The dumbest things people have said to you/about you
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Metta: I too thank you for working to help our veterans. My husband is one and receives some care through VA and some through Medicare (he's disabled and only 50). My father-in-law has been in and out of the VA hospital in Albuquerque more times than I can count and they have saved his life over and over again!
Day: I sure wish I had the nerve to speak up when someone makes those rude or insensitive comments! Good for you!
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Day,
Right on!! In my day I was in charge of emergency requests for use of a medical device not yet approved for general used by FDA. My turn around time was 24 - 48 hours (only 48 hours if there was a big screw up in the request submitted).
Later, I would get the off- label use of a drug request in a last ditch attempt to save a life (I was responsible for making sure the information given to the patient, i.e., informed consent, was adequate). Also was rapidly processed.
There is no excuse for a 5 week turn around (except laziness and incompetence).
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Day, is there an appeal process you can start? Or maybe you could contact your state's agency that oversees health insurance business. Or go to the press. Nothing wrong with shaming the powers that be into behaving humanely.
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A coupe of weeks ago a co-worker's DH found out I had had BC...His jaw dropped and he said "I hope it wasn't malignant!"........His wife and I BOTH got a good laugh out of that one.......And then we both said "YES!.....It was CANCER!"....Boy did he have egg on HIS face!.......
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NativeMainer... it's been three weeks and a half ago. There is no appeal process. I am waiting for the letter, and it will have a date on it. I have a copy of my letter I faxed requesting the cancellation and asking for it to be asap, and explaining the situation - with a date on it ad the fax confirmation. THAT I will put up online, I'll contact the news, the whole nine yards.
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I own and work part time at a salon. I have a co-worker who's sister had DCIS and had a simple lumpectomy with clean margins and no further treatment. So now she relates her sister to me all the time.
"she didn't need a mx..why do you"
"she didn't have to take Tamoxifen..why do you?"
then last week she walked right up to me and said. "I read a study online that said hairstylists are 3x more likely to get breast cancer from hair color than clients who actually are getting their hair colored" I wanted to smack her. I said to her."so not only do I have to deal with breast cancer, I now need to stop doing the job I love? " I then said she needs to MYOB or cough up 50 grand for the salon..and I'll walk away and never color anyones hair ever again.
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Day: You also might want to contact your elected officials! It is amazing how much they can get people to move with a complaint from voter!
Twirl: Well DCIS IS still cancer. I ended up with BOTH DCIS and IDC and 2 pre-cancer cells to boot, but before we got to the mx stage and had 2 lumpectomies, I don't think they are "simple" and I was in pain and missed some work. Definitely not as bad as mx though! I had been told before they knew everything I would still need rads and tamox to be "safe". The hair dye thing cracks me up! I have colored my hair since I was in my 20's (I'm 49 now) since I started going gray early and gray hair and pimples are too sad! My bosses sis has ovarian cancer and pretty advanced. When her hair grew back after chemo she decided there were too many chemicals in hair dye and let it be gray.....but it seems to be perfectly fine for her to SMOKE! OY!!! Some people just want to be complainers.
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twirL: I've had the same situation at my work. Another lady went through a lumpectomy and rads a year ago. A co-worker keeps asking, "but she didn't have to have chemo, why do you?" And, "but they got good margins, why...." This in a roomful of people when I'm walking through.0
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Retrievermom -
I have a co-worker who also had a lumpectomy and rads almost two years ago. She told her husband I was having a MX and he said well that sounds like once that's over she is good to go - nothing too serious. I was shocked she even told me.
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"good to go".....yeah, right...
argh....
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I can't believe how insensitive some of the ex's were - thank goodness they're ex's!!! My husband has been pretty good with me during this whole thing. He took care of me after surgery. I can't imagine some of the guys I HAD in my life doing the same.
This leads me to think of a funny story... One of the girls at my work (who I really do like, but sometimes says dumb things) says something to me about my husband not being normal (interpretation - not the corporate type). I had to laugh right then and there! People can be so ignorant. I'd rather be married to someone with character and who cares about me than has a really great job.... HOWEVER... my husband has a good job - he just doesn't wear a suit! LOL!
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I am so sick of people staring at my chest!!!
