The dumbest things people have said to you/about you
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I don't know who started the bus, but it has been a blessing in my life and not only about BC. I had another problem tonight and just threw it (not the perpetrator who meant no harm but hurt me) under the bus and my anger was gone. What a great tool!
Kat
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Barb: I was going to comment on how I understand the mother issues. I have the same but I am delighted to say that I can't even be bothered commenting. ( does that make sense?), For so long I wanted to vent about my mother and her hard and uncaring ways...she told me on the day of my first chemo that she and my father had decided to go on a 3 week driving tour..just because they could. This 3 week period coincided with my first chemo, 2nd chemo, hair falling out and my son's graduation. A pretty big time. Apart from what I have just written I can't be bothered saying any more and that actually makes me happy! I have obviously accepted it all. I believe my parents love me but that they don't actually LIKE me. I actually feel the same way about all the uncaring selfish people out there, I can't even be bothered adding any stories at the moment. Please, please don't think I think you are whinging...not at all. I have done my fair share on here and am so grateful. But today I realise I have none left. Stay tuned, I'll let you know if that;s a good or bad thing! I could actually come back 200 x more bitter in a day or two...this could just be the calm before the storm but, for now, it feels kind of nice. x
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I think I'm the one on here who started the bus concept, but people are getting great pictures off google to support the concept. I had to read a book about the Life Bus at work. You're just supposed to ask those people that aren't good for you to get off your bus. I say put 'em under!!!
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Go, Barbe, Go!
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Amen, Barbe!0
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im with you Barbe!! its' therapy for me, by now. i've been broken down in the computer dept. for a few days, and sure missed you all. since they came at 9AM this morning, and i've not slept yet, its' off to bed i go!! 3jays0
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I work in a retail store where we have lots of repeat customers, one of whom we have just hired. So, she has seen me when my hair was longer, and again when I came back to work, with my wig, and now with short and curly hair. We were talking about our weekends, and she told me that she had attended a funeral for her SIL who had died of ovarian cancer when she looked at me and said "Did you have cancer? I wondered because of all the changes in your hair" When I answered yes, she said "Good for you" WTF???? I think she meant "good for you that you are doing so well after all you have been through" but it sounded a bit odd.
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Well, Karma got one of the ones who I had put under the bus. He was let go from work Monday afternoon for a racial comment to a person on the environmental services staff(housekeeping). I almost did a happy dance when I heard about this. Sorry that he is out of a job, not sorry that I will not have to deal with his mouth again.
Becky
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Well maybe that'll be a wakeup call for him, but chances are it won't.
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Becky: What goes around comes around!!!!! I've seen this several times in my career.
Worked with a guy who just wouldn't keep his sexist comments to himself. Well, I called him on it one day, and he just kept trying to jam it down my throat. Spoke to the boss who did something about it. However, he then got promoted (go figure THAT one out!) and I ended up working for him. I was able to find a different job; however, the people working for him started complaining (about how he managed projects and his lack of respect for his coworkers in general). He eventually left the area and jumped around to different jobs. I am still at the same company, working for the same organization.
Bad karma is its own reward.
Julie
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well.... lets see,,,,,... I was told " your cured its gone move on"... I was diagnosed in June and just had started Tamoxifen in Sept, but my mom living in her state of denial more than I was even cant deal with it. So in her mind I am cured and need to stop thinking about it.... I dont thinkshe means to be uncaring I think she just cant deal... know what I mean. ??...
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tinkertude: Your mom sounds a bit like my mom, who always used to sweep everyone's problems except her own "under the rug" so to speak. My mom was overwhelmed with a lot of bad stuff that happened to her, so she just didn't have the capacity to listen or understand anyone else's problems.
You will always have support here. Hope you are doing okay with your Tamoxifen.
Julie
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tinker dude..1st welcome from me. you mustv'e started while my 'puter was down. my sons are in denial, big time. i here that crap all the time from them. i'm not "allowed " to mention it, and one stopped talking to me altogether. says i'm gonna die anyway, and he won't be able to handle it, so he can't talk to me "right now" right now has been since my 60th birthday, last march. didn't see him for christmas, even.. i'd get the bus out, but for sure, it'd crash my 'puter.. when it gets up to snuff i owe you one or two... 3jays0
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My daughter was like that 3jays. Finally, we had a talk. It wasn't the friendliest conversation, but now she understands about BC, SE's, and ongoing issues LE etc. Sometimes we should confront those who hurt our feelings. Especially the ones we have to "deal" with on a fairly regular basis... it makes all the difference in the world to me that my daughter can talk to me about all this, and just not make inappropriate comments.
