The dumbest things people have said to you/about you
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Everything almost everyone says to me right now is offensive. I am way overly sensitive. I want to come back at them with a sharp comeback but I am holding back because probably 80% of it is just me.
But some of it isn't...four days after I was diagnosed I called my cousin, who is like a sister to me, to tell her. So she told me about her good (young) friend who is stage IV, has been fighting this for years and is still fighting... I am sure she meant it in a very supportive way but it just terrified me.
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Christina. I of course will be happy to have another 10 years, preferably disease free. Thanks for understanding that it is often the thought of thinking or dealing with this for the next half of our life is often overwhelming in itself.
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Just had to vent here - This situation happened on Tuesday evening and had me livid and sorry for the person who has to live with the person who delivered the message I received loud and clear.
I work for a transfusion service and as a service to our patients who have to routinely receive blood transfusions we allow the oncology office to collect their specimens and put the armband for the blood on them. They then bring their specimen to the blood bank and we have their blood ready when they arrive at the day treatment center for their transfusion.
I had just clocked out and went outside to get my clothes to change into for my other job and in coming back in our door noticed a gentleman getting out of the car with his specimen. My intent was to lay my clothes inside and go to him to save him the steps, etc. He was most pleasant and showed me his armband but when I looked at his specimen, it was incorrectly labelled and therefore unacceptable. I explained this to him and he understood. Meanwhile his wife was being rude and yelling all sorts of stuff to him from the passenger seat of the car. I went to her and tried to help and when she found out about the specimen situation went off on me. I stood there and listened and told her I was sorry about the inconvenience in a situation that was meant to be a convenience for the patients and she yelled at me "WELL CANCER IS AN INCONVENIENCE, LET'S JUST START THERE"! This took me back as it is her husband who has the cancer, not her and of course she had no idea what I have been through. All I could say was that I understand and that we strive to make it less inconvenient by allowing the patients to have less wait in the day treatment center. I felt so badly for her husband. I went inside and day treatment was on the phone wanting to know that we got the specimen and when we told them it was not acceptable they weren't looking forward to the next day with the patient. The good news is that I became the advocate for the husband and made sure we processed everything as quickly as possible to make his wait less. When I called day treatment to say the blood was ready they told me the wife made demands that she needed to sit and put her feet up as soon as they hit the door - forget about the fact that the husband is sick. Some compassionate caregiver she it - not! Guess she blames him for his cancer and is put out about it.
I told my boss about the whole incident and told her normally I wouldn't ask, but could she add 1/2 hour back to my time as it took time to deal with Mrs. Nasty and then there was another situation that I normally would have taken care of off the clock as well but they added up. I am often in trouble at work, but not usually with any customer service issues so she didn't really worry about it as she knows that I do well with customer service.
Went to my next job and told my boss I had already had my Customer Service challenge for the day and hoped my evening would be event free as I work in retail a few nights a week.
Sorry for the long email. Just wanted to let everyone know it is not just us who have to put up with the stupidity, but others in similar situations do as well.
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bgirl: my mom is still alive after 33 years, mx, no chemo, no rads. I hope that I surpass that.
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kingjr66 - Let us hope we all are.
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Today, 2 weeks after exchange surgery, a girl friend emailed me "how are the boobs? hummmm right after the DH declared that I would probably not want to go anywhere this weekend being such a "basket case." So, I am clearly too sensitive but people should just not say too much until they live it. I can take a lot of silly things from my sister and a friend who also had breast cancer. But not from the "tourists". Unfair, I know.
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I haven't had to deal with too much stupidity because hardly anybody but immediate family knows and they've been told not to bring it up unless I do first.
Although my mom did mention to me that her neighbor who is younger than I am died of breast cancer. Why do people think we want to hear about so and so who had breast cancer and died?!
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My Left Boob - I'm so sorry to hear about your mother's attitude. Truly sorry.
