MIDDLE-AGED WOMEN 40-60ish
Comments
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chach, Loved it! I got choked up with tears for some of those lyrics (i.e "I want to fix you, I want to take it away," and "Whoever thought that two words could leave me uncapable" and "I think I'm just lost.") OMG, I can just hear the impact your Dx had on him, and his love and caring for you. (I have two musical sons yet, four years later, still have no song. Imagine my envy.)
HnS, That's one way to silence those little lambs. (Using non-existent laughing smiley here.)
Mar, I had looked in once yesterday, before you posted, but since there was no activity, I just wandered off. We do have slow days sometimes.0 -
Two-fold tale from the hospital: In the middle of the first night, the nurse came with a capsule and said it was my last post-surgery antibiotic. Since I was only allowed ice chips at that point, I dryly (pun intended) said, "Let me guess, this is going to go down hard with only ice chips!" Well, she came with a bit of water (oh, how they can break their rules!) and I took that. Then less than two hours later, I'm awakened a second time for an IV injectable antibiotic shot. I'm, like, "Whaaa? You just gave me my last antibiotic two hours ago in pill form." She asked to scan my bracelet and I did that, then she said, "Since I scanned you, let me give you this, then I will check what the pill was for." "Oh, no," says I, "I don't care what you scanned. You find out what you gave me first, and then we'll see if I want this injection of not." We got into a little tiff then, and she called me rude (which I wasn't) and I informed her that form my perspective she was the rude one. She tried to control me with the use of the word, "hon."(*) Little did she know that only fans the flames. Well, she went off without injecting, and came back to tell me she had made an error. The pill had been Entereg, something to "wake up" the bowels, the shot was the final antibiotic dose. Luckily, there was no mistake in me having them both, but just misinformation on her part. She apologized; and I pointed out that she should have just checked it without all the argument and that it was a situation she could learn from, and that if she failed to learn from mistakes she would continue to make them until she hurt somebody! (I AM pretty ruthless when they don't let me sleep!!!)
(*) O.K., how many of you Middies have been "hon"-ed by a 20-something? Did it sit well with you? Because I cannot recall one instance of this happening where passive-aggressiveness was not involved. When I told my nurse not to "hon" me, I explained that a) she did not know me; b) I was not dear to her; and c) it came across as extremely patronizing. (Yes, I did use alphabetical itemization. Heehee.) I told her that I was "Mrs. ------" and that my first name was "--------" and that she could have her choice of either of those when addressing me, but "hon" was not one of the choices.
After we had this middle of the night skirmish, my nurse was attentive and courteous the whole rest of her shift. Even my roommate noticed the change.
I don't go into these places intending to be the patient from Hell, and I don't even like being pushed into it, but I would have to be a lot sicker to just let healthcare personnel have their crazy ways with me.0 -
Eli, I'd say "you go girl!" but you already went! THANK YOU for being one to confront your caregiver head on. I too have been offended by "hon," although I try to evaluate how it was said first. Many in the South use it in every situation and when that happens, it is not offensive to me. But I always notice when a younger person uses it with me and if it seems patronizing, I am left with negative thoughts. Not the "get out the box cutter" kind that you have expressed in the past, but negative nonetheless. I need to be more forthright in telling such youngins what I would like to be called. Just another example of you doing a great job of advocating for yourself!
Too many in the medical profession are given more respect than they deserve! Not to take away from the hard-working, (over-worked) nurses out there that sometimes slip up because they have too much on their plate. Except for medication. They should never slip up with that.0 -
Although I often point out dissatisfaction on this thread, please don't think I am a total crank. I have to say that the nice and respectful treatment does not get lost on me. Bright and early this past Mon. the hospital phoned me to ask how I was and if I wanted to recognize any of the staff, by name, for exceptional service. I did give a few names (but unfortunately could not remember more than a couple.) I had one aide on two days and she was very nice about searching the broom closets to find that device from antiquity known as the manual BP cuff. Usually when I ask for that (because the machine one fails to read me time and time again) I get the old eye-roll because they don't like to hunt one down. She remembered each time she came by, so I never had to mention it again to her. It was like (4 a.m.,) "Wake up, Ms. Manual Cuff, it's that time again." I like when someone sees me as an individual and I was happy to give her name.0 -
On another positive note, I really like my surgeon. He finally got his hug for (probably) saving my life.
