The dumbest things people have said to you/about you
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I think the looks were from the shock of suddenly understanding that breast cancer is real.
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before my surgery i had big DD's. Always got stares. One time a man I as doing business with, kept staring, and staring. SO I decided to stare at his crotch. With real interest. Like there was a secret message in the fly. Never once looked at his face. It shook him up something terrific!!! Left pretty quick after that!!!! ALmost wet my pants laughing! I must have looked like a scarey loon!!
Moogie
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I remember in my 20's on the beach the guys looking down at my triple DDD's I wish I had the confidence I do now to say "hey asshole, my eyes are up here" guess you can't blame them though,,,, hormones...........
Sharon
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One in Eight... surely people will get used to it!
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Love it all ...
Moogie - that same co-worker who told the boss that her breasts don't talk also tried your technique - her closing line was "don't worry, your fly is up."
Sharon - A friend was going in for oral surgery at the Naval hospital. The interns were practically drooling as she lay on a gurney. She was a DDD. Her parents were just within hearing range. They walked over to the interns and said "You DO realize she is only 13!" That send them flying out of there! True story and she really was a DDD at age 13.
Astorm - they are not going to get it because cancer happens to others not them. I am just as guilty before breast cancer; certainly no more!
I would just like to live to the day that women are not judged on body parts!
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ok - there are just some people who you really do wanna smack. I know this one is kind of odd - but...............i go to drop my son off at daycare the other day. I tell the owner to please forgive me if my sons attendance has been kinda spotty - but that i've been having some medical tests. Ofcourse she goes down the "nothing serious i hope" route. So i tell her - i am undergoing tests for BC. The first words out of her mouth........"Well did you quit smoking???" Now i understand that its not good for me - and i understand people thinking of smoking associated with cancer - I get it. (Also keep in mind i am brand new to this whole thing - only had my mammo and ultra last Friday. But the FIRST words out of your mouth to me???? I said - I consider the fact that i havent taken up smoking crack right now a huge accomplishment!.........gggggrrrrr.
I guess its the same concept as the people who ask if you are changing the way you eat - to get more veggies.........Like you need someone who's basically a stranger or acquantaince to tell you!
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As if quitting smoking at that moment would change the dx! If only. How bout "duh, I didn't think of that!"
I came home to a flyer on my door. Neighbor is collecting for cancer research. First words on the flyer are "Can eating right really help prevent cancer?" I feel like going over to her house, revealing my bald head, and saying, "I've given," but she is a nice lady and doesn't know what is going on.
And yes, I agree. Folks think it will happen to others, cause they can point at "bad" things others do.
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Well this week at work, my boss actually had the nerve to suggest I go in and work on Saturday to get "caught up" with scanning files into the computer! I know I got to skip chemo (her sister is doing it for recurrance of ovarian cancer now) but I'm still tired and went back to work 2 weeks post mx (as soon as my drains were out). I have not taken a lunch hour since I was diagnosed in August since I knew I would be out more for appointments, recovery, etc. I just ignored her and I'm sure NOT there today! If nothing else, I sure know what is important in life, and it sure isn't killing myself at work!
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bcincolorado - do we work for the same person???
I went back to work very fast as well and do all I can to have appt's after work or on Saturdays. She told me yesterday, to work this weekend because next week she expected me to put in more time. Is she kidding, I come home and collapse as it is so more throw me over the edge. UGH!
Olivia
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Well Ladies,
I work with the public, in a small town, and if I have one more little old lady examine my breasts and ask me if I "just stuff something in there" I'm going to scream!
I have tissue expanders in, which are fully inflated (exchange surgery scheduled for April 27), so I have boob like features...
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bcincolorado, Olivia,
I think you both need to become familiar with your state's labor board. I suggest looking for the regulations on accommodations for health reasons. I think you both need to use sick leave if you have any left.
