The dumbest things people have said to you/about you
Comments
-
I just got told that I'm no fun because I don't play the stupid "breast cancer awareness" games on Facebook.
0 -
I must be no fun too. I don't play them either. I put a
on my friends that do. 0 -
???what breast cancer awareness games? games??? good grief!
0 -
Sandeeonherown ~ I've seen about four versions of it, but it's always something silly like "post the color of your bra" or "post where you like to keep your purse" as your status. Somehow, this is meant to raise breast cancer awareness. Color me confused!
To the person who said I was no fun, I thought about sending her a picture of my mangled chest and telling her that my awareness is pretty d@mn high and that with Tamoxifen SE's, I'm having about all the fun I can stand!
0 -
I get tired of those Facebook status things that talk about someone has cancer and repost this status to . . . well,I am not sure what is the purpose of it all. Do we really need a Facebook status update to pay attention to a friend who is ill?
0 -
thats JUST why i hardly ever go onfb.. i juust keeptrack of the son i never hear from that way!!!............3jays0
-
3jays - you are doing well if the prodigal son lets you see his Facebook page!
0 -
Yesterday, a person I know called me to tell me that they had good news to share with me to make me feel better (I'm actually feeling fine so I don't know what that was all about). Anyhow, she proceeded to tell me she met a woman through her church that was recently diagnosed with advanced stages of breast cancer.
I told her I didn't understand why that should make me feel better because it saddened me that another woman in this world has the type of cancer my mother had.
She answered, "Her situation is a lot worse than yours and it made me feel better."
I ended the call quickly letting her know that I was sad to hear the news and hoped the best for this woman regarding her upcoming treatments.
I really don't understand people sometimes....and no, the call did not make me feel better.....it made me teary.
0 -
I was asked if I shaved my head to look like Britney Spears when she shaved her head!! Messages
0 -
Hi ladies, I love checking this thread even though I rarely have anything to add. I think I must radiate don't even f^king think about it!!!!!
But the other day I got one from my mother which reminded me why, when I was diagnoised, I didn't tell her anything about it and still haven't. She is 82 now and dealing with incontinence issues which I do get is Not Pleasant and Depressing Etc. Somehow the topic came up about the varying meds she had taken over the years and her belief of a possible link between the meds and her current condition and she proclaimed that she "would rather have breast cancer because thats not as bad as incontenance."
I quietly said I didn't think everyone would agree with that and she persisted in saying that it would be better because cancer is slow in old people. I changed the subject.
Really must do something about that general misperception that breast cancer is just a walk in the park.
0 -
3monstmama,
Too true - all the Pinktober Awareness stuff: yeah, it's great to do self-exams and have regular mammos. We know that already. How about some awareness about how much it sucks to go through BC treatment? I know that's "icky" compared to "feel yourself up" and "save the tatas", but perhaps would better inspire folks to pull out their checkbooks and donate to an organization directly focused on finding a cure rather than buying pink tube socks or whatever.Oh, and I wish I had a dollar for every person who's made me feel like I've been "on vacation" this year. Yeah, awesome vacation. Eight rounds of chemo, two surgeries, radiation, taking care of my terminally ill father at the same time...I'm sure that's what everyone aspires to do on their holiday.
0 -
Blue Cowgirl, that pisses me off, too! I was on disability for about 14 mos. before coming back to work in March. I've made several requests for time off since then because vacation is signed up for the entire year the previous December, so I've had no guaranteed time off this year. Someone will invariably make a comment about vacation and then 'remember' "Oh, yeah - you were already off then." like I was having a high ole time instead of being treated for cancer. Grrr.
0 -
i got told one yesterday
my best friend felt compelled to tell me " hey a study just came out that proves alcohol causes breast cancer,,, you need to stop drinking, cause that's what started this in the first place"
wow.. really? at 29... brca negative... there are health nuts out there who get it, marathon runners out there who get it.. but because i like a drink or two a night to help me relax and sleep, i am to blame....
i hate people sometimes
0 -
ok, I've got some good ones here and I hope that I haven't already posted them. Said by my own mother.....Here you go:
Yeah, I've had a CAT scan. I was having horrible headaches and they gave me a CAT scan to check my brain....turns out there was no thing wrong with my brain, I was pregnant with you....you were the cause of the headaches....(thanks for the fetal radiation mom, you probably should have kept this to yourself
)Well, you have about 15 more years before you have to deal with this again....
