The dumbest things people have said to you/about you
Comments
-
OMG, Eric! Hahahaha, what a dumbass!
0 -
OH Eric that is unbelievable! good for you for telling your story and letting people know that men are effected too! How are you doing with everything?
Barb1958.. you crack me up!!! lol
0 -
Eric, people really are much more ignorant about male BC. Your's really are the dumbest things said yet to be posted on this thread. While we all hope that none of us will get any more of the dumb or mean comments we all know we will. We stay together to laugh at the merely dumb comments and to comfort the victims of the mean. Hope you will stay with us too.
0 -
I would have responded sooner, but I had to pick my jaw up off the floor. Wow, Eric, that takes the cake.0
-
hey Eric - like Barbee says, maybe he's out for a bromance.... But if you did get a mastectomy, I would expect you'd want some type of recon, right?
0 -
V, you're kidding, right? I had a double mast and am very happy with my flat chest. I'm pretty sure that's what Eric is aiming for too....right Eric???
0 -
Hey Ladies, Please don't think this is a stupid/Dumb or inconsiderate question. It truly is not intended to be. No doctors have really discussed anything with me. I had a lumpectomy back in April and will be finishing up the last of my chemo this month. I'm Triple negative and depending on the BRCA testing I may or may not opt for a double masectomy. Barbe1958, when you say that you have not had any reconstruction and I know alot of women choose not too, Do you just look flat chested or is it obvious that you had a masectomy? Again, please don't think I'm asking to be rude, I'm strongly opting for a double masectomy and now that chemo is finishing up I'd like to start looking into it.
0 -
Mccrimmon, I did have recon with MX just on Aug 17, so can't say from personal experience, but went out to dinner with some women from the site who had MX without recon, and I would say in clothes, at least, it is not noticable. I know you can also get prosthesis to where too if you want. You're pretty young, not that older women can't opt for reconstruction too, but why wouldn't you want reconstruction? If you have any questions about the flap reconstruction, there is a great thread called DIEP 2011. PM if i can answer any questions. Also, I know you're from Philly and would like to come back. There are several of us on the website that had recon down here in Philly and can answer questions about the docs here. Still, there is nothing wrong with not getting recon either. Good luck with whatever decision you make.
0 -
Kay, I definitely would want recon however I don't know anything about the surgeries and wondered if I would have to have delayed recon, how I would handle that. I definitely want to move back to Philly. ASAP, now the problem is going to be health insurance so as soon as we are able to seriously look into moving I have to do some research, I'm terrified on losing my insurance. BC is expensive!
0 -
Mccrimmon324: I hope you don't mind if I jump in here. I had a BL MX in May 2010. I opted for no recon and no prosthesis. What you see is what you get. If you will look at my Avatar taken in Dec. 2010, you can judge for yourself. I think this particular outfit tends to just look flat chested. Whether or not it looks flat chested or more obviously a mastectomy seem to depend on the outfit. Solid color t-shirts are most obvious where button down shirts and anything with gathering, rousching (sp?), ruffles, busy design, wraps etc. are more likely to just look flat chested.
Barbara
0 -
I'm wondering if mccrimmon isn't asking about how you look WITHOUT clothes on? I tried recon, had many complications, so is delaying my recon indefinitely. Yes, it is obvious that I'm not just flat chested. It is obvious that I had a mastectomy. BUT with clothes on, noone would know. I wear the camisole, which they gave me at the hospital (I have 3 now, because I had 3 surgeries...) and it has removable foam pads. Once I'm all healed from my last surgery I will look into prosthesises. And maybe months or a year down the line I will go ahead with my reconstruction. My first choice was to have immediate recon, but for me it just didn't work out and I'm making the best of it! Good luck with everything!
0 -
I am actually asking about both how you look with and without clothes. My friends mother had a double mx with recon a few years ago, several botched surgeries later she gave up and just deals. We've talked briefly, she says its still very emotional for her to look at herself in the mirror, they really botched her up and sorry for the TMI, is very uncomfortable with herself when she is intimate with her husband.
