The dumbest things people have said to you/about you
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Well, that just sucks. You deserve some peace and quiet. You are going to get that job though and then you can do what you want.
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I've alway liked the saying "many a family tree needs pruning." I know a few limbs in our family that are totally useless.
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Hadley, my heart just aches for you. I've been really down lately and was really upset after a conversation I had with my parents on Sunday, but nothing that compares to what your'e going through. Perhaps you should speak with a social worker - both to have someone to talk with about all you're going through and also maybe she could help provide you with some practical referrals (for financial assistance, etc.) so you could have even less to do with your family.
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I'm trying to catch up with this thread and I guess it's kind of sad that it moves so fast (lots of dumb things being said and done!) but glad we have each other. Just have to comment on-
MHP70- Loved the "new sheriff in town"- sums it up perfectly my new attitude!
3jaysmom- So many things you wrote spoke to me- "lonely for friends", "if a relationship wasn't 50/50 you weren't interested" and "cyber world the only place I fit in". I just got an e-mail from a "friend" I jettisoned who put about 10% into the friendship normally, and even less after my DX, but is now putting in her required 50% trying to figure out why I don't want to be friends with her anymore. I don't think it is because she particularly misses my friendship but because she just can't figure out why anyone wouldn't want to be friends with her. I am torn between telling her exactly why she is a crappy friend or letting her wonder about it the rest of her life.
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Hadley--the situation you are in sounds abusive to me. Ask the social worker at your center about resources for abused women, you may be able to get help with housing and day to day living expenses until you get your job.
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Hadley, glad you called the crisis hotline. You have to get out of your abusive situation. Since you mentioned going to church, you should also speak with the priest/minister. I'm sure there are also local charities that could help. My prayers are with you (or at least my good thoughts - I've become somewhat agnostic during this BC experience).
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Hadley, you may find ACOA meetings helpful. In some area it is called ACA it stands for Adult Children OF Alcoholics and informaly and Disfunctional Families. In both cases we don't even know what is normal in day to day family life. It is a ten step group and is a non confrontational group. ACOA's have different needs than AA members do. It was a healing experience for me to be part of one of these groups for a few years. It was a place of emotional shelter, a safe place to express my feelings and to learn new ways of relating. I was a pleaser and needed to learn how to take care of myself.
You can find a local meeting on line if you like. One of our sayings was "Take what you need and leave the rest." You can choose to talk or not, no pressure.If you do choose to talk others will ask if you want feedback, not ever interupt you or shame you. No charge either and it is confidential.
Hugs
GInger
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i love the "waiting to respond" type person comment!! i need to remember that one.. hi ladies (sorry for jumping right in).BARBE; i do that exact thing with my DH who swears he's not sleeping, and he's snoring.. or, he just wanders away while im talking.. in his defense, ive not been getting out much, so, i blabber on and on when he gets home. i get sick of hearing myself sometiems haha.. well, it looks like santa threw up in my living room. thats' the goal when your finished. so, the stocking collection will be on the walls tomorrow, and we're done. we have a bunch of stuff sorted, thats' going to sally ann tommorrow. we need to downsize big time here. haven't seen some of them since we moved in 3 christmasas' ago. got dx; and didn't do anything for two yrs. its' been really hard to do with the neuropathy. i can't feel anything in my hands these days. so, its' takenWEEKS to do what normally wouldv'e been days. its' been worth it, though. hen we get cleaned up and settled, im planning on getting pics. i have a small tree for my GD; a pink one. with dragonflies, and tinkerbell on it. 2morrow, off to the flea market near here. Murray is buying me a suit like the one's i wear all the time..Jospar, if you guyds know them. he ordered a chocalate brown set for me two months ago. it came in today.. while were there, we'll pick up a small blue tree for my GS; a tradition i did for the 3 jays. they each had one of their own, with their own decorations every year. my oldest got rid of his the 2nd yr of college. he decorated every yr. till then.the others dont do a tree at all. My GS is picking out decorations since he's 2. we've had fun with him this yr. good to "see" everyone here . missed a day or two to the blues..but im back..
welcome alyad, this is a great thread.. the whole site saves my life. BARBE; my therapist does think its' great i have you guys. he just wants me to increase the IRL experiences while im depressed, or i'll never get out. i don't know what i would do without all you lovely ladies! 3jays
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3jays
We are the same about getting out. 3yrs depression just getting off meds and then DX in May. I actually used to be very active. Sometimes I think I am ripening like old cheese and growing mold on me.
