The dumbest things people have said to you/about you
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Here are a couple of my favorites this far: 1) When preregistering for my surgery the nurse went over my history and said "Wow, you have been pretty healthy but now you certainly bagged the big one!" I almost fell off the chair but held on so as not to punch her in the face.
2) Several others who chose lumpectomy/radio/chemo asked me why i chose to MUTILATE my body by deciding to have a bilateral mastectomy.
3) The overnight nurse following my surgery jamming the iv in and when i asked her to be more gentle as she was hurting me- leaned over and said I better accept Jesus Christ as my saviour and not to bite the hand who feeds me! At this point I started crying which woke my husband up and he couldn't figure out what was going on. There I am shouting and crying and telling her to get out-leave the room and he is saying "shhhh honey, be nice, she is going to help you," him having no clue as to what had transpired and thinking I was out of my mind from the effects of anesthesia! I told him he could get his ass out of the room with her if he didn't shut up and get her away from me.
This was great posting this stuff as it made me laugh my butt off remembering it:).
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woohoo girl!!!! Did she leave?? Did someone else come?? OMG I would have loved to be in the bed beside you we could have tag-teamed her.
You are my hero
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I love coming to this thread every couple of weeks and getting a good laugh. I'ts so amazing how thoughtless people can be, one just has to laugh. Like my DH says, "I hate everybody equally". I had to add another one for you all to shake your heads at. When I first learned of my recurrance back in September, I went to see my mother to break the news gently to her. My DH had just been dx with lymphoma back in June and when I told her about my metastisis, not only did she ask me what that word meant, she asked if my husband had "given" me the cancer. I just bonked my head on her kitchen counter a few times to see if I was dreaming.
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I just started looking at this thread. OMG people are just idiots! Here is my idiot story: My best friend ran into a guy that I knew many many years ago. He was a friend of my boy-friend at the time. She told him that I had breast cancer. His reply was "that is no big deal, she never had any boobs anyway." Now I ask you, could there be a bigger idiot than that?????
Merry Christmas to all
Patty
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May we all be blessed this Christmas and granted a happier and healthier year in 2011.
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Hadley, you have every right to love your Dad no matter what he did to you! Don't let anyone say less. Please be safe this holiday.
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I know this is the wrong place to post this. But this is the thread where I really feel I have a group of supportive sisters. I was diagnosed with DCIS about a year or 2 ago. Went through 4 surgeries. 3 lumpectomies til they got the margins clear and one for a hematoma that developed. Also went through radiation. I used this forum for support and then drifted away and just went on to my normal life. In November my DH who was my wonderful rock and support through all of this (as he has been throughout 46 years of marriage) woke me in the middle of the night as he was having trouble breathing. We went to the ER and he was admitted to the hospital. As part of the testing done he had a CAT scan which showed masses on both kidneys. After he was discharge he had an US and later an MRI of his abdomen. They show the kidney masses as well as lesions on his spleen and pancreas. I thought I was calm and dealing well and that it was "nothing". I started lurking on this site. Today I am depressed and realized that I am both devastated and terrified. We are seeing his urologist on January 3 (his Primary Care Dr wants him to have biopsies and he refuses). I am hoping the urologist talks him into biopsies and refers him to a renal specialist. Meanwhile I am terified. I realized today I have been lurking as I again needed the support I had while going through the BC tx. I just need to vent and scream somewhere!
Kat
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Annette, that nurse should have been fired! You could have sued her for physical assault. Just because you're in a hospital doesn't mean you don't have any rights! And as for biting the hand who feeds you, you could have told her it's the other way around since you're paying her to take care of you. Without patients, she has no job!
Hadley, that's horrible, too. I thought I was being paranoid, but when I went in for surgery on the 14th, I took in a sign I printed up on my computer saying no IV sticks or blood pressures on my left arm, for them to tape at the head of my bed. They loved it and did! And I also took a black sharpie marker and wrote "NO" on the back of my left hand (IV sticks) and inside my elbow (blood pressure cuffs). They were very positive about that, so that reassured me I could trust them.
