The dumbest things people have said to you/about you
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I have an acquaintance who keeps telling me that when she heard of my diagnosis she went out and convinced all her friends to get mammograms. I usually say something like "Well, that's good", but she seems to expect a different reaction and waits for me to say more. I think she expects me tp THANK her for her one woman mammo crusade. I mean, jeesh, getting regular mammograms is a good thing, but am I now supposed to be responsible for every boob on the planet?
Momof3boys, I'd pay to see that movie. :-)
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My ex SIL posted that "she was going bald in 2012" and I was horrifed as she is a survivor!! She posted that "no way would that happen as she'd been there and done that already". How naive!!!!!
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A friend of mine sent me a picture of a woman wearing a hat that said, "Save the TaTa's"
I don't find that funny, or interesting, or helpful in anyway.
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I agree. My bff gave me a shirt that said that and a bumper sticker and asked why I didn't put the sticker on my car. My response was " its not about saving the ta tas its about saving lives BC is more than just about our boobs" she could only say oh never though of it that way. They say the best laid
intentions.....
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tinkertude, well said. I really like and agree with how you put it: it's not about saving the ta tas, it's about saving lives. bc is more than just about our boobs. so right.
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Ditto all of the above. I am not a "good" bc survivor, I don't participate in walks or fund raisers, I don't mount one-woman crusades to get every female within 100 miles to get a mammogram. I don't babble on about how going through diagnosis and treatment changed my life for the better, because that just isn't true. Not many people participate in things in my honor, to which I simply say "thanks" and change the subject. What I WANT to say is "it would help me a whole lot more if you gave the money you raised to me so I can pay off the outstanding medical bills from my treatment."
Yes, I do appreciate when people say they are participating in something in my honor, but it really is more for them than for me. I try to be gracious and supportive, but I just don't see how it helps me any. But if it helps them cope with the fear of getting bc themselves, it's ok with me.
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I am so glad that there are others who feel the same way I do about the "Save the Ta Ta's" and all those other cutesy phrases. There is nothing cutesy about it and I'm really beginning to dislike the color pink. Also I agree there is enough awareness out there, now time for more money to go for research for a cure.
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After I told a friend that I had decided on a BMX she ran out and bought two "Save the Ta Tas" bracelets so we could wear them together. I said thank you and put it in my purse. She said: "Aren't you going to wear it?" I said: "Well, since after next week I won't have any Ta Tas, the point is moot, isn't it?" I threw it in the trash later that day.
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believe it or not , the most annoying comment came fron a cardiatric doctor. He was more concerned about how my husband was handling it (love that IT) and if we needed marriag consuling to better communicate. I Told him to stick to his field and stop playing psyhcologist. Mostly I'm sick of "you're joking". This not someting to be joking about. I try to keep up my spirits and stay calm for my children's sake.
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I have to agree, I am getting tired of the pink ribbons. People mean well, they really do. But they some stupid stuff.
I shaved my head the other day and I heard what everyone else has heard too. "It will grow back." Really?! It will?! Well I'll tell ya what.. go shave yours cause it will grow back too. I don't want to shave my head, I don't want to "look" like I have cancer. It's more then pulling a Brittney Spears and shaving my head because I got this crazy idea one day and thought what the hell. It has a lot more meaning then that. People don't freakin get it!
That's my rant. I am done. I love people.
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I kind of cringe at all these pink things, too. When I had my diagnosis, I got a tacky little black and pink fake velvet purse for make-up things, with a pink ribbon and a pink folder with information from a bc organization. Supposed to be cute ... but it was just silly.
And the status games on Facebook – not only in October! It's so unnecessary. People are aware of the existence of breast cancer. It is just as silly as if men would write secret messages to eachother about prostate cancer. But I guess it's difficult to find a relevant way of showing compassion or whatever.
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Yesterday a co-worker came to my desk to complain "Look how droopy my boobs look today in this shirt". I replied 'AT LEAST YOU HAVE BOOBS TO DROOP!" She didn't get it that the comment was so insensitive and rude. Then she said "You are so lucky yours will just stay put". I don't plan to talk to her any more.
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Lucky!? Yeah, I'm lucky to have had a life-threatening disease. I'm lucky to have had chemo and rads and have both breasts hacked off before they could kill me. You've been lucky to have had to go through the pain and time dealing with reconstruction, just so you can have boobs you can't feel any more. She should be so "lucky"! Honestly, some people just don't think before they open their mouths.
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I was given a key chain with sparkles ( I am SOSOSSO not a sparkle woman) in bright, light pink ( also not a light or bright pink woman) from a well meaning colleague...avon ?? she meant well...i tacked it on my bulletin board...not sure what it was all about except that she had heard and was showing her support of me, I believe...
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I like pale pink but not in anything having to do with breast cancer. Those tackey "awareness" objects are too much. That color pink is God-awful! A soft pink is nice. People mean well they just don't stop to think before they put their mouth in gear.
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On Facebook today, a friend (from high school) told me, first, that her sister died from breast cancer. Then she said that doctors don't have the cure and that I should have coffee enemas!!! She said this certain institute CURES cancer, and that all we need to do is de-tox our bodies. Argggggg!!!!!!!! I wanted to say some awful things to her, but decided to (sort of) take the high road.
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Lucky - Hating that word!!! Lucky they caught it eary, Lucky I am not having chemo (only have to worry about whether I was right to trust Onco DX test), Lucky that I will have to worry about this for the rest of my life (already awaiting MRI in couple months after I am done rads to look at something suspicious on other side), Lucky my children and spouse scared I am going to die! Feeling so lucky.
