The dumbest things people have said to you/about you
Comments
-
Determined, what an aweful thing to do & say to a women. It makes me ill just to think about it. The comment I am going to post is very pale to your trama, I am so sorry you were treated this way. I would find some way to report him.
Dumb thing: Going for a post mastectomy check up & the aid asked my how my breast are today? I said, I don't have any?! Needless to say, no one has asked me that question again.
Sending love & prayers. NJ
0 -
hey, it wasn't mean, quite the opposite.. but along those lines..went to my pain specialist; he did an xray where the rib pain is the worst. he Really didn't want to do an exam.. he's been a friend and dr. for almost 18 yrs.. but he had to.. so, i just pulled my shirt down a little, and he blanced.. he said"put myour breast away! imm a married man.. to which, of course i said breasts? what breasts? i dont even have as much tissue as you have ..! i had a radical max. and i have a ridge where they used to be..
the whole thing was, he got teary eyed seeing the scars.. so, i lifted my shirt from below, where the scars don't show, and he examined me. what a mench he is.. he was an ortho/ surgeon for years! so he's used to scars, ertc.. just not those.. on me. i love him for that!
3jays
0 -
....and what is he doing about your rib pain 3jays????
0 -
Ladies you are all wonderful. 3jays I hope you figure out your rib pain! I had some terrible treatment at the hospital I went to as well. One nurse refused to wrap my PICC line so my husband could help me with a shower. They did nothing for me while I was there the three times in 4 weeks and three surgeries. My husband helped with my shower, my hair, getting me water everything I could have asked them to do. He spent every night with me in the hospital. But one night he had to go out of town so was going to help me with my shower at 6am before he left. The nurse refused saying she would be busy at that time. So we asked if she could come in a bit earlier, we would get up earlier to accomadate her. She refused. We were also told she was going to teach us how to flush the PICC line and when we asked her at 10pm when she was working with my IV if she was going to she rolled her eyes and looked at the clock. I told her to jsut forget it. She said well they didn't tell me in report. I told her that is not my problem but just forget it. I am a nurse and I know this is unacceptable!!! I wonder if we hadn't had to deal with the horrible things that should not have happended if we would do better in acceptance and recovery. I will not go to that hospital again as this was not the only things. They just kept adding up. Today is the one year anniversary of my bilateral mastectomy and I am numb
0 -
MHP70- I agree- it's harder to deal with the dumbest things people don't say to you. At least the insensitive, clueless idiots try in their own way to help (although most fail miserably). But the ones that don't even bother to speak or show up are the most hurtful of all.
Determined- Loved your comment- "I have already been hit by the car. I am just waiting to see if it rolls back over my legs!!!" Describes BC perfectly.
0 -
Determined- I am also flabbergasted by the treatment you received. My tumor was near my nipple and having to lose it was one of the most traumatic parts of the whole experience. My nipple(s) were/are very important to me. Finding out that the nipple had to go was the worst moment in all of this- because of that I opted for a mast rather than a lump- I decided I'd rather have a whole new breast than a nippleless potentially cratered mound. I have the fake nipple and tattoo now 2 years later- its not even close to the same- not only due to lack of sensation, but its just such a pale imiation of the real one.
That doctor needs to be reported- saying "I hear you had a meltdown" for a few tears! Ludicrous! Even if you had had a full blown meltdown- commenting on it the next time is so insensitive! Why even bring it up unless you were going to offer some compassion/empathy? And then implying you had some major emotional issues for feeling like losing a nipple was losing part of what made you a woman? !!!! That woman has no business working anywhere in medicine, let alone working with breast cancer patients! maybe they can transfer her to the morgue so she can work with people who have the same level of feeling she does!
0 -
She has no respect for your feelings towards your own body. She needs to have a job where she doesn't have patient contact, or, if with patients, with comatose people. No one should ridicule you for your feelings. NO ONE! Your feelings are and were entirely appropriate.
0 -
Just been through 23 days of unbelievable torture. Mammo/UltraSound/MRI/Ultrasound?MRI-Guided Core Biopsy. Waiting, wondering if the BC is back. Couldn't tell anyone but my DH. Just couldn't spoil the holidays for family and friends. So when the BS called this morning with the news that the new lesion was not BC, I just sobbed with relief - at my desk.
