The dumbest things people have said to you/about you
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Good one NativeMainer...think they would be horrified.
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My dumbest thing my employer said Oh Im sorry you took too long coming back from your cancer treatment we have no hours for you, I am a nurse then they call me back 6 months later offer me a job and 13 days later before Xmas Oh I am sorry you need to find a less stressful job what is this did cancer wreck my life here or am I picking the wrong employers. Jeepers Creepers.
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Anandagram, DO IT!! I DOUBLE dare you!!!!
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Nativemariner.. that is a good one for sure. yes I agree people may not mean to be cruel but they are stupid sometimes. At Christmas we were at my FIL and his wofe is a very sweet person and all no issues with her and she says.. wow look at you your so tiny now ( I had DIEP reconstruction) and you have nice perky boobs.., see out of something bad comes something good. oye... I know she meant well but really like that makes up for 4 surgeries a bazillion test horrible SE from Tamoxifen and on and on... but hey my boobs are perky right????
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I peek in on this thread once in a while and it makes me feel reassured about how I feel about various types of dumb comments. Most of the time I just let it go, you know, people can be idiots. Easier when it's strangers or people at work. I keep reflecting on a conversation over the holidays where my sister was recounting to cousins and aunts how she had picked up my parents to visit me in the hospital after my second (prophylactic) mastectomy and bilateral DIEP. My father can no longer drive and has mood issues over that and his own health and is prone to complaining about stuff, and my mother has never driven outside her own town, and they're 80+. She went on and on to the aunts and cousins about how only two people were permitted to visit at a time (they decided to come the day that I was still in the step-down unit), so she spent six hours round trip suffering through father's anxieties and complaints just for a 20 minute visit, and I think she was about to launch into a review of the cost of parking and other grievances, but then seemed to realize that I was right beside her, so stopped ranting and wrapped up her story. I generally get on fine with my sister, but this was kind of hurtful that top of mind for her was her drive and the drive : visit time ratio, and not, say, the stress I've been through for the past nearly two years. My uncle had died of his cancer the day I was in the OR, and my aunt was sitting right there too. I suppose it is a consolation that she seemed to get how petty it sounded, but it's disheartening that she was thinking it in the first place.Diagnosis: DCIS, 4cm, Grade 3, 0/2 nodes0
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gunner, can they do that? I was told that if the position I'd held before was no longer available, I was guaranteed a similar position. I was under the impression that that was the law. I took short-term, then long-term disability, but I thought that FMLA worked the same way. Did you have a designated position, or were you a pool employee with no guaranteed hours?
goldlining, that's horrible! Has she always tried to make it all about her? A coworker of mine seems to have a compulsive need to one-up whatever anybody says. You name it, she's done it first/better/faster.
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Oh boy ladies, I feel terrible. I was having issues with my grandfather making fun of my hair growing back from Chemo. Went over to see him today, sure enough he made a comment, not even a bad one, just said your hair is really starting to grow out but I snapped at him. Told him he hurts my feelings when he picks on my hair. Sure enough he got mad, told me I was over sensitive then burst into tears. I can't believe I made my grandfather cry. I shouldn't have snapped.
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Oh Heather!!!! Sweetie!!! It must make you feel horrid to make your granddad cry, but he made you cry first! I remember when I made my Dad cry once (was just thinking about this today and he's been dead for 7 years!!!) I obviously still feel bad about it, but my Dad has hurt me too.
I think your grandfather cried out of embarrassment as he realized he had hurt you. He probably thought he was making you laugh and doing you the world of good! It's perhaps better that he's learned now that his kind of humour isn't funny at this stage.
Hugs to both of you!!
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Goldling-------sorry, just when you feel the people in your life should care the most , be the kindest--they kick you in the heart.------no excuse. Sorry, for your Aunt too. Try calling your Aunt, she's grieving her loss, and it sure sounds like she's not getting any support from your mom. Ask you Aunt to tell you about how she and her beloved fell in love. If she's ready, you may hear a beautiful love story. Never know it may lead to a new found friendship with your Aunt that you never had. I did have that happy experience with my Moms first cousin when I agreed to be her surrogate, POA etc. it was a lovely relationship. My Mom was great too. But "MY Mary" and I had so much fun and sadness. But retrospectively, she is in my heart as much as my MOM.