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Kat, you're welcome to vent and scream here any time you need to. And you know we all understand your fear. May you find some peace tonight.
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Kat
it sounds like your dh is assuming the worst. If, based on what has been seen so far, that it is likely that metastized kidney cancer is what will simply be confirmed on biopsy - then I guess the urologist needs to acknowledge that and tell your husband what, if anything can be done to kick it into remission/ned and the urologist should also tell your husband what else it might be - and how accurately identifying it through biopsy might make a difference in his quality and length of life. Is he still having breathing problems? he must be so frightened for you and for himself. I am really upset by your post because I can see my own dh reacting the same way. We are all sisters in so many ways.
Julie E
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Kat,
Sounds like you are both scared, and reacting in your own ways. His is denial or as Julie said assuming the worst. How do you normally get him to do things he doesn't want to do?
Hugs to you. There will be ladies on here tomorrow and they may have more advise for you.
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okay i have a story for this post. i was in treatment from june 09 and finished chemo nov 09. recently i asked to borrow someones sunscreen and they said "well youve already had cancer, why do you need sunscreen?" like it was chicken pox or something. felt like doing a big "mcfly" with my palm to her forehead
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Kat -
That does sound terrifying. I hope that by the time your husband sees the urologist, he will have had time to absorb this news somehow and be ready for further tests. I hope also that you are able to have a happy and peaceful Christmas and that you get some good news in the new year.
Sandy
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hey ladies..Hadley: its' OK to love your dad, NO MATTER WHAT.. believe me, i have lots of them.. but love, and now, miss him since he's passed..{{{{flying dutches}}}} dogsaver: mcfly to the head!! im totally stealing that one!!! lol 3jays0
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this is the only chhristmas bus i could find. so far 3jays 0 -
Good find 3jays!!!!
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this is the best.. lots of room under it. thanks for all the laughs and sighs, ladies.. MERRY CHRISTMAS 3jays
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Flyingdutchess-you poor dear! I can imagine you are just terrified right now. Has you DH said why he refuses biopsies? Perhaps it's as simple as he doesn't want to deal with that kind of stuff during the holidays. He may be as terrified as you are, and he has a good idea of what he's in for if it does turn out to be cancer. We hear you screaming, and are listening. And don't worry about being off topic, every thread has these moments, and in the end that's what we're all here for. Sometimes we just need another excuse to click on a thread.
Annette-I second Riley's comments. At the very least you should call the hospital and file a complaint, for both violations. She has no reason to try to force any treatment on you, and MUST stop when you tell her to. She also has no right to push her religion on you. I am a nursing instructor and teach about spiritual care and the difference between spiritual care and pushing your religion on a patient. What she did was WRONG, legally and ethically, and you could sue the hospital. The hospital needs to know about her ASAP so they can either release her or get her appropriate training.
Dogsaver-oh, boy, what ignorance. I'm always surprised when I hear someone say something like that, that they think that once you get cancer you're immune to all other cancers. And obviously don't know a single thing about rads and the permanent skin damage that it does. I'll hold the person while you smack ‘em.
3jays-LOVE the busses!
MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE!!!
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I am sorry you are going through this. As a mother, I, too, find friends avoiding me. Well, I can't help worrying about my daughter and if it bothers them to hear it, then tough luck, not a real friend anyhow, And after I listened to her b_t-h about her mother and her minor health problems for literally years this is how she shows her friendship! Well, of course it hurts, but I don't really need friends like that.
My best to all of you brave women.
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Can't remember if I've already mentioned this but: I've been alone for the past 6 Christmases as my DH was driving a cab. This year he isn't working and last week he turned to me and said "What do we do for Christmas?" I said, HUH? He said, "Do I buy you a present or what?" I said, No.
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Native Main and others who replied- I did talk to the care coordinator at the hospital about both incidents and she was appalled. I could tell she was truly shaken and promised to pull both in for a little course on patient friggin etiquette. I hope you all had the best possible holiday and maybe we all got some laughs out of the crazy things we read in this wonderful discussion thread:)
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My DH is being a jerk today. Of all the days in the year, why would he pick this one to be an idiot?? I mean I think they even stop fighting in Iraq on Christmas day for gawd's sake.
