The dumbest things people have said to you/about you
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I truly despise the saying "God only gives you what you can handle"!!!! and my answer has always been "I sure hope so" when asked if "they" got it all.
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I returned to work just before Christmas. This went down today:
Co Worker: Why were you out? What kind of surgery did you have?
Me: (blindsided!) Um, well, I have been out because I was diagnosed with breast cancer.
Co Worker: But, you're all better now, right?
Me: (flabbergasted) Well, no. I'm still in treatment so, no. Um no. I'm not all better.
Co Worker: (spinning on her heels and cheerfully bounding away from my desk) Well, it's so nice to have you back!
Me: (quietly to myself) Oh - my - God.
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I hate that "God won't give you more than you can handle" stuff, because as far as I know, that's nowhere in the Bible. < /nitpick> And hey, I figure God can do anything He wants because, y'know, He's GOD.
Momine ~ I thought the same thing! Good grief, RachelMD, I'm so sorry your boss said that to you.
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Oh my. I have refrained from telling my boss or coworkers anything. Im gonna take a weeks vacation for the lumpectomy. No need in them knowing my business and me ending up being asked alot of questions. omg
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First day back to work for me in almost 3 months, went out on the 17th of October just before surgery on the 21st. Anyway, I was getting my classroom in order and I had one of our teacher's aides come in my room and say hello. Now history with her is not good anyway, she's loud, obnoxious, a drunk, and a negative person, so I avoid her. But she stopped in.
I was straightening up my room from 7 weeks of substitute teachers and crazy 7th graders that destrAoyed the room and books and whatever they could get their hands on. She said, "hey Kerr, hows it going?" I said, I'm good, already tired, only been here 45 minutes, but I had to do this, I couldn't walk around the room. So she said to take it easy. I had my doctor note that I had to take to the secretary, so I started walking down stairs and she was walking with me. She started complaining about work, and we have been out for almost 2 weeks. So when we got to the bottom of the stairs, I said, "Well, it could be worse". She said "how?" I said, "You could have cancer!!!!" And walked away and into the office and left her standing there!!!!!! She didn't talk to me the rest of the day!!!!!! Thank goodness!!!!
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kerrberlady - I once taught 8th grade - I can only imagine the mess you had to deal with when you returned to work - so sorry you had to deal with the "duh" aide, also!
My adult daughter had to deal with a really dense guy on New Year's Day because she decided to attend a small party my son was having. (My son is a restaurant/bar manager, so he and his friends work NY Eve and have a party NY Day). Unfortunately, my son's future FIL/MIL invited a friend of theirs to come with them to the party. They invited the same guy to Thanksgiving dinner and I had to avoid him all day as he would not let the topic of my cancer alone.
Fortunately, I stayed home on NY Day to bake cookies and pizza with my grandchildren, but since my DD did not, she had to deal with the guy. She was livid when she came home. I asked her what was wrong - She told me some idiot who worked with me briefly, years ago, followed her around all day, asking her very inappropriate, private questions about my cancer that even she does not know about. (She would not go into detail, but started asking me questions that the nosey guy must have asked her, mainly about mets.) My three adult children know, of course, that I have cancer, and have a general idea of my treatment plan - but they do not know any of the stats about my prognosis, or that I am "triple-negative with a very aggressive tumor" - you know what I mean - I do not share all the morbid details with them!
anyway....she finally told him to leave her alone and to stop asking questions about me - especially since he barely knows me! He asked her if he should pull his foot out of his mouth - she told him, very quietly to avoid a scene, that he better do so and put a sock in it before she shoved his foot down his throat! (That's my girl!)
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I do love it when the correct answer comes at the appropriate time instead of 2-hours later....
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I did not leave the house today and noone came over. I spent the day with four loving cats and a wonderful dog - did not answer phone - NO dumb comments all day! Yea.
I hope the day went well for all of you.
Sher
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hello everyone: I'm knew to this forum. I had a coworker tell me "you're sure you have cancer?" because you sure don't act like it" First, how does one act like they have breast cancer? Second, I am a very fun and caring person and I act like a very fun and caring person, can't I have breast cancer and still be fun?
