The dumbest things people have said to you/about you
Comments
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our insurance was through my husbands company but he was fired on thursday. our insurance ends out at the end of this month.
i realize now i'm posting in the wrong thread. i need to post in the MY LIFE AS I KNEW IT IS OVER thread. there must be one of those here somewhere
thanks for listening
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GM my lord had do idae of that thread, but get yourself out of that house -------your husband is not normal, he is a physical threat to himself and you------------exit stage left----------old term. Get out now -don't waste a minute
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GM--I second Sas-schatzi's advice. Get out of that house. You do not need that kind of stress right now, and obviously he and his family are not going to be supportive. Go to the police and tell them you are afraid he will hurt you physically, he is already hurting you emotionally. Find a divorce lawyer and get divorce proceedings going. Separate yourself from him and his family ASAP. Take the cats and LEAVE. Even if you have to go to a homeless shelter, they will help you get connected with legal services and other programs. Play the cancer card, too. Might as well get something good out of this diagnosis.
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Greenmonkey, your husband sounds like the dumbest guy I've heard of today, or like a mentally unstable idiot, or like someone who turns out to be one under stress. Not at all what you need with a fresh bc diagnosis.
And he is afraid you will kill him!? Well, don't contradict him in that matter for a day or two, so maybe he'll run away?
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Green Monkey with the Catstir,
You can start a new topic and name it MY LIFE AS I KNEW IT IS OVER, it would IMHO become one of the classics on the board. You know your way around computers and are kinda savvy in them, so figure it out and make it happen.
I think your blog is close to a stroke of genius in many ways. I find it satirically funny with a large portion of realities thrown in, kind of in the tone of the original SNL back in the good old days. (also with a whole lot of sobering recitations.)
Wouldn't make drastic life changes, Catstir is life changing enough, but that is me. Cobra for insurance is kinda a no brainer right now, until you get the Catstir back in the kennel. You need love, don't push it away. Men can be clueless, they need straight forward communication sometimes. And losing a job can through them into a wierd spiral. He needs to pick himself up, dust himself off, and get on with reality. My DH has been basically unemployed since before my diagnosis. In some ways it has been a blessing, he does what I can't.
Did I say I like your blog and your writings? Others may want to check it out and get some insight.0 -
Greenmonkey--- I have also received I am focusing on it too much talk. That's what a person does when they are first faced with a stress like this and want to survive. I hope you find people who will listen to you (like us) and in "real time." I am thinking of you !!!!
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Greenmonkey- hang in there...and cuddle your cats...men don't deal well with job loss (who does really) or fear (ditto) but wanting a divorce at this moment in time...shuting you out of the bedroom...really??? Grab the cats and go to a girlfriend's house...if one isn't nearby, get in your car and drive to Halifax. I have room for you!
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ahhh thank you Nampa for plugging my blog! its sounds so much better coming from you then me.
I did start a thread here, somewhere under the emotional stress link but I started it at 4:00 am this morning and I'm not sure what I named it but I know it has the word CRAZY in it.
My mind is on fire. some of it is good, creative stuff and other parts are deep and reflecive. I must tell you ... all of you, that I have a secret weapon. I'm not willing to tell the blogging community this because they won't get it and I will appear weak but this catstir is sort of a win win. if i beat it, I'm super monkey, if I lose, I get to be with my son who passed on in 2002.
thank you everyone for reading my rants. it helps so much
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Greenmonkey
Your "DH" is too mucking fuch! I know this is stressfull stuff and it's hard on the poor guy but to kick you out of your bedroom?!! It's easy to be in love when everythings hunky dorey in life. The hard stuff is a true testament to what he's all about. HIM!! Kick this douchebag to the curb. You are one talented chick and this will sustain you! And you'll only have yourself to support. Let the universe take care of HIM or his mother for that matter. Congratulation MOM for doing such a great job with your son! NOT.
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Green, I understand your win/win but you have more to win than me. I have a wonderful friend who passed about 9 years ago and can't wait to see her again! I do understand how anxious you are to see your son again. I get it.
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Hello everyone,
husband is downstairs watching tv. i'm in the cats room. day two of not getting out of my pj's. this is what I need to do for me. and thats a good thing. i've got the cat and dog with me, it was their choice, I did not force them to join me on the bed. they are awesome! i need to buy them more treats!
i'm less angry at husband because i realize he can not cope. please know that before all this happened i was treated like a queen. he was never a good communicator so instead he would show me he loved me with his actions (when he wasn't self medicating with alcohol and fantasy). he waits on me - constantly. he serves me wine and food and cleans up. i have no idea how to start the dishwasher. the only thing i do around the house is enjoy it.
he's starting to calm down a bit... he looks less jumpy, like maybe he's not so worried I'll kill him.
he locked the bedroom door because he really was afraid i would kill him. thats irrational, but like i said, he's not coping well.
I should also tell you that my son was angry at me when he killed himself. so i am trying very hard not to push him to the point where he snaps. i know i'm supposed to focus on me but this is part of me. this man is part of me. his love is part of me.
again, I know this is the wrong place for all this but i have cancer so i get to do what i want. by the way, I bought the donaim catstir.org - have no idea what I'm going to do with it but it is fun to think about it!
love to all of you and thank you for reading and commenting and understanding and not understanding and most of all... thank you for your compassion.
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oh... and back to dumb things people say. This was from my husbands neice, before I killed the family connection.
Shannon, i read your blog and my dad also told me what happened! Youll get through this like a champ!! Also idk if u know this but im a chemo nurse at the breast center affiliated with weill cornell in nyc i work under Dr moore who is the head of the practice who treated cynthia nixon in real life with her boob cancer! We hve a great practice, wonderful doctors and of course nurses
I heard sloan is like a factory! again, yes...yes, I know she meant well but i don't care it pisses me off!
first, you're a nurse and you call it "boob cancer" ????
second, you're talking shit about my hospital. the hospital i'm about to walk into for the first time. like i'm not scared enough as it is?
third, you're trying to sell me your boss? trying to get me to spend my time and money in your hospital?