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Olivia & notself: I work in a VERY small office and am often the only person in there. I have worked for the same place for over 10 years. I have a disabled husband and we need my income to pay the bills. I've thought of leaving but don't know that I can make enough saying "do you want fries with that" to keep the house.
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Notself,
At this point with the economy, I should be more grateful for my job! Somedays, I just need to complain, sorry if that was taken for being ungrateful for my job and benefits of health insurance.
Olivia
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Oh wow....to all of you! I know how exhausted all of you must be... I know how tired I am and I don't work full-time. There is NO way I could be working full days. I know that everyone is under pressure these days because the economy is so bad....it's the old "kick the dog" syndrome. Even the boss is getting pressure from the higher up....HOWEVER, when they are dealing with an employee still recouperating from surgery, and cancer to boot, I think there needs to be some consideration there.....somehow, someway.
I know we're all grateful for the jobs we have, and I'm so thankful for the benefits my husband's job gives us (mine doesn't)....but still, consideration and understanding go a long way.
My grandmother always told my mom, and my mom always told me, "you can catch more flies with honey than vinegar".....and I think that applied here to the boss' attitude toward the employee.
blessings...robin
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Gracious, Olivia, I meant no criticism of you or bcincolorado. I sincerely thought you should see if Colorado law required some sort of accommodation by your work place to make your recuperation easier. I do think you both are under enormous strain and if you have some sick leave left, you should use it. I wasn't being sarcastic or critical of your fatigue or your posts.
My brother had a stroke and during his recuperation his boss let him work 4 hour days. My brother works in a small plastics factory that is family owned. His job in the factory was critical, but the boss accommodated him so he could recover. My brother lives in freekin Oklahoma which doesn't have any labor laws to speak of. However, he has a boss that appreciates hard work and dedication and wanted to see my brother do well. It's sad that each of you have bosses that appear to be lacking in the same sort of empathy.
I wish you both well.
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Wow! I can't believe the bosses that are being so awful. My manager was very accommodating during my BMX. He has never made me feel bad about my surgeries. I do feel like my BC thing is getting old. I just told him that the doctors recommend I get a hysterectomy and I could be out for 2-4 weeks. 3 weeks after my BMX, I flew for the day on a business trip. My PS said I could do it but I felt obligated for work. This other manager didn't know what I was going through but knew I had a major medical condition. He spent part of that day with me and NEVER ASKED ME HOW I WAS FEELING! He's a real turd. It's a long story but he threw me under the bus about an account whose business was partially lost while I was out. When I have my hysterectomy, I am not doing any traveling like that again! Work can wait and my customers have been pretty nice to me (well except that turd that gave me a hard time last week)!
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Olivia, bc incolorado, I echo nonself's idea. Cancer is a disability under the American's with Disabilities Act (ADA) so Federal law requires reasonable accommodations, some state laws require a bit more. As much as you appreciate your jobs, please be careful not to jeopardize your recover for your work. We've paid taxes into the system that set up these rules, there's no shame in useing the protections set in place by the legislators we elect and the taxes we pay.
I
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Last weekend my daughter and I took a weekend trip to the Outer Banks. On the way back, I decided to go topless (car AND head). I finished chemo at the end of January and I do have some hair, but the 'do is obviously not by choice. We went into a store to get a snack and my goodness, you would have thought I had an alligator on my head. One man stared with his mouth open, then fell over himself to open the door for me (nice man!). The others just stared and stared. My daughter, who was following me, told me later that she glared at each of them and shook her head menacingly. At 6'1", she's pretty intimidating! I don't think I'll be going "topless" without my daughter for a few weeks yet.
I love my daughter! She's so awesome.
E
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Enjoyful, you rock! I am loving your description of the 'topless' experience.
I have had so many stupid things said to me at this point that I'm starting to develop an immunity to stupid, I think. The last one was a guy I work with saying, "When are you going to get some boobs?"
I should have responded with, "When are you going to get a brain?"