Gunner-the worst in the work world for treatment of employees on all levels-------is the treatment by hospitals of staff nurses, unless your a pet of the boss. Only do what will benefit you b/c they don't really care about you. They want a nurse to fill a slot.
Andagram----careful sounds like he has the makings of a stalker.
Divine ---only defense on the sinus infection --had one years ago---thought i wanted to tear off the left face-------used saline solution majorly , but a hypertonic versus neutral. A hyertonic solution draws fliud into the space from the tissue. This plug came out that was like a rubber gasket---solid, consistency of rubber, couldn't be broken apart--pain all gone.---course that was after the doc's couldn't do anything and I took it in my own hands . This is not to diminish anything of what you have gone through. You've seen my posts.
I've had an augmentation as a young one 1980. Then BMX and recon 2009. ------no comparison------it' s lightyears apart. Cluck'em.
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I just wanted to add one to this thread that was said to me the other day. I had NS BMX with TE's on 12/09/11. My step daughter who is 26 yrs old and has only known me for a short while (her and her father/my DH have not had a close relationship) asked me where I was the other day when she stopped by. I told her I had went to the doctor. She then said "what did you go for to get the flaties inflated" I just said well yes I guess thats what I done I had a fill in.. The more I think about it the more I get upset about it. Was she just trying to be funny or was she trying to be hurtful???
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Janie, it does seem like a hurtful commnet, doesn't it. It's like she was making light of it. Do YOU call them flaties or is that her word? Maybe she's just finding it weird to talk to her step mother about breasts that her father has a relationship with? I have a step daughter who is now 25, but she was never around at the time of my surgeries. I finally had to post on Facebook that I was getting a double mast due to breast cancer and THEN she called me the night before surgery. Crying. She was having trouble handling it. Well it would have been easier if she'd been around!!!
So, without know if your step daughter lives with you, cares about you (they all don't automatically!) it's hard to tell. Take is as an attempt at boob humour. Normally WE can say something like that, but other's can't. Just like black people can use the N word but we can't!!
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Alliston,- My step daughter does not live with us but close by. And you are probably right maybe it was her attempt at boob humour. I don't call them flaties but maybe she was just tring to make a joke. Again you are right I can say things like that but get my feelings hurt if someone else says it. I think It upsets me coming form her because I am not sure if she even cares about me or worries if it may hurt my feelings.....
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Janie, my name is Barbe!!! Alliston is where I live. You live in London, KY.
I'd like to see how she is as time goes on. Did you DH hear her comment?
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sas-schatzi, thanks - just want to repair my mom's reputation though. The offending comment maker was my sister. My aunt is my father's sister and their siblings and in-laws have been in frequent communication and very supportive through my uncle's illness and likewise she has been compassionate and helpful with my father's deterioration, although we're a pretty non-demonstrative family. My parents have only known about my situation for a couple of weeks, because my father's "baby" brother died at 65 a year earlier and the shock accelerated my father's decline, and I knew my father would ruminate himself sick for the lack of control. I didn't tell them until I was going into the delayed DIEP and the "bad news" was long gone (fingers crossed the prophylactic mx pathology confirms that). They've been pretty well behaved. My sister has known for almost 2 years, since I "failed" my mammogram.riley702 asked if my sister always made things about her and I had to really ponder that because I've never even questioned. She's always seems so assured and fluent and interpersonally successful, whereas I'm on the autism spectrum and don't really have a good gauge what's appropriate and what is not. I've often tried to imagine how she would handle something in order to know what to do. I just knew that I felt diminished by what she said at the time. I felt the same once before when she dismissed her chance of winning a particular award despite honours I'd received, because "it's easy for you, you're deaf". It most assuredly is not easier to do things when you're deaf, but clearly she had internalized this notion that I enjoyed some kind of lower standard. I don't know what to make of her. I don't expect much but I felt disappointed that I was just a bother and not somebody who needed comfort.0
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Phoned my PCPs office (at the suggestion of the chemo-suite nurse when I phoned them this morning) to see if I can either talk to him or see him about changing up my anti-nausea med because the one they have me on is not covering the nausea on day 4.
