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The dumbest things people have said to you/about you

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  • TeresainTucson
    TeresainTucson Member Posts: 23
    edited July 2012

    Camillegal - Someone said something on a thread that I really liked that applies SO well. I'll have to paraphrase because I couldn't find it:

    My illness is much more real than your "medical expertise".

    That holds true for so many of the people who "know" how you can get better, or could have avoided this, or whatever their miracle cure is for today.

  • riley702
    riley702 Member Posts: 575
    edited July 2012
    Ooh, I like that, Teresa! I'm going to remember that. Smile
  • _Ann_
    _Ann_ Member Posts: 448
    edited July 2012

    Finally got a doozie for this thread.  I'm recently dx'd.  It's looking like Stage II-Stage III.  My brother siad "I just want to know.  Do you have an End Plan"?   I didn't even know that the h*ll he meant.  Is he asking about my will, burial instructions, some sort of religious preparation?   Yee-gads, I haven't even started treatment and he's ready for me to die! 

    He also likes to remind me of all the family members who died of cancer, including my paternal grandmother's BC, "by the time they found it they couldn't do anything about it.  They didn't even treat it".

    So *not* helpful! 

  • shayne
    shayne Member Posts: 524
    edited July 2012

    Maybe he needs an END PLAN?  People dont realize that just bc they dont have cancer......doesnt mean they arent going to die and some unspecified time as well.....  

  • chabba
    chabba Member Posts: 3,600
    edited July 2012

    Ann, If he brings the question up again you could ask him how he went about preparing his or what he included in his.

  • proudtospin
    proudtospin Member Posts: 4,671
    edited July 2012

    oh my Ann, I think we have the same brother~

    when I announced brother said but it is not really cancer?  then a year later called to say he was looking into cell transplant for his own cancer, Hodgins and just mentioned that siblings were the best match outside of your own stem cells.

    when I said, I do not think I would be allowed to do that, he said why?

    maybe I should have given the cells and let him get BC!

    sorry, no one can be that nasty so strike that

  • julz4
    julz4 Member Posts: 1,373
    edited July 2012

    Foot in mouthSealedFoot in mouthSealedFoot in mouthSealedFoot in mouthSealedFoot in mouthSealedFoot in mouthSealed!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Maybe permanent cement would be good for all the latest mouth problems accruing on here! SHEESH!!!! UN-BE-LIEVABLE!!!! 

    Here is my latest.....I just started back to work this week & I start RADS next week sometimes.  I have this co-worker that works part time as she has a young child & is an only parent.  Her DH died of brain cancer 5+ years ago.  So here is the problem....I get this text from her a few days ago she asked if I could work 2 days for her the end of the month.  If I were to do this I would be working 6 traight days....I mean nights.  I work ALL nights with heavy lifting rolling transfers.  I am a CNA...nursing assitant.  I will be into my second week with RADS & who KNOWS how I will react to it.  I know I have only been able to sleep 4-5 hours a day since I have been back at work so far.  Tired already & feeling the stress as many changes in the 6 weeks I was out.  I called her to tell her I'm sorry but I can't do it as I'm not sure how I am going to react to the RADS.  Not to mention I only work 8 days in 2 weeks as it's too much for me.  So 6 in a row...I know I would be sunk!  Work is playing her & has been with not letting her take her leave.  She wants to spend time with her 2 older children too.  I really feel for her & know she knows how tuff all the cancer stuff is.  But I just got this feeling that RADS was no big deal as she said DH just got a rash from his.  BUT he wasn't working through it he couldn't.  I know I shouldn't feel guilty....but somehow I do or she tried to make me.  Everyone thinks I'm a 100% WELL I'M NOT!  I didn't do chemo, didn't loose my hair or my boob.  But my arm is hurting some & I'm worried it's gonna get worse because of work.  Everyone thinks i'm fine!  I guess I am having one of those days! I guess needed to VENT & hate being made to feel guilty!  Gotta get my THANKFULLNESS back in gear!

  • Joanne_53
    Joanne_53 Member Posts: 714
    edited July 2012

    julz4 --- I like how you say "I didn't do chemo, didn't lose my hair or my boob" -- that was me too and I sometimes feel that people think ... what is your problem -- get over it.  You have every right to think of YOU and YES YOU WILL BE TIRED and there is a good chance you will be sore too.  Do not let her guilt you into it.  Take the time --- I did not work through rads and I was exhausted.  Be kind to YOU!!!!!

