The dumbest things people have said to you/about you
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FYI, Arimidex is about $200 in Ontario.
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Last night one of the nicest things was said to me in a very long time at a major league baseball game. I'm 56 years old mind you. I was with my husband buying a beer (I love having a good beer at a baseball game) and a man came up who works there. He said to the attendant selling the beer, "Hey, you better check her ID, she doesn't look old enough to be buying beer. She's just a teenager." I thanked him, smiled and could have kissed him:) Amazing how that one interaction really made me feel so good--and it's been a long time since I've felt so good.
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Pam: To the pharmacist, say "duh, it's a refill." To others asking, they don't need to know. "It's personal," should shut them up. Or make up some wild story about a snakebite or war injury or something. Many years ago, a receptionist at a doc's office asked across the room "are you here for a pregnancy test?" when one of my co-workers was in the room. I was livid. Way un-professional. Let your pharm know.0
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And, bc, I'm really sorry about the layoff and hope a job comes through quickly.0
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Thanks for the commiseration and suggestions. I did say something last time so I am hoping they got the hint. I have been thinking about ordering my RX from Canada and might do that IF Arimidex does not go generic in June when their patent runs out. Hoping a less expensive version comes along. The Astra Zenica program has some pretty stiff financial restrictions so not a help for me. If it works and keeps cancer at bay it will be worth it. If not I will ask for a refund :-(
pam
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pj--if your pharmacy is part of a chain look on line and find the headquarters and send a letter of complaint there-addressed to the president of the company if you can find that person's name. There is no excuse for violating your privacy that way. And next time he does that and someone asks you about your med, turn to the pharmacist and say "You told this person how expensive this is, now you explain what it is and why I'm taking it. And don't forget about HIPPA." If that doesn't get through to him, ask him what pharmacy board licences his pharmacy and file a complaint with them.
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Thank you everyone for the kind words. After a lot of tears this weekend (naturally since I cry at everything since starting Tamox) I know we'll be ok somehow and God will take care of us and open another door for me.
I don't have any drug coverage with my insurance plan and Tamox is a generic, but my eye drops for my glaucoma are expensive. Our county has a "drug card" that at least gives everyone a discount on meds if you have no drug coverage and there are no income restrictions to get one. You might want to ask your local county health office if you have such a program as well. Ours is pretty new here and when it first came out, I got the impression many counties across the country are on the same program.
Also, even through the drug companies have restrictions and you pretty much need to be destitute to get meds from them, they often have programs to give you coupons that might help a little bit at least.
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Here's the dumbest I've heard from a nurse....."well be known that breast cancer is the best cancer to have" I wanted to say "really?, here ya go, take it"
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My onc won't let me drink during chemo, but now that I know I have "lite" cancer, maybe I can have some "lite" beer?
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from my co-workers
"Your too old and fat to wear that wig"
Or about my radiation burns: "That makes me nasceous, I can't stand to look at you"
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westie and terri: Don't you just want to slap them?
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TerriD
your coworkers need to be thrown under your bus and then you need to go forward and then in reverse a couple of times before moving on.
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TerriD - I agree under the bus!
Olivia
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Oh yeah - I've got one from my boss : Why don't you just tell the doctor to cut them both off? And are you going to be back at work this week, because I need you to work overtime. I just had my surgery 2 days ago.
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Thanks, I agree! It was a tuff year with those bozos. Amazing gall. I am OK now. I just go in and do my job. I think they were jealous, I have a great man, strong faith, awesome and plentiful friends, and worked thru my chemo and rads, never skipped a beat (except for this rash crap). I am Blessed! hugs t
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ITs amazing how insenstive people can be...my former boss, told me that "they got the short end of the stick" when I was off for surgery....I wanted to rip my shirt open and say "who got the short end of the stick"!!!! Tude....sorry that you boss is so insensitive
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The best is a coworker of mine that said, "Oh, you'll be fine. You have nothing to worry about." (because I caught my bc so early). She doesn't know that I have a recurrence and I'm not going to tell her right now. BUT.... imagining her in the room hearing that I had cancer again... maybe she won't write people off and tell them they'll be fine again!!! Also, she thought it was so "great" that I was getting a new pair of boobs. Really??? What a jerk!
BC - I'm really sorry to hear about your job! That totally sucks!!!
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Kittycat,
I am so sorry, this disease does suck!!
Olivia
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Yes, it makes me want to slap them, over and over again. Terri you are an inspiration. I begin chemo this Friday and hope I can handle it in the same manner and grace as you did. I too have a wonderful network of friends around me, a loving husband and the most delicious westie who has made my life bearable and more enjoyable during this challenging time. Guess all we can do is hope and pray these rude people never have to endure what we've had to.
