CALLING ALL STAGE I SISTERS
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BB sorry you joined the club, but glad you came to this place.......love and support abide here, and you will get some of the best advice you will ever get at this time.........it is scary, I am 10 weeks into it, and will start Rads on Monday....I won't tell you its gonna be fine, but I will tell you that the more you find out, the better it becomes..........not knowing is the worst part........I cried for days, and from the moment they said "see a BS, I remember nothing from that day on" Now I am feeling better, and can face whatever comes my way............You will too, I will pray for you, hugs, and much love.
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Ducky- keep the aloe vera handy....I had my mps playing the entire time...I went through rads just before christmas and they kept playing Christmas carolls...did me in...Dolly PArton singing Christmas carolls..no one even noticed he irony of Dolly singing at me while I had my breast radiated...little bit of black humour....but music...a book for the waiting room...and last, but not least, I brought a shawl...different colours, every day I went in (except the first two when I had no idea...day one I 3was fully dressed until i went in and day two they asked me to change into a johnny shirt....I was a mess by the time I got into the room...)the shawl somehow made me feel more like me and not a number and it also made me feel less exposed with boobs unbra'ed if you know what I mean.....just felt better somehow. some people bring a friend with them....I went alone and was ok....I did not get tired physically...just emotionally spent some days from putting on a happy face ....I can tell you....it will be fine Ducky....you will be ok. We are here to guide you through..
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bb, so sorry you joined our club. Hugs!
Melmes, I too had a re-excision and it was fine!
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BB you are normal in feeling scared and overwhelmed. This is a long journey filled with many different emotions. The important thing is to remember they are all normal and it is ok to feel them. Do not let anyone minimize what you are going through. Remember too though that they don't get it. That is why this is such a good place to come to.
Ask lots of questions and bring a notebook to write the answers you get down. My husband did that at every appt. because there is so much info thrown at you.
Find out all your options. You will be grieving and grieving has ups and downs and many different aspects to it. Be gentle with yourself.
Take care
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I agree with determined- I write everything down and for he first appointment when the radiologist explained everything to me, I asked if I could record it incase I forgot and needed to remind myself of what was said...it has been helpful
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Sandeeonherown...........Thanks, for the encouragement..........I know what you mean about "full exposure".......My son took me yesterday (really not necessary, but he don't take no for an answer)........While we were in the waiting room, a handsome, young guy came and and said "Genevieve Barbieri" (name), and I turned to my son and said "oh Jesus I hope he is just the "greeter", well of course he wasn't..............He told me what changing room to go into, put that gown on he says, and come out when your ready......................Well I was not ready then, and I'm still not ready,but I did what i was told..............Still figured "oh he is probably a helper who tells everyone what to do.................................OOOOOHHHHHHH, no, he brings me to a room (mucho equipment) and says "sit on that table, which was underneath this huge machine.......................I did exactly that, and then a woman came into the room, said "Hi", I'm (whoever the hell she was), I thought "great she is going to do everything, and he is leaving".......................OOHHHHHH no, at that point he said "ok, take off the robe"............I thought..............young man, I hope your ready for this, cause this isn't pretty".....................at that point I thought "what the hell, he's not going anywhere, and just figured "honey, if you can handle this, so can I.......................End of story.
I thought the last time I lost all my modestly was when I had kids (6), but this is another case of "oh my God do I have to strip again"..................So I am joining the April Rads ladies, and will let everyone know how it goes, and will be back often for advice................Here goes the "big girl panties" again..............hugs.
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Ducky, I think we all begin to feel like the woman who posted several months on another thread "you know you have cancer when" you're at the Dentist and you immediately start to pull up your shirt when you see the white coat.
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Hi all! I found out yesterday that I will need to do 38 days of radiation treatments and I still don't know about what kind or how much chemo I need, which is driving me very crazy. I am also trying and needing to go back to work. It really never ends!
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Chabba, I probably read that one, but don't remember it..................however, that is hysterical, and true................Believe me when that young good looking guy (who could have been the age of some of my grandsons....................said "take off your robed", I almost shit-, my pants, and like I said thought ..................Ok sweety, if you can what your about to see, so can I"....