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For me it's more what people act like, than say. Majority say thoughts an d prayers. My favorite comfort line is, I will be by you every step of the way. Like the song " I'm going to love you through it". That song has brought me great comfort, my husband gave it to me. So my point the people that have rallied, my friends, and a few neighbors have stepped up to the plate, wher my own sister who has no kids at home, financially very comfortable sent a card! Wow... When she had rotator cuff surgery I took a week vacation from work and took care of her and her family, cooked, cleaned her house and everything. instead she is jetting off to Hawaii for 2 weeks again. Dumbest line was actually from her. oh don't ask about chemo so you don't have to have that.
then a few at work I thought were my friend have not even asked about me, yet high level execs turned into caring compassionate men. Bottom line this sure opens your eye to who are your friend and who aren't , and has changed my perspective on them forever.0 -
About the dumbest thing I've herd was shortly after it became generally known I had BC. One of the women at the Senior Center said "She works in the kitchen and shouldn't be allowed in there. She has cancer and someone might catch it."
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kingjr - Welcome to this awesome thread - I can definitely identify with what you posted. I am generally an out-going, friendly, up-beat person. Due to this, I have had SO many people tell me that I must be in "remission", or that my treatments must not be so bad.
chabba - how awful - contagious! My ex-mil also believes that cancer can be contagious. She does not talk about it now that I am diagnosed, but has stated her belief for years.
Here's another one - I pick up my 12 year old grandson after school every day - I also often give a couple of his friends rides home. One day last week, he opened the car door and would not get in until I answered a question - He is studying cancer in health class - he told his teacher and class that I was receiving rads. The teacher announced, in front of the class, that children and pregnant women are not supposed to be near people who are in rad treatment!!! I advised him that it was fine to be around me and that he should tell his teacher that is the case when someone has been irradiated internally with radioisotopes. I reminded him of a time in the spring when I could not be around him for 48 hours as I was injected with radioactive material for a test for my heart to see if it could withstand chemo. Fortunately, he and his friends believed me and got in the car.
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One of my student's mothers asked me if I had donated my hair to "some cause". I told her,"Yes, cancer!" She looked horrified and walked away! I laughed for 10 minutes. I have so learned the lesson of not saying whatever pops into your head. I feel confident I have not made insensitive remarks but NOW I am really careful about it.
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I know that for the most part, people who have not heard about my dx do not mean to be rude or hurtful, but are taken by surprise and often blurt out the first thing that comes to mind - For example: When a very kind, considerate community member saw me bald for the first time, she blurted out, right in the middle of the afternoon rush at our local elementary school, "Oh my God, what happened to your beautiful hair?" I know that all the students and their parents did not stop in their tracks to wait for my reply, but I know that many did - I just stood on the stairs and blurted out, "Breast Cancer" - then I ran out the front door. (The question was bad enough - but the "beautiful" made it even worse as it reminded me of the thick, wavy hair I had lost....)
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Anandagram - I had something similar. A very kind and caring person that I know through a hobby hadn't seen me for some time (I couldn't go to the evening meetings while on chemo and for a while after). The first time he saw me my hair had started to grow back, but was very, very short. He just blurted out - why did you cut your hair so short??? I did the same thing and said Breast Cancer. He was so embarrased. He apologised profusely, and said to me "I'm so sorry - that was so insensitive of me".
Sometimes people just don't think and say the first thing that comes into their head. They don't mean to be cruel or unkind, they just don't think.
Mind you, I can be a bit like that sometimes too.
Trish0 -
barbe - OMG - I heard what sounded like someone fell down on my porch this p.m. Someone did - my EX "not-so-significant-other". He has not even tried to call me in weeks - thank goodness, but decided to drop of two small boxes of belongings I had left at his apt. over the past 14 years. He said he was just going to leave the boxes and go - he apologized for all the noise. We awkwardly visited briefly - NOT ONCE did he ask how my radiation went or even gave me congrats for completing it. He immediately began talking about himself - His cholesterol level is high because he has been ordering out a lot lately, his weight is down as he does not eat regularly, he is having trouble sleeping, etc. Well, Boo-f-ing-hoo to him. I did not feed into the guilt trip he was trying to lay on me. I just stood there and let him dig his self-centered hole.
He ended his poor-me drama with, "I now have a nebulizer at home so I can give myself breathing treatments" - I responsded with, "Oh, how cool". He immediately told me that it was not cool that he needed breathing treatments - WTH did he expect would happen with his incessant chain-smoking? I explained that it was great that he could give himself treatments at home instead of running to the doctor's office all the time...We then said our good-byes, Happy New years, etc. and that was it. I honestly was not upset with his selfishness this time - in fact, it was liberating because I finally realized that my life is so much better without him! Yea.