I know in the whole scheme of things of what some of the ladies here have had to deal with this is not the worst but just need to vent to people who understand. Last week went to lunch with large family group and one family member (female) everytime I looked up from menu or whatever caught her staring at my boobs. I am soooo sick of this!!!! everywhere I go: parties, church, whatever there always seems to somebody who does this. Now I know people are curious as to whether or not I got a "boob job" but could you at least be a little less obvious about it. They don't even look me in the eye when talking to me. What irks me the most are those who before BC were casual acquaintances at best but now since I am a "curiosity" suddenly come up to me in public places fishing for info. I told my DH I am having fantasies of moving someplace where no one knows me. Maybe I am being overly sensitive about this but I am so tired of people's curiosity. I always wear wraps,ponchos whatever to cover up but it doesn't seem to stop it How have you all handled this and when does it stop??
thanks for letting me vent!!
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I don't know why but, except for family, no one else has ever said something stupid to me. I never wore foobies because I find them odd. As a young woman I suffered with obesity - again, no one ever said anything derogatory to me. I must give off offensive vibes ... like approach me with dumb-ass questions and you will wish you had never left your house. They may very well have said something behind my back but not to my face.
Once in an employee training class I mentioned that I hated confrontation and about 25 jaws dropped - literally. One of the employees said (with absolute awe) "you don't?" I told him I said I didn't like it - I didn't say I wasn't good at it!
Unfortunately too many women don't have a clue about breast cancer. If 1 in 7 or 8 will experience this hideous disease it so sad that they know so little about it! This might be an opportunity to educate some folks although I know its so difficult when the experience is so raw to you.
Or better yet, tell them to look 'breast cancer' on the Internet and if they still have questions they can come to you - but only once they have a handle on the basics of bc!
To all who have loved ones who served or is serving his/her country, thank you and God bless you. My uncle was disabled in the Viet Nam war ... he says the doctors, nurses, and all medical workers have been nothing but great with him at the VA Hospital. To all o f those who take care of this heroes God bless you too.
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"Good to go." What does that even mean? Was that good or bad? That's what the guy told me when he fixed my flat tire last week. LOL.
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Oh, and the people who stare at my chest wondering what's there. They drive me crazy.
But I just thought of a doozee comment from an unexpected place. My PC doctor was tactless when he heard I opted for a mastectomy. He said, "but that's mutilation." I've known him for 15 years and I could see when it came out of his mouth that he realized he said something awful.
So I let him stew in his faux pas.
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thanks Kathleen I think you are right most people need to be educated about this disease.Loved the "sorry you left your house comment"LOL
I have been thinking that next time I get a personal question I''ll say "are you asking because you've had someone in your family who has recently been diagnosed?" and then let a long pause go by if they say "no". I think that will get the point across without me resorting to behavior as rude as theirs.
Jane "mutilation" from a medical professional no less!! Hasn't he ever heard of skin-sparing MX!
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I get people staring at my breasts also. I had skin sparing/bmx/immediate diep. I look the same now ( a little perkier) as I did pre surgery. I wear a shelf cami instead of a bra right now, and it shows a little cleavage. When someone is talking with me, and they know i had bmx, I can see their eyes flicking down. It is always followed by a confused look.. I never explain, I just leave them to be confused. If they would ask, I would answer their questions-but they never do-I'm sure I am a topic of gossip in the neighborhood.
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My husband and I went to dinner last night with his female cousin (and her fiance). At the end of the night, we were standing in front of my inlaw's house (his cousin is staying there). My husband was totally annoyed that his cousin kept staring at my breasts. I didn't notice it, but I had a couple glasses of wine! LOL! Anyway, one of the reasons I kept it hush hush at work was because I didn't want some of the men (and women) to stare at my chest. It's better they know nothing in my opinion. Of course, they were dying to know what was wrong with me, but oh well!
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I'm almost a year and a half out and go dead flat still. Even in a t-shirt and at work. I really don't give a shit what anyone thinks. I have to deal with a flat chest...so do they!
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I also find people staring at my chest. It really doesn't bother me. My recon was great and I have 38 c/d's which sit up very nicely thank you. I often think women are thinking "man, that is boob job if I ever saw one." Yep, they are right. I just don't really care what they think. I love my new boobs and I love me.
One day I was walking down the hall way here at the VA. I'm a bit heavy, reddish blonde hair with nice tits. A veteran who was passing me said, "nice blouse." I almost died laughing.
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HAHAHAHAA! I used to get that "nice blouse" comment! You know where they were looking!