Denise
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This may not be the place, but I would like to report something very sweet. My 3 1/2 year old grandnephew (niece's kidlet) came up to me when I had my hat off and was sitting at the dining table bald, and said, "Aunt Fiddis, you have a very bad cold and you hair felled out?" Then he wrapped his arms around himself and shivered like he was cold. I told him yes and that my hair would be back in time for his birthday in July. He felt my head, patted me and then went off to watch his movie.
My sister had told him that I had been sick and lost my hair, so he equates sick with having a cold. I gotta say he was SO freekin' cute!! And a sweetie.
Thanks for listening!
Phyllis (Aunt Fiddis)
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sometimes the dumb things people say to us need to be balanced out with a lovely thought from a wee lad. well done phyllis!
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Nice to hear a "happy" Phyllis!!!! I bet if someone else he knows gets a cold he'll be waiting for their hair to fall out......hehehehehe
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I actually got this message on my facebook from a friend that I have not seen in years. I guess she thought she was being helpful.
Hey Danielle, I just want to give you a heads up... Dr. Hulda Clark has a para zapper that kills cancer...read her book I know of a few people who have killed it using her method ... call me if you have any question (insert phone number) good luck I'm praying for you!
I looked this up, and this Dr. Hulda Clark is a quack, has many lawsuits against her, etc. And my main thought was, hell, if we could just zap cancer away, then there would be no more cancer!!!! I have not responded to her, she's as wacky as the lady that claims the para zapper works, but it did give me a good laugh!
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Phylis (My BFF has the same name!)
That is so friggin cute. Aunt Fiddis LOL!!
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Friend asked what can I do to help you -I told a friend I forgot to do the registration on my car and that I would need to now go to the DMV . "She said how could you forget something that important " So keeping calm " I say oh I don't know maybe it was the BMX I just went through" she says " HOW LONG ARE YOU GOING TO PLAY THAT CARD"- I admit I should have been on top of this and will take care of it myself. I was not looking for sympathy, I was just looking for a ride since she offered-
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I get emails from friends on facebook that have just found out about my diagnosis expressing their concern. Fives minutes later they are posting on their wall about how thankful they are for everything in their life, including their health, blah blah blah, or that they are giving up smoking because life is too short, etc. I mean do they think that I won't read their posts and put two and two together??
Maybe I just need to be more selective about who I'm friends with .
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Kburdic.... how insensitive...people just sometimes don't get it.... its not a card we play its our reality.... hugs
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Here's mine for today....Friday I go to my kids school and get my car in line to pick my boys up. I notice that my best friend is in the car ahead of me! We've been best friends since our oldest (both 16 yr old boys, and now they are best friends). Little recent history...she's seen me once since my BMX surgery 11/11/11. I was in the hospital for 4 night, she called and told me she was coming, but never made it, she's called me several times to come take me for coffee or meet me for lunch, then has cancelled at the last minute (she is a college professor, with four kids, I own my own business, 75 employees, three kids, we're both busy!) anyway.... I'm growing disappointed in her because come hell or high-water, I wouldn't be treating her like this.
So, she comes to my car and I roll the window down, she exclaims, really loudly; "oh my god! I LOVE your hair!!!!" I say, somewhat dumbfounded "you know this isn't my hair, right." she replies: "of course I know, but really, it looks better than your real hair! Aren't you thrilled with it."
I replied, "um no, I'd like very much to have my own hair, my own breasts, and my old life back". Then she said, "well it's freezing out here. I'll call you on Monday and maybe we can grab coffee or lunch on wednesday, I only have classes until 11"..... I said, ok, even though I'm already meeting another friend for lunch on Wednesday, I'm not even worried about having two lunches booked, I've been down this road before....0 -
Great thread- My best friend, when I was in the hospital after my BMX- brought me flowers, AND a hat with the pink ribbon, and a cup with the pink ribbon. WTF? Like I needed reminders of BC. I know I have it, do I have to wear the pink stuff? I know she meant well, she always does, but she is always trying to see the Bright Side of anything. Dang it, sometimes I want to wallow in the dark, and the day of my BMX was one of those! LOL.Figured I could wallow while on pain pills and start to feel better about the situation when I felt like it. But perhaps thats just me..... LOL
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Good gravy some people's kids...