Office manager wanted to know why I hadn't told her, then showed me a photo of the snowman she'd built at Christmas. Really? Couldn't this be about me for 30 seconds? Been scared stiff for 3+ weeks. Could use a few minutes to get my breathing to normalize and hands to stop shaking before I return to my regularly scheduled life, including giving two hoots about the walnuts you "actually painted blue for the snowman's eyes."
0 -
when I was in nursing school ( a hundred years ago ) we were threatened with dismissal if we were not consoling while wrapping a deceased patient. If we ever even got a "look" on our face with a live, ill patient we would have been expelled on the spot. I am furious that that person was so rude and inappropriate with you. Huge hugs and a big shoulder for you when ever you need to vent.
0 -
3jaysMom- I know it is cold outside, but please run out and start the bus, I hope the snow chains are on because Imays has an office manager who needs to go UNDER IT, PRONTO, clutching her blue eyed walnut brained snowman.
Julie E
0 -
lmays, I used your reference in my Wacky Definitions post! hehehehheehhehehe
blue walnuts! hahahahahaha
0 -
Mine:
"Have you repented? God is really trying to get your attention about something."
"You have breast cancer because you took birth control pills."
From Best Friend: "Sorry to hear about that breast cancer thing. What are we gonna do for New Year's Eve?"
0 -
Determined - gold medal for insensitivity for that BS and unbelievable that it was a woman!! Glad you can get if off your chest with us.
TonLee - maybe your BF needs to go under one of 3jays buses too! Let's hope she is just trying to keep life 'normal' for you and include you though.
Imays - I can feel your relief from here! What tremendous compassion for others and strength within yourself you had to find to keep your worst fears to yourself and let others enjoy the holiday season. I am so glad you were rewarded with a B9 result!
3jays - yes, get that bus running for Imays manager and maybe TonLee's BF.
0 -
@Barbe. So glad you were able to use the blue walnuts for Wacky Definitions. I'd never been to that thread. Cute/smart concept.
Thanks everyone for your support. The bus should be cranked up for the office manager. She's one of those people who only listens long enough to launch her own story. When one of the girls in the office announced that she was engaged, OM said, "Sure, but did you know Kevin (her 10 year old son) won his basketball game last night?" Well, sure...that's life-changing too...*sigh*
0 -
Alyad thank you for your words of support. I have considered writing her but my husband said it won't do any good. I am thinking about writing the hospital as well since I experienced so many negative things like they just didn't send my tumor for the Oncotype test. And a 70 some year old male volunteer who was a volunteer patient advocate who is suppose to come in and ask if you are being treated well etc started asking about my diagnosis in front of a person I had just met who came to me from the cancer resource center! He said, "So you had cellulitis" I said no then he said "well what does lbr stand for" I said well I had breast cancer. Then he asked if it was in both breasts!!!! Clearly a HIPPA violation in my mind. When I complained about it to the head of the Patient Advocacy area she said well I tell everyone everything. I have been very private about my diagnosis. I said he had no reason to know my diagnosis based on the the scope of his role. She said they gave out the diagnosis so if they saw something in a room they wouldn't be surprised. If that isn't the most stupid thing I ever heard. I just am so angry about things like this that should not have happened that seemed to happen over and over.
0 -
Imays I am so glad you are ok. It should be about you!! It is so hard to hear others complain about life's trivial things isn't it.
And the thing that is hard is if you do confront someone when they stay something so stupid then they turn it around on make you the one at fault.
0 -
i agree with everyone else. i report them all , now.. figure it'll save the next woman!! the dr. is sending me for a pet scan; IF ins will approve it again; she's a bit worried. we both agree it could be the "dog ear" surgery, and the MRSA that followed; but it could be U KNOW WHAT.. so, if not a PET; than some fancy cat scans. and, a brain MRI for the headaches.. could be teeth that are breaking, and changing my bite.. no new meds or... I need to get MRI done to see what chemo did to the MS lesions, anyway. looks like it'll be busy the first of 2011. thanks for asking.. night. bedtime here (i hope) 3jays0
-
3jays
0 -
you know, sometimes I get so pi$$ed off with stupid people that I probably would have told that old man volunteer to --ck off, and then see if I got any reaction from the department brains that think those stupid rules up. I am so sorry Determined that you had to tolerate all that stupidity along with trying to deal with your treatments.
