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The dumbest things people have said to you/about you

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Comments

  • mpdval
    mpdval Member Posts: 1
    edited March 2010

    The dumbest and most insensitive thing I've heard was from the social worker at my oncologist office.  I talked to my nurse about how much I hated the chemo because it made me so sick.  A few minutes later after I had been loaded up with the drugs that they gave me before they started and I could barely hold my head up, this woman came up and asked if I had ever spoken to a professional about my anxiety disorder.  Now I didn't cry to the nurse, in fact I had never even cried in the clinic or gotten upset.  But all of a sudden I have an axiety disorder because I voiced that the chemo made me feel like I was being poisoned.  Needless to say I spoke to the dr the next time I came in and she is no longer allowed to have any contact with me at all.

  • sumby
    sumby Member Posts: 2
    edited March 2010

    Told my best friend last night that i will be having a left MX and her first response was 'u get to have a boob job done!' I almost collapsed, wanted to ask her if she would rather have the BC so she can get a perfect excuse to have a boob job done! I've never complained about my breasts to her, infact I always told her how they were my most loved possession so that remark just landed flat and i still can't get over it.

  • AStorm
    AStorm Member Posts: 1,393
    edited March 2010

    sumby,  I don't want to hear that again either but it is a frequent comment. I think they are trying to help us look at the bright side. Have you scheduled your mx?

  • joanneasiata
    joanneasiata Member Posts: 305
    edited March 2010

    Had a massage today and the Young girl who was doing the massage asked me " so when they told you that you had cancer how did you feel" OMG what a dumb question i wanted to say "oh i was over the moon  simply delighted you dumb arse"

  • Julia83
    Julia83 Member Posts: 3
    edited March 2010

    neversurrender-I get the whole "better than the kids" comment, but doesn't your grandma realize that YOU are a kid to two generations, including her own? That was definitely a WTH comment. I also have a sister that is pretty self centered and dramatic. I was surprised with her support, but I have caught her using my dx for her own dramatics. Oh well, she is who she is and I still love her.

    Moogie-I am totally with you on renting "Throw Momma..." I forgot about that movie, but it sure seems very apropo here. Wish we could all just sit down with popcorn and enjoy it.

    I love this forum, when I was first diagnosed, I went on a few that just depressed me. Maybe it is where I am at in the whole accepting this s#*t but I sure don't feel that way now. I think it is because I am in the Club IV section. We seem to have a better sense of humor. Though I'm not a cryer, I still do on occasion and it just annoys the heck out of me when I do, but I'd much rather (to quote Billy Joel) laugh with the sinners than cry with the saints. Hey, I may be terminal, but so is everyone else!! Besides, I love the awkward pause when I say that to the stupid people and they momentarily don't know what to say! Hee Hee Hee!!!

    My daughter came up with the best line!!! My hubby was angry about something (who can understand them?) and we were commiserating about it. I said that when he gets like that, I just wanted to beat him with a stick. She said "let's just hang him like a pinata and make a game out of it!" OMG I laughed so hard I thought I was going to pee my pants!! I chuckled about it all day long. A few days later, I used the line again at work-not about my husband but someone much more deserving-and also added, "Heck, we may as well invite friends and make it a party!" So now we refer to those really stupid/annoying people as pinatas. Makes me chuckle everytime.  

  • moogie
    moogie Member Posts: 42
    edited March 2010

    Julia83: HAHAHAHA! You just made me pee my pants!!!!

    Moogie 

  • mbtlcsw01
    mbtlcsw01 Member Posts: 250
    edited March 2010

    mpvdal, Glad to hear you voiced your concern to the doc.  I'm a medical social worker and have been for 15 years.  Whoever that person was needs to reprimanded strongly.  In 15 years, I have never mentioned a person's diagnosis when talking to them.  Not saying you have one, either.  I would have been very diagnoseable during my chemo as I was so allergic to the chemo.  I also had to be medicated up the yazooo to and hardly knew who I was after that.  I apologize for my profession.  That was unexcusable.