Put it this way, IF my life IS saved, then I KNOW the surgeon made a difference. I suspect the radiation oncologist contributed something to my survival too. He'll have to wait some years for his hug, so I can see what the long term collateral damage is going to be. Not really sure about the medical oncologist segment of treatment but, if my foot numbness resolves, I could be charitable enough to give him the benefit of the doubt and maybe a handshake, but no hug.0 -
your stories always tickle me Eli! I HATE, HATE, HATE the "hon" and also "sweetie" used by anyone who does not know me......from waitresses to nurses.....it's all condescending. I've never had the guts to confront anyone on it but I think I will next time using your three point argument. BTW: I don't think you're cranky....you're courageous; you're not rude, you're intelligent and strong. You go girl!0 -
I got the MA from hell at PCP's office. The one who T'd me off last year so much 3 days b4 my surgery. This was Friday and needed results of cardiac stress test for surg. on Tuesday. She could not get it thru pea brain that NO Monday was not OK to get the results as things would already be rolling - like DH off, dog to vet, my work on board. So I get her at office on Wed. She's going thru her EMR and I said oh BTW you can mark I had a flu shot. Went to the drive thru senior citizens shot clinic. "You're not a senior citizen". Tech. not I'm 61 but I did not want to drive 45 min each way to FW to get one and really did not expect to go to PCP again this year. I only realized after she left the room that they were one and the same. I'd rather be called hon than get this dingbat again. For once I think employee retention is for the birds. I usually respect an office where the staff does not change.
Elimar - all employees get reminders not to call people by hon, dear. But coming from the south it is OH so common. You are supposed to ask pt what they prefer or defer to the Mrs. _____. I guarantee the yellow fall bracelet came up on nurse's EMR with a gigantic reminder. Gosh we had to do the full tx - yellow blanket and yellow socklets. BUT - on another note you probably got the ones you mentioned personally a bit of a raise. It was on our performance reviews if we got a personal recommendation. NOT so much happening since I was on a palliative care unit.
I'd hate to think nurse was giving you something she did not know what it was. We had to cart bedside WOWs (workstations on wheels) into the rooms to chart meds. Older units had them mounted on the wall. And this was b4 the scanning of the arm bracelet matched pt and med.0 -
You have to walk in there with your head held high, luv. Never let them smell your fear (or frustration, or --insert appropriate emotion here--) Remember, you did nothing wrong. As far as you rounding up your age...well, I realize not everyone is cool enough to have an "ish" policy on age BUT if that MA's mom had to drive to FW to get that measly shot, I guarantee you she would not have a problem with using the nearbly drive-thru. Let's keep it real.
By the way, what is your take on using the manual BP cuff? The younger the nurse, the more they look at me like I just went medieval and asked for some leeches.0 -
I only get manual cuffs because of my "largish" arm. Fine by me. I hate those auto ones, makes my eyes & tongues stick out.
Oh the "hon" & "sweetie" are MAJOR pet peeves with me. I get it all the time. My usual response is "No I'm not!"0 -
I didn't mean to imply that I have more than one tongue by the way, but this time of year it would be appropriate.0 -
Manual cuffs - sad to report that even at the specialty lymphadema/wound care center - they couldn't find even one manual cuff. At most clinics, they won't do manual readings - you have to go to the hospital. Since I had a BMX, if some offices had to use auto cuff I made them use my non-dominant arm - left. With the recurrence, I have a port in the left so they used the right for awhile. Now I've had auxillary lymph node dissection in the right side - so I let them use the side w/the port last week. I really need to get mean and insist on the thigh or calf.
