The dumbest things people have said to you/about you
Comments
-
JANNY..I dont think you did anything wrong, As a matter of fact I think it was very selfless of you to want to focus on what the walk was about . That should be commended not offended!!! Some people dont get it and never will. I think the Avon walk was a great idea. I understand what you mean we will never be the same on different levels...hugs!
0 -
Emily - Sometimes I think people are so surprised that we look ok, or even good, that they don't think about what they are saying. They can't process that our faces don't reflect the pain and sickness, so they end up blurting something that hurts us. Before my counts went in the basement I used to stop by and see my co-workers (who have been great) after my Neulasta injection because the Blood Bank is in the building next to my onc office. They all gather around and tell me what your family told you - you look so great, etc. It makes me feel guilty because I look normal, I should be at work with them instead of home (eating those bonbons!) on medical leave. I really think people think it is a compliment, they just aren't seeing it from our perspective, nor can they until they have walked a mile in our shoes.
0 -
Emily- two days befor eI had my heart attack, two people said "My god you look great!! your skin is great, (why woldn't it be?), you have great colour and you look so healthy!!" ok....well, I felt great, wash my face and other than the little heart attack, am healthy....but it irked me...really..maybe as Barbe said....
Janny- I understand re. the pink thing...can't even believe I am thinking of a pink ribbon tattoo..but I am...but I do not want everything to be centered around my breast cancer...or now my heart attack...thank god I work with people who don't focus on it..they check in and then let me alone....they all know I do not want them to fuss and I take care of myself so..if I should not be there, I won't be there!
SpecialK-nope..they just don't get it until they get it or something similar...
3jays- Yeah....I was living my life....not sure what they mean by get on with your life...right now I feel tied down to the hospitals, dr. visits, mammogram and now, three months of cardio rehab...so much for applying for jobs overseas this summer!
tink-hi!
0 -
i just read backk a few and ValGal- you are right- he is damaged from the first marriage..BUT no excuse for treating you like dirt. Take a deep breath and use this time to plan and move forward- no deadlines. He has let you down and he can just deal for however long it takes....
0 -
It is odd in our place...I deal with on one hand- not looking "ill" so I am supposed to be 100% all the time and then when I hit a rough spot it is like I am sandbagging or something! ARGH...interestingly enough I guess my pepps know me well....not a pink ribbon to be seen...I am going to organize a walk for autism...don't shout at me...all of our kids from the first wave are growing up and there is nothing for them...warehousing is what is out there...ARGH- I want the money raised to go ALL to them..not paying a salary...for BC what I want to do is form a group of "boob buddies" and pay for mammograms for people who cannot - nothing earth shattering but it could save a life.
0 -
Boobbuddies...great idea....the fact that women have to pay for a mammogram in the first place...a test that can save their lives ( and the gov't millions of dollars) blows my mind!...nothing wrong with fundraising for a different cause either! Good idea Annette!
0 -
Emily--how aobut "Great! At least I'll leave a pretty corpse when I die."
0 -
I have nothing against pink, but it still pisses me off. Whatever....
SAS-SATCHI sp--- the primal scream was pure genius, and FUCK your stupid friend, really.
I have realized that this disease gives all of us permission to feel without boundaries, and we are going to lose friends along the way. One friend of mine said, "I sensed that you needed distance."
How the hell could she know this without asking me? By the way, I didn't need distance. All I needed was a CARD from her, nothing more. I had more support from people I never met on Facebook than from her. No DEAREST BITCH, YOU NEEDED DISTANCE and you tried to package it from me.
I never asked anyone for help. The most amazing people came out of the woodwork at the best times. I will never forget them. I will do the same for them, no matter what.
A woman I barely knew had a huge gift basket delivered to me by 4 Victorias Secrets sales girls, not because the VS chicks meant anything, but because those young ladies wanted to help women with BC. It was 1 week before my MX. My 2 best GF'S knew what was going down. I cried my head off.
STRANGERS sent me love. 3 of my girlfriends didn't. My Mom even screwed up.
It's all good. XOXOXO
0 -
Thanks Annette- Good thinking to just plan and move forward without deadlines...I like it! Sometimes I get so completely stressed that I have to find a job fast and then I just close down. I get bummed and can't even put applications in for jobs. I try to stay up but I'm pretending nothing is wrong when there is a lot wrong.