0 -
kelben thanks, I do think I will write that letter to the hospital CEO. If I do it as a fellow health care professional, I am a nurse, then maybe they will view it in the spirit I intend. Not to punish but to help make a positive difference. When I had the side effect of loss of balance from one of the antibiotics the Infectious disease doc said it is rare and I started laughing and said well then of course it happened to me as everything that is not suppose to happen has! I know each of us has had to deal with so much and I am not alone in having things go wrong or insensitive comments made.
I drop the F bomb when I am really upset, I am surprised it wasn't flying in the hospital ha!
3jaysmom I will be thinking of you and hope for the PET scan results to be negative.
Peace
0 -
Here a recent one. A friend I have loved and admired for years was talking to me. All of a sudden she says... "You have roots" Yep, there was a inch of gray roots sticking out of my head. I instantly remarked, " Roots? Yeah! I have hair and its growning." She looked at me funny. I said, "after being bald and now you tell me me I have roots is great to hear." She didn't know what to say because she had her foot in her mouth.
Today I am dying it.
When does the bus come my way?
0 -
Why don't we all take a round the world bus trip thisyear and get rid of all the foot in the mouthers! Boy I want to be the first one on the bus. I know where the first stop would be.
Kat
0 -
Today we had our Christmas with the 4 kids and 3 spouses with 2 grands. Anyway, we love to play games and were playing Family Feud on Wii. My son was trying to distract the female team by using his hand cursor to "fondle" the breasts of the female players on our TV teams. I let it pass for a while as everyone laughed but when it kept going on I finally said to him that maybe it wasn't appropriate considering that I didn't have any of those. He actually apologized and I thanked him. He started fondling the butts of the TV avatars....sigh. He's going to be 30 in March. Am I still allowed to send him to his room?
0 -
barbe--I'm 51 and my mom still sends me to my room--figuratively speaking! And HER 91 year old mother does the same to her!
0 -
I don't think it would make a difference in my case.... some men never grow up and they spend half their lives in their bedroom.
0 -
barbe1958: Dealing with males like that is so frustrating for me. I have a brother-in-law like that who picks up on every piece of sex-related, immature stuff in the universe, and it's definitely causing stress in our relationship. Then he complains that he can't find anyone who will enter into a long-term relationship with him . . . gee, I wonder why???
Julie
0 -
Where is that bus?????
0 -
Veggy: Agreed! I think it's still running over people in some of the posts above
0 -
OK, I am 5 months PFC and my hair is about 2"-2.5" long. Keep in mind I have always had long hair and am not a big fan of myself with short hair...I work for a finance company and have had numerous customers tell me "Oh, I love your hair, you should keep it that way" or "I like it better this way". I feel like punching them in the mouth and telling them that for 6 treatments of taxotere and carboplatin they can have hair just like this. Do people not understand that everytime I look in the mirror it's a reminder of the hell I've been through? I guess I understand they are trying to make me feel better, but it's not about what THEY like, it's MY hair!
Jennifer
0 -
Jennifer, I know what you mean about the hair! I am 18 months PFC and it is just now to a point lengthwise where I ever would have had it. I had really long hair before chemo , but over the years I have gone through cycles of cutting it and growing it out. But when I cut it, it was only to about chin length, never shorter. That is about where I am now- the front is long enough that I have to pull it back or it annoys me. I look good with short hair, but I like it long , I like to be able to pull it back into a ponytail- I'm still a few months away from that. But its only been recently that I don't look in the mirror and see cancer hair- because it is finally to a length I would have considered having my hair.
Of course all those people who say they like your hair short mean well, I don't think anyone besides someone else who has lost their hair to chemo can understand how looking in the mirror is a daily reminder. There are so many things in my everyday life that are daily reminders- there is no putting it all behind you- two years after diagnosis I am finally starting to feel like I can go on. But the tightness in my stomach after my TRAM recon is always there, the numbness in my arm and chest from LE is always there. when I bump into something with the foob or my DH touches it- the numbness reminds me.
I'm not going around going oh boo hoo I had cancer! But it justs something you carry around with you all the time. I have to stop myself from thinking and saying things like Oh I might not be here then...I just have to live my life like it will never come back and maybe a little live my life like it will- no regrets!
0
3jays 