But you'll be proud that I insisted on my flu shot in my thigh or butt so I couldn't use drug or grocery stores or most stand alone facilities. No one makes it easy.0 -
I have never tried an auto cuff, except in surgery, but they put it on my leg, which was fine. I freak when they take blood pressure. It feels to me as if my veins will explode and the pain scares the living beejeepers outta me. The nurses obviously think I am some sort of hysterical freak, which I probably am
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And Eli - so glad things went well. As usual, I don't post much but have found your hospital stories edifying.0 -
My PCP uses a manual cuff but MO uses automatic. I did insist on leg cuff for colonoscopy. I know they at least put it on; who knows what happened after that. I put a pink lymphedema band that I went out of my way to get on my L wrist just to keep them from using it (no LE). They should all have a manual cuff. I've done many readings I did not trust and then drug out my trusty manual one.0 -
Oh my clinic definetly thinks I am some kind of hysterical freak. I went to have a pap had not had one in 5 yrs because my GP passed away and I just never wanted to have the new GP give me one( I am extremely conservative)- So after I was DX with BC I thought I best have one- so it took all I could to go to the clinic and I waited half hour in waiting room,
I get caled and they get me into a room- gown on- boobs poking out the front- have to hunt down nurse for adult size gown which they gave me that Shamoo himself could have fit in- OK- set.. I wait and wait and wait- 45 more min go by- no magazines- only thing to look at is the tray of contraptions that will soon be used in my HOO HAA and I was not to thrilled to be looking at them in such great deal! Some of them I would look at and think WTH is that for??
Finally after all this time I can not stand it anymore and I remember a bathroom next door and after all this time feel I need to go- so Shamoo Gown wrapped around me 3 times I head next door to the bathroom. A lil while later I open the bathroom door only to hear the nurses say-" lets go clean up room 7 you go get the stuff.". I hurry back next door and LOW AND BEHOLD I am room 7!!
The nurse finds in room 7 a few min later and says- "whaaa- you are still here?" I said yes and my panic and anxiety are in over drive- My appt was at 3:44 and it is now 5:00 and I still need to go to the lab for my thyroid blood work and I figure they are closing at 5. SO I proceed to tell the nurse she can clean up the room as I am leaving anyway as soon as she leaves me alone so I can dress- she grabs me by the arm will not let me dress or leave and says real close to my ear like I am a 90 yr old crazy deaf lady-- " You have cancer. You need this pap. I promise you he will be quick,I won't leave you, you can not leave, you have to get this done....ETC.." She is acting like I am scared of the doctor. I am not scared of the doctor I just am not wanting to be naked anymore at this point and I dont want my HOO HAAA subjected to any of those torture devices that are lieing on that table I been stareing at- I did not tell her this though. SHe was too busy trying to keep me from running out the door Shamoo Gown and all. I was at that point!!..
Meantime the doctor walks in wondering I am sure what all the commotion is about and she slams the door practially in his face and says- We are having a lil anxiety problem here, it will be ok soon, come back later.. All I wanted to do was leave and I told that nures over and over but she insisted lab would wait for me.
Finally she talks me into sitting on the torture( in my mind it is) table- puts my butt on the edge- feet in the stirrups puts the table up to highest position( I guess she felt I would not jump off it when it was far in the air) and covers my legs with a blanket- but I am certain my HOO HAA is feeling a breeze.. Nurse says" let me grab the Doctor-I will be right back."
I wait and wait and wait - thinking OMG the janitor is gonna walk in at any moment and get the full view of my hoo haaa-- 15 minutes goes by my back can not handle those stirrups anymore and I pull my tush slowly up to the top of the table so I can get my legs out of those stirrups!! I thought what happens if I fall off this table with my hoo haa in the air,, will this Shamoo gown cover it all?
I am sitting there when the nurse comes in again- she says " Oh you were not comfortable?" I wanted to say YA THINK?? Hoo haaa in the breeze with my legs apart- how comfy is this - U have to ask? She said." well I can not find the doctor but when I do we will be right in"( I figured he ran for the hills after the convo he had came across earlier) .
I then sat there serioiusly debating how to dive off the table without tripping over the Shamo Gown when the Doctor does finally come in. I will say he was quick!!- I heard him say something to the effect that " he only had one chance at this so he best do it right" Then he was ready to run out the door and he decided last min to check my overies and the nurse - said-- Arent U going to do her breast exam?
