The dumbest things people have said to you/about you
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I had lunch with a yoga friend today. We've attended classes together several times a week for over four years, with the same group of other women and instructors. We've been a "family" in so many ways, and yoga has become an integral part of my spiritual existence and these women true sisters.
I haven't been able to attend a yoga class for the last three months. I try to do a little at home, when I feel up to it, but the classes are later in the evening and by that time of the day I'm just spent and done and in bed (still doing chemo). This friend is sweet and sends me a card every week or so, so I know she's thinking about me, and it's so nice.
But then we have lunch today, and I hear all about the engagement party that everyone attended recently (except me, because I didn't know our friend had gotten engaged), or the "up north" yoga weekend they're all planning in a couple of months, or the apres-yoga dinner last week that included all of their husbands/SOs. It's like after four years, I never existed - and I didn't realize how very much that hurt until today.
I know everyone's life goes on while mine kinda stands still right now - and I doubt very much that they're doing anything intentionally. But it just brought to the forefront the lonliness I sometimes feel in being so disconnected from others, or feeling so left behind. Maybe I'm just overly-sensitive, but I'm going to have myself a good cry and I'll feel better later.
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I dont think your being overly sensitive. What they should have done is invite you to all those events and let you decline if you were not feeling up to it. IMO, they were a bit unthinking.
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Nancy-this can be a very lonely and sometimes polarizing disease. I like your new avatar. We're gonna make it through this and I think somehow we're gonna be better for it.
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Nancy - this does feel like a really lonely time. I had chemo first and then my surgery at the end of March. My friends would call and email regularly if not daily. Now it feels like everyone thinks I'm done. Radiation starts next week. I'm so glad I have this website. I come here daily knowing there are others out there that are feeling like me.
NCbeachgal - I think you are right that somehow we're gonna be better for it!
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Nancy.. it can be very isolating! Its defitnely a time when you really find out who your friends are and who is just along forthe ride... hugs to you
NC beachgirl... I agree! somehow we will get through it and be better for it! well said!
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TINK --YOU KNOW I CAN'T SEE WELL AT THIS TIME -----IN THE BEGINNING TOME THE IDIOT DOC HAD THE NURSE----OR TECH---VALL AND SAY" SR LEVINE WANT'S YOU TO KNOW TOU HAVE A BRAIN TUMOR" --DUH WHO WHAT TYPE ETC. [OOR PERSON DELIVERING THE MESSAGE HAD A "I DON'T KNOW" TO EVERY QUESTION. CANGED DOCS
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Nancy - I'd feel pretty sad about that too! I agree they should've informed you of all the events and let you decide if you're up to it.
I've had a similar experience and just want to beat the walls cuz of the damn fatigue. And if I get one more email about drinking some magic potion for fatigue, I think I really will start beating something/someone! Would it be too awkward to ask your friend to let you know about upcoming events or maybe you're just too hurt right now.
I hate cancer.0 -
Not the dumbest thing ever said to me but currently, it's got me pretty irritated. My friend, a good friend who helps me a lot and is always willing has asked me a favor. The reason she needs this favor is because she is helping run a free clinic on her day off for poor people to receive health care. So what's the problem you ask?? Help your friend.
The problem is she needs me to pick up her son from school late in the afternoon when she knows we are/were planning to leave for vacation a few hours earlier than that. A vacation that I've had planned for months anticipating the end of chemo, the beginning of radiation and my return to work. A vacation that I don't want to delay for even one minute.
So what's a few hours in the big scheme? Well, if I can't leave by a certain time, we get stuck in Raleigh traffic which if that happens, we can tack on a couple additional hours to an already 5
hour trip. UGH.
She knew I would say yes-that's why she asked me. She did however start her question with
the obligatory, "I even hate to ask..."
I believe if the "I even hate to ask" words need to be muttered, they need to be squelched before they reach the lips. Seriously, if you hate to ask then don't. I will help my friend and I will be glad I did but I just want one day to do what I want, when I want to do it. I really need a vacation!0 -
oh NCBEACHGIRL... what a spot to put you in! thats just not right. Is there maybe anyone else that maybe you might be able to suggest could help her out. You so deserve to leave for your vacation with as little stress as possible!!!!... good luck!!!
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NCBeachgirl, the proper response to your friend who "just hates to ask" is "I just hate to say no, but I have to. I already have plans."
