The dumbest things people have said to you/about you
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I had my mastectomy at the hospital where I work. I stayed in for one night and my night nurse was a guy who was a transporter before he went to LPN school. He said " I always liked coming to your dept, you were so sweet and I liked looking at your boobs!" I didn't know what to say....so I said nothing and just stared. I didn't tell anyone for a few years.
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I have to chime in -- my mother told me today that my breast cancer was like her skin cancer on her nose (which was removed a few years ago, no problems, no treatment) not to minimize her skin cancer on her nose but somehow it has me upset.
I tried to preempt some of the caustic comments from co-workers - like a least you get some perky boobs out of it -- I decided my comeback would be, well I look at it this way, there will be one less boob in the office.
Two weeks ago I had a mastectomy and yesterday found out the margins are not clear, less than 1mm. The surgeon was reading the path report during my appt for the first time and he looked a little shocked. I guess it was not something even I had prepared myself for. I am not sure what is next but I do know it is still on my chest wall and sternum which has me worried
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I just thought of another dumb, insensative thing someone told me right after I was diagnosed with breast cancer:
You are lucky, the cancer could have been 'inside' your body.
WTF? Inside my chest and in my lymph nodes IS inside my body.
Just had to share.
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sockenvy--How horrible! And unprofessional! And Insensitive! Did you report what he said? It's totally inappropriate behavior for any nurse, but even more so for a male to a female, and in that situation---I am apalled!
olivia218--bc is like skin cancer--sure, IF she had her nose amputated as part of her treatment, maybe. I really like the "one less boob in the office" comeback. To the point with just a hint of an edge to it, great job! I'm so sorry the margins weren't clear, even more sorry that it came as such a surprise. I can't imagine how you are feeling after hearing that but I can certainly understand why you are worried. Do you have an appointment to get more info about what your options are? I hope it's very soon.
Joviangeldeb--I wonder how that person defines 'inside' the body? How absolutely idiotic!
Has anyone else ever been tempted to tell some idiot who's just made a stupid, hurtful comment "Did you know they just discovered breast cancer is contagious? Oh, it's so good to see you I just have to give you a hug!" I never have but the mental picture has amused me many, many times!
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NativeMainer, that's the PERFECT comment! I love it!
Uh oh, how many times do we give each other ((((((((((hugs))))))))))) on this forum?
Leah
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We're safe here on the forum--once bitten by the beast we're immune to anyone else's beast "germs!" One day, I'm going to actually say and do that some stupid sucker who will believe it, and then sit back and watch the antics with great glee!
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Native Mainer -Unfortunatley the co-worker I said it to did not quite get they were the "boob" I was really thinking about - LOL
Sockenvy - how horrible for you! I am sorry, what an insensitive jerk!
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Hi everyone. I am a yankee, but now live in the border "south". When someone asks a dumb question, I gently take their hand, look them in the eye and say something like " Bless your pea picking heart for asking." and I gotta get a move on, see ya.
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sockenvy ~ What that nurse said to you is disgusting. I am so sorry you were treated that way.0
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This week I celebrated my 46th birthday and my niece sent some photo's to the rest of the family. I had several say, you don't look any different, you don't even look sick! UGH!
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Friends have asked me about my nipples (I am open about my bilateral mastectomy) and my standard answer is "no, and because I don't have nipples I can run topless out in front of your house and I cannot be arrested.....no nips so the police can't touch me!" They get a mental image of their crazy friend doing this in front of their house and they laugh but I can see the fear in their eyes...........that, in turn, amuses the crap out of me!!!!
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There's nothing like the look of fear in the eyes of someone who just realizes they asked a stupid question, is there? Great comeback!
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My mother wouldnt say the word "cancer". She kept referring to everything as my "surgery". Example: "How is your surgery?" "How are things going with your surgery?" Good Grief, Mother! I have BREAST CANCER!
This same mother asked if I could get her a shirt at our local SGK walk. She asked, "could you get me one of the pink shirts, since it is more recognized for breast cancer?" My immediate thoughts -- DUH! The survivors get the pink shirts..............the breast cancer survivors. HERE'S YOUR SIGN!!!!!
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Sorry to say my parents refer to my breast cancer as a situation - okay a situation that amputated my left breast!
