The dumbest things people have said to you/about you
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I find children to be beautifully refreshing these days! When I lost my hair my 5-year-old grand-daughter said, "Grandma, you look weird - but it's okay to look weird, and I love you." Another little guy from our temple walked right up to me and said, "I'm really sorry about your cancer. Can we have cake now?" My neighbor's 4-year-old has an older brother with significant challenges including severe CP, and she's used to being around people who are different. She saw me last weekend without my cap and wanted to know what happened, wanted to touch my head, then wanted to blow bubbles.
It's their parents who sometimes make it hard for me, and for them. I'm sure I did it with my own kids, too - so embarrassed they'd say something offensive that I'd keep them from saying anything at all. I guess, if nothing else, this whole experience is teaching me to be a little more patient with people (some people...I'm sorry but there are some I just struggle with...). It's also giving me the strength and courage to do something I had never really done before - letting go of toxic and just plain bad "friendships" and relationships. And to be really okay with it. Too bad it took getting cancer for me to figure some of this out.
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Nancy - i agree on how children can be sweet about it in their own way. My kids are just great. My daughter says she doesnt want them to hurt anymore so can she rub them? My son kisses them and tells me they'll get better (he's 2 and thats what we say about his boo boos). Just an "I love you" from them seems to make everything else just disappear.
I know this thread is about supid things people say, but my BIL just did something stupid and somewhat hurtful, even though its a stupid thing. I got in a fight with my sister because she didn't come see me after my BMX in January. And she really wasn't planning on coming anytime soon, even after my exchange. So we got in a fight and the next thing I know, my BIL unfriends me on FB. For most people this isn't a big deal, but he is one of those constant Facebookers... You just don't unfriend family. And it's just me and my DH, not even my cousin. So I know it has to do with the fight, but in all honesty, I think its BS. He's always been a jerk and in my eyes, he always will be. He should have been one of the people encouraging my sister to come (its only Florida to NY). I have a feeling he was part of the reason she didnt...
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Lauren, hugs to you. People just dont realise how that is hurtful anyway, but at a time like this?! Honestly. Are you a little bit relieved though, that you dont have to pretend to 'like' his incessant boring Facebook updates :-). Sounds like you have great kids.
My three year old said to me today (Ive just had my TE swap surgery) 'has your nipple come back yet mummy?'. Bless her. We had a little joke about how I dont need it now shes a big girl and doesnt need boober milk anymore. Cute as.0 -
Yep I agree about the kids one little girl around 4-5 yrs old had seen me with no hair and said to her mummy" why has that ladie got no hair mummy she's not a man" lol how cute I said to her " I never ate my vegetables and all my hair fell out " Hehe
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Jeanne ... well, you've scarred her for life! At least we know one little girl will be eating vegetables! Kids do say the darnest things. LOL
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I was at the hospital waiting for my radiation treatment in a gown -- sitting in the waiting room. This older gentleman said to me "are you here for radiation" .... lol ... I said yes. He responded that his wife was in being treated right now for breast cancer so I told him that is what I had. He was cute and he was trying to start a conversation but it was sort of funny. One lady said to me after that I should have said that I was just getting ready to go on a date and that I found the hospital gowns very comfortable.
He meant well and I am sure if he repeated that story to his wife she would have said something to him.
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OMG, reading all of your stories is giving me angry tears.
I've had several situations in the past two weeks with doctors...
Insensitive Oncologist story: I've been interviewing new oncologists because the current one isn't so good and I think I'd like a female anyway. Candidate # 1: At some point in the conversation, when I talked about being monitored and worrying about recurrance, she said something to the effect of "well, pretty much all women with breast cancer end up being scared for the rest of their lives." Great, thanks, just what I wanted to hear. (Candidate # 2 told me that she doesn't say this to everyone, but that my prognosis is quite good and to stop worrying, move on, live my life, etc., Her credentials are impeccable too, so that's who I'm choosing.)
Insensitive Cardiologist story: My MO sent me for a routine echocardiogram after 8 rounds of TAC, just to make sure everything is OK. The cardiologist saw a small idiosyncracy on the echo, "probably nothing," but sent me for a chest x-ray to rule out fluid in the heart & lungs. Today she said the x-ray shows that there might be a small amount of fluid in one lung, but not to worry about it. I told her that I was relieved, since I had been worrying about a metastisis. She said, "Oh, there are no guarantees that it's a not a metastisis. Since you had a clear CT in November, it's probably not, but you never really can tell for sure until the autopsy." I also needed her clearance for lumpectomy surgery next week. She said she'd like to see me in 6 months. I asked if she shouldn't see me before the mastectomy which will probably be in about 5 weeks and she said, "no, not unless you have a heart attack during the first surgery. It could always happen." Not that I don't know that there are risks during surgery, but really, this woman could not have made me feel worse!