When I got outside, my son said to me "Did the guy who took you back have anything to do with you once he got you there"............I said "oh yea", he said "is he still ok"................we both roared, and just kept walking..............I said "the woman said to me "well on Monday you will see either me, Hope, or Mark"...........................I thought.............oh poor Mark.........Imagine that early in the morning.............Sure hope he doesn't eat first.
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You're too funny Ducky.
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Ducky- I had only one guy doing my rads and a few different women...they all saw me bawling (day 1, 2, 6, 9 and 15).....just emotionally drained those days....related to whether or not my ipod was working acually...Dolly PArton Christmas carolls did me in one day so they never played them again...on day 13, I forgot to plug in my machine so I said ' no worries. I will just put the plugs in so I can't hear the damn machine"...he said " we have other music...and started reading it off..we decided on the tragically hip....on my last day, I bgouht them home made candy and then made a cd of 'music for radiated mamas'....and sent it to Marc with a thank you....I know they have seen it all....but I felt soooo exposed....the shawl really really did help...and being perfectly blunt when I entered the room each day. I would warn them " this is an emotional day...I am a basketcase so I will likely cry through it...just ignore me"...and bless them, they did exactly as I asked....
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♥ ♥ ♥
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Hello,
My name is Debbie and I'm in Memphis TN. I was diagnosed on March 5 2011. I had a lumpectomy on March 11 and I started radiation 2 weeks ago. I have 4 more weeks to go. I have also started taking Arimidex.
I was Stage 1 Grade 1. My nodes were clear, Thank God. ER+/PR+
I still have a hard time saying "I was diagnosed". It just seems very foreign to me.
Both of my parents died of cancer. My Mom had Multiple Myleoma and my Dad had lung cancer.
So far the radiation is going well.......the main thing bothering me is the pain from the surgery. I told my Dr. that my boob feels like a volcano and it's about to erupt right out my nipple! That's the only way I could explain it. I have a feeling he has never heard it put that way. I feel he may have been the nerd in his class because I was telling him I sure would like to have someone drive me to my treatments everyday......I said "Instead of it being Driving Miss Daisy.....I said it would be Driving Miss Debbie"!!!!! He got the total deer in the headlight look......I said haven't you ever watched "Driving Miss Daisy"???? Still the deer in the headlight look......so I was like....Nevermind!!!!!
I am finally passed the depression. I am ready to get this over and get on with my life!
I look forward to becoming an "Official Sister"!!!!
Is there an initiation process????? Hee Hee! Debbie
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Debbie- consider yourself officiated my dear (I know hta is not a word but it sounded fun to write!). our diagnosis is very similar....'best case scnenario' I was told... so that brought relief at the time. It is a scary time for sure....be aware that even though you have moved out of 'depressio; you may still have some bad days so give youself the 24 hour rule...(ie. today is crap but tomorrow will be better when I wake up!)...it works:) Welcome Debbie!
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Debbie, great advice from Sandeeonherown...........My diagnosis and yours, and Sandee, is about the same............Yes it is a scary time. At the time depression was my best friend for a little while, then finally it got better, but Sandee is right, you still have bad days, and she is also right, don't allow it to continue, and don't give in to it.......I live alone, and I am retired, so I have much time to sit and dwell on the negative. I did that for longer then I should have right after the BS said to me "I am certain this mass is malignant"..........I saw nothing, heard nothing, did nothing, for close to 1 week. I was allowed to do that, and I did, but now after I am rounding the corner, and can see the road ahead, I try to think positive thoughts, and with the new spring, come new thoghts, and new hope.................Am I still scared, your damn right I am, but I refuse to let it consume me..........I have a saying "I had cancer, it did not have me"...........
Although I got in trouble on another thread for saying what I just said to you........but that is my feeling, and many women have given me some "tough love" on this website, and snapped me out of my depressive state..............apparently I gave advice to the wrong person.......hugs.
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Thanks for the wonderful welcome.
Ducky, my surgeon said the same thing....even before the biopsy.....he said it was malignant! I was like you in a total fog and I looked at him and said.....but it MIGHT not be!!!!! He just kinda gave me "the Look".
