CALLING ALL STAGE I SISTERS
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Hi, Girls - I have my first oncologist visit today in about two hours. I am nervous but also really ready just to have the cards laid on the table and know what the hand is. It's hard work staying positive and emotionally strong and so forth with so many unknown factors hanging over my head. Also, my stupid lumpectomy boob still hurts. I have noticed I wake up and it is OK, but over the course of the day it grows increasingly more sore - so I am of the opinion this is because I am left handed, it's on the left side, and I'm just over-using over the course of the day. I'm going to try to take it easier. And finally - does anyone else have a weird emotional cycle going on? I work SO HARD to stay positive and upbeat all day, and I'm in a good mood and in a good mood, and then by the time I get home I'm so tired that any little thing sets me off and gets me down, and then I just want to go to bed. My DH is trying to be supportive, but he has a demanding job and commute (newspaper editor in a town an hour away) and he's worried about me and about the kids and about finances as well as about work, and so he is actually VERY negative, only he doesn't see it and refuses to acknowledge it, because he WANTS to be supportive, so he thinks that he IS. But in the end, he can't be - because he has meetings to cover every night an hour away and I'm coming home exhausted from work only to pick up the girls and get them home/dinner/baths & etc. And it's all so stressful I can't even stand it, and all we do is fight about it. Which makes me feel even more worn down and discouraged. And I really AM trying to stay upbeat and positive, but I'm so tired from stressing and working so hard to stay on top of everything, and I just - GAH! Sorry, I'm rambling. I'm freaking out about the oncologist visit and displacing that on other concerns. Apologies.
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CONGRATULATIONS, Barbara! You deserve a hot fudge sundae!!
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(((HUGS))) for you Melmes. The onc visit will go fine, I just know it.
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Melmes don't apologize and realize that what you are going through is huge. It is life changing. There is a grieving that you are going through with all the stages that someone who loses a loved one goes through. And it is fluid, sometimes you are sad sometimes anxious sometimes angry and it can go back and forth and all over. The amount of info you have been given in a short time is overwhelming. Decisions are stressful. So it is no wonder you are tired and pain makes it worse. My husband told me the thing he really learned from me this past year is he doesn't need to fix anything he just needs to listen. Maybe that would help for your husband to know if he doesn't right now. Be sure to have a list of questions for the Oncologist and something to write the info down on. Good luck we will be thinking about you.
You can't be postive all the time and expecting yourself to be puts a lot of pressure on you. Be gentle with yourself.
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Melmes ~ I can't add anything more to what determined (great post, by the way) said in the previous post. Be easy on yourself, dear sister/friend. And, never apologize here for any "unloading" you may do. We are here to listen, comfort, console, & to, just plain & simple, be HERE for you. Okay? {{hugs}} We have all gone through it or something similar or may in the future.
Meecie ~ Yes, I did forget that if one is not logged in, you do not see the avatars. One of those "aromasin moments"; seems I am having them more often. It's so embarrassing & maddening at the same time. The relative I speak of would go to great extremes to find out what she "thinks" she should know.......awful to have a relative like that.
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Barbara ~ Whoot! Whoot! Great news on the mammo! ((hugs))0
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Melmes - Be gentle with yourself. It is a very emotional time for you but you will get through this. You have found a great group of very supportive ladies. Hang with us - we have been there and know what you are going through.
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Yay BarbaraA!!!!
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Melmes HUGS this is a very overehelming time for you. Never appoligize here for ranting and keep us posted.
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But can't someone log in as a sister etc and get registered and then be able to see stuff?
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Determined - Yes they can. We all hope we don't have stalkers that say they are sisters.
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Determined - also if you use the same screen name for other things, like email or instant messaging, they can google and read all of your posts without being sisters....I learned that one the hard way.
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MELMES- We have got your back..come here to say whatever ...whatever you need to say...it IS hard to stay positive some days...and at the end of the day when we are tired or disappointed with our bodies or both...yeah...emotionally it is hard. My breast is also sore...it is my left also...add a stent to that side of my body and I feel pretty damn betrayed by it...I am ambidexrous so use both arms a lot but I find that my breast is sorer on rainy , damp days (today),or when I wear certain bras (even the nowire one I wore today which somehow does not feel supportive right now)...some days it is just sore for no reason..healing where I cannot see the healing happening? scar tissueforming? I massage every day to ensure it stays supple but ....some days I jus want to cry because my new normal....well, it just sisn't what it was 10 months ago. So I get it...
As for relationship issues....I am rebuilding my relationship with my sister as a result of breast cancer and heart break....and reactions from her about it and me about it...my ex partner is feeling guilty he is not here and is experiencing his own crap and can't be here more than he can and I just want to run away...far far away....so I yeah....it can be hard even if you are a sunny personl to stay sunny all the time..that is what these threads are for...to let it out so you can carry on.
Hope the rest of he day went better for you.
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re. avatars and peoplepeepers...I have received 3 different spam messages from people trying to sell cures for cancer..have sent them to the moderators and they have blocked them immediately..bu tit does say that anyone can log in as someone if they shold so choose...no idea why they would want to but....there you go....is a bit disconcerting.
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sandee - I have heard of others receiving spam messages. That is a scary thought. It also takes a very sick person to do something like that. Just when you think you are in a safe place......