The receptionist said she'd get him to call me back and then said "at least the chemo is working" in her bright cheerful voice.
I told her that wasn't very helpful...0 -
Over Christmas, I spent time with my best friend's in law's...i have known them for twenty years but have not lived in the province for most of that time. Anyhow...I know the sister in law is all about herself...and that she doesn't think and that she talks WAY too much...but thi sis honestly the first time in 18 months that anyone has told me a 'dead breast cancer survivor' story...I don't remember how breast cancer came up, but she knew about mine and that I am living my life and assuming/hoping it is gone and never to return...so then she starts in on this story of a woman she knew who had had cancer and had it removed and hten two years later...etc...In the middle of the story I held up my hand in the 'stop' position and said , loudly, "Brenda STOP. I do not want to hear about cancer survivors who died of the disease."...she kept talking..I again said "Stop....think about what you are saying...I don't want to hear this...it is Christmas, it was a different type of cancer...how is this story going to help me feel better"....
My best friend was sitting across the table from me aghast...we both looked at each other and shook our heads...I walked away. When we discussed it later that night at her home, she was as shocked as I was....and I realized that it was my FiRST 'ou have cancer? Oh, someone I know died of it...." story...holy crap batman...how insensitive do you have to be????Tell me the heroic stories of the people who fought and lived...not that I do not want to know of people who have succumbed to the disease..it is not that...it was just lousy timing..it was an I knew somoene who had cancer story...not telling me because I knew the person or because it had any real relevance to the present time...If she were my sister in law, I would not be spending any time with her.
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Good lord Sandeeonherown, I so agree with you. Here is some really great inspiration for you. My mom is a 34 year breast cancer survivor. No chemo, no rads, just mastectomy. She is now 81 years old. She is my hope that I too will live a very long life.
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...if you want to see a dumb one - feel free to read my two latest posts on "This is what cheezed me off today" - I am still ranting at home - my cats think I am nuts, as usual....lol
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I am truly sorry Barbe about the name mix up.....don't know what i was thinking. My DH did not hear the comment but I told him. He is always on my side and is very understanding.0
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Not a problem Janie, but if there were a lot of posts, I might not have responded realizing it was meant for me!
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I think alot of people make comments that just come out all wrong and really don't mean to be offensive. I'm an upbeat, positive, joking around type (it works for me). What I have trouble dealing with is overly sensitive people that look at my situation as if it's happening to them!! Self centered people have always been a pet peeve with me even before this BC crap LOL! The two comments that stood out for me thus far.
1) Now former boss (I am a commissioned sales person) Was trying to reconcile what she owed me prior to going into surgery and she was attempting to nickle and dime me and isn't used to confrontation as she's such a narcistic bully. "your using your personal situation to lash out at me!". I replyed "This is business, if you do not pay me what you owe me, the matter will be escalated not only to our HO, but also to our regulatory body and to my solicitor if need be". She paid me LOL!
2) MIL night before surgery. Called my Sig Other to say she could't speak to me because she was too emotional. Well OK, I actually kind of appreciated that but the best part was that my hubby said. "Ma, she's not having her head cut off!" LOL.
For the most part friends and family are just happy that things are going well so far and are generally concerned and helpfull even if they put there foot in it sometimes. I'm sure I've been guilty of the same in the past without even realizing it.
The biggest thing I have taken away from this experience so far is that you really find out who your true friends (including family) are and who just aren't. I've had surprises at both ends of the spectrum. This deal may have saved me alot of time and energy spending it on those that haven't been there for me to be honest.