Ginger
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Faith Popcorn wrote a book, about 10 yrs ago, called "cocooning". The jist of it was (trusting my memory here) , people were going to stay at home (cocooning) more.
Therefore all of us, who don't get out a lot, are trendy!
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Run Hdley run, as fast and as far as you can. Social Services WILL help you
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Hadley-I am both spiritual and religious, and I do NOT accept that statement that YOU chose what you were going to go through before you were born. That is NOT what predestination doctrine means. God KNEW what you would go through before you were born, but YOU did not choose it. To say you chose to go through this is nothing more than "blaming the victim" and is just as stupid for breast cancer as it is for rape. Christ taught us that if we see a person with a need, we must meet that need if we can, and blaming someone for their illness is NOT meeting a need. Then there is the whole "do unto others" concept-who wants to listen to blame? Please call your center's social worker or an abused women's shelter today! Get out of there by Christmas. Honoring your parents does not mean you must put up with abuse. It means you don't lie about what your mother is doing to you (or your brother, or your father). Forgiveness does not mean that you must spend any time with them. Forgiveness applies to what they have done, but it does not mean that there are no consequences. One of the consequences of your family's abuse of you is that you break off contact with them. Totally. Please get out of there TODAY!
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Hadley.....NM's post if full of wisdom and great advice....think about what she is recommending for you......Things will get better, but you need to be somewhere else for it to happen..
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NM, bravo
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Hadley, When I read your last posting I tried to write a response but was so upset for you I just could not put my thoughts on paper coherently. NativeMainer has said it so well. Please listen to her. You need to leave. There are resources to help you. Unfortunately I do not believe your church is one of them. Again, listen to NM. I will keep you in my prayers.
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Preach it, NM! I'm behind you in the choir, shouting "Amen, sister!"
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My younger sister, of all people, went on Facebook to talk about the bad dye job she got and how upset she is with the color and that she would have to wait a couple of weeks (that's right, a couple of weeks) to try to get it highlighted and blah blah blah. This was about 4 months after my hair started to grow back. I'm like really!!? really!! I wrote the following in response to her 'dilemma': "Try having no hair---for six months---because you are going thru chemo treatment ---because you have cancer---and you have to wear a wig. Think about that and get back to me. Your "problem" pales in comparison." That happened last summer. She emailed an apology. Now the following just happened the other day. I was so upset I couldn't stop crying. A woman, who I thought was a friend, sent me an email (other women were also recipients) of a photo of 3 old women wearing scarves that looked like boobs!!! Are you freaking kidding me!!! Has anyone seen this photo or email? I couldn't believe it. I emailed her back and told her that she has offended me and that she must have forgotten what I've been through. It is like some people can't be bothered in even remembering what we've been through. We are supposed to just be positive now and go on with our lives like nothing has happened! It is so easy for them to say. This 'friend' emailed me back with an apology; she 'wasn't thinking' yeah right! I love how no one called me - both of them emailed me. I'm tired of their apologies. Cancer really lets you know who your friends are.
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Hadley - I continue to be amazed and upset at the insensitivity of your family and everything you're going through. As others have said, you have to get out of your current situation. If you need help, I'm very good at doing research and would be happy to help you find an organization or shelter that could help you. I don't know where you live, but please feel free to PM me, and I'm happy to help however I can. Lisa
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Brie- I don't know about you but emailed apologies have no weight in my world. Just lets people off the hook way too easily. Sorry you've been treated so shabbily but glad you called people out when they did so. I wish someone would come up with a vaccine for stupidity and insensitivity.
