MIDDLE-AGED WOMEN 40-60ish
Comments
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Eph, I was making a bad joke...realized afterward it probably wouldn't come off right!
Eli, i had zero memory issues before cancer/chemo and maybe I would have started with age related memory issues soon after, but chemo definitely threw me into the fire!
The Cheetos story is unbelievable...a warning to us all!0 -
Eph, I was making a bad joke...realized afterward it probably wouldn't come off right!
Eli, i had zero memory issues before cancer/chemo and maybe I would have started with age related memory issues soon after, but chemo definitely threw me into the fire!
The Cheetos story is unbelievable...a warning to us all!0 -
I'm a 43 yr old single mom of a 9 yr old boy. I thought working full time and being a single mom since my son's birth (and my husband of 10+ yrs deciding to aquire a mistress) was hard. Pfft.
This year I've lost a child to miscarriage, lost a relationship with the father after two years, then TWO WEEKS LATER I'm told I have IDC.
PFFT. Criminy. So THANK YOU for being here. I'm glad there's a place I can go where others understand just how sucky this is.0 -
Hello, TessaW. As some of us know quite well, breast cancer can rear its ugly head with some of the very worst timing, when what you really need is a break. But, no, it does not work that way and it just adds to everything else life throws at us. As a single mom, you know how to step up and take care of business when you have to and that is the best approach in dealing with breast cancer, but you made your way here and so you don't have to go through it alone. We have info., and we are happy to lend any support we can. Just let us know. Have you had your surgery yet?0 -
Thanks elimar,
Not yet. It was originally for last Thursday but they said they found more cancer on the other side of the breast as well and had to reschedule to coordinate with a plastic surgeon who can put an expander in.
I wasn't even given any options. I was just tole the ps would be putting in the expander. DON'T I GET A SAY IN THIS??
Then my boss is only planning on me being gone for 3 weeks from what she read online. huh?
She said to ask about a fanny pack to wear and carry continuous meds in while I walked around so I could get back to working.
On FMLA it saves my job but gives no income. As a single mom, what can I do?
Should I let them lay me off so I can go on unemployment?0 -
First thing- a virtual hug for all you are going through. I agree with elimar- you are good a keeping all the "balls in the air" with the priorities as a single mom but this is a large ball with whirly lights and noisemakers.
Now for your boss- this person sounds like a very insensitive person and a boss not considering the major life issue for an employee.
I don't know all ins and outs about unemployment but I do know the employer can contest it which could draw things out for benefits to you.
She can read all she wants online but your surgeon and oncologist are the ones to plan your length of recovery so tell her to forget the fanny pack til you know whats going on.
Here are some things I am thinking- not to be nosy just for you to consider yourself- Does the state you live in have disability pay you can apply for? Can your co-workers donate PTO time for you to use? Is there any option for working a reduced schedule or from home?
The american cancer society has a lot of information on resources like rides to treatment etc. and there may be a cancer center in your town with local resources so maybe check them out.
We are here for you- its a tough road but so much easier with others sharing the journey to listen and support.0 -
Hey everyone!
Nov 5th was my five-year mark........
Really don't know what to think about it........
Didn't say much about it to anybody. Went to Medical Records at the Hospital that morning & when I had to sign/date the release form, I realized the date at that time. Said it aloud to the gal there. And mentioned it to a casual acquaintance in WalMart, a gal that I only know by her first name. Crazy, huh?!? And, unfortunately, I had to remind my DH that night about it.... but, in his defense I must say..... he had taken a bad fall in the neighbor's muddy ditch while returning from hunting & was in extreme pain. (ended up being a long night & a long day the following day-he actually has a separated shoulder from it!!)
Five years.........ummm....... felt like any other day......
I do want to say that I am very, very thankful for each & every one of you.
Every single day.
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Valjean
Congrats on your 5-year "anniversary" I hope to be where you are 5 years from now. If it was a day like any other for you I am encouraged that life in fact does go on!
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Dianarose ~A very special BEST WISHES to you for your upcoming nuptuals!
I am so very happy for you!
Welcome to the newbies. I am glad you found us.
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Thanks wyo, I need all the hugs I can get right now.