  • shayne
    shayne Member Posts: 524
    edited July 2012

    Way to go for standing up for yourself Julz!  Youll need more of that as this journey continues.......dont for a second feel guilty!!!

  • julz4
    julz4 Member Posts: 1,373
    edited July 2012

    Thanks Joanne!  I am an upbeat person & have been sailing through Ok with only a few glitches.  But some days are really hard.  In fact just walking into the Cancer Care place where I get my RADS makes me cringe....no one knows it though.  I must be a good at hiding it.  She wasn't really bad with guilting (really dissapointed) but I told her if my skin breaks down & I have to call out when I am covering for her she will have to come back in & work it!  That's our works policy for people who cover for each other.  If my skin breaks down I'm outta work (by me if not the Dr.) till it's healed.  As I don't want any infections from work!  Also I'm really short virtically challenged for sure & am constantly bumping my boobs (though they are not big) into everything/one.  Bending over beds, residents, you name it!  Takes me more time than a taller person to do my job sometimes.  I have to get creative!  I guess I thought her more than anyone else would understand & she wouldn't think of asking me!  But then she never did contact me but once the whole time I was out....She has a family full of cancer & doesn't want to deal personally with it other than work.

  • Nel
    Nel Member Posts: 597
    edited July 2012

    Love this thread.   If one more person asks  "What is your prognosis"   REALLY  My closests friends have not even asked.  My response "Not a topic I discuss, even with my MD.  I just want to know what it is and how they are going to get rid of it!"

    If I had the guts I'd ask what is your prognosis, because none of us really know! 

    Gentle 4th

    Nel

  • julz4
    julz4 Member Posts: 1,373
    edited July 2012

    Thanks Shayne....easier said than done some days.  I'm getting the feeling she will be one of those friends that will leave the list.  I will still be friendly as it is only work related....but it won't be the same as before.

    On a side note my DH DJ's as a side job for over 35 years now.  I love all types of music....

    This song came to mind as a Theme for us ALL here!  Here are the lyrics as I can't get it to link from Youtube! 

    Tracy Lawrence....Find out who your friends are!

    Run your car off the side of the road
    Get stuck in a ditch way out in the middle of nowhere
    Or get yourself in a bind, lose the shirt off your back
    Need a floor, need a couch, need a bus fare

    This is where the rubber meets the road
    This is where the cream is gonna rise
    This is what you really didn?t know
    This is where the truth don?t lie

    You find out who your friends are
    Somebody?s gonna drop everything
    Run out and crank up their car
    Hit the gas, get there fast

    Never stop to think, 'What?s in it for me?'
    Or 'It?s way too far'
    They just show on up with their big ol? heart
    You find out who your friends are

    And everybody wants to slap your back, wants to shake your hand
    When you?re up on top of that mountain
    But then one of those rocks give way then you slide back down
    Look up and see who?s around then

    This ain't where the road comes to an end
    This ain't where the band wagon stops
    This is just one of those times when
    [ From: http://www.elyrics.net/read/t/tracy-lawrence-lyrics/find-out-who-your-friends-are-lyrics.html ]
    A lotta folks jump off

    You find out who your friends are
    Somebody?s gonna drop everything
    Run out and crank up their car
    Hit the gas, get there fast

    Never stop to think, 'What?s in it for me?'
    Or 'It?s way too far'
    They just show on up with that big ol? heart
    You find out who your friends are

    When the water?s high
    When the weather?s not so fair
    When the well runs dry
    Who?s gonna be there?

    You find out who your friends are
    Somebody?s gonna drop everything
    Run out and crank up their car
    Hit the gas, get there fast

    Never stop to think, 'What?s in it for me?'
    Or 'It?s way too far'
    They just show on up with their big ol? heart
    You find out who your friends are, yeah yeah
    You find out who your friends are

    Run your car off the side of the road
    Get stuck in a ditch way out in the middle of nowhere, man I been there
    Or get yourself in a bind, lose the shirt off your back
    Need a floor, need a couch, need a bus fare, man I been there
    Man I been there!!!

  • Cindyl
    Cindyl Member Posts: 498
    edited July 2012

    I know just where you are coming from. I had a lumpx, then rads.  I managed to work all through tx.  But it was hard.  And everybody thinks everything is hunky dorey.  Never mind that my arm and chest swell up whenever I lift anything, never mind that I'm getting 5 hours of sleep on a  good night.  They all act like I'm some sort of shirker when I refuse to lift and carry like I used to (not technically my job at all) and when I leave a little earlier than normal (still after quitting time) OMG.  You'd think I was sitting around eating bonbons.