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Day,
People are amazing aren't they? After my lumpectamy I called a dear old friend to let her know the surgeon said she got it all, clear margins. This old friend tells me, "you know they can't be sure if they got it all" Received a card from her a few days later saying she thought she might have upset me, YOU THINK? I replied to her saying I was upset that those of us with the disease think about that everyday of our life and really don't need to be reminded. I have not hear from this dear old friend again, 17 months later! Another person told me how his mother had had surgery for BC but it came back and she died. What are people thinking? I suppose I have been known in the past to tell spomeone, "it will be ok". Don't think I ever will again knowing now how best intentions somethimes don't come across as very positive. Let's all try to get through these well wishers' comments and bitch about them to each other!
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OMG some people say the dumbest things. I can't believe that after a mastectomy that someone would ask if you kept your nipples. I would reply, "Why yes, I have them in my pocketbook, would you like to see them?"
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OMG Grazie, I almost fell of my chair laughing!
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OMG, gracie, I'm going to get a couple of fake nipples and keep them in my purse so I can use that line AND freak out the idiots that would say "Yes" and I can't wait to see the look on their faces!
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Gracie, that is a real rib tickler!!! Thanks for my first morning chuckle. Hugs.
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Too funny, I have to find some fake nipples and put them in my pocket!!
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About those people who will talk about "surgery" or a "situation" but not use the word CANCER - I find that fairly common here in general conversation (not when I'm talking about having bc). People talk about "the sickness" without giving it a name. It's a superstitious thing I think - don't name it and it won't happen.
Though in the case of parents - I think it's a way of trying to come to terms with having a daughter who has cancer. I have 4 daughters, and I've said since I got my dx that I'm glad it's me and not one of them.
Leah
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Has anyone had somebody ask them, "so, are you all put back together now?". What----am I Humpty Dumpty?????
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Notfake... Yes, I have been asked that... "so you're done with all this cancer stuff now?" NO... I'll be in treatment for at least 5 years, and my recurrance rate is 75% and my 5 year survival rate is 40%. I'll never be done!
I don't understand why people say these things. I'm usually polite, and don't want to hurt people's feelings, and always want to "educate" people about how it "really" is, but I'm just getting sick of the stupid comments, I'm losing patience with people. I need to be nicer I guess. 
It's hard isn't it! 0 -
For the most part people have been pretty great... that is untill last and tonight.. last week me and DH was invited over our friends house to watch the premier of the nascar races, all the men sat in the living room while us woman (about 10 of us) sat in the kitchen drinking, laughing and having a good time, then one friend whips off her bra and says it was uncomfortable. a few other woman did the same, one of the ladies there said, "I wish i didnt have any boobs so I didnt have to wear this stupid thing" I could feel every one look at me,shocked, so i took out my foobie and laid it on the table and said well, "you can have a mx and then you wont have to worry bout it" It was dead quiet for a minute till I started laughing then every one else cracked up, of course the other friend apologised, I know she forgot,and was sincere so i did forgive her.
then tongiht I get an email from my DH friend that was a video called "antidepressiant for men" So I opened it up, It was a video of naked woman with big boobs jiggling around, I was so pissed, So I emailed the dumb jerk a$$ back and said, while I enjoy most of your emails, and jokes, I find your emails on naked woman very offensive and disrespectful, And would like you to take me off your email list- Most times i can get past the STU-PID remarks but this really ticked me off.
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This is a great thread. I am stage IV - both lungs/liver/bones/lymph nodes. So here are some of the greats;
We all die of something.
You could get hit by a bus tomorrow.
Cancer these days is like getting a cold. (ummm..?)
You are so strong/brave whatever..
You just have to keep on fighting and don't give up. (like... what?)
You are going to be fine. (well It depends on your definition of fine.. but OK)
To me it's all love and concern comming from these folks. I know that and appreciate that they are reachingn out, but in my head it does not compute.
When a 42 year old mother of two is fixing to get really sick and die, I dont know that there IS anything appropriate to say.
I do love this thread though.
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OH YEAH! MY FAVORITE;
You just have to keep a positive attitude.
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"You just have to keep a positive attitude" is the only phrase that makes me want to slap someone.
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"You just have to keep a positive attitude" is the only phrase that makes me want to slap someone.
That really did me in every time someone said that to me.
A friend told me that I'm much better off than she is, because I get all these check-ups, so that when something is wrong, it will be discovered right away, whereas she only has her regularly mammogram and might already be seriously ill without knowing it.
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When someone tells me I just have to keep positive, I said, Well, I'm positive that I have cancer! That usually shuts them up, because really, what do you say after that!
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After my first mastectomy, I had someone ask me what they did with my breast when it was removed. My response: "I am having it tanned and made into a watch cap for my husband. I am debating about having a propeller placed on the nipple. What do you think; is the propeller too much?"
I was actually the same question several times by different people, gave them the same answer.
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