Great attitude about the "boob job"! I hope if anyone says anything you'll have the balls to say "Yah! And I had to get cancer to get it!" That'll shut 'em up!
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Barbe, I have no trouble giving my opinion--going to the Tampa Bay Rays game Friday night and want to wear my t-shirt that says "they're fake. the last pair I owned almost killed me."
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I was in the coffee shop the other day and the guy behind the counter was looking straight at my chest (which is nothing to stare at). I finally looked down to see what he was staring at and there was a day-glow orange sticker near the right nipple.
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You go Barbe!! I've been flat since '08 and I go to work that way too....they can kiss my behind if they don't like it...LOL!!! Actually, no one ever looks twice at my chest anymore....I had large breasts that everyone seemed to stare at which I hated. Now no one even notices and I get to go braless for the first time in my life...woo hooo!!!
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Just the sheer length of this thread speaks volumes! There are a lot of dumb things said to breast cancer survivors on any given day. Someone should collect them and publish a book. I'd buy it.
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Some people are idiots. I have a lot of unrelated comments my customers make on a regular basis. Today's example... I told a customer I couldn't meet with him on Friday. I'm moving my mom here from AZ (my dad passed away and she's finally sold her home). My customer was mad I couldn't meet with him and said, "Oh, I thought my business was important to you!" My response was, "You're kidding, right?" He's sat on a contract for 2 months and now wants to see me in 2 days! What a dork!
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Yes, I find people staring at my breasts all the time now. I guess they are curious and can't control themselves. One of these days I'm going to simply pull my top off and give them a good look. I had a lumpectomy, a reduction and a lift and won't mind showing them off a bit (after a few drinks of course). I think most people just try to steal a quick glance to satisfy their curiosity. I don't mind that at all. It's the ones with the insensitive comments who actually gape at you and make you feel like a freak that I need to get tough with and stop them cold with a clever come back and a wilting glare. Any suggestions for the comebacks?
Kathy
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This has nothing to do with mastectomies but still funny about breast watching. A co-worker was sitting in our boss' office having a meeting. He never once looked at her face but kept staring at her breasts. Finally she said "They don't talk - my face is up here!"
With breast cancer happening to so many women it is amazing the stupidity in the world.
Winter ... I like your solution! Shorten it to "why do you want to know!" I find when you identify the elephant in the room, people tend to back off. Why do they want to know?
Its the 21st century and we are still thought of as body parts!
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Kathy, men have been staring at my chest since I was about 13... I usually redirect their eyes by making eye contact -- even if it means I have to tip my head sideways to see their eyes -- and then bring their eyes back to my face. These days women are looking instead of men because they are curious and that doesn't bother me.
Kittycat. Yeah, I had a client who whined once because I had to care for a sick child. She said, "don't you have a backup person who can take care of that for you?" I told her "no, there is no backup for MOM, but I do have a backup for my clients," and gave her an associate's number. Lost that client to the associate (who didn't have kids) but that client would probably not have been understanding about the past 9 months of treatment either so I'm ok with that. As it turns out, I have been grooming my client base for years and now I have this great group of clients who have been extremely understanding and supportive.
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I had an appointment for a massage yesterday afternoon. As usual, I didn't bother with the mastectomy bra/prosthesis (or panties for that matter) just threw on a pair of sweats and a tee-shirt. Well, I was kind of early, and had to pee before the appointment, so I stopped at a nearby convenience store, ran in and used the facilities. As I got out of the car a man who was walking by, also heading inside, did a classic double take at my chest (I'm DDD on the Right, -A on the left). After a moment of staring, he did make a comment about enjoying the nice weather and then held the door for me, even though he had a cast on his foot! As I was going back out to the car a woman was getting into the car next to me. She opened the door, glanced up at me and stopped dead, staring. I said hello as I unlocked and got into my car, looked over and she had gotten into her car and was still staring at my chest and had a look of total horror on her face! She was still staring when I drove away. I probably should have been annoyed but her expression struck me as very funny. I was laughing at her as I drove to my massage! I think this poor young thing must have been traumatized for the rest of her life. I know I look rediculous without the bra/prosthesis, but really, I cannot believe that my appearrance should generate the kind of look I would expect from someone who's seen Frankenstien's Monster. Still, I can't help but chuckle whenever I think about her expression.
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