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I haven't read all 40 pages of insensitivy, but when this happened last week, I knew that I'd find this thread and be able to rant in total detail....... and I felt better immediately, on the spot, even while this story was unfolding as though in slow-motion.
Imagine.
I am in a convention center exhibit hall, setting up my booth. My DH has hauled everything in from our car, but I am just capable enough to start putting the backdrop together on my own, while he moves the car to the back-lot.
A woman I have known for the past 15 years (a vendor) comes walking directly toward me. I'm certain she will ask how I'm 'doing' since my BILAT in Jan.... as this is the first we've seen each other since my surgery, in fact this is our first interaction.
I am already engrossed in thinking thru a gazillion details and upset about heading to a PT apointment, just as soon as this is all in place, so I'm a tad distracted.
I am wearing a form-fitting t-shirt and layered over that is a loose fitting button-down jacket.
She walks up. Pulls my jacket away from my body and the first words out of her mouth:
"So just how flat are ya?"
When my head stops revolving on my neck I must have said something about being busy, because she then left me to my set up.
All of you brilliant minds. Who's got the best come back?
xx00xx00xx00xx
Strength and courage.
Strength and courage.
Strength and courage.
P.S. I have chosen not to have reconstruction, so I'm pretty darn flat.
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I am sitting here literally with my mouth hanging open. I think anyone that stupid and insensitive, well there likely isn't anything you could have said that would have made an impression on her.
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faithandfifty....WOW!!! That has got to be the most insensitive thing anyone could do or say!!! I am with Sharon, my mouth is literally hanging open in disbelief.
I actually think most people say stupid things because they don't know "what" to say. Other's are trying to lighten the seriousness of the topic at hand. I try to just let those things go, because people really are 'trying to be kind' ... but this is crazy! I just had my surgery last week, and I was always quite busty, now I'm not, and that woman was just plain RUDE!!!! To have lost all or part of your feminine form is not a joke.
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Faith: First of all I am sorry that this happened to you. I am stunned that anyone would be so insensitive and downright rude. That comment is one for the Stupidest Comment Record Book.
I am sitting here cringing at how that must have made you feel. You are so much more than that nasty person will ever be.
As far as a comeback.....I likely would have asked "Are your parents siblings?"
Big Hugs to you sweet lady!
Beth P
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"Are your parents siblings?" Oh Pickle, that one made me fall off my chair!
I think the best comebacks (see above!) are the subtle ones. But the other way to make people stop and think about what they've just said is to make it obvious to them that they've hurt your feelings. That might just keep them from saying something insensitive or unkind to someone else.
I've been so fortunate. The only time someone said something that upset me was just before starting chemo. A salesclerk told me about her SIL who "suffered terribly" with chemo -- and she hoped I wouldn't have to go through the same thing. Gee thanks lady! As though I weren't worried enough!
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Arg! At that one I would have forgotten all niceness and would've asked "excuse me, are you stupid or are you stupid?"
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or the usual sweet response "why do you ask that?" - which gives it back to her to explain and perchance understand how stupid she sounded.
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I am fuming for you, especially you! how about "Never look at me, never talk to me and Never Ever touch me again"
what a violation is so many ways - a tactless and vulgar person - hey, is her husband named Tony by any chance, because she certainly deserves to be married to Tony.
Julie E0 -
After catching up I have only one thing to say -- arghhhhhhhhhhhhh. Unfortunately, a lot of people say whatever comes into their mind without thinking it through. I know the over-riding response is to either beat them to a pulp or insult them. I think the more effective response is to tell them exactly how that makes you feel! Hopefully, it will make them feel like s**t.
Faith ... next time tell that woman - "thanks, that makes me feel so much better." If she doesn't get it, tell her she overstepped her boundries and don't ever do it again.
I think sometimes you just have to call people on their words and actions and stop being polite.
Bc ... so sorry about the loss of your job. (((((HUGS)))))
For folks who tell you that you will get perky new breasts I just say I was attached to the old ones!
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The one thing that stands out for me is the time that a co-worker upon hearing of my diagnosis gave me a book to read that he said would be helpful for me.....the title of the book was "Death and Dying, The Saints Highest Calling". (Did he know something I didn't?)
I was caught so off guard I didn't know what to say.
That was almost 8 years ago and I still remember it like yesterday!
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Faith, that was awful. I agreed that people are sometimes uncomfortable and don't know what to say, which is why my motto is " say less, listen more, send flowers". Maybe we should have some t-shirts made up with this written right across the focal point.
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