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Early during treatment a friend of mine put me in touch with someone who had been diagnosed with BC and been through treatment years ago. She was a very sweet lady and offered to tell me her story and answer any questions I had. We talked for about 20 minutes and as we were wrapping up the call she asked ...
"You are a Christian, aren't you? You do have faith in God, right??"
When I told her I was at a point in my life where I really questioned those beliefs her response was ...
"Well then, I just don't know how you're going to make it!!"
So far, that has absolutely been the dumbest thing anybody has said to me.
I actually laughed when she said it and responded ...
"Guess I should just call my onc and tell him to stop wasting time and money on me then."
Her comment pushed me closer to committing to what I didn't believe in than she will ever know. Probably the opposite effect of what she was hoping for.
I hope I don't offend believers with this post but every time I see this thread pop up I keep wanting to post this story.
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PlantLover, I am a believer and I am not offended! That WAS a dumb thing for her to say.
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Thanks for your understanding NativeMainer!
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PlantLover and NativeMainer
I'm a beleiver just not really into organized relegion. Raised a RC, so I stated that on my addmission papers at the hospital. A layperson visited which was nice and asked me if I wanted communion, I politely declined informing him that I hadn't been involved with the church for many years etc, etc, etc. He kept pressing the issue about coming back to my faith because things were going to get REALLY REALLY bad!! WTF! I told him I hadn't lost faith but 4 hours post of I really wasn't up to a theological discussion. Thankfully my cell phone rang and I told him I had to take this call. It was someone I was concerned about prior to going into surgery. I must have had quite the look on my face, because he booked it out of there LOL!!
I couldn't see my roomie as the curtain was pulled, so I said aloud "did you get a load of that guy". We both cracked up laughing when she said she never saw someone that age (around 75 or so) move so GD fast LOL!! She was awesome!
See, God does work in mysterious ways!!
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Went to take leftover soup to MIL today and when she answered the door she looked at me laughing. I asked what was so funny and she did not answer. Then my DH asked her what was so funny and she said that she had not seen THAT wig on me before. So he looked at her and said do you really think you should be laughing? Apparantly she did not approve of the first wig of 5 that I can stand to wear for more than a 10 minute stretch and that I have received numerous compliments from family and friends.
Maggie
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Maggie
I don't know what kind of person your MIL is but her behavior is atroucious (spelling). How cold and unfeeling! Why can't people just say nothing at all? I had a friend that lost her hair due to certain rare drug interaction (not cancer/chemo). She was terribly (understandably) upset. She bought a couple of wigs and came over and modelled for me to get my opinion. We had a party to go to that night and even though she was still very self concious she went. If you can believe it a close friend of her husbands yells out for everyone to her "What's up with your hair, is that a wig?". OMG us in the know just cringed and she ran out crying. My hubby took him aside and told him what was happening to her. He felt awful of course, but good lord!
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...please note that the continuing saga of my cancelled last rads appt continues today on the, "What cheezed me off today thread" - It is too funny - the rads receptionist is holding a gas card she promised me, hostage, until I come in for an appointment!
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I am new to this site and haven't gone beyond the microcalsifications forum until now. I'm glad we can talk about the emotional reactors. The insomnia, the dumb-ass things people say to you, the hatrid of the whole breast cancer awareness crap...
I'm only a week into my diagnosis and I'm fried. I can't seem to talk about it but I can write about it. I can't sleep at night. I am angry at my husband. I'm a mess.
Yesterday I was enraged enough to write a post. Part of that post contained the stupid ass things people have said to me.
Yesterdays post is titled STEP ONE - RAGE
this is the link:
http://greenmonkeytales.blogspot.com/2012/01/step-one-rage.html
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GreenMonkey
I just read your greenmonkey tales, step one and want you to know that it takes a lot to make my spontaneously laugh out loud. We must be of the same humor, the entire blog was witty and interesting. I bookmarked it so I could return whenever I want a good laugh.
Sending good thoughts for your journey.
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