Actually, I did check into short term disability. Even though I'm a 40 hr employee I don't qualify for disability unless I belong to their benefit program which is more expensive than what I'm paying now. Should I pay the extra for theirs if it gets me disability? When I'm off work I don't know how I'll pay for ANYTHING.
I'm a preschool teacher so I can't work from home for sure, but a reduced hour schedule ( no more 10 hr days!) would be nice if just to see my own little boy more. A co-worker of mine did say she would be willing to donate PTO if it was allowed. (One of the few actually helpful things someone has said.
) I don't know if that's allowed though.
I'll definitely check on whats available in town.
Thanks for being here.0 -
Tessa, you absolutely get a say with regard to the recon. You do not have to be reconstructed, and even if you want reconstruction it does not have to be started immediately. The recovery is much easier without the TE. If you need advice/input etc check out the "living without recon" forum here on BCO.0 -
Congratulations Valjean
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TessaW--
YES, YOU HAVE A SAY IN WHAT PROCEDURES ARE DONE TO YOU!!!!!!!
The first thing you need to do is get a consultation appointment with at least 2 plastic surgeons, from different offices/practices, from different geographic locations if possible.Find out what all your options are.Have another appointment with the breast surgeon, find out what your options are there.Mastectomy, skin sparing mastectomy, lumpectomy, no surgery, radiation, chemo before surgery.There are probably even more options.I would highly recommend interviewing at least one other breast surgeon, too, the current one not giving you your options is blatant malpractice.Have you seen an oncologist yet?Get a referral to one BEFORE making any more treatment choices.When you see the oncologist ask to see the social worker, that person can help you with financial decisions and help you connect with the ADA (cancer is an automatic disability) and can help you advocate for yourself with your employer.
Someone already said this, but you do not need to do recon immediately.I took time between my mastectomy and recon to research my options more thoroughly, and was very glad I did.The best option for me wasn't available in my area, I had to travel and it took some time to set up everything.
Your boss making work decisions based on social media information is pretty stupid.I would ignore him/her, or just say your doctor hasn't told you yet what the restrictions will be.Your boss can make all the plans he/she wants, but that doesn't mean the reality will match up.0 -
Welcome, TessaW. You will be amazed as to what you can do. I was a single mom of three, two who were teenagers and still at home. My marriage of 22 years ended a couple of months prior to starting the battle. It was doable, and I fought not only for my kids, but to show certain people that I was strong and capable. I had surgery on a Friday and was back to work Monday. I missed some full days when I couldn't schedule chemo in the afternoon (one day every three weeks at most) , scheduled rads during my lunch hour, and missed 2 days due to nausea. If wimpy me can do this YOU CAN get through this.
Unfortunately, not every employer is covered for FLMA. The FMLA applies to any employer in the private sector who engages in commerce, or in any industry or activity affecting commerce, and who has 50 or more employees each working day during at least 20 calendar weeks in the current or preceding calendar year. I had one employer who fought this because each branch of their business did not have 50 employees. The other employer I had since BC made me use up all of my PTO before I could take a FMLA day off for scans or dr, appointments. This meant I never got a vacation day to relax. Something needs to be done to change this program.
Not every cancer is treated the same way. Not every chemo can be or is delivered by the pack. Just because your boss thinks you should have it doesn't mean your doctor will agree. AND just because you are mobile carrying the pack, does not mean you won't feel the effects of chemo, the nausea, the exhaustion, and other SEs.0 -
Welcome Tessa - Lots of support and encouragement to be found here - as you can see from the wonderful posts already. Sending (hugs) and hopes for everything to fall into place for you. Of course not everything will be straightforward, but hopefully you will be able to navigate through all of the decisions to be made without too much stress.
Val - congrats on 5 years. So glad that you are able to have it pass by as "just another day".0 -
Tessa- With so much racing through your mind, the first step I would recommend is BREATHE. Most cancers are slow growing, and like someone else said, you don't have to make immediate decisions that will affect the rest of your life while you are unclear of the best path.
When the first breast surgeon I met with offered me no alternatives to mastectomy (and scheduled me for one three days later), I met with another. The second one took a lot more time to explain exactly what my case looked like to him and confirmed that a mastectomy was what he would recommend. I asked about a skin and nipple sparing mast, and for me it was an option, and is what I had about a month later. Above all, I had confidence and faith in the second doctor, which dramatically lessoned the fear and panic I felt after meeting with the first.
