The dumbest things people have said to you/about you
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Valgal- got the message and deleted accordingly. thanks.
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Barbe - I learn from the master... you!
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I have done well......
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Ok...latest coment from upstairs neighbour (remember..this is post heart attack one week ago)..."Maybe you should go on a juice cleansing diet for a few weeks"....really? Think mu cardiologist might disagree....oY!
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oye!!!!!
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Hey Sandee,
just a quick thought- Why don't you tell that upstairs neighbor you took her advice ...but your toilet is broken. Then ask her if you can come over and use hers since it was her idea. HEHE LOL
Going to a fundraiser -talk to you all later!
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Great answer Valgal.....all meant well I know but ...Jeewhiz!
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Just found this forum and have been working my way through it.
I have to share my most memorable "did they really say that?" moment from the first time I had BC back in 2004. It was an elderly person who I don't even know comes up and says to me after a few comments/questions, "so did they get it all?"
I know I was sensitive at the time, but didn't even know this person!
Thanks ladies for making me realize, there are so many out there who really just don't get it.0 -
Since my breast cancer diagnosis, I have maintained the attitude with those around me that I have a small slow growing tumor and things are going to be great. Of course, in confidence with my husband, I cry. But I want my kids to keep a positive attitude.
My friend said to me the other day... "You don't really have breast cancer" Thinking all I am going through is not really breast cancer, just a cold? I told her.."Yes, I do have breast cancer". Why do people think that because you have a lumpectomy with radiation, that it is not breast cancer. It is, and I am grateful for the radiologist who found the calcification with her eagle eyes.
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I hate when they say "Did they get it all." Like what do we say? Do we say:
"No, they left a piece in so they will know if it grows."
"No, I woke up during the surgery and they had to stop."
"No, I told them to leave some in so I never forget the fear."
"No, they thought it might change the shape of my breast too much so they left it."
"No, it was so small, they had to just guess and they missed it!"
This list could really go on forever....couldn't it? What can you add???
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No, the lump filled out my bra better, so I asked them to leave it in.
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Barb..i LOVE THOSE ANSWERS! GREAT! I ran into someone last night at church I know but hadnt seen in awhile and she says and I know well meaning of course.... " oh wow you look healthy"... I just smiled and said thank you...im not sure what people expect us to look like but I guess it is what it is!!1
Have a great day ladies!
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Thanks for the laugh Barb!
Here is another retort: "Yes, *they* got it all, but *you* don't get it — at all!"
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I have been asked that a number of times. I just say "I hope so". I honestly don't think that it would ever have occurred to me to ask that.
I have also been asked, "Do you still have....them?" As the person asking is looking at my chest.
But the best, when I went back to work after being off for five months, from a regular customer, was "So you didn't die!" My response was "not quite". In all fairness, this person had no idea why I hadn't been around, and she did feel terrible, and quite embarrassed, after I told her. She came back in a couple of days to apologize.
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I was shopping the other day and another woman and I began to chat... can't remember what we were talking about and she said, "well, at least we are not fighting breast cancer." "Actually," I said....:) I wasn't offended, just thought it was a strange thing to pick out to compare every day problems to.
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My friend of almost 30 years said to me in a return email..."wait, I can't take this in". A couple days later I received a card in the mail that was a sympathy card and she signed it with only her name. About a month later I received a card from an aquaintence who wrote a lovely note. That same day I received the exact same card from my friend with only her name signed. Not even...I hope you are feeling good today. She lives about an hour and 15 mins away from me and Not Once came to see me. Sad, but she is not my friend anymore.0
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I had a friend who recently referred to my lumpectomy as a "boob job". I immediately corrected her, but it's been irritating me ever since.
Karen
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im not adding to your list , Barbe, cause your'e way better at the one liners than me; my pet peeve is when ple.. even some here say that CSIS "isn't R
EALLY" cancer.. really, is that why they removed both of my breats, and did months of chemo?REALLY? 3jays
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ok...can we add the stupidest things we have said as well to this band....a new friend salled to ask me how I was doing aftre the heart attack and I said ok....then said ' but I was thinking about a friend of ours and her double massectomy the next today and I though; Shit this is nothing in comparison to that....I didn't have to think about it and wait on a decision etc....I just had a heart attack and said 'fix it' and that was that. no decision....except yes...and then I worried that I had offended her somehow. She has reassured me that I haven't but I realised we too can accidentally say thing shtat should be tossed int the fire....
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Barbe I wrote this for another thread when I read your post that is now on the past page , I thought it appropriate to c&p.
What do we say to those that don't know how the cancer word changed us. What do we say to those that see that something has changed, but can't define it. Those that are mature will stay the course and behave with grace. Less mature will see themselves at the center of the change, yet they aren't . They want things to be the same as they were yesterday before the word cancer. They will act out, become a problem, leave or whatever. It' s the me, mine ,why did you do this to me whine. When this happens remind them everyone is still alive. For a moment in time, there is possibility in the next moment we may be gone. I saw both happen in 2010. One brother gone within moments, the other brother gone in months- my Greg,. Life is a gift. we should cherish each one. Don't whine. Don't carry on. Don't do something that would make the ones that love you most ---sad. We did not make cancer happen. We did not wish it to be. We did not do it to interrupt your life. Every part of our being would have nothing to do with this if we had the say. BUT we didn't , it's here. What we can do is cling to each other and enjoy each moment of life as if it were the last.
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Nicely put SAS!! It should be on a Hallmark card!
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Wow Sas, So insightful, so appropriate, for what many of us experience with other peoples needs. I just lost my 2nd brother unexpectedly in December and I couldn't agree with you more about enjoying and loving those around you every day.
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I was told today, during a second opinion, that I was being treated for a "cure." The Onc actually believes he can cure cancer.
http://community.breastcancer.org/forum/69/topic/767077?page=1#idx_1
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I was sitting with a friend (who is a nurse) at a wedding last night. So during the conversation she asked me if I was aware of how many false positives and incorrect diagnoses there were, that maybe the dx was wrong. I pointed out that after the CT/PET that found the mets the onc took the images to a number of radiologists (I think it was read by about 6 docs), confirmed it by an MRI, and that a CT during treatment showed regression (i.e. tumor shrinking from treatment). She still was going on about how "you never know, it might not be". And this is supposed to help me how? Should I maybe stop treatment on the off-chance that I don't have mets, I have a lot of incompetent people dealing with all areas of treatment a diagnosis?
I phrased the first sentence incorrectly. I was sitting with a former friend.
Leah
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Leah...sorry that this "friend" was so rude and callous....to not trust that you know your body and what is best for you the best....and for her to think that you would go to incompetent doctors....I'm glad to hear that the tumors have shrunk.
Wishing you a wonderful Pesach. My DD and SIL will be here all of Pesach. My parents are coming for the sedars.
Karen
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I have just spent the last hour reading this thread, had some laughs had some tears related to alot of the stories you have all shared. I will be back to post for sure but did want to tell one of the laides here sorry cant remember name and i cant go back a page to look or will loose my post lol but I am from Lethbridge so guessing your going to love me lol
You girls are awsome have a great evening
Hugs
Kymn
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was it something I said?
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Kymn - can be a thread killer too but at at least with this thread you know it will keep going
sometimes days can go by before a post but this thread is too good to die
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Maybe we've all been lucky enough to avoid the jerks with the dumb remarks lately? I'm sure it's just temporary, LOL.
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lol.. sorry I dont post here often but I do read every day and I think you ladies are awesome! It is so nice to be able to share all the really stupid things we get to hear. Maybe well meaning at times but still plain ol stupid!!!!!
Maria
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