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Went to the dentist this week to have my teeth cleaned. It has been over two years. The last time I went, I was home recovering from the BMX and used that time off to get it done. The hygenist and I talked about why it had been so long. When we were done (a good visit) she said, "well I hope it won't be two more years before you come back." I sat there only for a moment and said, "well, I hope I don't get cancer again and have to go through chemo to miss this appointment." She realized how stupid what she said was and said, "yes, I hope you everything goes well for you and we see you again soon." I couldn't let it go. She wasn't trying to be stupid, but just didn't stop to think about what she was saying.
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Mary, good for you for going to the dentist at least. I'm still putting mine off and it's been almost that long now. The idea of sitting the chair though I don't think I can take it right now.
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this one's for all of us who need a bus to "pass"by.....3jays 0 -
kelben:to have a talk, he'd have a. take my call, and b. actually talk to me.. so, for now..well. ya know....3jays0
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Unfortunately 3Jays I do know. Well you have us girl and we always take your call, in the meantime, keep the bus gased up and ready.
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Hum. I think I need a bus for the woman (a voluneteer, actually at a resource centre) "helping" me with wigs.
Me: fresh out of a chemo session, exhausted, enquiring about wigs.
Her: (looking at me, young, 'healthy-looking', still with hair for now): "Is the wig for you or for someone else?"
Me: "Uh -- It's for me."
Her: "Are you going to loose your hair?"
Me: "Um, yes, I'm in chemo."
Her: "Well you should know you don't have to get one that's like your real hair".
Me: "Oh, but I want one like my natural hair. Also I don't want to make waves at work -- I haven't told everyone there and don't want to freak them out"
Her: "Oh come on honey, these days cancer is no big deal. I mean everyone has something these days. I have diabetes, some people have asthma. You might look different for awhile but it's no big deal, soon you'll be better and they won't even notice! You know it's like when a woman is pregnant and then comes back to work."
(this without her knowing anything about my diagnosis or staging, and on top of it, with me being a 35 year old who doesn't have children and might have my fertility comprimised by my treatment.)
She was loco! My friend who was with my was flabbergasted! Luckily I found my energy and took control and told her I'd make my own decisions about who to tell and to just show me the wigs. ;-)
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I admire your restraint, Tundra.
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Heh heh. Thanks. Well, I had literally just stepped out of the chemo room! So I didn't have much chutzpah in me!
But someone (e.g. the woman in charge of the centre) might get a letter at some point asking to what extent the volunteers are told about how to deal with young cancer patients!
I really would not want another person to go through that again!
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I will add to the double wide, extra long, double wide bus and add a high school band trailer that also hauls all of the athletic equipment. Let's get her good!
Becky
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Tundra... I wonder how big a deal it would have been if she lost 2 or 3 of her front teeth.
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I think Tundra needs the whole fleet of buses!
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Tundra - you really need to report that idiot! Seriously.
Vroom vroom, here comes the bus filled with a traveling team of sumo wrestlers. Should be heavy enough to do some damage even to such a thick-headed numbskull!
Annie
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Our college football team charters 6 or 7 buses, when you count all the coaching staff, their families, and all the equipment. They usually travel one right after another, caravan-style. Do you think that would work?
Tundra, there is no doubt in my mind that I would write a letter to whomever is in charge of that supply center, telling him/her what the volunteer said. Sure, some people have trouble coping with what we're going through... but, to compare chemo baldness to delivering a baby??? And, does that woman understand that, although it takes just 2 or 3 weeks for our hair to fall out, it takes a year (or more) for it to grow back to any decent length? (A year... hah. Mine was still boy-short and curly 15 months after my last chemo.)
otter
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Tundra, I think that doesn't deserve a bus, that deserves a Humvee.
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I'd just like to say I am so grateful for this board. No where else, except maybe on the phone with my mom, would I feel comfortable enough to vent my frustrations freely. It is a great place to say the silly or hurtful things, release them, and move on.
At a baby shower, a place where I am already a bit uncomfortable due to the fertility issues I may eventually face, I was asked many?'s about my engagement & upcoming wedding--that didn't bother me. What did bother me was when someone asked the date of our wedding. I responded that we didn't know yet as I was waiting for a reconstructive surgery approximate date before we choose. The response I got "Well, you need to let us know as soon as you decide because other people have lives too." I was dumbfounded and just smiled, and said we will let everyone know as soon as we do, and walked away.
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Well, that's one less for your list!
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