Some people drop dead and others have to suffer.....
Ok...here's a comment from my sister just the other day. She was getting her mammogram and told the woman my tumors never really showed up on a mammogram, then she proceeded to tell me that the woman said this was the worst cancer you could have, the kind that doesn't show up on a mammogram. Then she went on to say "Thanks to you, I get mammograms every year now"...
I know these people love me, but they have said the dumbest things......
0 -
Unbelievable. Thanks to BC 'awareness', we have people come up to us and blame us for getting cancer to start with, and then denigrate the danger our lives are in, pooh-pooh the treatments we go through and basically act like we've won a free trip to the cosmetic surgery spa with all their 'boob job' comments. It's enough to make a woman cranky.
Kathleen, I had a similar conversation with my sister, only joking and light-hearted. "Sorry I just tripled your chances of getting BC." "Eh, it'll make my doctor happy that I won't be trying to duck the annual mammograms anymore."
0 -
Yes, Riley. I have joked that I get a boob job and a tummy tuck covered by insurance. IMO it is ok for me to say that. It is NOT okay for my cancer-free friends or relatives to say, "You are so lucky! I want new boobs too, mine are so saggy from breast feeding!" Well, guess what: I am about as far away from effiing lucky as you can get. I can never have kids, so thanks for reminding me about that. And I'd take saggy over deadly any day!
0 -
Exactly!
0 -
hdangelbaby, although lifestyle choices are a part of the equation, they are only part of it. For all we know there are many other BC genes we haven't identified yet. So I'm with you - reject the blame - what a shame to have heard that coming from a "friend."
I'm one of those 'health nuts' and I still got dx'ed with BC at age 32. The sad truth is cancer can happen to anyone! You are NOT to blame... all you can do is move forward in your life armed with good information about how to live well during and after treatment. Hugs!!
0 -
How 'bout this one---having delayed reconstruction due to pre-op confusion/conflicts between providers about actual diagnosis. (DCIS with large lump per 2 bx's which did indeed turn out to be IDC post surgery).
Anyhow, called insurance company to see if mastectomy bras and breast prosthesis were covered. The bimbo on the phone says, "A whaaaat?" I repeat myself, only to realize that she is clueless. I tried explaining it nicely, finally had to say, "Look, it's a fake rubber boob you get when yours gets cut off for breast cancer. The bras have pockets to wear it in." She said, "Ohhh. Well, I'm not sure. Let me check." She was gone for over 10 minutes; like this was a question that had never, ever come up before. Then she returns and says, "Yes, they're covered at 80%" I then asked if there was a limit on how many bras you could buy per year or something like that. She said, "Well, first you would have to have a MEDICAL REASON to have this done; and what do you mean about how many? You can only wear one!" (Guess she never washes hers.)
0 -
Oy! I think her boss needs to be told she needs sensitivity training at the very least. Maybe she could look up whether or not brain transplants are covered. Seriously? She thinks there are women running around getting their boobs lopped off for no good reason other than fraudulently getting the bras and forms free (or 80% off)? She'd better hope karma isn't a bitch.
0 -
The Facebook game that I posted about upthread? Now I'm not only "no fun", I'm rude and ignorant for not wanting to play. Granted, the people saying these things don't know my history, but the person who started the conversation (and is keeping it going) certainly does, and she's just thanking everyone for saying that she's "nice" for posting the game to begin with. I'll echo hdangelbaby ~ I hate people sometimes.
I'm so very, very sorry, dear sisters, for all the dumb and hurtful things that are said to all of you. *hugs*
darlam ~ There's got to be a special prize for that dolt of an insurance bimbo!