Going to see the LE sleeve lady tomorrow at the hospital, she's great but I always seem to break down there and then I feel stupid. She knows my husband is a jerk and always asks. Can you believe I'd rather go find out if I have lymphedema than be at home with him? Pretty sick. It's Friday so maybe I'll stop somewhere on the way home and find some of my peeps to hang out and have a beer.
P.S. Thanks for writing to me also - I post so late at night that I hardly ever get any responses from people.. Hello everyone else out there! hope you are doing well!
0 -
Valgal here an insomiac--but you wrote 3 hours agr- maybe we should right an insomniac thread. So, we all know where to go when everyone is zzzzzzzzzzzzzzing.
0 -
Oh, my goodness, that truly is the dumbest - also most cruel, most insensitive and most self-centered - remark I've ever heard. Just thank God her daughter learned how to treat people by choosing to be just the opposite of her mom, learning by a very negative example!!! All three of you will be in my thoughts and prayers. (My prayers for your friend's mom is that God will lead her to open her heart to help her consider others' feelings!)
0 -
anette; i'll get back to you..there's an organization that sends to your email everyday, you click on it, and it funds free mammos .. i cked it out over 3 yrs ago; and its legit, and doesn't do anything BUT fund free mammos.. animale rescue has same kinda program to bowls of food in shelters. ill send you the info on both tommorrow, as ive done it for today already
and, yes, im an insomniac, and would LOVE that thread. the Aussie ladies are 9 hours behind us, that's how Chrissy and i got to be friends. she's up, when most are in bed!!!3jays
0 -
3jays -Real quick- I was thinking maybe we could call the new thread After Midnight? What do you think?0
-
Okay I'll write it i'll 's be short with the right header I chose Insominiacs as the key word for intro, that way it can;t be missed
http://community.breastcancer.org/forum/102/topic/767259?page=1#idx_1
0 -
Thumbs up ladies !
Sandeeonherown, I'm also signing up for some serious heart healing when I have my life back - what ! my life back ??? and is that happening any time soon ????
Want to hear another one gurls ? During a consult with onco prior to chemo (when I was still sporting my pony tail, sniffffffff), he had the brilliant idea to leave me all alone with a new-on-the-job resident for one whole hour. Half way through his most stupid questions, he commented sheepishly while standing in his own pants that he "was very surprised as he thought that all cancer patients looked like ghosts with deep cavernous eyes and all skin and bones"... SAY THAT AGAIN !#@$&****
It's a pity gurls we all look so good !
0 -
well today, i went to the hospital for my herceptin infusion, the lady in the chair next to me was being treated for ovarian cancer that had returned. she tells me, that there is not too much research going into ovarian cancer, that all the money goes to breast. she knew i had bc. i replied, that yes there are lots of treatments available. she then said to me, yes and a lot more deaths! now, i found this rude! i never said anything to her about ovarian cancer, and one cancer patient to another, she shouled have some understanding about whtat to say and what not to say! anyway, i was annoyed. it was long day at the hospital for me. it was my herceptin infusion and then number 14 of 25 rads. i am sure i will feel more relaxed once these daily rad trips are over:)
jackie
0 -
rackie, may I just say OMG! You have to F***ning be kidding! Wow. Shock. So sorry you had to hear that!
0 -
Luan, Holy crap! I'm thinking that resident might need to find a different speciality, as his innate level of ability of empathize seems to be low on the scale. I thought of one possible comeback- no we cancer patients don't look like hell until after the treatments...
I bet he found you attractive and then was surprised- whoulda thought someone with cancer was still sexy?
I too got tired of the surprised "you look good!" I could never decide if they meant it or if what they were really thinking was wow she looks like crap without eyebrows...
I have to admit it was hard while I was feeling bald and ugly- to think this was the result of treatment for a problem that hadn't caused any symptoms other than that lump... I often wonder had I left it untreated how long it would have been before it spread, before I had real symptoms, how long it would have taken to kill me. Two years after diagnosis- I wonder- am I alive today because of all the treatment?, would I have been dead already by now?
0 -
Hey now thats a great idea SAS... !!!!
0 -
rackie--when you get chemo you aren't in a private place? ????? WTF is up with that???? It's a HIPPA violation for anyone you don't authorize to know your diagnosis or treatment, and sitting in a public room getting chemo is advertising both! How can they get away with that?