Whatever.
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Or....when are you going to get some junk? I believe junk and brain are pretty much the same thing for guys. ;-)
Thank you, Suzybelle! I'm trying to think of something to explain it, should I go out 'topless' again. I was thinking "Oh, I singed off most of my hair rescuing babies from a fire." Or (my personal favorite) "I had a really really bad case of lice and had to shave my head." That might get some people running. LOL
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Follow the lice comment with, "wanna touch?"
Probably thought you were a skinhead.
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Suzybelle--when the guys ask about boobs ask them when they're going to get some testicles! Follow that up with a reminder to do testicular self exam every month, so they can find the cancer BEFORE they have to have both balls removed. That ought to shut them up. Good grief, what do guys use for brains these days??????
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Someone who I USED to work with, when he found out I was going flat said "Curves are a natural part of a woman's body! That's just wrong." What I SHOULD have said was, "And big penises are part of a real man's body!"
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Recently I received a phone call from a lovely hair salon where I recently had a pedicure and was given a free TLC wig.
The caller said I had an appointment on **** at 3:15. Puzzled, I asked "What is the appointment for?" The caller seemed puzzled too about my question and said it was for a hair cut!!! I replied, "I would love to get a hair cut but I am bald!!!!" She felt bad but I had a good laugh. What are you gonna do?
Needless to say I did not keep my hair cut appoinment although I would have enjoyed a free pedi as payment for "mental anguish!!"
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I have had ready the comeback line for any rude or insensitive comment (which actually I have not had to use - lucky I guess):
"I have had a little disease called breast cancer. You may have heard of it? And tell me, did you have to practice a lot to become so rude / ignorant, or were you lucky enough to be born that way?"
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Today my teenage daughter and I were at a coffee shop and a woman walked in with a bandage over her nose, or where her nose ought to be. She looked like a burn victim. I was impressed that my daughter didn't make a big deal of it -- with what I've been throught I think it opened my kids' eyes -- but there were many adults who stared at the poor woman. I think awareness is really the key to diffusing the tension. I smile when I see a bare head because it makes me happy that this person is so comfortable with herself.
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I discovered this topic tonight. I have spent about 2 hours reading it. I have been laughing, and crying. It has been so therapeutic for me to realize I am not the only one who has lost friends who make stupid remarks. I no longer feel alone.
I wanted to share the stupidist comment I have ever had. It has nothing to do with breast cancer, but someone writing about offices saying personal stuff aloud for the world to hear triggered this memory. I managed a medical office. We had a patient come in with head, body and pubic lice. I went into assist the doctor as a chaperone. I felt itchy on the way home and thought it was all psychological. I took a shower and discovered a pubic louse! Ugh! I called one of the doctors from my office and he prescribed a shampoo for my pubic area. He said the patient must have used the bathroom right before I did. I went to the pharmacy to pick it up and ran into my next door neighbor also waiting for some meds. When my RX was ready the pharmacy assistant made several attempts to pronounce my difficult last name. As I walked up to get it with the man from next door right behind me. The assistant said very loudly "I couldn't pronounce your last name. Are you the one with the public lice?" The urge to kill and I tried to explain to Bill (my next door neighbor) the circumstances, but I am sure he thought I was having an affair.
I guess dumb doesn't only apply to reponses to BC diagnosis.
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flyingduchess--you must have been mortified! A pharmacy employee should know better--that's a direct violation of HIPPA rules! So what if your last name is hard to pronounce, he could always use your first name (like he's supposed to) and last initial if your first name is common. He could spell the name. Good grief, WHAT was that man using for brains???!!!!!
(although the story did make me chuckle)
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Now it is funny
. At the time the embarrassment was worse than the lice problem. 0 -
A manager once told a difficult co-worker that she was "like a tumor" because she was annoying him with her constant complaints. The crabby coworker's mother was in treatment for bc at the time.
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