0 -
Darlam, that is unbelievable. Jaw dropping...and after some of the things I've heard, I'm hard to shock.
This happened to me shortly after diagnosis, my parents had just arrived from across the country to help me out, I was busy with tests, dr appts, etc and of course totally stressed...I apparently forgot to mail my monthly payment for my Sam's Club credit card. So I get this phone call, where the guy from Sam's Club says, "We noticed we haven't received a payment from you this month and you always pay on time. Is there something going on in your life that has prevented you from making your payment?" I said yes, actually, I was just diagnosed with cancer and I've been a little preoccupied.
His reply? "Well, even though you have cancer, you still have responsibilities like paying bills."
My reply? "Jesus Christ!"
His reply: "Do you always take the Lord's name in vain like that? It's no wonder you got cancer."At which point, I dropped the f-bomb on him about 50 times and hung up. And actually, it was the first time I'd gotten very vocally angry since my diagnosis, and it felt great! So thanks, A-hole Sam's Club Guy, you actually helped me release some pressure with your completely inappropriate remarks.
0 -
I think it's time for the bus. Toss 'em under, ladies!
0 -
Oh Blue!!! What a friggin' idiot!!! That's why I HATE small talk: How are you? Fine, you? Good thanks.
Reality:
How are you?
Do you REALLY want to know?
Uh, sure...
Well, the strong narcotics I take paralyze my bowels so I get backed up. Do I need to explain backed up to you? No? Okay, so anyway the bowel gets rigid with bulk and causes severe low back pain so bad that I take, are you ready for this??? MORE narcotics!!!! So...how are you? No, don't turn away! I told you, now you have to tell me!
0 -
Barbe, you always have a way of bringing things into perspective! LOL! I always to the same thing in my head -- I always say fine,or OK, but one of these days I might tell somebody -- "How do you think I am feeling? My breasts were just cut off, I am taking medication that makes me sleepy and my boss gets on my case if I feel tired at work? Thank you, very much and how are you feeling?"
For the insurance company bimbo and the Sam's Club guy? Ask to speak to their supervisor and tell them you don't have time to speak with someone with such insensitivity! I have actually done that. I fell behind on my mortgage and even though I notified them of what was going on and had worked a payment arrangement out with them, when last month's payment was due (I had already fulfilled the amount I had worked out in the arrangement agreement), I was called by a collection's person. I reiterated to her of the payment agreement and asked her if the notes were not available to her. Her response was very rude, and she insisted on me making a payment over the phone. I did raise my voice and I asked to speak to her supervisor. After about 10 mins, she came back on the phone, "Miss A---, I am very sorry, please forgive me, but I wasn't aware of the arrangement, please proceed with the agreement, you won't be bothered again."
Phyllis
0 -
Last night, DH and I were headed to the market. On each side of the building, there were older girls (high school age) with their mothers who appeared they were trying to sell something (lots of gift themed baskets). All dressed in pink.
We were steps away from the entrance with the girls asked us repeatedly how many opportunity tickets we wanted to buy to give to breast cancer research and awareness. My DH responds, "My wife already gave plenty to breast cancer."
Then the mothers who appeared to be around my age stared at me. Well, might as well finish what DH started, I thought. "Both of my breast were removed 7 weeks ago because of breast cancer."
The moms were totally stunned, speechless, really...... For me, it was sort of a release, you know?
0 -
I was diagnosed five years ago. I lost my left breast, had reconstruction and chemo. I have a host of illnesses now. Osteoporosis, psoriasis, diabetes, high cholesterol, cervical cancer, hiatal hernia, neuropathy, early menopause, insomnia, anxiety, joint swelling and stiffness. I am in constant pain and take a host of drugs for all the illnesses. And to add to it, doctors think I might have Lupus. I had blood tests this week and the results are starting to come back. So far all of them point to Lupus. Throughout my journey, keeping my spirits up has been very hard. I have endured some of the most insensitive comments as a lot of people on this post have had. I try to keep in mind that people who have not had to take a hard journey often don't know what to say but feel compelled to say something in order to show some kind of support. I usually smile and try not to get upset.