UGHHHHHHH!!!!!
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haven't posted here yet but need to vent. A very old friend of mine called me yesterday...I told her I had to have eye surgery (on top of what I'm dealing with) after my chemo ends because I have a blocked tear duct...happens frequently...and my eye waters all the time. It's unrelated to tx--and not a big deal but a pain and I need to get it fixed.
She said "you better watch out...my ex had something wrong with HIS eye like that...and it turned out he had a tumor growing there...!" I cut her off, told her that was NOT helpful--(I mean seriously--in light of what I'm dealing with? You'd say that to a breast cancer survivor?), and now I'm wondering if I want to have lunch with her (why she called) at all now.
Claire
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ok this is not one particular thing people said to me, but more a generalization... I have always been a bit of an anxious, worrying type of person, but never sought help until after my treatment was done and I was about one step away from a breakdown.
It seems to be implied by my family that the only reason I'm having a tough time since cancer is because of my basic nature - that I'm too pessimistic and I need to stop worrying about what might happen. Think positive! After reading how real cancer survivors on these boards feel, I feel better about myself. No, I'm not emotionally defective - I had cancer and I'll damn well feel as scared as I want, thank you.
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yep Minxie! that is exactly what my husbands family is saying about me!
and Claire... people really dont think.
a writer friend of mine said, "what people say to you is more about them then you"
so to me, your friends statement proves she's a mess!
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YES, we have every reason and right to be afraid.
YES, we need to surround ourselves with supportive people.
YES, we have every reason, need and right to dump people who bring us down, who minimize or disregard our fears, who can't or won't try to understand us and our disease.
YES, it is a lifesaver to have BCO where can not only find information and friends to help us through this process but a place to vent and even be a bitch when we need to.
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Love that chabba....
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Thanks
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Two things this weekend..guess I am opening myself up more to the real deal and not EFL teachers whoa re touchy feely types and super sensitive...a new friend and i were talking about cancer in general terms..think she had forgotten I had breast cancer in 2010...and she ended up saying if she had breast cancer , she owuld likely have them both removed...knew it would hard and that you can't mae that decision lightly....but that everyone she knows who started out with BC nded up with it somewhere else in their body and are dead...I said ..uh Linda??? I am a breast cancer survivor. I plan on not getting it anywhere else so ...can we not say that everyone died? tell me about someone who didn't....we are still friends...I like her and she did not say it in a nasty way...se was really just speaking of her own experience of breast cancer survivor's...still...kind of threw me...
there was another dumb comment in the last few days...don't honestly remember it but I did think...;huh;...two in one weekend!
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There are so many variants with cancer, breast cancer, breast cancer survivors, cancer survivors, ad nauseum ... I don't know how you could compare one to another in anything! We are all so different with different decision making skills, unique individuals with, again, so many variants it literally is like comparing apples and orangutans (I was going to say oranges but its way more different than that!).
GM ... everytime I try to go to your blog I see it for a second and than my screen goes blank - any thoughts? I'd really like to read it. By the way, ((((((((HUGS)))))))))
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A nurse who works for United Health Care and was calling to see if I was getting treated ok by the docs and was satisfied with my treatments.
This is how the conversation went:
Nurse: So, you started chemo treatments?
Me: Yes
Nurse: How do you feel?
Me: Like crap
Nurse: Really? Why is that?
Me: Uh, I am doing chemo.
Nurse: Don't they give you nausea meds?
Me: Well, yeah, but then there is constipation, exhaustion, mouth sores, fevers, finger tips burning, loss of appitite.
Nurse: So you're not eating? You need to eat, it's not safe, you will become dehydrated.
Me: Trust me I am eating and drinking...I have a family if I was gonna give up I'd of done it already.
Nurse: So you are feeling better then?
Me: I have to go, the stupidity of this conversation just made my head explode.
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kite - Thanks for making me laugh out loud!
Phyllis
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Kite - me too! I had to laugh - I've had some of these stupid conversations with medical staff. I had the same problem when taking tests - even the driving test. Four cars come to a stop at the same time in a four=way intersection. Who had the right of way? I need more info - where am I going, how late am I, how close am I to my destination -- I need details!
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Kmccraw--That's my point exactly! LOL
phgraham- You're welcome!
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Ok so I don't know if this was actually dumb or not, but I had no idea what I was supposed to reply to it.
My friend of 20 years calls me up to tell me shes doing the relay for life walk. I said oh cool. Three times more in the short convo we had she said "I just wanted to tell you that" like I was going to respond with something different. I just kept thinking "What the heck does she want me to say here??"
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as for not being able to get to the blog..
try just typing:
greenmonkeytales.com
KITE. what the hell! I almost spit my wine!
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Stormy - crazy ridiculous... but l think I know what you were supposed to say " oh my, oh my, you are magnificent. good for you. you go girl. we need more people like you in the world. now.. if you could only get off your soapbox maybe you could empower someone to find a cure for cancer.."
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Kite, I volunteer on a suicide hotline and the first rule of listening that we are taught is never to ask the "Why" question. It makes the caller feel defensive and shuts down communication. How I wish someone taught those same skills to people in the medical community.
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I was surprised at work when people would come up to me and ask if I was going to do the "cancer walk". Why would I??? I answered??? Those walks are to make YOU feel better, not me!!
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barbe--Now I know why all the talk about walks and other fund raisers drives me so crazy! They certainly didn't and don't help me at all, but if they help someone else, ok. Just leave me out of it, please!
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