The dumbest things people have said to you/about you
Comments
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this is a stupid one. I'm having my ovaries removed may 1st and was asked by several people why not have your uterus removed too? It's not like you need it anymore (I'm 52 and still pre-menopause). Told them do all women who are post-menopause have their uterus removed? They don't need their uterus either.
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That is so true when people we expect to be there are not. My best friend or so I thought of 26 years just slowly drifted away. From the night I told her I had BC her calls became less and less. Her respomse as she was crying and I was comforting HER was
" something else I have to deal with". We havent spoken in 18 months. I was having a melancoly moment a few weeks ago and emailed her and asked her what happened to our friendship of 26 years.. I said no jidgment just need to know. Never heard back I guess thats my answer huh?0 -
tinkertude
Too much. "Something else I have to deal with". Guess it was always about her huh?
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Jac53---go and then send her pix of you in front of all those fabulous places you will see!
tinkertude....I too had a long time friend that treated me much the same way. When I last updated her on my treatments she never responded back so I sent another message to see if she had received it. She said yes she had but it just "made her to sad" to respond...WTH! I sent her a message back telling her to not be sad for me as I was not sad for me. I stopped sending her personal updates now. Have never heard back from her. I believe we are better off without such people in our lives now!
Maggie
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Maggie.. I know your right! I am trying to surround myself with people that lift me up. I try and look at it this way some days... I lost a dear friend and she was we had soo many wonderful years together she is my kids godmother etc... BUT i gained so many wonderful new friends along the way. People that I though were aquantances have been so wonderful and supportive and have become close friends now. So as much as I " miss" that friendship... I know its time to mourn the loss and move on and know that I have been given and abundance of support and angels in her place.
MYLEFTBOOB.. I think your right it was all about her from the beginning!.
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A new aquaintance met through a friend saw me for the 2nd time and kept saying how good I looked. After about the third time I said, "not like a cancer patient, you mean?" "oh no"she said, "you look like you have a great tan". How's that for backpedaling? She's is also the person who said when we first met and someone asked how my treatments were going, "oh no no no I don't want to hear about all that". Hope she has the magic immunity card as she is in her 50's. blech
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A new aquaintance met through a friend saw me for the 2nd time and kept saying how good I looked. After about the third time I said, "not like a cancer patient, you mean?" "oh no"she said, "you look like you have a great tan". How's that for backpedaling? She's is also the person who said when we first met and someone asked how my treatments were going, "oh no no no I don't want to hear about all that". Hope she has the magic immunity card as she is in her 50's. blech
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I think that it's funny how everyone that finds out I am still battling cancer, say "But you have your hair"! Really? So if you have cancer you are supposed to be bald, and if you don't lose your hair, then you must be okay? I chose to do Herceptin without the hard chemotherapy drugs, been there, done that. I need to work, I have bills to pay, I live alone. I didn't want to be "sick" and not be able to work. That does not mean that I am not still in the fight for my life with an aggressive cancer.
The other thing that people say to me is, "You had the double masectomy, why do you still say you have cancer?" UMMMMMM because I have not been told that I don't have cancer, or that I am in remission. I am still going for chemotherapy every three weeks.
I understand when my students say that, they don't know, and I always tell them, that until they tell me I am in remission, I have cancer. I don't understand why I have to say that to adults!0 -
Thanks Cyborg.
I can't tell you how many times people have said to me..."Did they get it all"? I just smile and imagine saying "no....they left some behind". The constant inquiries about the lymphedema sleeve and glove are taxing at times. There is no easy way to explain why I wear them without opening the door to so many more questions. I am always around other moms of young kids and they just blurt these questions out in front of my kids. Any suggestions would be helpful!!!!
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My2boys, I'm sorry some people are so insensative asking innapropriate questions. It's no ones business. If I was asked, after I had replied something to the effect "I wear the sleeve and glove to treat lymphedema" and they STILL asked questions, I'd promply say "I'd rather not go into further detail about it", or something to that effect. It's a perfectly polite response, that highlights the fact that its a personal issue and the person who asked has over stepped their boundaries. That should shut them up pronto!
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I don't know if "its for a medical condition which is rather personal" will shut them up but maybe worth a try.
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Thanks LessaAnn and Kathleen! I tried the suggestion from both of you....and it worked! At my son's ball game this afternoon the inevitable question came up and I politely said..."It's a medical problem, which is rather personal and I'd rather talk about it"...BINGO!! Worked like a charm and the inquirer moved onto another topic...hahaha. Thanks girls!!0
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Kebberlady, just curious. You said you aren't doing chemo but then said you are doing chemo every three weeks....herceptin isn't chemo, you know that right?