Hated Pink Ribbon crap before BC - not a rah rah person and skeptical of where money goes. Some are definitely better than others. But after going through biopsy/awaiting results this past Oct. I wanted to scream. At local mall and all these grey haired BC survivors were there promoting awareness - one said very patronizingly when I didn't wish to take pamphlet that I should be aware and starting getting my mamos when I turned 50 (standard where I live). Lot of good waiting till 50 would have done me!!! I was quite aware of BC and of the need to be breast aware. Unless you live in a box, I think any woman old enough to have BC already knows!!! STOP spending money on awareness and find some way to prevent this.
Utlimate stupid comment came from my MIL (has always had natural talent for this, but out did herself this time). My husband called to tell her I had BC after we got the final pathology report and had some idea of where we were going with treatment. She tells him I hope your not got to be one of those men who leaves their wife now that she is sick and deformed. Seriously - I am sick and deformed and her son is a loser who would leave his wife. Managed to take us both out in one go. As my husband said - hasn't she bragged about how well she has raised me for the last 30 years. I laughed but think my husband was very hurt.
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My former secretary is a big time walk supporter and hs signed up and pledged $4300 and is raising the money by mini events. I keep getting all these invites with"I''m sure you will be supporting me". Just because I got bc does that obligate me to donate hundreds to fundraisers? Can't I just ignore the requests with out reminder notices etc. If I wanted to be the poster child for something I'd choose Chocolate lovers anonymous or something far less personal. How many times is too many to ask for donations ?
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One request I can tolerate, two is to many. I tell fund raisers, no matter what the cause that I give directly to the causes I support so as not to waste money on fund raisers where most of the money goes to administration and advertising.
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You know my standard reply to BC awareness is, I have given. Quite a bit and I continue to share my story with people I know and meet so they can do self exams and schedule check ups.
They want to ask or get ugly after that, bring it, I've only got so much patience for oblivious and stupid these days.0 -
My standard reply to all requests to sponsor or support someone is "I'm still paying for my treatment, so I hope you understand that I can't donate any money just now." If I'm feeling snarky I may add "Does (fill in the event sponsor) provide any financial help to survivors who are in debt due to cancer treatment?" Hmmm. I haven't gotten any request for support for a while now, wonder why???
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NativeMainer, those are brilliant replies.
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Good morning Sisters
After reading some of the recent posts, I identified with these Sisters so much that I have to put my 2 cens in. As we all know the cost of the copays for chemo and rads are outrageous. You go broke paying to survive this disease; not to mention the financial stress that goes along with the bc. The organizations should hone in on getting rid of these ridiculous copays; so at least we would not have to deal with coming up with money just so we can stay alive!
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I did the Komen walk last year, got quite a few people to donate and raised a nice chunk of change for them. This year my son wants to do it with me as well, but when I contacted Komen and said I SPECIFICALLY wanted my money raised to go for research on triple negative cancer (which still has no effective post treatment) they said that was not possible. Something like 80% of money I raise goes to local awareness campaigns, 20% research. As others have said, if you're not AWARE of breast cancer you must be living under a rock. So I don't think I'll be walking for Komen this year. Which is a shame... but awareness is not where I want my friends and family's money to go.
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And remember, that 80%/20% is the split of the money left over after advertising and administrative costs which I'm sure are high enough to shock all of us.
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Years ago I worked in oncology at the Cleveland Clinic. Got very close to a terminal lung cancer patient. She took her children to Disneyland as sort of a final trip and when she was at the hotel pool someone told her they just loved her hair. "Where did you get it done?". She calmly replied, "My hair is courtesy of the Cleveland Clinic chemotherapy department". Oh, how I loved her!
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bad start to a Monday... was in a meeting where a contractor was present. she was describing how she spent time with a friend this weekend who had cancer. The woman is young, I assume her friend is... this contractor has no idea I had cancer and I see no need to tell her, though the rest of my co-workers know about my ordeal. Anyhow this woman ended with - 'but she has a great attitude! she's keeping really positive!" and all my co workers said yes, that's the key, if she feels like that she'll be fine, blah blah.
Ugh. I hate to hear about anyone with cancer, but I also hate this "positive" crap. Of course it would all depress them if a cancer patient said "actually I feel sick and awful and terrified and incredibly sad" because no one wants to hear about that. So I said nothing.
I feel like I have no one to talk to about this but my poor husband who I'm sure doesn't want to hear anymore. It's lonely sometimes.
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Sometimes I'm tempted to say, "That's it! We've found the cure for cancer! It's a positive attitude!"
Trying to picture the reaction.....
Leah
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Minxie:
Bc can be very isolating. That is why we are here to listen. Any time. And those on this board might actually have some empathy and not just cancer pity. Lots of people want to hear you, maybe just not those you are closest too.
Positive is okay if that is who you are, but it doesn't have to be everyone all the time. Had friend with ovarian cancer who passed away 2 years ago. Naturally the most positive person I have ever known. It didn't save her so I hate it when people say if you are just positive it will be okay.
What people mean to say is it easier for them when you say I am fine. Only people I am willing to fake it for is my children. The rest can just lump it if I am having a bad day.
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I have to agree the "have a positive attitude that's the key" phrase is irritating. Yes being positive is good for the soul but it is certainly nit the key to battling cancer. So does that mean if we go around smiling and being happy all the time we will not have a reoccurance or have to deal with Mets... if so sign me up!!! I know people mean well maybe they just don't know what else to say but they really just understand . So glad we have this board and so many others on bco that do understand.... thank you!
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