  • bobcat
    bobcat Member Posts: 526
    edited March 2010

    This story has nothing to do with BC but I still hope you find amusing but sad.  I work in various courthouses throughout New Jersey and have to pass through metal detectors regularly.  Today I went through a detector in a courthouse I that I visit regularly - put my purse, briefcase and cellphone on the belt, threw my umbrella on the floor(as directed) and walked through the detector.  It went nuts and the very stern deputy told me to go back through and re-enter.  Happened agained and returned once more.  He said "what metal do you have on you?"  I held out my arms(look at my avatar - I wear many bracelets and never take them off) and he said "you will have to remove them".  I said "What???"  I'm here every week.  He said "who are you?".  I said "I'm BOBBI!!  I'm here all the time!!!"  He looked stunned - who am I to him? - LOL  His colleagues were standing at the other end of the converyor belt and waived me through but this guy was determined to give me a hard time.  Well, I forgot to pick up my umbrella and about an hour later as I was leaving I asked him if he'd seen my umbrella and he said no.  I looked into the garbage can next to his stool and there was my umbrella.  I retrieved it, waived and said " have a great night".  Kindness kills.  This guy looked miserable and I am praying for him because I know he will take his anger out on someone else tonight.  Oh, well.

  • AStorm
    AStorm Member Posts: 1,393
    edited March 2010

    In the 80's when I was really skinny, I tried to go through the metal detectors at the airport with a big chunky 80's belt on. The thing is, I needed the belt because my pants were too big -- remember big shoulder pads and mens wear pants that we cinched at the waist? I had already removed my jacket and all my jewelry and was holding up the line when the guard told me that I either had to remove the belt or be frisked. and this was before 911! Now they would probably be more concerned about what was going on under my oversized clothes.

    I always try to be extra nice to grumpy people because you never know what is going on at home for them.

  • retrievermom
    retrievermom Member Posts: 321
    edited March 2010

    Someone asked me at work today if I may spend too time on these boards.  Obviously, not enough on this one.  Just caught up, and love the come-backs, the slinky, the bus....you gals are great.  Isn't it something how universal these dumb comments are?

    I'm super glad my MIL has made no contact since my bc. (I've always thought no one could top her until I read some of your posts)  When my sister died of brain cancer, she sent a card with comment to the effect, "well, you knew this was going to happen."  So for that and other things she's been off my bus a long time.

    But, last year, her daughter's husband died of pancreatic cancer.  The time between dx and death was a surprise, I guess, cause she said to her daughter, "we heard you could keep people alive longer than this."  When she complained about the date of the funeral, due to her prior commitments, her daughter had the wherewithal to say, "so, Mom, you want me to change the funeral date cause of your garden show?"

  • Neece
    Neece Member Posts: 18
    edited March 2010

    Sumby I recently had breast recon (for 2nd time, first one after R mx in2002, this time on L side) and a woman the week before I was going in for op said to me "they can make perfect breasts now, right?" I just looked at her and said "no not really perfect - unless you DON'T count ugly scar across breast, no nipple, no sensation on breast, tendency to dimpling over implant capsule (which I had first time round) and the fact that without clothes and bra, they really don't look like the originals at all! I know people are just trying to look on the bright side kind of thing, but really! If I wanted 'perfect breasts' (which I didn't, I was quite happy with my old ones, except they tried to kill me) I would've chosen a much easier way to get them! Grrrrr.

  • Sassa
    Sassa Member Posts: 98
    edited March 2010

    Retrievermom,

    I wouldn't be surprised to hear that your MIL's response to her daughter's question about changing the date of her husband's funeral was, " Yes, thank you.  That would be nice."

  • Lesinindy
    Lesinindy Member Posts: 1
    edited March 2010

    Hey they say dumb things to the husbands also. I was at the hospital that is near my office today and was at food court. The woman that works there knows my wife is going through Chemo and she said how hard it is to watch a loved one go through the treatment, but her mother was in a "much better place now" Just what I want to think about.... a dead wife. 

  • retrievermom
    retrievermom Member Posts: 321
    edited March 2010

    Sassa:  No, MIL was a bit taken aback.  But, as they explained, they had "freed up time in August."  He was supposed to die at a more convenient time.

  • nativemainer
    nativemainer Member Posts: 7,945
    edited March 2010

    "He was supposed to die at a more convenient time."  Yeesh!  How egocentric can one person get???

  • mbtlcsw01
    mbtlcsw01 Member Posts: 250
    edited March 2010

    Saw a great bumper sticker today which could apply to me at many times in the last year:

     Consciouslness:  The confusing times between my naps. 