Currently I'm definitely lopsided and will eventually have them evened out or again if I'm positive for the BRCA genes I would definitely opt for the double mx. Actually, I'm rather large in that area now and am sort of looking forward to a smaller size.
0 -
hmmmmm - you are thinking the question was without clothes? There's a can of worms. In the nude I cannot imagine you could mistake mastectomy scars for anything else. If you cover up the center mess in the middle of my chest, I pretty much have the overall shaped chest of a teenage boy with long but minimal scars. My center dog ear mess is another matter which fortunately is not shared by everyone who has been through this and of course the size, shape and placement varies from person to person. "They" were strapped down for the avatar pic as they have had to be every day. I will spare you a detailed description of what they look like without clothes. I have seen a PS and am awaiting an insurance decision to have them removed under the reconstruction part of the law. There are a lot of options out there if you have to wait to reconstruct and you would like to fill out the front. For some of us the FATT (made that up - Flat All The Time) has been a viable and even liberating experience. In my world, I trained everyone to FATT early and so now no one I know even gives it a second thought.
Barb
0 -
hi, i had a double masectomy, and had Mrsa with that one, so one side was left open to heal; if you csn imagine.. i don't look, it still isn't pretty. it was a modified radical on both sides, so there's an indentation thats unmistaskable. if its " a good nightz" i have really pretty lingerie to wear a light foam prosthesis in. i do wear foam prosthesis when going out. i didn't have the luxury of having recon. but, ps said he removes more than he keeps in..
i've seen a lot of ladies here have MANY problems with recon. so, as long as you're both physically, and emotionally strong; recon can work.. as i said, i couldn't with my health. thats' helped me to learn to cope. being seen naked isn't something i'd like, tho, im sure.. but flat is much more comfortable for me, and am that way most of the time....hope thats clear (as mud)
0 -
I had a single mastectomy and wear a home made knitted prosthesis quite comfortably so as not to be completely lopsided. If the other one has to go for bad behaviour, I will go flat. One friend who had a double mastectomy with no reconstruction says that her golf swing is infinitely better. I hadn't even noticed that she was flat until she told me.
0 -
Lassie, I am DYING to try my golf swing!!! I am SURE that it will be better, but my FM is so bad I haven't gone out! I even live on a golfcourse and my DH is a Marshall!
Mccrimmon, I am dead flat, NO nipples. A lot of people ask about the nipples but they are too integral to the ducts so they have to go too. I have 2 very long incisions from under my arm to the middle of my chest. They don't quite meet by about 1/2 inch. They are smooth and look very nice. I have dreams of being intimate and the guy automatically goes for my breast. Then I wake up...sigh. My DH and I haven't had sex for 3 years. He has 3 brain tumours and low tostesterone and just doesn't want to. I do!! I wear tight t-shirts and don't care. I feel sleek and sexy. More so than when I had my huge heavy chest. I have no intention of recon due to other health issues. I don't want to get sicker just to get breasts!
0 -
Lassie, you've met me haven't you? In NOTL? Did I look flat?
0 -
I really expected to never want to look in a mirror again. I have actually come to be very comfortable with all but the center dog ears. The scars are thin and fading and it is all pretty smooth and flat. The bit of extra fluffy under the arm is not bad or disturbing. I have been so incredibly fortunate in that regard. It is just the center dog ears that if I lean over hang 2" off my chest that puts me right over the edge. The last few weeks I have been trying very hard to come to terms with the mutants by actually going out in public in certain outfits without strapping them down. While I am happy and confident with FATT with them strapped down, it is a definite emotional struggle when they are not.
0 -
Starak,
You all are being so generous in sharing your experiences... may I ask one more question?
Why do some women end up with the "dog ears" and also with puffy places under the arms? A smooth surface seems such an obvious desirable result. Is it due to some kind of surgical error that clumps of skin get left or is there some reason?
My surgeon talked me out of BMX but if I have another breast tumor show up I will be adamant. It seems like men are more "into" breasts than we women are.