I had prviously told that nurse I had just recently been dx with bc and had been examined by every doctor and intern out there and that I didnt need another breast exam and so told her again and the doctor just that. He practially ran out the door. My girlfriend said she usually talks to him while wearing the gown but he came back after I was fully dressed and we had a chat where he gave me some Ativan for anxiety- I never did tell him I had been forgotten in a room and then left in the stirrups. I probably should have - but by that time it was near 5:30 and I still needed lab.
My appt that day was 3:45 and I got out of the clinic at nearly 6 pm. I do not know if I can ever muster up enough courage to go through all that again!!
So I can imagine what that clinic must think of me- They must think " how did she ever birth two children when she acts like a 16 yr old virgin getting her first pap!!
So yup- when it comes to clinics thinking I am nuts- I think I rank right up there!!!
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Ndgrrl, ROFL, yeah, I freak at paps too. The first time someone did it to me I had no idea what it was and the pain was so sharp and unexpected.
I have to say though that after my BMX, when I spent 5 days in the hospital (no drive-thru surgery in Greece), the nurses were excellent - kind, attentive, unobtrusive and totally non-bitchy. Ok, except for the one called "bitch." Her last name means "twisted" and also, metaphorically, is used to mean "bitch," something I milked to the hilt during chemo. The Greeks have an expression "onoma kai pragma" [name and thing] to mean that someone exemplifies her name. It is usually meant as a compliment, like if someone is named Dawn. So, I would of course exclaim "Oh, there is Bitch to stick me, "onoma kai pragma.""
Anyway, I digress severely. The docs were convinced I was a VIP, so they would call ahead to everyone treating me to warn them of my [imagined] VIP status. This warning must also have been given to the nurses. I never tried very hard to disabuse them of their misconception. When some new person asked if I wasn't "in the media," I would just mumble "yes, something like that."0 -
That coven up top is actually quite spooky0 -
Although you told it in a way that made me laugh, ndgrrl, there was nothing fun about that visit. Seriously, please do not give up getting the annual (or every 2-3 yrs. as your history determines) PAP exams. It is not too late to call for the office manager to tell your tale and hopefully it never happens again. The doctor may or may not know that you had that long of a wait. Sometimes the delays are due to them, but sometimes they are not. Kind of sounds like staff just forgot about you in that room. BTW, don't worry about the janitor walking in, most of them can do a quick, painless PAP and you're outta there in less than 30 minutes. (I'm kidding...pretend I am using a winky smiley here.)
Interesting to read the comments about the BP cuffs. (I did get a fashion compliment on my hot pink jelly-style lymphedema bracelet whilst in the OR. I think it was Meece, who hundreds of pages ago gave a place that we could order a set for free. Impossible to find tha, but if she stops in, maybe she can give the info. again.)0 -
Momine, you just get special treatment everywhere, don't you? (Devil-y smiley.)
p.s. Eph, did you pick me out in the picture yet? Front row, left. You can't tell if her head is demurely downcast because of shyness, or if she has just lowered her head into the "defiance" position, readying for flames to come shooting out of her eyes. That, and the long hair.0 -
I must admit that I lead a very boring medical life. No hospital or dr appt tales to tell here. I guess I will consider that a blessing.
I can't see the top pic for some reason, but will take Eph's word that it is spooky.
HAPPY FRIDAY everyone!0 -
Now I can see it - my computer is really acting up lately. I see you Eli - hope those flames are reserved for the evil hospital staff. I think I resemble the one just behind your left shoulder. A bit shy and full of purity (hence the white dress - lol). Must mean that I have finally found my morals.0 -
Or else you are "sacrifice-of-the-week."0 -
Oh oh - never thought of that! I couldn't be sacrificed so close to my 50th b-day could I. Definitely past the point of even being considered a virgin - lol0 -
Joni - I hadn't even noticed page topper changed. Yikes. Don't think I will claim to be one of them. Funny I usually only see the topper when I log in. Somehow I just put a "b" in the URL box and BCO/this thread comes up 1st so I login on the Middies.
