The dumbest things people have said to you/about you
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chainsawz said : " A co-worker said "gee, you are halfway to becoming a man.."
I would have said : " So are you - you half assed jerk!"0 -
Chickadee, do you think that DMV lady's faith will be shaken if she's told that the majority of pregnancy-related nausea clears up by 3 months?
I sometimes think people leave their brains on the table at home when they go out.
Leah
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"I sometimes think people leave their brains on the table at home when they go out."
LOL, that's perfect. "Hmm, I know I'm forgetting something..."
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From my husband after telling him the date for my bmx and recon:
"you'll be fine; the boss's wife had augmentation and she was only in pain for 2 days".
Well, that's great for her. Pity this isn't anything like it.
*rolls eyes*
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Well the thing is, yes, I know they have bad pain for a few days due to the sudden stretching of the muscles, but they still have breast tissue on top of that because it was ELECTIVE... MX and recon are attempting to rid disease and regain the physical appearance that was lost.
Two totally different mindsets going into the DIFFERENT surgeries. But sure we can compare apples, oranges, cantaloupes, grapefruits, plums...0 -
Leave it to a man to compare the two. While my DH has been pretty good particularly around the whole surgery issue, where he has dumbed down is around chemo. Other than the hair loss and having my "down days" where I slept alot. I didn't complain much and fill him in on every little detail You know, diarrea, constipation, bloody nose, bone pain and just the general fatigue. So he doesn't t quite get why I'm not totally my normal self 9 days after my last chemo which is where I'm at.
Long story short I'm self employed in sales and money has been very tight the last few months but he really doesn't understand why I haven't been able to work much throughout the last 3 months. Who feels like marketing themselves when you feel like crap?!
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My friend just went thru having her cervix and uterus removed due to Cervical Cancer. We were sharing stories about how sometimes people at they gym, or wherever ask where we've been. She said she told the woman "Oh, i had cervical cancer so Ive been laying low recovering from that". The woman looked at her and said...."oh.....I thought your face looked thinner!" . . .??
When my Radiologist called to give me results of my biopsy.....she sounded happy (its how she always talks)....I said, "it must be good news.....you sound so happy!".....and she said "well, it is kind of.....You have DCIS....which is the best kind of BC to get..." It took me a full 10 min to figure out she was telling me I had cancer...... Since then Ive had several medical people say the same thing.....and while I know this is true, and Im grateful for my early diagnosis....it still makes me wince......
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Shayne: I swear, my BS's office said the same thing to me when they called me with my IDC diagnosis: "It's Stage 1, I mean, it's almost the best BC you can have." When the Oncotype score came back at 42, my oncologist called and was *excited* because that meant I could be part of their clinical trial. She said, "I've never seen a score that high - this is amazing!" like she just opened a Christmas present.
After all these months of odd and strange and completely inappropriate comments from people, I have just decided to smile and send them love and light and blessings - and perhaps a little psychic kick in the ass to find some common sense. But I don't expect it.
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I don't know if I posted these before, forgive me if I have.These are things that have been done rather than said.
The first time I got cancer a "case worker" was assigned to me. I spoke with her over the phone and at one point she asked me how old I was. I was 32. She said,"oh, I'm going to send you something." So I got a Do It Yourself Will in the mail just in time for my 33rd birthday. I know she was doing her job, but I still wanted to punch her. She could have at least warned me.
This time my onc put me on six months of chemo. At the end of month 5 I got a letter from a caseworker or advocate or something who had been assigned to my case. Considering I had one month of this treatment left I figured I could do without her. Way to be helpful.
Edit: I knew I was forgetting one. The first time I went in for chemo treatment the person next to me in the waiting room was telling me about this absolutely horrible breast cancer that was just on the news last night. How agressive it is and how nasty that type of breast cancer is. So I asked him what kind it was. He said it was inflammatory breast cancer and I said oh, that's the kind I have. (it really is) His response was well I'm sure you'll be fine. Then he moved to another chair.
I have to say it has been a hard week and reading some of these have made me laugh.
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I would like to think all these people who say hurtful, worrying or rude things about our BC, are just naive or plain stupid and not mean spirited.
My Mom used to say if you don't have anything nice to say, then don't say anything.
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I, too, got "you have the best kind of breast cancer." Tell it to my breasts! Oh, that's right, you can't. They're gone! I swear since I've lost about 50 pounds I look exactly like the Pillsbury Dough Boy!
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WHY?
I know this 'reply' will sound too simplistic, but it has worked wonders for me on other rude remarks.My grandbaby is half Latina. Oftentimes people will ask me what nationality she is. ( or sometimes just : " What is she ?" ) Sure, there have been times I might be over sensitive, but there are some times when I know darn well a certain person is prejudice or bigoted, and I dont appreciate the question. I always stumbled over the answers , as if apologizing for the beautiful little girl who has brought such joy into my life.
Finally, one day a particular woman ( a mean spirited one) asked me, and I simply replied :
" Why"? She was stunned ! It brought out that awkward silence that thickens the air, and then she said , " I just wondered." And I said : " Oh" and walked away.
Her question was never (really) answered and she felt like a fool.
Mission accomplished.
My husband had colon cancer, and someone asked me if he had to get ' the bag". Again, I just replied: " Why?" Just the one word causes people to stammer.
Try it - you'll like it!
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Purple32 ... I love it!
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its amazing... My breast surgeon who I do really like.. she is very " bubbly" when she called to tell me she said " well looks like you have a little bit of cancer" a little bit??? just what does that mean? I think she was trying to break it gently as she had told me all along not to worry I was young with no family history or risk factors it was most likely benign etc... i dont know i Just thought that was odd.