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go NM; im in the back as one of the AMEN sisters... Hadley; like they said...run, as fast as you can. call social services. here, we have "women in Distress" they take family abuse seriously; ans have safehouses. see if you have something like that where you are. am praying for you..Brie; people are so STUPID!! im so sorry you've gone through that. we're here, and we understand how very hurtful that is..im happy to say, i haven't seen the pic. 3jays0
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this is for everyo
ne who needs it... 0 -
thank you for that bus, I got the same three old ladies with boobie scarves email. I don't know about peoples sense of humour but I will be awhile looking at these people in the same way.
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I seemed to be in a group email for someone who sent inappropriate emails out. I ignored them until I got one warning about the fact that I might get breast cancer if I ate food heated up in a microwave that was stored in plastic. I did a "reply all" and cheerily said "Too late for me!" I didn't get anymore of those stupid ones. At least I made one person think.
By the way, it was my step-mother!
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I haven't seen the booby-scarf e-mail yet, and hope I don't. I don't think any of the people currently important in my life would send me that one, but one never knows. I'll have to think up a suitable response just in case I get one.
Hadley--it's good you recognice your mother's insanity. Now it's time to recognize that your brother is also just as insane. For your own sanity get out of that house, TODAY! If you don't get help from the center social worker or a local abused women's protection group go to a homeless shelter. A shelter will be a better place for you than where you are now, and will have social workers and access to assistance programs. I know it's hard to do something like this during the Christmas season, but consider it a gift to yourself, a gift that will continue to benefit you for years to come. Please let us know that you've gotten out just as soon as you can.
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Thanks, 3jays; that bus never gets old. I giggle every time I see it.
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I got curious and googled it. If anyone had the nerve to send one of those to me I would fill it with cement and hit them with it. Very poor taste.
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what if every man in America had a boob scarf of his own? I think it would change lives.
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Ouch! these comments are brutal and I have had some doozies too....what are some people thinking? When I was talking to a friend of mine last week and telling her that I hope I don't look too bad from chemo because I will have to start going on job interviews after treatments she said...Well,you will look way, way better...I said how do you figure.....well, you'll lose weight (I'm about 15 pounds overweight) and your hair will probably look better after because it has too much volume now! Gee...lucky me having to have chemo so that I will look waaaay better than I do now. this is the same person who, when I discussed with her trying to get STD and LTD she said that I was using my cancer for sympathy! I was at a Xmas party the other night talking to a woman I don't know very well and she made the chemo crack too....well, the upside with chemo is that people lose weight! well, I would rather eat right and exercise to lose a few pounds....not have breast cancer...idiots.
When I explained to my cousin that I was having fills in my tissue expander it was....gee, you're just a regular Marilyn Monroe aren't you ....we better not put you next to the fire otherwise you will melt. When I said to another woman that I would have my implants be the same size as I am now (B Cup) or maybe slightly bigger she said....'gross! If it were me I would ask for very small...and she is only a small b...I don't think they make implants in small. Why do some women seem to get jealous over breast reconstruction? I'd give anything to have my old boob back.
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Veggy ~~ It is so crazy! When I opened the email, I was so shocked. Then I started to cry. Then I all I could think about was that the recipients would be laughing about the boob scarf and here I am crying and suffering over everything I've been through and about the insensitivity of a woman I thought was a friend. THEN I talked to a mutual friend of ours the other day. When I told her what happened, she made excuses for the ‘friend! Now I'm thinking about what type of friend this woman is too! She immediately started defending the ‘friend'. Well, what about me!??! Before I was diagnosed I had a lot of friends, now I hardly have any.
Cat123 ~~ I'm sorry that those people said those inconsiderate things to you. I just can't believe some people.
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