Funny thing. I had to change OBs b4 DD was born as the one I was using quit delivering. I chose a relative of his, went to appt, had exam, talked with him where he told me his educ. background. On the way home I realized I had gone to college with him (10 years earlier) and I think taught him as a lab assistant. We talk all the way thru my exam now.
Ndgrrl - I think I'd have been out in the hall shouting. I can kinda count rooms and just about know when my turn should be. Serves them right. Maybe next time - if there is a next time there - they will treat you with kid gloves like Momine's media status. With the cruddy Femara I hate Pap's too. Agree with Eli that office manager needs to know. Bet they were clearing off callbacks and did forget about you.
About the lymphedema bracelet. I went to the breast center/prosthesis boutique and they gave me a nice pink bracelet. Now that I think about I think that the endo. center put theirs on my L wrist too. I looked in my bookmarks for Meece's link. I think it's there somewhere. More searching.
Oh the "virgin" sacrifice. Wonder if her coven mates made fun of her non-matchy matchy clothing. That is a hilarious picture. Another for my Word files.0 -
Eli & everyone: Below is the link for LE bracelets at Peninsula Medical. Note - on the left there is link to click to get one or two for free. I had two for my last surgery in September but they've disappeared so I'll order more. The hospital also had "bracelets" that said 'limb alert'.0 -
ndgrrl- OMG! What a horrible experience for you!.....but as Eli said..you told it in a way that I had to laugh!0 -
I always asked the patient what they wanted to be addressed as on my very first visit with them. Few preferred a formal address. Many would give a first name and I would usually add a Ms. Mrs. To it as a sign of respect such as Ms. Vickie, when told to call her Vivke and I never rec'd any complaints. I must admit when people were in severe pain I would find myself slipping and using terms like hon or sweetheart while wiping their faces with cloths and trying to get them more comfy. It was never meant as disrespectful but I tried very hard not to let let my self use those terms, because obviously the patent and I do not have that type of relationship.0 -
Eli, yes, I am THAT special
I think I told the story before, but it was because one of DH's clients had set me up my first appointment with my surgeon. The client's secretary tracked down the doc over the weekend, while he was at a conference abroad, and basically ordered him to see me as soon as he was back. The client built the hospital where I was treated and owns a large TV station as well as a cineplex chain, among other things. So that is how the myth of my being a media personality started. Like I said, I didn't try very hard to disabuse them of the notion, since it had some obvious benefits for me to let them dream on. Besides, I do edit academic articles here and there, so strictly speaking I am "in media" 0 -
Chachamom--I wonder if your MO has some sort of arrangement with the surgeon she referred you to.If she couldn't give you scientific back up for her opinion, than it is just her opinion, and since she isn't a surgeon, I wouldn't give it much weight.She can't be specialist in chemo and surgery, after all.You are doing the right thing going back and getting more info, but I'm betting the choice you've made is the best one for you.Your MO should be gagged!
Elimar--deep certainly doesn't rule out laparoscopic surgery, most gastric bypass surgeries are done laparoscopically now.If that isn't deep I don't know what is! And good for you for sticking up for yourself with the nurses!I hope you add that to your survey when it comes!
As a nurse I can tell you all that the use of "hon" and other such terms can be a sign of laziness, especially when giving meds.Patients should be referred to by the name they prefer.It reminds us busy nurses that we are taking care of PEOPLE, not cases or roomnumber.That being said, I have to admit that I have been guilty of this, and have been set straight by a patient a time or two, to my great embarrassment.In the end I appreciate the patients that keep me on the straight and narrow!
One of the businesses I call frequently is based in the South.I like the way they call me "Miss NM".Not stuffily formal and still polite.0 -
NM - you will appreciate this. The LVN I worked with at my last job very southern always called me Miss _____ if she was calling me. I really don't what she called me in talking with others. It never bothered me. I did have someone recently call me "dear" and not in a good way. If I had not been in such a position and state at the time I prob. would have taken his head off. I may be white headed but don't think I'm a "dear" unless of course it gets me a discount.0