There was one person at work that was always saying something stupid. I finally had to start avoiding her as she always brought me down. I ran into her one day shortly after my osteoporosis was diagnosed and I had decided on a treatment that can only be used for two years but showed promise for not only stopping bone loss but would also help to rebuild bone. I was extremely hopeful about the treatment. She had asked how I was doing and I unfortunately told her about my latest diagnosis and the drug. After I told her I could only take the treatment for 2 years, she looked me dead in the eye and said, "If you live that long." My long silence at her hurtful words ended in a single stroke. I just looked at her dumbfounded and said very angrily, "How could you say that to me?" Her response was, "Please don't take that the wrong way." I said, "How else can I take that?" And added, "Thanks for your support!" She left in tears; HER feelings hurt. I didn't care. She needed to be taken down a peg or two. I have yet to speak to her again.
For those of you who may be reading this post that have a loved one; family or friend, who is taking this journey, sometimes saying nothing and just listening can be the best medicine for the one you love. It's hard to resist the impulse to fix things for your loved ones. We are overwhelmed with trials and hard decisions and we have to still try to live our lives on top of our illnesses. Be there for us. Take us out to the park for a walk. Show us something beautiful like garden filled with flowers. Remind us that there are still wonderful things in this world; new adventures to be had and things besides cancer and it's horrible side effects. We love you but we don't always want to be reminded of cancer. We have our own reminders everyday.
I have pulled away from my family as they pulled away from me soon after my diagnosis. I was accused of trying to get attention. I got cancer just to spite them in some way. My cancer was inconvenient for them. They were very hateful and angry at me. I did this on purpose and they blamed me. I took care of my dying parents,(who had done their best to support me), during my treatment and until they died within 9 months of each other in 2008. All this while the rest of my family was too busy to help. My family is toxic to me and they always have been. Since my parents death I no longer feel compelled to tollerate my dystunctional family. I have a new, albeit, small family now and they are those that acknowledge that I am ill and that I have bad days, but support me with their love and consideration and their ability to try and help me live as normal a life that I can live for as long as I can live.
I'm not really sure where all that came from....I guess I've kept my silence for a long time and that it was bound to come spewing out at some point. And no more will I allow toxic people in my life. Thanks for providing a place for me to vent.
0 -
I've been lucky so far in what people have said to me. But one friend said something that was so stupid and insensitive that I had to laugh about it. He's known me since first grade; I was always one of the skinniest kids in school, and was extremely flat-chested all the way through high school. He said it was ironic that I got breast cancer, because you'd think it would strike someone with double D's, not someone like me. As though small breasts = no breast tissue!
0 -
People do say the most ridiculous things - I went to a Reach to Recovery training this week with the American Cancer Society - they actually gave us a list of things NOT to say, I loved it.
A few years back I was pregnant and I had been RH sensitized so they were checking my antibody titer often to know when to send me to a specialist to check on the baby - so I was at the counter and there was a waiting room full of people and the receptionist started laughing really loud and saying what the heck is a tit - er, they really messed up back there and kept yelling tit - er, I was quietly trying to explain the pronunciation, the reason for the test, etc.. she just kept shushing me, treating me like an idiot, and yelling the word. You gotta wonder where they get some of these people.
0 -
I just am blown away by two things: how idiotic people can be, and how funny and smart you all are! You have all helped me tremendously with managing the PR machine that seems to be my life post-BC. I think the reason so many of us get sensitive is because there truly is nowhere to hide--people want to be "nice" and "follow up", but man, a whole lotta education needs to happen.
My colleague's cancer is back. She has leaned on me to help her talk to her friends ("oh, can't wait for you to be finished treatment so we can go on vacation together."--she's stage IV) So, thank you all for keeping me centered.
Dunno if I posted this before, but my all time fave is:
"Thank you so much for reminding me of my good health."
Now a year + out, if I have to hear:
"Everything is all gone/alright/finished/better now, right?" I might go postal.
0