Bullying Breast Surgeon: I told her I'm considering DIEP instead of TE's & implants and she gave me a one hour lecture about how she knows what's best for me and I don't. She treated me like naive child. I suspected this might happen, as I know she has a strong personality -- I had joked with my husband that I was afraid to tell her because she might have a fit and it seems I was right. Like I need this stress after six months of chemo and upcoming surgeries. I already cried all night about this and have already vented one of the DIEP threads, so sorry if anyone had to read about this twice.
Maybe some people prefer the direct approach and I'm just overly sensitive. All I know is that I've been on the verge of tears all week. I thought that with chemo being over and my surgeries scheduled (lumpectomy before mastectomy, just to get my strength back after chemo), that I could breathe a temporary sigh of relief. But I guess that's just not going to happen! I feel like I have a split personality lately. During the day and late at night, on the verge of tears. In the morning and then when I pick up my daughter from school in the afternoon, I magically turn into Mrs.Happy Mom. I know that one of these days, this too shall pass. I'm so ready!
Oh, and like one of the previous posters, someone (a male relative) compared mastectomy with implants to augmentation. Living in Orange County, CA (land of implants) he mentioned that so many women have augmentation and seem to be thrilled with the results. I said, "OK, then why don't you just let me slash YOUR chest open with a knife, scrape out most of the insides of your big fat male boobs, and shove in some balloons filled with something kind of like jelly, leave just a thin layer of muscle & skin, then sew them back up. No big deal, right?" He backed down quickly; I think he realized that he was dealing with a woman on the verge of losing it.
Deep breath, thank you for letting me vent!
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Jenifer ... no wonder you're on the verge of tears ... there's a way to be honest without being brutal, for goodness sake! Take one step at a time and try to locate doctors with an ounce of compassion and the knowledge that its your body and you have a say in anything done to it. ((((((HUGS))))))
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Jenifer - how on earth did you end up meeting three of the most insensitive docs? So sorry about this. I hope you have ones you like now...
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oh brother! did u check his medical license? Its obviously expired or he's smokin' something.........
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Shayne, I LOVE your signature quote!
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my friend gave it to me.....it was given to her by her yogi-guru
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Jennifer... so sorry you have run into such insensitive docs. I would be on the verge of tears too. You have every right to choose change your mind or do whataver you want to do about your treatmment and reconstruction . Dont let her or anyone else make you feel bad about anything!!! hugs
Maria
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oh my!!! benign cancer thats a new one to me!!! yikes!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Yea - benign cancer - we need that printed on a T SHIRT!!
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seriously! what do they call that?? an oxymoron!.?. moron is in that word for a reason! lol
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yea.....like....JUST A LITTLE PREGNANT ......or......YOU JUST HAVE A LITTLE CANCER......
lol . . . . wonder if this doc even realized what he said???
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yes true!.. i am hoping he didnt realize it... it would be worse to think he would think that was a true statement.. lol
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ha yes thats what my BS said to me... you have a little cancer... hmmm just a little huh?
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so can we just treat it a little? Just a little radiation? a little surgery?
o brother.....someone should do stand up with this! Where's Wanda Sykes when we need her!?!?
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lmao!!!! too true!
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While I was having my radiation treatment, I had some skin issues and was seen by a different RO as mine was not in on that day. He walked in and asked me about my general health before BC and said that "oh so you are in good health other than this little cancer"!! For this little cancer, I had to have surgery, radiation and hormonal therapy... doesn't seem like a lot does it!!
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My RO asked the same thing! So youre in good health?? uhh......yea.....
Then he was asking me about how much I drank (i wrote down 1-2 drinks/week)
I said....well, thats gone up a bit since my dx.....ive been throwing back the margaritas on a as needed basis
He said.....well, I dont blame you on that one, Id be doing the same - and dont worry....i wont tell anyone!
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I have a former therapist who was convinced my BC would have remained unnoticeable and not dangerous (benign) if only had I learned how to handle my stress better.
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oh god......that wouldve pissed me off!
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Wow, can you report her to some oversight agency? That's asinine. I'd be tempted to say, "So, if I smack you in the face and it turns red, it's because you don't handle stress well? Shall we test it, dear?"
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Dear Lord, please save me from the idiots!
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Jenlee, so many Stupids in such a short time. Your comment may have been brutal as Kathleen said-------but it was the absolute truth. That guy will never assume anything again AND hopefully never make such a stupid comment. I have had both an augmetation bilat in 1978 and Bmx ----there is ABSOLUTELY NO COMPARISON BETWEEN THE TWO ,UNLESS THE AUGMETATION IMPLANTS WERE PLACED BENEATH THE PECS.
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Riley, your post about the smack was priceless !!!!!!!!
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