Thanks for sharing and teaching us.
0 -
pj123--please rethink your surgical choice. No doc should try to talk you into or out of anythig. If you want bilateral mastectomy, you should get it. To answer your question, no one knows exactly who will get the 'dog ears' and puffy places. It depends on the person's fat distribution, how much tissue the doc removes and other factions. It's not an error, it's one of those things that happens sometimes. A good PS should be able to 'fix' the dog ears and puffies.
Just to add to the discussion, I am one who had a recon without major problems. One surgery 19 hrs long, no need for any further surgery. I have opted not to have nipples, or I would need one or two more smaller procedures. The belly incision did open up, but I was very overweight and knew that was likely to happen. I didn't like it, but it really was a minimal "complication." I went without one breast for a year, used a prosthesis in public as I had very large breasts and it was very obvious. Had the other breast removed and remade so I didn't have to deal with mammograms anymore, and get much smaller breasts, which I love very much!
0 -
Barbee - I asked about recon for Eric only because, unlike us women, in the summer men often need to go without a shirt so it is all out there.. .my husband had an accident when he was young and has an indentation in his clavicle area and is still self conscience about it when he is shirtless. To assume that a man with BC may not want to get some type of recon seems a little sexist.
0 -
pj123: I had originally thought they were due to skin sparing but my plastic surgeon said that my center dog ears are due to the fact that I was so ginormous before, as in totally spilling out of an M cup. In order to fix mine as he recommends, I will end up with T shaped scars. The cross bar will be cut as an elliptical to encompass the dog ears and when sewn shut will allow it to lay flat. The alternative was to have ended up with one giant V shaped scar from the armpit to the bottom of the v being onto my abdomen below the bottom of the breast bone - NOT recommended. In reading up on dog ears on plastic surgery sites, I believe his recommended T is the right fix to achieve flatness.
I do still think that some of the dog ears left behind are just plain sloppiness though as NativeMainer said there are alot of factors that go into it. I also think that many surgeons are so certain that "every" woman will want to reconstruct that they don't give it much thought as it is just one of the little details they take care of with the final exchange. If you don't reconstruct, it is just a mess and one that some insurers may try not to cover by calling it "scar revision". I am also coming to think that many BS just don't "get" how much we are annoyed by them.
Barb
0 -
Starak, I think you may be right about that. Sorry to all the male PS out there, but I'm glad I went to a female PS. I try to stick with female docs whenever possible.
0 -
V, Eric may want a nipple put back (fipple), but he wouldn't need tissue put back. I have a male chest right now, but with no nipples.
My brother was shot in the chest and has a pretty huge chunk taken out, but he didn't go for recon. It wasn't even offered. I think the less they mess around with an area, the less drama it is.
0 -
Yeah - that makes sense about the nipple ... i just think we girls have more options than the guys -- plus people accept it more with us... and you are right about drama... my failed TE boobette can attest to that!
0 -
My mom had a single mast in 2001, she did not have any recon and refuses to wear her prostectic boob, she said that it is hot and doesn't 'match' her remaining saggy boob. People don't realize that she is flat on one side.
Kay, I like your quote
.Sheila
0 -
Barbe - I never would know that you are flat except that it came up in discussions. You look elegant to me!
0 -
While I hate to admit it, I'm one of those people who assumed if you had a DMX you were "cured". Now that I'm one of the statistics I know better but I would never have asked what someone's prognosis is. Only God knows that for sure.
0 -
I saw the Mayor of Winter Park, Florida interviewed on the news two nights ago. The city is sponsoring some events for Pinktober so he was talking about breast cancer. With great authority he said "with early detection breast cancer is curable." The news anchor who was interviewing him smiled and nodded knowingly. No wonder the fallacy of a cure lives on.
0 -
Interesting thoughts ladies....I hadn't really given it much thought. If I end up having MX, I would like to have a nipple but I could care less about scars. They would turn into a badge of honor for me, and an oppertunity to share with the world my story.
Thanks for all your support!
0