I have a friend who had the same tx as me, 3 years ago. I progressed, she didn't. She doesn't get it. She said that she was having a revision (by her choice) and she might as well be stage IV with her feelings about it. Um, yeah, you are going for better looking boobs and I'm going for a couple extra months of life. You got to leave that chemo chair two years ago and I never did, I'm still sitting there week after week. I am going to work day after day, even on weekly abraxane/herceptin/zometa - I''ve been on chemo for 2 1/2 straight years now, but she complains about how tired she is in her work life. Um, she's had two years to recover.
Well, most of my cancer friends are respectful of my situation but not all of them.
She thinks because I was there I understand. I do. But, we are not on the same level and I can't understand it from the point of view of a person who GOT WELL. I didn't. I guess I have to realize that she can't understand it from my level either. She should try better though.
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CoolBreeze, yes I understand that Herceptin is not a chemotherapy drug but a targeted drug. However, I say that it is chemotherapy to people around me that don't get it, because its so much easier than trying to explain about targeted therapy, how HER2 works, how the Herceptin works, etc. Most people understand the word chemotherapy, so yes even though that is not what I am getting, it makes it easier for the people around me to understand why I have the mediport, why I am tired(it has caused my iron levels to drop and I am anemic and on B12), why I have to be out of work for 2 days every three weeks, etc.
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I have a list!
My very incomplete list of the most stupid things said to me while battling IBC or after my surgery
Wow, this is not hard on you at all, (as my guest glanced around my living room) look how clean your floors are!
As a woman realized I lost both my breasts, (both had cancer) she slapped her hand to her mouth and said, "They took your nipples too????!!!!!"
As a woman realized I lost both my breasts she looked me and with utter (sorry couldn't resist) sincerity told me that "It's ok, because they will grow back."
I was working part time at a very nice bank in my small town during my 8 months in chemo. I was walking out to go to a treatment and I heard a fellow employee under her breath whisper "Lucky" in a most unpleasant manner. I turned around and looked at her. I told her I thought I was lucky, but what did she mean by that comment. She said "At least you're out of this hell hole!" and stomped away.
As a woman realized I lost both my breasts asked me "How do you have sex without breasts?"
My sister asked for me to call her to invite her to a chemo treatment. So I told her the next one booked was at MD Anderson at 8 am. She hesitated and said "Ahhh, 8 is not good for me, can you call me some other time, that is just too early....."
"Wow, your doctor must be really crummy, my friend had breast cancer and she didn't lose her hair...only in treatment one month, she got a tummy tuck out of the deal, etc, etc, etc,"
For my Green Friends, "Since you are driving so much to the hospital (30 miles one way) don't you think you should buy an economical car? " (like any one would give me a loan, with the new bills I have and loss of income!)
"How do you feel now that your daughters might get breast cancer?"
"Think of all money you will save on haircuts and bras!"
Since I dress breast free, a lady stopped me in a department store and told me I would "look better in my clothes if I stuffed my bra."So what diet changes are you going to make? (like if I knew what caused this!)
I did try one day to look into wearing the prostheses. The first thing the chick at the counter asked me if I wanted "perky or low slung?" I was out the door in a shot.
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Wow that many stupid comments are unbelievable.((hugs))
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Crikey tlarnold, thats a huge list! Sorry you've had all those terrible comments - I'm amazed at how ridiculous / inappropriate some people are... I've gotten much better at snappy comebacks over the last year or so - my friend (she was a bit drunk) was busy comparing her augmentation to my umx, and was explaining where I could expect my nipple to end up. To which I said, last I heard my nipple was somewhere in an incinerator. *silence followed*... Lol!
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lz_and_lys...LOL ... my sister did the same thing! Let's see, you had a small incision under each breast and they ADDED something to them. You still have feeling in your breasts and you still have responsive nipples. I, on the other hand, have large incisions across where my breasts used to be, I have no feeling in them nor ever will, I have no nipples and even if reconstructed will have no feeling. Yeah, I can see the similarities! Idiot.
Terry ... you win for most stupid things people have said to you. They grow back? I'm still waiting! Its a question of diet - how come no one told me? So breast cancer can be totally avoided by a change in diet?
You do wonder how some people get through life without a brain!
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As summer nears and we begin to wear shorts, I hear this regarding hair loss, "well, at least you don't have to shave your legs." Why do people thinks that's a sufficient trade-off?
I wish I could respond, "I'm sorry you lost all your teeth just now when I smacked you upside your head (only kidding, I'm not a violent person), but at least you don't have to brush and floss. Isn't that great."0 -
GR$C1E- LMAO! Priceless.
Terry- Grow back!! Wow. And that daughter thing is so wrong. I have two girls who now have to be more careful and I know my mom felt that in some way her having BC contributed to mine.
Thanks for sharing all.
Oh, and go to Rome! (If you want.) (c:
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I just dropped in to read some recent posts and WOW there really is no end to the things "people" say and how they behave.