I almost forgot about this one..The general surgeon's nurse, when I went in for my consult asked me "Do you actually want your breast removed?" I said "Who the hell WANTS their breast removed? But do I really have a choice?" I kind of yelled it at her, and she left the room quickly. I think she was trying to tell me that not all stage 4 women get a mast, but what a horrible way to give me that information.Like I was doing this crap because I wanted to..gah.
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Good news ... we celebrated my aunt's 77th birthday with dinner at the Cheescake Factory ... our newest little one (cousin and his wife) was there and born on the same day as my aunt. They have two other children (a girl 9 and a boy 6) who are just adorable. Good food, good company, good time. Sorry, no rants today; but stay tuned - anything can happen!
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kburdic: my response "I'm going to keep playing that card as long as idiots like YOU, don't get it!"
OMG and my recent ridiculous comment: I have lost 130 lbs in the last 18 months. At my goal weight of 5'7" 159 lbs, I was still a 40DD when I went in for my mastectomy in Nov. Post mastectomy, return to work, I recently saw someone I had not seen since prior to mastectomy. Her impression "wow, you just keep getting slimmer and slimmer, did that mastectomy help you get to your goal, taking off that last 10 lbs?" WTF - yeah, I went in and had my chest chopped off to reach my goal weight!! (and they weighed 10 lbs!) Grrrr
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I've been thinking of printing actual Cancer Cards to whip out on idiots as necessary.
Kind of like those joke parking tickets to put on people's cars when they park like a-holes.
I know people "mean well" most of the time....but how many times am I going to have to hear that all I need to do is eat more asparagus and I'll be cancer free???0 -
momof3boys, I'm having the same thing happen with a woman I thought was my best friend... she disappeared off the face of the earth once I was diagnosed. So sad. On the other hand, people who I barely knew have stepped up and have shown me what kindness is! I have learned so much.0
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I returned to work recently after 10 months off. Many knew of my dx and offered all kinds of support but this has to top any offer I know. A co-worker approached me and asked how long was I likely to live? He did add he hoped it was a long time then followed it up with "Did you realize if you die while you are single the company gets to keep your retirement? He said you should marry somebody so they can collecct it after you are gone. He said I hope this doesn;t offend you I just thought I would bring it to your attention. He said I am married already but I know people who could use the help financially if you can;t think of anyone.
Sad thing it is true and it HAD NOT occured to me-not really grateful he brought it to my attention. Didn;t sleep that night thinking about who I would marry....
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It's probably a stupid thing to gripe about, but it seems like everyone is always telling me how good I look - and then asking me how I feel (sometimes the other way around)...
The truth is, I feel great, except when I don't - just the same as before I was diagnosed. Nobody asked me how I felt then - or told me how good I looked....
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We need to start carrying around some of Bill Engvall's signs "you are stupid". If you want a really good laugh go to youtube and type in "Bill Engvall takes his wife deer hunting". It's hysterical (and no animals were hurt in the making of this comedy :-)
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I have a new thing that irritates me...
when people complain about shit that doesn't matter. the weather, how a piece of chicken was poorly prepared, sports, a bad manicure, a scratch on their car, .......
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lilylady, that "insight" your coworker gave you is just........I mean, I am actually laughing at the audacity someone has to "point that out" to you. Oh, especially that he says, oh, I'm married, like he would be your first choice? But he can hook you up with someone in need of your money? TOO much!!!!
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Green monkey, i'm the same way. A woman I work with was complaining about work the first day I went back to work. I just said to her, it could be worse, you could have cancer. She hasn't talked to me since and that's okay with me.
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How about the best thing instead of the worst? "Holy SH*T Sandee...you have been through the ringer the past two years....I am glad things are getting better!" (she had had no idea)I thought that summed it up nicely....
on the opposite side..a friend has contacted me f ro coffee tomorrow...i am assuming she has a problem as I have not heart from her since my pre-radiatino walk with her when I encouraged her o go for a mammogram ( she had not had one in 8 years and that was in Russia)...GO!!!! You have a daughter who needs you to be around...get your insurance sorted and GO!
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