  • shayne
    shayne Member Posts: 524
    edited July 2012

    right......arent we all lying on the couch after tx.......eating bonbons!!  right......  

  • Joanne_53
    Joanne_53 Member Posts: 714
    edited July 2012

    julz4 --- wonderful song and wonderful lyrics -- thanks for that .... and so very true.

  • julz4
    julz4 Member Posts: 1,373
    edited July 2012

    So TRUE!!!

    Cindy I don't think I have ever had a Bon Bon!  

    WE MIGHT AS WELL GET STARTED....They won't know the difference 

    anyways!!!!!  Tongue out

  • shayne
    shayne Member Posts: 524
    edited July 2012

    LOL!!  Dont forget a cabana boy with a large fan above us......feeding them to us.......oh lord!  LOL!

  • barbe1958
    barbe1958 Member Posts: 7,605
    edited July 2012

    I didn't do chemo or rads, BUT, I did lose both breasts!! At one point my manager (who was off on matt leave while I went through all this!) had the balls to say to me "You look wonderful!!!" as an excuse to not let me have some time off. What I SHOULD have said was "I had cancer in my breast, not my FACE!!!" but of course, I didn't think of that until later....sigh.

  • Cindyl
    Cindyl Member Posts: 498
    edited July 2012

    I haven't had one in years, but I remember them fondly.

  • julz4
    julz4 Member Posts: 1,373
    edited July 2012

    For sure SHAYNE!!!!  I went to google & looked up bon bon.... forgot the "S"  Look what I found...no lie!

    mmmmmm Would he serve well as a Cabana boy?!!!  LOL!

    Joanne you are so welcome ..... it sure fits here!  I love it too! 

    Cindy in my line of work I see lymphodema (sp) with our BC residents.  Some never do get it & some get it almost from the start!  Take care & do what you have to do for you as YOU are the one who has to live with the pain & swelling!  Not them!  It's just would be my luck as it seems my 4 sons, DIL & DH get All the weird stuff never simple run of the mill!

  • julz4
    julz4 Member Posts: 1,373
    edited July 2012

    GOOD one BARBE!  I will have to keep that one in my sieve, I call my brain!

  • shayne
    shayne Member Posts: 524
    edited July 2012

    Not a fan of BonJovis music......but he's hot and totally qualifies as my cabana, bon feeding boy!!!

  • julz4
    julz4 Member Posts: 1,373
    edited July 2012

    Me either....nice eye candy though....or should I say Bon Bon candy!

  • Joanne_53
    Joanne_53 Member Posts: 714
    edited July 2012

    Thanks for the fun - he is certainly nice to look at. I like the idea of the Bon bons too - and maybe a drink or two !! ;)

  • shayne
    shayne Member Posts: 524
    edited July 2012

    Joanne......definitely a drink or two!

  • julz4
    julz4 Member Posts: 1,373
    edited July 2012

    Have one for me Sistahs as I can count on one hand how many I have had in the last 10 years! Too much bad family history with the stuff! If I started I may not stop! I love mixed drinks! Cool & fruity! I am off to sleep so I can work tonight. Have a good 4th!

  • chabba
    chabba Member Posts: 3,600
    edited July 2012

    No guilt Julz! Only you know what you can handle and if you are at your limit, and I'm sure you are actually overdoing it already, you should never let anyone even try to guilt you into anything.  It may be her heart's desire to have the time off, It is your life she is asking you to risk!  On your job fatigue not inhibits healing, it is hazardous.

  • proudtospin
    proudtospin Member Posts: 4,671
    edited July 2012

    not big on candy except do like Jon boy, when I bought my house years ago, his birthplace in my town had been used as MTV and the winner did not want the house, so they were selling it.

    not fancy but it sure was funny at the time, sign on the Realtors place "House Tour of Rock Stars Birthplace"

    but he sure is good eye candy

  • scuttlers
    scuttlers Member Posts: 149
    edited July 2012

    I want a BON BON!

  • Scottiee1
    Scottiee1 Member Posts: 1,790
    edited July 2012

    Here's one for you ladies: I had someone tell me that I look better now than before BC😱

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