Your medical center should be able to provide you with additional resources of support. Let the breast counselor there (if there is one) know that you are concerned about finances, physical and emotional support, and they should help provide answers or give you contact info to find them.
Information is power, and if you can get beyond the first emotional hurdle, you can discover the options that will work best for YOU. They are not the same for everyone. Making decisions with a clear head will give you relief and the ability to take the next steps one by one.0 -
Welcome, wyo! Thanks for the advice that you (and so many others) had to offer TessaW.
TessaW, I think all of the posts had sound advice for you. To me, it seems that the healthcare workers are all familiar with how they "do" cancer, and it can be a fast track to treatment, without concern for your understanding of all the choices. Unless they have told you that you have one of the rare extremely aggressive B/Cs, then do not be afraid to apply the brakes a little in order to get a better understanding of what you will go through, and get enough info. to make an informed choice on recon. options.
Valjean! Happy to celebrate with you, my sister-lady-girlfriend! I am following in your footsteps (hopefully.) We all know that the five year point is no magic get out of cancer-jail free card for the ER+ gals, but I have always felt it was a milestone well worth celebrating because only if you make it to the five year point can you set your sights even further, 10 years and beyond. Every year out is worth rejoicing, really. If it was just like any other day, maybe it's because your new normal is not that far removed from old normal. Congrats!!!!!!!
Howz this for a happy dance?
p.s. That reminds me...my hair is about that short now, only with bangs. I chopped it off a week ago and once again donated to Pantene's Beautiful Lengths.0 -
Phew - Eli - you certainly seem to be recovering well being able to dance like that. I can't move like that on my best days! Way to go with the hair donation also. I am trying to get my hair long again - is crazy curly so some days I wonder if it will make it.0 -
Hello "middle aged" sisters! Turned 53 in August, and will celebrate my "cancerversary" in March. Five years! Woo hoo! After almost 5 years on tamoxifen, my MO is talking about switching me to an AI by my next 6 month appt. SEs on tamox were fairly manageable, but lately I have had increased bone and muscle pain. My hips hurt so much. Sleeping is difficult due to the pain. Sometimes I even limp. Is this something that happens so far into tamox treatment? And now I'm wondering what the switch to an AI will have in store for me.
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answering as I read...ValJean, please celebrate. Don't look back...that's done. Ahead is only good for you0 -
TessaW, do you work for a company with a human resources department? If so, I would go there and get information about your medical rights, etc. If you get laid off you can keep your health insurance through COBRA but it is so expensive!! Unemployment is helpful but Congress talks about cutting the length of time you can be on it. The American Cancer Society is a good place to start, too, or there should be a patient advocate at your hospital or cancer center who can guide you regarding finances, etc. My husband was laid off while I was going through chemo (I'm not working) so I know financial stress is not helpful! I would check Susan G Komen, too, and any other breast cancer org. you know of. There is financial help/guidance out there somewhere! Your boss sounds like she may be trying to be helpful but I agree with others: tell her you will be guided by your doctors, not the Internet, thank you very much. Your docs have letters you can give your employer saying how much time you need to take off. Judging by friends' experiences, disability often takes a long time to get. Be ready for people to do and say all kinds of surprising and insensitive things. In most cases, they just don't know any better. It can be shocking but be strong and positive when you can!
I don't post here regularly but I do read often. I am a friend of DianaRose as we went through chemo at the same time.0 -
Thanks for the Congrats everyone on my milestone.E ~ Love the Happy Dance!
And that reminds me, I need to take a day to shop for new jeans. Geez, I hate doing that. (like shopping for bras & bathing suits!!) Why is it soooo hard to find jeans that are set below the waist but not with a 4" little zipper or so so that they come down in the back when you bend over???? I don't want them to fit directly at the waist, but not like bikinis either. Ugh! Any recommendations of good fitting jeans?
(marlegal ~ I will remember what you said.)
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Val, belated congrats and for the jeans, I know exactly what you mean. Last year I had really good luck at Benetton - their "classic cut" jeans, I think they were called. They fit really well, even if you have actual hips and stuff, yet do not look like mom jeans.0 -
welcome nwood - and happy for you on your 5 yr milestone!! I have been on tamox for a little over 2 yrs. I find the joint pain still comes and goes and for some reason the hot flushes seem to be happening more often lately. Sorry can't help with the AI question. But wanted to say hi.