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.....duh to me - meant to type, "drop off two small boxes".
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I know what you mean about the self-centered-ness of some people, Anandagram. While visiting with my DH's family over Christmas, his whiny, self-centered sister started on about how she'd been "sick". She was talking sinus infection. My DH and I just kind of sat there stone-faced. After the year of hell we'd been thru, we really had no desire to listen to the chronic complaints about her health. She got quiet. I think she realized we weren't the ones to be whining to.
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OMG - a sinus infection? What is wrong with people?
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Anandagram...CONGRATS!!! You've moved on to a NEW level!!!!! Dump Mario and click on the next screen to continue you life.....
I am such a happy person that if I didn't lose my breasts, I don't think anyone would have believed I had cancer!! I know some people were pretty surprised when I went back to work with no breasts!!
One day one of the guys came stumbling out of his office, holding his head in his hands and moaning! I asked him if he was okay and he said he just found out that his best friends wife has breast cancer. Uh huh, I said, and what else?????
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There you go agin, barbe - You always put a big smile on my face. I hope you have an awesome day. (Lots of hugs to you)
Sher
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Yea! Another day at home all day - car is still down, so I am not going anywhere. I will only see my adult daughter later. We do not talk about cancer, so the chances of anyone saying anything dumb to me today are slim to none! Yea!
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Had one yesterday...A rep for a credit card processing company stopped by my store and I happened to be there. She has been coming in since just after I was dx and bugging my son about her company and how much money I could save by switching. She looks at me and says "Wow... you really look different..you changed your hair" I said "No it's a wig" and she got all red faced and kept mumbling things to get herself deeper in the hole. She went on for at least 5 minutes about how "great" I looked but could tell she was now staring at the wig.
Maggie
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Had one yesterday...A rep for a credit card processing company stopped by my store and I happened to be there. She has been coming in since just after I was dx and bugging my son about her company and how much money I could save by switching. She looks at me and says "Wow... you really look different..you changed your hair" I said "No it's a wig" and she got all red faced and kept mumbling things to get herself deeper in the hole. She went on for at least 5 minutes about how "great" I looked but could tell she was now staring at the wig.
Maggie
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The toughest thing I keep hearing over and over is people thinking that reconstruction is 'just like' having breast augmentation. It is NOTHING like having breast augmentation!!!!!!!!!!!
I found my cancer very early and chose to have BMX to just get these puppies OFF and hopefully not have to hear those words ever again. Early on when talking to a close friend about the whole thing he made a comment " just from that little bit of cancer?" As though it's EVER just a little bit. It was enough to choose to have my breasts amputated to hopefully avoid a reoccurance. No matter what, it is life changing and it is still BC. That comment was terribly hurtful though I KNOW that it was not intended.
People also can't seem to help themselves from thinking this must be life changing in some awesome lesson kind of way. It's a lesson but I wouldn't call it awesome........
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Darn - did not leave the house, but was dumb enough to open two texts from a guy who wants my 31 yr old daughter to care about him - she has never even gone out with him. They have only been casual, snowboarding friends throughout the year. You may wonder why I am writing on our thread about this - This is why - I am in a good mood today, but just do not feel well and am dealing with some pain. I took a walk and tried to take a nap, but the guy I referred to textd me. I did some housework, pet care for my neighbor who is out of town and took my dog for a walk - I tried a nap. again, but no - that idiot had to text again! (My daughter called him from my home one eve., so he has my number). "Your daughter walked all over my heart. I offer the world and she tells me to kick rocks." (He also called me at 7:30 a.m. today and 10:30 last night - I did not answer I have a trac phone and did not want to waste the minutes on his whining.
I will most likely ignore him if he texts again, but I would like to reply with, "Get over it and stop texting me or I will kick you in your rocks". (I really wouldn't, but what a catchy comback it would be!)
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Do it! Do it!
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Thanks for the encouragement riley!
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Rubalou ... I've posted this before but my sister (who did have breast augmentation) compared my bilateral mastectomy to her breast augmentation. It is absolutely the same - in one you ADD to the breasts that still have feeling, still have the nipples and in the other you have two depressions in your chest! You can clearly see the similarities. Duh! Like you I wanted that cancer GONE.
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Has anyone who's gotten the mast-just-like-augmentation comment ever offered to compare scars?
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