Charles - your posts about SGK were priceless!!! Thank you for your great sense of humor! You made my day! Something similar happened when I went to vote in the last primary election. My name was removed township registry log and I was not permitted to vote. Hall Records had me as "deceased". What a shock for the clerk when I appeared and demanded to have my voting rights back!
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I am so mad about this one. I haven't called yet because I don't think I can talk to this woman without spewing a string of foul language at her.
My 14 year old daughter has been slacking off in school, she hates it and doesn't want to go, doesn't bother with her homework ect.
Anyway, the principal at her school tells her that she heard about my cancer, I'm guessing from the councilor. She told her that if I really am sick, she's not sure if she believes my kid or not, but if I really do have cancer the stress she is causing me will only make me get worse and if she keeps up her bad behaviour she could cause me to die.
What the hell kind of moron tells a 14 year old kid that she can cause her mothers death by not doing her fricking homework! I'm Stage IV, at some point this crap is probably going to kill me, and now my kid has the idea that it will be her fault! I am livid and not real sure what I'm going to do about this, but can you freaking believe that?!
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omg Don't let that principal go without an apology.Its hard to believe that he is even a teacher nevermind a person with authority.
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The principal must be reported to the school board and dismissed. That person is not qualified
to teach. Definitely has a loose screw
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Tlarnold - I'm so sorry, but I actually laughed out loud about the comment about losing your nipples too! Unbelievable!
I just received an email from a very close friend with a link to a website that sells very expensive DVDs about dietary crap that will send me into NED in a few short weeks as well as curing diabetes, MS, athsma and a host of other serious conditions. This friend is very well educated, well-read and well-spoken. I was just totally astounded that she emailed me this charlatan BS! I just decided to ignore the email and know in my heart, she wants a cure for me and that there was no intention of any ill-will, when what I really wanted to do was yell, " if this crap worked, don't you think everyone with any type of disease would be using it and the whole world would know about it?". blech.0 -
Cancer can be cured at the DMV!
Seriously. I went in to renew my license. You have to answer a question about health so I put simply Breast Cancer. So we go through the process and the young lady says something I couldn't hear twice, finally realized she asked if I had a bible at home. Then she goes into how there is a passage in there and if I just ask God he will cleanse my blood of all those bad cells. She said she is 3 months pregnant and he stopped her nausea.
Egads, I didn't realize the secret cure resided at the DMV. The lines are kind of long ladies but get yee to the DMV.0 -
Wow!! some of these are priceless!! I have a couple for you:
Ok...I have one that has bothered me since I got the card...I realize this person is well meaning, full of love, etc...but I don't know why, I just really got angry when I read it. It just made me want to punch something - maybe I'm just coming down from the steroids...or chemo is making me crabby or cancer is making me ungratefull...i don't know...
" Life is not about (for some reason heart shape here...think to soften the blow as she scolded me) waiting for the storms to pass...It's aout learning to dance in the rain! "
I get that it was intended with love...but..... here honey, you dance in my rain for a while...I'm too tired from Chemo.
Next one....I made the mistake of telling someone that this 2nd primary was not a complete surprise to me even 12 years later. I figured I was under the gun for the rest of my life.....
She told me that was my first problem...I need to fix my attitude....Thanks sweetie. That would have made all the difference in the world...I am sure of it.
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As I read these comments, I'm getting madder and madder ... who do these people think they are? If you don't have a M.D. after your name, shut up. Even if you do, if you don't have facts on your side, shut your mouth!
Oh, and the only thing you get from dancing in the rain is wet.
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That make sense kerrberlady, I've done the same. Sometimes it is just easier than explaining, isn't it?
Terry, you win the prize for most comments. Geez!
Stormy, I'm the principal's secretary at a high school. I think that there could be a misunderstanding going on here. Sometimes 14 year olds interpret things that are said to them a bit differently than adults do. I have heard kids come up with stuff that wasn't really what was said to them, but they believe it it was. They are not lying but they have an immature interpretation and I've found that once the adults communicate, it becomes clear.
There is a chain of command at schools, so you first have to talk to the Principal to clear up the misunderstanding. If you do not feel that the explanation was satisfactory or you don't believe what she told you, then you go to the district. In my school system at least, they won't even listen to a complaint at the district level until you at least talk to somebody at the school.
I find it very hard to believe a principal would say something that dumb. They worked as teachers for many years, got their masters, than take Administrative classes, and a lot of focus on dealing with legalities and problems. You are not the first parent with cancer that she has seen, probably not even the 100th. So, if she really did say it exactly as your child describes, than she should not be a principal, that is for sure.
But, I'm going to guess there is a misunderstanding. I think you should call and clear it up, so it doesn't bother you needlessly. Stress kills, as you know! LOL.
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chainsawz said : " A co-worker said "gee, you are halfway to becoming a man.."
I would have said : " So are you - you half assed jerk!"0