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NCBeachgirl - really reconsider "helping" your friend. There has to be someone else who can pick up her son. I would just remind her that you normally would pick him up but your plans were to leave hours before the traffic gets heavy. If she's your friend, she will totally understand. You deserve your vacation between treatments to go as you plan them.
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nativemaine- perfect
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totally agree about saying NO to your friend......pull the cancer card out if you must.....
You Deserve To Start Your Vacation WHEN you want!!!
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Hello everyone. Thanks for the suggestions for response. As it turns out, my friend has arranged for early dismissal for her son so we both get what we want/need. I can't wait for this week away between chemo ending and radiation/back to works begins. I'm really gonna let my hair down. Wait-I don't have hair. I'm gonna do something fun for sure. For those on the US East Coast-we have a super moon on Saturday. Check it out!
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NCbeachgal, that was going to be my suggestion, the child has to get out of school early that day, or sorry no I can't do it because of vacation plans.
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NCbeachgirl ... that worked out great! It usually doesn't happen that perfectly. Have a wonderful, relaxing and fun vacation! You more than deserve it!
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NCBEACHGIRL.. Great idea!! so glad it worked out. Go and have a wonderful time!!!!!! you deserve it girl
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NCbeachgal - I'm on the east coast (New York), what's a super moon?
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NCBeachgal,
I'm sorry , but IMHO this request deserves a flat out NO! We must learn to say no sometimes. Since this fouls up your long awaited vaca time, it is asking too much.
Please tell your friend, you simply can't because it would interfere with your plans ...and DONT FEEL GUILTY about it. You deserve a stress free vacation.
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I'm with you Purple 32
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Kingjr66-the moon is going to be full this Saturday evening. It's going to be very close to the earth so it will be bigger and brighter than other full moons. The moonrise will be close to the same time as sunset. Look to the skies around 7:45 on Saturday. If you can make it to the coast, even better. It's amazing to see that big moon pop up over the ocean.
I hope your having a good day!0 -
Thanks purple-I really am getting better with the word NO. In this situation it worked out but really, people who "hate to ask"-shouldn't! And if I'm not able to help, I should politely say no and go about my business of healing.
Thanks for the support to you as well JoJo and everyone who was behind me on this.
You guys are the best.0 -
will look to enjoy it. I'm upstate NY but have high mountains to observe from. as far as good day......I am post ovary removal (3 days now) and having issues with pain and rashes from surgical tapes. I'm haning in there but affraid to move for fear of popping open incissions. I have history with that. I've been enjoying posts on my fav threads this morning, keeping my mind off of it.
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Kingjr, heal well.
NCbeachgal, you end up with the best outcome! You get "friendship credit" for doing a favor that you didn't want to do, but you don't have to do the favor! But you're right, sometimes you have to learn to say "no".
Leah
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NCBeach, almost sounds like she was testing you!! And you passed!!!
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NCbeach - glad it worked out to your advantage. Sure hate that "indebted" feeling but our friends are so important thru this mess they call a journey. And good friends are SO hard to come by, with or without ca. I know how hard it is to say no but that moon thing took care of that problem!! lol. Wonder how it'll look on Sat. in AZ? Have a great time on your vacation and try to leave the ca crap at home.
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Saturday is prom night for one of my daughters. I told her about the moon. I think that will be neat for them. Of course I'll be looking at it too, but I get to look at it with my husband and youngest son. Much more fun than prom
Rakulynda we'll find out what it looks like from Tucson
I expect it will be gorgeous coming up over the mountains. 0 -
Have many of you heard "so did they get it all?" after a MX? I can't tell you how many times I've been asked that recently. I sure as hell hope they got it all- the last thing I want to think about now is if they didn't get it all. Isn't that what the $60k surgery is for???
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That one is my biggest pet peeve. It's one thing to inquire how my treatment is going, but gosh, they can't possibly take any more boob here.
They don't get it how offensive that is and how it fuels the anger, frustration and anxiety.0 -
I like when people just say something. Today my husbands co-worker met us after my RO appt - (his mom is dying of BC right now) - and he asked my husband outside of the car if he could say something to me - and he just looked in, asked me how i was doing....and said he was Really Sorry that i was going thru this - and that he knew saying he is sorry isnt much, but he really really really was sorry. I told him that meant A LOT to me......because so many people just cant even look at me, much less talk to me. So, yea, sorry seems to not be enough.......but it means a lot when you look someone in the eye and say a heartfelt.....Im so sorry you are facing this! ....
anyway......sometimes there are bright things that people say.......not all dumb....
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