0 -
OMG..LUAN.... thats unbelievable... what an a#$.....
rackie she certainley should of been more understanding and less stupid thats for sure... very insensitive...
0 -
Crzykitty- you go GUUURL! Seriously...people will be kind if we let them too. and when strangers and folks who are on your periphery show up...what a gift to them and you when you let them help eh? I am learnign to say yes to help.."yes thank you I will accept that ride" yes thank you i would love a cup of tea if you are making some' 'yes...I am tired so I am going to bed now",,
Valgal- If I was close enogh to have a drink with you, I would join you to a glass of red wine and then we coold collectively toss your husband into the bonfire jo created a few months back...feels very purgin.
0 -
Luan - good to hear....yes to heart healing!!!both the sould kind and the physical! Sounds like the residence needs to ask you what questions hhe should ask.
Rackie- I say "bring an ipod, plug it in while walking in to the waiting room and go into never never land until the call your name"..
0 -
Native Mariner. Standard all over in infusion centers is chairs that are a few feet apart, with room enough for and IV pole and an extra chair for whomever. Yey, HIPPA WHAT?
If someone wants me to alter the insomniac thread name just let me know . The thread starter can alter/edit just like we do one our posts.
0 -
well, here's a humdinger for you all. it's actually not something someone has said, it's actually quite the opposite
my mom lives 2800 miles away. throughout chemo and all, i think i have talked to her a total of 4 or 5 times. she rarely calls me. when i call it just rings and rings usually. and she is impeccably cheap, so that's one reason i don't think she calls.
she never came to see me. not during surgery or chemo. she claims her and my dad are broke. yet.. they go to the casino every other weekend.
i carry much rage inside about this. still to this day, ( i am about 2 weeks PFC). people from the little bar my husband and I go to have shown 100 times more support than my own family has. ( the bar held 2 fundraisers for us, and lots of other support has been given)
now, correct me if i am wrong or out of line here, but, if my mother found out she had cancer and needed surgery, even if i had to take out payday loans, and ask for money, i would drive there to be with her, if i could not afford a plane ticket, i would drive there, i would be with her. but she has not been there for her 29 year old daughter AT ALL through the most devastating and terrifying time in her life.??????
thank god for my mother in law, she has been fantastic. yeah, she lives an hour away, but i know if she lived far away, and she found out what had been going on, she would have been here, no questions asked..
sorry, i had to vent that and get it off my chest..
0 -
HD...I am so sorry that you mom has not been ssupportive. with all that you have been through you shouldnt have that weighing on you as well. Yes of course we would do whatever we needed to do to be there for someone we care about. I am glad you have your mil. My mil is really great too. I will be having my 4th surgery in July and she is coming back for that she is in Iowa.. and she has come down for every surgery... my mom did come for the first one but that was it..... vent all you want or need thats what we are here for hugs to you!!!!!
0 -
Mid way through my chemo a vendor at work says to me, "well you really don't look that sick. you know what they say, chemo isn't working if you're not real sick." How's that for REALLY....
Hdanglebaby: hang in there, all you can do is surround yourself with those that will help and lift you up...
0 -
thanks for the hugs and kind words. That's exactly what i have done, surround myself with positive people and people that will lift me up. it took me a while to get that some people that are not my "great friends" were more supportive than some of my supposed "friends" it's way weird. and those people i never expected to help out have taken the place of some of my supposed friends that ended up disappointing me greatly.
0 -
Angel as a mother of a 30 year old and 3 kids a bit younger I must say, I cannot IMAGINE what it would be like to know my child is suffering and not be at their side. There is NO excuse for this. Money is NOT an object! I would crawl on my hands and knees if that's what it took to get to one of them. Your mother is toxic and no excuse in the world can justify her actions. That's just my humble opinion, and I'm sure some ladies will jump in with excuses for her, but God and I know that she is just too selfish.
0 -
hdangelbaby, I hope you find ways to deal with the rage of your mother's seeming indifference to your disease. I don't know why some parents can be like that (mine have been deceased for years). I knew of a mother with a daughter who had bc who made the whole thing about her, "My daughter has canser, how will "I" cope?!" I hope, angelbaby, you journal, meditate and otherwise find outlets for how you feel about the detachment your mom is showing. Of course, this forum is great for venting and garnering support.
0