Jeannie - nice to see your smiling face!
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Welcome Tessa and Nancy.
Congrats Valjean. WOOHOO!.
About the jeans. I know some rave about Not My Daughters Jeans but the price is outrageous and I'm not an online shopper for clothes. They say they try them on, get the correct style # and wait for an online sale. My experience with jeans is they all fit differently same size style # pulled right off the same shelf. I decided since I'm basically built like a man with all my weight up front I'm going to try on mens jeans. Put my DH's denim shorts on and they fit pretty perfectly just tiny bit tight in waist so need to go up to next size. I bought a pair of Lee's at WalMart that are going back today. The placket on the zipper will not lay flat other than that they fit OK for jeans. I have never bought 2 pair of jeans. I usually have one pair, wear it out and move it to junk jeans, then buy another good pair. But I'm with you with jean and bra shopping. No where to swim and since we never! travel I don't see a swimsuit again.0 -
Welcome nwood450, I never thought I would say this but, you know, if I were a doctor, I would probably have to check on the bone pain you are having. I mean with a bone scan. You might want to have that done. Your call. It is probably nothing more than the osteoarthritis that comes with our middle years, but if you are actually limping, it may be a good idea to check it further. If you are considering a switch to an AI, I would suggest a DEXA bone scan to you prior to starting. To me, the big drawback to the AIs is the bone loss, and so I would want a baseline of how my bones were doing before starting an AI and then I'd keep an eye on them with yearlty or bi-yearly (depending on how dense they were to begin with) follow-up scans. All that being said, it is wonderful that you are approaching your five year mark. Our social calendars are open for a big celebration with you in March.
I only did three years of Tamox., so I'd like to throw out my own related question to anyont who has done both Tamox. and AIs: I've heard AI flashes are worse than Tamox., true or not?0 -
Thanks for the welcome and your insight. My MO told me she will be doing a bone density test prior to changing my meds. I mentioned the bone pain at my last onco appt. in October. She didn't seem concerned but truthfully the pain has increased since then. Maybe it is just my older body making noise. I hope so. Why is it that the uncertainty never truly leaves you on this journey?0 -
Valjean: I've had good luck w/Coldwater Creek jeans in the past but I wait until there's a 35-50% sale. I don't like the "classic" - high waist. I buy the "natural" - slightly below the waist but not low in the back like you're describing. That said - they've messed w/the front pockets this year and they are too short to even keep keys. Sigh.
Luv: I agree about men's jeans. That's all I wore for years because I could get them long enough. With all my continuing weight loss from chemo, I'm ready to go back.0 -
Eli, I did 3.5 yrs of tamox and then1.5 of aromasin. My hot flashes and night sweats dropped by 75% on aromasin, it was heaven!
Jeans, I found a pair of Elle jeans at Kohls that I loved, so I got two blue and one black. They'll tide me over for many years, or until I get serious about losing some weight!0 -
Thanks for all the jean recommendations! I'll have to check them out. I do have a Coldwater Creek shop 20 miles from me. I've never tried on the Elle jeans in Kohl's. I have Dockers now. They seem to fit me the best (they fit me great in the waist & hip bone area with no gap in the back, but they are the wide leg ones & I'd like some sort of a boot cut one. Every pair I try on are either too low, too big in the waist with that stupid gap in the back (I'm on the small side there) &/or too tight in the upper thigh.
luvmygoats ~ Omg, I soooo agree with you - I can take 2-3-4 pairs of the same style # jeans in to try on & they will all fit differently!!! Some friends think I'm crazy for doing that!! My DD's think I'm nuts! I have always wanted to try on the Not Your Daughter's Jeans (they have them in my Younkers) but haven't yet. Yeah, that's what I'd do-try them on & wait for an online sale. (Hey, gals, isn't that always the way to go?!? Wait for those BIG sales?!?)
nwood450 ~ Welcome! Before I began my AI, my doctor ordered a baseline DXA scan & I have had two since to monitor. I did not use Tamoxifen, being post-menopausal I was started out directly on Aromasin. I do agree with elimar in having a Bone Scan to rule out anything serious for the bone pain you are having. I hope you let us know what you decide.
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