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Thank you so much for all the support, ladies - you are amazing! I am so glad I found this forum and this thread in this forum!!!
The oncologist's appt. went surprisingly well. He agrees the re-excision is necessary for clear margins - Boooooo. BUT, he agrees with me about the chemo's being necessary, thank goodness, so I'll be on Taxere + Cytoxin x 4 rounds, followed by 35 radiation treatments. After, I'll be on Tamoxifen and another hormone inhibitor for five years (Tamoxifen) and ten years (the other one). I'm to start Calcium and Vitamin D supplements tonight and take them through the full treatment to avoid osteoporosis. I do have to do the genetic testing, and if it turns out positive he's recommending I lose all of my girlie parts - but for right now, I get to keep everything except the tissue samples and the lump.The testing doesn't have to happen right away, and if we WANT to, we can still have another baby after treatment/ suspend Tamoxifen or try to conceive after Tamoxifen treatments are over, assuming genetic testing and scans come back clear. We wouldn't necessarily do that, but it is nice to know the card is still in the deck if we wanted to (I had planned on getting to ABD and then trying for a third child, although now of course the doctoral work has been pushed back a year as well). So I'm in for a helluva year, but in the end - chances of my never developing breast cancer again in this lifetime following treatment: 95%. Chances of my recovering fully from this go-round: a practically-guaranteed (even though they can't really say that because of liability issues) 100%...he seems extremely, extremely certain this is going away, genetic involvement or no genetic involvement. I am so relieved. I will take those odds every day!
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melmes - Sounds like you have a good plan in place and still have the opportunity to make some decisions about doing the genetic testing and having more children. The initial waiting is the toughest and that is now behind you.
The sisters here are great. Stick around with us - we will get you through this.
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MELMES- sosoooosooosoooo great!!! write this stuff out on cards and post it wherever your desk is so on the days you feel fearful, yo uare visually reminded of what he said!!! Such great news
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(((barbara))) Good News
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Thanks Michelle and Sheila. I slept for 9.5 hours. Really needed that.
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Melmes sounds like you have a good plan and it is always comforting to know you and your Dr. are on the same page. Good Luck with your chemo and we will pray that your genetic testing comes back negative.
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hello sistas
yes i was banned.my GD read me the riot act.you came to vist not to go on the puter....so its takin me days to catch up.im gettin there slowly...im glad to be back.
as usual there is the good,the bad and the ugly...Barb-a belated congrats.you go girl---JO JO welcome home.great pic.I feel the same as you do about a pic.hey you never know.if i wanted to advertise it all i had to do was put it on facebook.no thank you.
welcome newbes---the sistas are all sistas.
i went to PT today thinking i had lymphedema.welll i was wrong.i have edema.nice.so i have to wear a compression bra,go 2x a week for massages,do self massages for 3-4 weeks.wonderful.just what i needed after a week of playin with my darling GGrandson.
Does anyone know anything about this crap?????i know its curable and kinda rare and actually just when you think your done...guess what????that damn beast sticks its ugly head up again reminding you that HEY GUESS WHAT....IM HERE....BC sure does suk.
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granny - Can't help you with the edema but I can send you a big (((HUG))). You will get through this - you are a very strong gal and I know you fight dirty so the beast just better watch out who he is messing with.
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Thank you all for the warm greetings!!!!
I am so glad to read all of your posts because I can soooo relate to all of them.
I have a question.....I have developed a rash where they are aiming the radiation. All my Doctor has said is put aloe on the area.....but now I have all these little bumps! Any suggestions?
Also....ya'll aren't going to be this. I had my last mammogram on Feb 22 and that was the day they told me that they had found "something" and I had to go to a surgeon.....
TODAY I get a letter from the place where I got my mammogram, the letter is dated April 20th and it said they are pleased to inform me that the mammogram showed NO evidence of CANCER!!!!!!!! SO why did I have surgery and radiation????? I'm going to show it to my radiologist tomorrow.
What do ya'll think I should do?????
Hugs,
Debbie
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IF THAT WAS ME I WOULD BE REAL ANGRY RIGHT NOW....I BETTER NOT SAY ANYTHING ELSE.LETS SEE WHAT THE OTHER SISTAS SAY.OK?0
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Debbie - I would be some kind of pissed to get a letter like that. What were they waiting for in sending it out so long after the mammo? Sounds like the left hand does not know what the right had is doing. On one hand you have something suspicious and the other hand there is nothing there? WTH? I would definitely show it to my radiologist.
On your question about the rash where you are getting rads.I had the same thing happen to me when I went through rads. I don't know about you, but mine itched like crazy. I had to convince my RO to give me a script for Topicort. It is like hydrocortisone but much better and worked wonders for me. You may want to talk to him about it and see if he will give you some.
Please keep up posted.
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Debbie....Did you have a biopsy before the radiation or they just going by that suspicous something.
I would definitely follow it. Or maybe they send the wrong result to the wrong person.
It doesn't take over 2 months to get Mammogram result.
Good Luck and let us know what is happening/
Edited to say I read your older posts
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Hi granny...I'm glad you enjoyed your visit.
((JO))
Hugs
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Sheila - ((HUGS)) Back at you.
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Debbie, what you have is folliculitis and it is just the hair follicles are little inflamed. I used Aquafor. the nurses gave me so much that I still have a little left. I use it for other skin irritations.
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