connie
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chattipatti - sorry that you have had to find your way here, but as Connie noted, we are here for you no matter what. We hear and support the good, the bad and the ugly. We "get" what you are going through with hearing a cancer dx. The middies are a fun loving group, but we also have times where we need to vent, cry and scream and this is the place we can do it without prejudice.
Hope you come by often so that we can get to know you better. ((hugs))
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Patti, Welcome. Sorry you had to come here, but welcome none the less. You are most likely going to feel more overwhelmed with questions and their answers in the next few days, weeks, and months. This is a wonderful place to take your questions and get answers and opinions, and to just vent. Take advantage of it as a wonderful resourse.
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Hey, chattipatti:
Yep, for me, those first couple of weeks were like a bad dream. I felt like I was walking around with an anvil over my head, waiting for it to fall. But this too shall pass. Once you get a plan of action in motion and take some control back, hopefully, you'll feel better.
I am glad you found this group. Great bunch of ladies here. I didn't find it until about 8 months after my diagnosis. I am sorry about what's happened to you, but you are welcome here.
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chattipatti-we will try to help answer questions, listen to you rant, laugh with you when you return to that point, or whatever else needs to happen for you. In general, we do "get it".
Peace
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I haven't been here in a bit, but the topics have hit the nail on the head. Freak'n post chemo facial hair is a pain in the you know what. I have found that the best place to really see it and pluck away is in the rear view mirror of the car. I looked in the mirror today and was pissed no one at home told me I had a zillion dark hairs on my upper lip.
Weight gain. A commercial came on the radio about women with muffins tops. Try bundt cake. WTH I was grossed out today just thinking of my surgery on Wednesday and now the doc has to cut through layers of fat. I have always taken pride in my flat stomach and now look pregnant.
Trying to get things going on the bakery and of course it's not going to go smooth. Why change my luck now. I had an issue with the power company. They wanted a state permit. She told me this after she processed my down payment. The landlord has some connections and we got past that one the next day. I went with my son to Poland Maine and we picked up the oven I bought. She's beautiful, 5 racks, commercial, gas convection, etc... She is also 38 inches wide and the door to the shop is 35 inches. I sure do things the hard way. We might have to take out a rather large window (pray I don't break it) and go that route.
last time I posted I was bitching about the cold weather here in Maine. Well I can't bitch now. It was 101 degrees this afternoon. That will teach me.
Hope everyone is having a good weekend.
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Wow! We certainly are a talkative group, haha! Pages and pages behind!
Welcome to all the newbies, but sorry you had to join us. Lots of answers and fun here, though, to help you through the scary first few weeks/months.
CMH - glad you are back and hope you decide to stay a while. Sorry you have been through such a nightmare, though! Insurance is so complicated, I don't touch mine with a 10-foot pole. I'm self-employed so self-insured. When I picked out my plan, I didn't want co-pays or percentages of any of that. Just meet the deductible and then it pays 100%. Otherwise, I can't figure it all out - I'd rather look under the hood of a car!
Been so busy with lots of little things, but today was interesting. I live in a lot of woods and my brother found a baby hawk on the private drive in front of my house. The parents were overhead screaming but the baby couldn't move. We weren't sure if he was injured (he wasn't). I called a nature center about 20 miles away and the "birds of prey" director actually came out here to help us with it (we're on her way home). She was surprised we were in her area because we're urban but a rare spot of acreage. There are no low branches here for the baby hawk to hop on and that's what the parents were waiting for. She said they won't feed them if they're on the ground. So we propped up a thick stick between two small trees, wired it on and made him a branch. He was covered in fluffly baby feathers (but so big!) and she checked him out. Just flipping him over in her hands, checking his wings, his grip, hydration. Then she got him to grab our "branch" and sit there. He has some magnolia leaves to hide behind so he was happy and now the parents will feed him. My brother was moaning and whining about helping me keep him safe from predators. She came by because he was being so useless. I told him "She thinks you're a jerk and you have to meet her and show us where you put him." Haha, that's what he gets. I was about hysterical picturing that baby bird stuck on the ground all night. My brother said, "Well, that's nature." I said, "Well, why don't you just run over him in your car then?". Ugh! He just didn't want to be bothered.
Diana - so excited about your business coming together! I can't believe it got that hot there today!!
Hope everyone has a nice Sunday!
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Diana - I am sure you are not the first to buy first measure later - oops. I am sure you will find a way to get the oven into the building.
HNS - that's quite the story about the baby hawk. We have a lot of birds around our house as well as we live in the country. Have spotted baby blue herons over the last couple of years, but no hawks. I think it's wonderful how sometimes mother nature provides opportunity for us to interact with her children.
Well, after a week of being a lazy bones, I finally got my butt off of the couch and went for a walk. It was beautiful. No noise other than the birds and frogs singing away. Very peaceful!
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HNS...your name suits you perfectly, I would have done the same.
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Barsco- my mistake was letting 2 grown men do the measuring. I went to my son's which is an hour away with my little tape measure. Sure enough all we have to do is unbolt the legs and she will fit through the door with room to spare. Speaking of men, dear BF never finishes anything. Shingled the roof, but never finished the ridge. Now its raining in my kitchen. I just want to smack him silly at this point. I almost think I am looking forward to surgery at this point. I need the rest.
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Sorry Diana - I should have known. As they say, if you want something done right - it's best to do it yourself. Thank goodness a few loosened bolts will do the trick. I just heard about a contest on the radio today about "do it yourselfers" who have had projects go awry. Sounds like the BF might be a good candidate for the contest - lol.
Just remembered that I have CT scan tomorrow if anyone is looking for a PP. It's bright and early - 8:45 am. Of course nothing to eat or drink for me but I will definitely be going out to get a BIG coffee when I am done. Oh how I lika my java!
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A PP sounds good for tomorrow. How about an iced frappucino waiting for you when you are done?
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Oh Meece - that sounds wonderful. Now I really can't wait to be done. Just heading out the door.
Hope everyone has a great Monday!
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I'll say one thing for you, Barsco...you've become very good at avoiding the pre-scan anxiety if you only remembered about the scan one day before going. Good Luck this morning. I'll find a poclet and tag along. Let me just slip a few mini-quiches in here so I don't have to eat in front of everyone.
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Barsco - will be along for the pocket party. I'm with Eli you sure do minimize scan anxiety. Send some of your serenity my way. OK, iced cappucino and mini quishes. Guess I'll get something sweet like kolaches.
Diana - glad the stove will fit. I thought maybe you might have to remove the door jambs but removing legs sounds way easier. Sorry about roof leak. Bummer
HNS - how's baby hawk? I've found a mockingbird stunned in the bushes and once found a lost homing pigeon.
CMHarris - Wow. You've been thru the wringer, several times over. Thanks for hanging with us. You have tons to offer us.
Patti - welcome to our small world, well not so small unfortunately but on here it is. Glad you've found us though also sorry for the need. Ask away. Things will become clearer as you get your test results and with future appts. This is by far the worst time.
"I do believe that we actively have to resist cancer invading our psyches and robbing our lives of the beauty, fellowship, and fun which make life worth living. That's my take on it anyway" Eli - this made me cry when I read it. There are times when tears just bubble up randomly. Thank you for reminding us to resist.
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Get yourself a hanky, goatsy. Then, get others to join the "resistance!"
So, this year, my deductible and out-of-pocket was satisfied in, uh, January!!! Can somebody tell me why not a month has gone by that I don't get an erroneous bill from some provider? Twenty minutes of boring phone work solved yet another one of them this morning.
...and Chemo is making my tongue hurt.
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