I also live alone and I am kinda glad I was alone durig the depression period.....I could cry and scream and yell and notbody was there to look at me like I'm an idiot.
I am a real people person but lately I have been enjoying my alone time. I have a lake house in Arkansas and I have been going there every weekend and watching spring come to full bloom. It has been wonderful.
Sandee I got the "best case scenario" and "If you have to have it this is the best kind to have"! All I wanted to yell at them was this is that awful nasty "C" word that took both of my parents. My mom was only 62 when it took her. My kids do not remember the grandmother who loved them more than life. I HATE the word. When I talk about it I just say they took THAT THING out of my body!!!
Last week I had a couple of down days. For some reason after my radiation treatments I would get nauseous and it would last for about 2 hours. The Doctor and the Tech's said it was no way it could be the radiation.....I felt like I was losing my mind.....I would get so sick I couldn't lift my head off the pillow......I layed in bed and cried....Ok....I'm tired of this.....I don't want to play this game anymore if I am going to have to have 4 more weeks of this. Then another Pink Warrior Sister asked me if I had started a new medication.....then I remembered I started the Arimidex the same time I started the radiation. I looked up the side effects of the Arimidex and nausea is one of them......so it did make me feel better that I wasn't completely losing my mind!!!!
Have either of you had any weird side effects from the radiation?????
I want to get in my big jacuzzi bathtub and just soak but from what I hear that is a no no!!!! It sure would be a wonderful stress reliever!
Thanks again for such a warm welcome. I look forward to more conversations......Oh and Ducky I almost peed my pants reading your posts!!!!! Yep modesty flies out the door during all this!!!!
Debbie
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Debbie/Ducky- sometimes we do not take advice well...depends on our head so don't take it personally Ducky. You are entitled to your opinion...the down days are dark for sure. Afer each appointment, I would go to my car and then cry..get it together and return to work...go home and cry for a couple of horus. I was living with a roomie for the summer and she was more angry than I was....I was just devastated....not angry...scared of the unknown....heart stuff runs in my family...not cancer so I had no baseline to refer to really...Being a lone means you can wallow a bit and can process but make sure you get out with people too....I have really reached out to friends and coworkers..they ahve been a gift to my soul. ...and they also needed me to reach out to them. They moved me, ...tried to feed me...helped me lift things....cried with and for me...held me...all necessary things on the road to processing.
Debbie, I also started my anti-estrogen at the same time as rads because I could not fathom the idea of starting and stopping one more thing....I was physically ok but an emotional basketcase....warned my rad technicians that I would likely cry through half of them ( I only cried through a third) but it was probably because I was doing the "I'm fine " thing with everyone and working full time as well...I used aloe vera liberally....my skin stayed 'beautiful' throughout (the technician's words) and did not start to burn until radiation was over. Did not initially take the cortisone they offered as my skin did not look like it would need it but by 3 days post-rads, (pre-Christmas flight home to OTtawa) I was at their doorstep asking for cortisone or a prescription for it so...take whatever they offer just in case you need it.
Keep us posted on how you are doing you two!
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Debbie welcome this is a great place for support. Glad your rads is going Ok for you so for.
Ducky-I know what you mean about the young good looking guy. But that happend to be my RO. When I first met him I thought Oh why can't he be some old nerdy Dr. But no had to undress for him every week. My DH nicknamed him pretty boy. hehe.
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Welcome Debbie & any other newbies I may have missed.
I wanted to stop by on my way to bed & tell everyone how much I apprecitate you & that I hope you have a peaceful, beautiful Sunday.
Love & Hugs to all.
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Aw Debbie, welcome- I am just sorry you had to go through the damn *initiation* on your own. On any given day, or moment for that matter, I range from blinding despair to sunshine optimism.