Hope everyone finds peace within this Christmas and know you are loved.
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kelben, im sorry your not having a good time of it. i won't go into it, but lots of family drama this yr. here too. it seems that Christmas is so full of "expectations" that they fall short, the ple, i mean, alot. i was told " expectations are an invitation to resentment" and i've found that so true.. i'm sorry your hubby picked today not to do well.. we're here, listening, girl... 3jays0
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Annete: im glad you took care of that nurse. ive been resp. for " Continuing education" with my nurses with my recent stays, also. i'm always appalled when they come out with that crap!! healers, my butt!
Barbe: what DID you end up doing? im glad you did it together, this year.. whatever "it" was... 3jays
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Before my wife's cancer diagnosis, I have been a member of the Oral Cancer Foundation forum. They have a thread similar to this called "Don't you just hate it when...". So many similar experiences in dealing with folks who's entire knowledge of cancer comes from some t.v. movie. On OCF there have been comments from "You're lucky you got to lose so much weight" to people making rude comments about facial disfiguration to those who have had parts of there jaws removed. After Thanksgiving with my family, Linda told me "I wish everyone would quit asking 'How are you doing'" in that very sympathetic voice that implies "You poor thing". Sounds like a small thing to get irked about but I remember when I returned to work after my own battle, dealing with the same thing and it does get tiresome.
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On Christmas day I woke up at 9, went back to bed at 12 and woke up again at 3:30 then back to bed at 8. I had to get up at 4 am so I could open the doors for all the people that line up for TVs at 5 in the morning!!!! No visitors, a nice quiet day....
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Peeps at work have been basically very nice. My favorite comment is "Well at least you get to take time off from work" "Did you really lose ALL of your hair?", Did you know your face looks red and swollen?" or my daughter who said "It is so hard to go to work when you don't feel well". Do ya think?
I totally nutted up at the radiologist that did my lymph node biopsy. She told me I would need a mastectomy, chemo, etc. Made me cry. When she called me on the phone with the results I told her what a cold unfeeling piece of work she was. Made me feel better. When I told the surgeon this he was shocked that she was "giving out so much information". BTW most of it was incorrect. I have found that a lot of radiologists are devoid of personality and lack a beating heart.
Friends: my next door neighbor and I are BF. We have finished grad school together, got our national boards together, etc. However, I haven't laid eyes on her in the last 6 weeks. She never comes over anymore. She says she is afraid I don't feel good and she will bother me. She has called/emailed and asked me and DH to go out to eat during chemo. Sorry, but wings and TCH don't go together. I tried to explain that I was avoiding germ filled places also to get my chemo done. During chemo eating is something you have to do. PS I am not a whiney BC person. It really makes me feel bad that she doesn't drop over like she used to just to dish.
Makes me want to punch people in the throat.
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Apparently,once you go through BC, every woman who is having a biopsy lets you know. Are they looking for the usual "80% are benign?" Dontcha think I'm the wrong one to be asking for that kind of support? Or is it the sick "well, you already got it, so statistically, mine must be fine" thing?
Either way, annoying. It would be nice if folks would let us talk about it WHEN and only WHEN we want to.
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libraylil, I loved your comment about radiologists. I work in a radiology department and I can vouch for you that close to 45% are heartless b@#$ards and have no personality, I guess the worst one was the week of my 1st chemo that Friday 2 day after tne neulasta shot and every joint in my body hurt. He knew I was having chemo and was having a hard time w/ it. He had the nerve to ask what my problem was. I just had to blurt out in front of 6 or 7 people that " Chemo was kicking my a## and that I would be going home when the current patient was done." Luckily that was also my last patient for the day and it was only noon.
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this is the best.. lots of room under it. thanks for all the laughs and sighs, ladies.. MERRY CHRISTMAS 3jays 