  • olivia218
    olivia218 Member Posts: 50
    edited March 2010

    About six years ago when I was dx with ovarian cancer (very early stage) my mother said I needed to put off the surgery and treatment until after an award dinner where she was receiving an award. She said, what will I say when they ask, "where is your only daughter?.  She has had some zingers this time around as well but I am getting better at not hearing them.  The one she gave me the other night has stuck in my mind, "what did I do to get this situation?" AKA BC -- I wanted to tell her I think it was because I was not breast fed but my husband kicked me under the table before I said a thing.  Just picturing the reaction has been funny enough for me lately!

  • retrievermom
    retrievermom Member Posts: 321
    edited April 2010

    Olivia--Your mom and my MIL need to get together.

     My DH's other sister and her husband came to the home after the funeral.  First words were, "how about a tour of the house?"

  • olivia218
    olivia218 Member Posts: 50
    edited April 2010

    Retrievemom -

    Maybe your MIL and my mother are secretly sisters - LOL!!!!  

    I find this board hysterical and always makes me laugh which I know is good for healing!!

    I know the comments are hurtful to us but I admire everyone's strength and integrity!!

    Olivia 

  • AStorm
    AStorm Member Posts: 1,393
    edited April 2010

    I asked my 17 year-old daughter to do some laundry yesterday. She still hasn't done it. When I reminded her she commented that I managed to go to work yesterday so she assumed I was all better now and could do the laundry myself because it is really my job. Then she asked for a ride (because I took her car away last week... another story) and I told her that isn't really my job. 

  • retrievermom
    retrievermom Member Posts: 321
    edited April 2010

    My MIL isn't speaking to her sister.  Wonder why they are estranged--

  • kittycat
    kittycat Member Posts: 1,155
    edited April 2010

    I always have some good stories about my MIL.  I can't wait to see her on Easter.  I'm sure she's going to either tell everyone how unfortunate she is to not have grandchildren - or she'll tell me I need to get my ovaries out!  My SIL will be there to tell my DH what a terrible son he is!  Oh the love!!!  :)

  • barbe1958
    barbe1958 Member Posts: 7,605
    edited April 2010

    That's why I'm only having my kids here for Easter...cause I'm the BOSS!

    Retrievermom, everytime I see your avatar it looks like you're strangling the poor dog! hehehehehe

  • kmccraw423
    kmccraw423 Member Posts: 885
    edited April 2010

    I would simply say ...sorry you can't be there!

  • retrievermom
    retrievermom Member Posts: 321
    edited April 2010

    My MIL, FIL and one of my DH's sisters were so awful with their comments to us and our guests at our wedding that I haven't seen them since (12 yrs).  Truly, some people are toxic.  My FIL had an episode recently, thought was a heart attack, and my MIL is on the phone saying "I don't know if he'll live to 80!"  My DH wanted to say, "I don't know if E will make it to 60."  He is keeping his mouth shut and realizes there will be no expressions of concern from them, for me or him.

    Sorry I look like I'm strangling my puppy.  The only time she held still, 7 wks.  She's been going non-stop ever since.  Believe me, no puppies were harmed in the taking of the photo.

  • lynnmarie
    lynnmarie Member Posts: 1
    edited April 2010

    Well this isn't any where near as insensitive and cruel as some of the comments reported here, but my personal favorite, when I was diagnosed a year ago and told that a mastectomy was probably inevitable due to the size of the tumor, was the friend who said, "well it's a good thing you have such small breasts. This way you probably won't even miss it!"

  • AStorm
    AStorm Member Posts: 1,393
    edited April 2010

    Lynnmarie, That's awful! MY DH was well trained when I got him and knows that you never comment on a woman's size - especially upfront. I wish we could send some of the friends and family I've heard about from this discussion to that training camp!

  • AStorm
    AStorm Member Posts: 1,393
    edited April 2010

    Lynnmarie, That's awful! MY DH was well trained when I got him and knows that you never comment on a woman's size - especially upfront. I wish we could send some of the friends and family I've heard about from this discussion to that training camp!

  • Katey
    Katey Member Posts: 496
    edited April 2010

    maybe I should be okay that I have never heard from my ils regarding dx or surgery.  I don't think anything mean would ever be said, but nothing?

  • aces
    aces Member Posts: 3
    edited April 2010
    I am sitting at the dermatologist 8 weeks after my bilateral amstectomy.  A young male medical assistant is taking my medical history.  He says," so i see you had breast cancer.  How did that go?"  I look at him and say-okay.(should have said Actually is sucked lost two boobs in the deal) He looks at me and says, "You are still here."  and smiles. 

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