Nature of the beast. Fear over what happened to loved ones in the past rears its ugly head at times. I finally told my hubby yesterday about one thing that has been hard to get past...I started off yesterday in a bad place for whatever reason-I told him that everyone I had loved who had cancer (my Dad and brother-along with other relatives-but those two of course, had the biggest impact) had died. That was apparently imprinted on my psyche- my brother (rare at that time cancer of the thymus gland) on his 13th birthday (which just happened to make it so much more poignant- I was 7) and then my Dad at 76 (colon cancer) when I was 34 . Gratefully, hubby did not really say anything other than listen very closely as it all came pouring out of me...it is so odd...I became so angry at him several years ago when he told me being so young when losing my brother and my sister (she died from a pulmonary embolism at 22 when I was 12) had hurt/impacted far more than I thought- it really ANGERED beyond all reason. I was furious at him. How dare he say something like to ME. Ahhh, as you might imagine, it turns out he was right. It hit me gradually over the years after he DARED (it was a brave thing for him to do as I do not take any hint that I am less than iron woman well) say that to me that perhaps there was more truth to it than I knew. It helped me look at my reactions, thoughts and feelings to things in my life and I could so see the connections. I learned loss so friggin early with my big bro, then, as if to have it reinforced, losing my big sister a few years later. Mom and Dad did so much to help ease the pain but there is only so much that any other person can do when horrid things like that happen. Ack. I am crying now as I write this but they are tears filled with so much more than sadness. I miss them all so much but they are truly alive in me and somehow, I feel the hope, love and strength they send to me. I may be 54 but I am still the little kid inside.They weren't saints but they were so large in my life....loving me completely (what a wonderful thing to feel)- the pesky spoiled with love little sister that I was, showing me what to do/taking care of me as we all hope our own kids will do for each other and mystically, they do so today. Easter- loss and renewal.
no matter your faith, I hope all of you find a taste of hope and healing today...big hugs
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annette- hard to lose peopl ewe love at a young age...it does indeed impact us ...does not mean in a negative way necessarily...but it has an affect. I chose not to have kids as my mom was sick all the time when I was young (age 10 on) and I did not want to potentially do that to my kids..and dad had heart attack after heart attack...and kept on living his life,,,he would live hard, have a heart attack, find GOD for awhile and then live hard again...it has had an impact on all kinds of things for me. We are not iron women....only some times.
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hugging you Sandee and handing over the other chocolate bunny I had stashed:)
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(((((((((((((((((((Annettek)))))))))))))))))))))
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Trust your doctors advice.
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Thanks Annette...love the tshirt deborye! Sometimes youth hang out on the street corner by the library and give out free hugs...maybe I should pop down there to see if I can get one in person! all will be well....just tired:) thanks for the bunny Annette!
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<quietly nibbling on my last bunny before startingon damn presentation>>>>ack
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Annette- your presentation will be great, I am certain! The sugar form the bunny should get you all fired up!
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Hi all! I am heading back to work, May 4th, my four weeks off from my surgeries are about up. Which truthfully, I am very much ready to go back. Doing something to take my mind off of all of this will be good, rather than sit around and think about it. Also in May, I start will have 38 days of radiation therapy. Does it hurt? My rad., onc., has me using some creams for my incisions and for the skin around them. I still don't know about chemo. I don't like that at all.
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((Annettek)) your storey moved me... It's wonderful you were able to talk to your DH.
Bren, check out some of the older rad sites. I had 33 with 5 boosts, no chemo. It's really important to use the aloe or creams. I would go for the rad at 7:15 am then head into work. I had a tube of aloe at my desk and would slather myself about every hour. It's doable, expect sometimes being tired and just rest when you can. I actually took naps during my lunch hour.
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Brenilea- ditto on the aloe...I bought a huge bottle of it and put it on morning, noon and night....though I only had 16 rads...I was actually not physically tired from it at all...my rad oncologist said he had not expected me to have any because I am a very energetic person and very positive....I was emotionally spent though....I went to work every day..taught a teacher training course in the ams and gave feedback, saw students and dealt with their issues at lunch and then would go to rads inthe pm...and usually return to work for another 2 hours...saw me through for sure....bu by the end of it, I was emotionally spent and not feeling very forgiving when more than the usual was expected of me (lost my mind on my boss the 2nd last day...a shining moment in some ways...and a lack of control in others...a clear indicator that I had had enogh)...bring a book, music, a friend..I brought a colourdul scarf/shawl with me each time..helped me to feelless 'exposed'....good luck with it....
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Trust your doctors advice.