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After my first dx, mastectomy, reconstruction and chemo, I had TWO!!!! oncologists tell me I was "cured"! I thought to myself, and probably should've spoken up, - gee I hadn't heard that there was a cure for cancer. Eight years later when CA returned, I'd like to return to their offices and have them explain to me how I became "uncured", but I've since moved away both literally and figuratively, wouldn't waste the time and energy to do so. URrgghhh. . .
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Tinkertude ... is that like being a "little pregnant?"
Rakulynda ... I am always surprised when people, especially medical people, use the term cured. What do they think all those public service announcement asking to run for the cure are about?
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Kmccraw... lol.. I like that! yes I think it is
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Hi ladies. I've been following for a while but had to chime in today...
Kmccraw - I said to my PCP when I first got dx that I had DCIS. He said, well, thats not really cancer. Really? It's not? Then why are the BS telling me to chop them off? I've been going to this guy for like 15 years, and that was his response???? I knew I didn't like him for a reason all along...
I recently returned to work after my BMX. Everyone I saw said to me "wow, you look great". Did I look like crap before? Because I think I like 10 lbs heavier too.
People are so f-ing stupid!!!0 -
My first BS and MO both told me they would cure me. Really? My second opinions of both said they would do the following treatment. My MO did say he planned on being my MO for many, many years but that isn't a cure and doesn't mean you aren't in that lower percentage that doesn't make it to 5 years, etc...
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I was also told "you have the best type of cancer", only mine was phrased, "You have a rare form of cancer and If there is a cancer to get in the breast then this is the one to get".
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I got that same remark "you have the best kind of cancer"? Sooooo stooopid! I hate that I swear I don't even know how to respond to that
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Having breast cancer is so hard to come to terms with, having caught my breast cancer early surgery and hormone therapy, i went for a meal with my brother and his partner recently, she said how are you? i said i am fine!!! she said so you are not carrying it around with you, i didnt know what to say, unless you have been on this journey peoples words can be so hurtfullxxxxxxxxxx
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As I've said before, I also was told I had the "best bc to get if you're going to get bc" and I truly believe the word "best" and "breast cancer" belong in the same sentence. I guess they say it thinking it will make you feel better. No so much!
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So I'm going through the expansion process after my BMX. Everyone asks if I need chemo, which is "no". So just about everyone says "so you're done, you must feel great. You're fine now". No dumb @$$ - Im far from done... every other week I get tortured with needles in my rock hard boobs to fill them with an addtional 100 ccs of saline. Then my back, ribs and chest hurt for the following 3 days. Oh, and I need 2 more surgeries. No I'm NOT DONE!!!
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I'm so happy to see this thread! I've been feeling guilty for being annoyed at half the stuff that is said to me. I think the worst part for me though is what isn't said. It's the head cocked to the side look from people just full of pity. And I just started going without my wig in public. It's amazing how many grown adults stare at you. I thought it would be the kids but no, it's the people that should actually know better.
If I did have to pick THE dumbest thing said to me it would be from the girl at work that insinuated I was taking a 6-week "vacation" for my bilateral mastectomy because guiliana rancic was back at E news 2 weeks after her mastectomy and that I was lucky because I was essentially getting a free boob job. Amazing.0 -
So my dirtbag brother calls me up to give me what for because my mom's going to go spend time with her best friend in AZ until I'm feeling better. Long story, but he and his wife were supposed to take care of her for me and they wanted to leave her alone for 14 hours a day when she's not really capable of taking care of herself. Not supposed to be left alone for long periods of time and that's why she was with them because I would have to leave her alone for too long each time I had a BC appt, surgery, treatment, etc...
What he says to me is this when he started to get frustrated: "I understand you're not feeling well". What??? I've got cancer you idiot!!! It's not like I have the flu and can take a pill and be cured. Jerk!!!
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You know, its not uncommon for the "strong" ones to ask for help only to have the "help" need help! One sister told me I was "obsessing" over breast cancer before the drains were even out and another sister tell me I should not be in pain after total hip replacement. I was once an independent person who took care of others. Now I can hardly take care of myself only everyone acts like nothing's changed. Concerns about my health are brushed aside and its like "what have you done for me lately?"
Why is your brother giving you any crap about your mother going to AZ?
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The only reason I believe (knowing his personality) that he's giving me crap is because he doesn't like people to think that he's failed at doing something, and the fact that by my mom's extended family (best friend and her kids) having to take over within just two weeks will indicate that. I don't think he really should have to worry about that since I'll just be pointed out as the evil sister that just can't appreciate "everything" he does because I "don't feel well". Hopefully he'll realize at some point that it'll be better for him and his family so they can go back to their self-centered daily lives and not worry about the "thousands" of dollars they've supposedly put out in just 2 weeks time for babysitting services (which he told me they weren't going to do anymore anyway). That doesn't make sense either since it's not a nurse or cna or a professional caregiver that has been with her to this point. It's a relative of my sister-in-laws. I don't know but I can say that knowing my mom will be taken care of as of noon today by her extended family gave me a really good nights rest.
Kathleen: Obsessing about breast cancer? OMG!
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I have a good friend that helps me out alot when I'm feeling crappy after treatments, etc. but she is a total non-believer in conventional ca treatments. We've agreed to disagree on the subject and don't argue about it. So I had an MRI yesterday and descibed to her laying on the table, contrast injection, large tube thing and the crazy noises the machine makes. She said she could've made me a large carboard tube, have me lay down under it, she'd make her own rattling noises and then give me a bottle of kambucha to drink. We had a good laugh over it, hugged awhile, and carried on with conversation of the day. It was nice to not be taking it all so serious and having a good laugh. Sutely took the edge off that old "scanxiety", only if for a little while O:-)
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Rakulynda: Your friend sounds wonderful! I started laughing when I read what she said. Love it.
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