The dumbest things people have said to you/about you
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I took your advice and talk to the minister and suggested that next time she use a better word choice. She did not understand why I was upset. She said she was trying to say she was sorry to hear. I then tried again to explain word choice and how upset my daughter was. Not sure I ever made her truly understand this person has no people skills. I just hope maybe in the long run it will sink in. Thanks for all your advice ans support. Best wishes to all.
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At least you made her think.....
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Can that app please be for Blackberrys, too? Great idea! An app for quick responses to dumb/insensitive BC comments!
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omgosh! sandy.. im so using the "tail" comment for the next fool!! 3jays.. laquer seems to staY ON much better, and doesn't chip as much. with ms i can't paint so well.. it is more expensive, but its' worth it. i get it at a beauty supply, so it evens out.. barbe: we can't wear ours here, at least, i can't they watch my nail beds. if they turn blue, my breathing is going south. apparently, ts been a problem with me. im asleep, so whatta i know? i found out by asking anest. why my neck was so sore last time. i ended up in ICU w/ mrsa, and he came to see me. he said i "came close to coding" and they drop my head below the table.. nice..?? something else i get to know next time i face surgery ( please God, that won't be for a long time)....3jays0
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dmho, you were obviously being too subtle in your misguided effort to be kind. I am not advising you to attempt again to enlighten this jerk. I doubt if I could have done it better, but from my arm chair over here, I'd like to think that I would have said, when she just didn't get it: My daughter equates the word "sympathy" with death. She therefore assumes that you, minister and authority figure, know that I, her mother, is dying. I do not believe that I am dying, I have not shared with you that I am dying and REGARDLESS, I have not told my daughter that I am dying. Yet, your use of that word implied, to my daughter that You KNOW I am Dying and, that for whatever it is worth (NOT MUCH!!!) your "sympathy" what ever you think this word means, is desired. It is not. I am telling you this so that you do not harm and cause pain to others as you have already caused to my daughter and to me by your thoughtless comments.
And she won't be the first or the last minister/priest/rabbi thrown under someone's life bus!!!!!
Julie E
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dmho, I think the real problem is the use of the word sympathy- I think what she meant to say was - our thoughts are with you- maybe even the overly used I'll be praying for you and your mom- for a minister the praying comment would fit don'tcha think?
I think tone of voice is very important too- sometimes its not whats said- but how its said that matters. I got together with a bunch of friends right before my surgery and I remember one guy (who normally I really like) was wishing me well and asking questions, but he just used this almost syrupy tone - I called the funeral voice- I just wanted to say - WTH! I'm not gonna die dude!
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Thanks every one for you advice. I really feel the best thing I can do right now is just let it slide unless she says something else. There is so much tension between us anyway this could get out of hand very easy. If the time arises again I will remember everything that has been said and wont be so nice next time. For right now I like the idea of throwing her under my life bus.
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dmho - Often when we are confronted by something unexpected we go into defense mode. Even though she may have looked like she did not 'get it', I believe the mere fact that you were upset enough to front up and say something will eventually percolate through and she will think about the conversation and the penny will eventually drop. Well done for confronting her and getting it off your chest. As you say you can now move past this and concentrate on getting DD happy.
3jays - MRSA - that is nasty - and you are here to tell the tale - you must be made of sturdy stuff!!! As you say, just as well you were asleep or you would have been giving them an earful - lol.
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raeinnz.. how can you know me so well?lol your'e right. they tell me even tubed, i try to talk when im "out".. the Mrsa is a gift from MS.. it makes the body reject good, like antibiotics, and welcome bad, like infections. even now, as i speak, im doing a z pack, cause my "cold" turned to bacterial pnemonia, in 3 days.. dr. cultures everything, now. and yes, its usually bacterial. wont see Mr. Fish this wkend to see Santa, he's brwing another ear infection. what a drag...sigh
SV is right now waiting for the ladies to arrive. im gonna be up emailing for the nex few days. as it turns out, with my friends' death; i couldnt have made it, even if i was strong enough. hope next yr to make it.. or, i told her to come to Fla this winter, where its warm.. we can always do that here....just a thought...lol 3jays
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keeping chairs out, in case...3jays
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Ok, I'm probably over-reacting, but I got a call from the gastroenterologist's office about scheduling a colonoscopy, from a referral my PCP made almost 4 months ago. I was really surprised to get a call about this at work, and got a little rattled. I'm terrified of needles now, and all I could think of was having to go through another 8 or 10 poke IV start. I told the caller that I wanted to meet with the Dr in the office before the procedure, since I have a lot of concerns and fears and have had a bad few years with bc treatment, and she said that if I survived bc treatment, "a colonoscopy will be a walk in the park for you!" When I tried to tell her about my needle phobia and fear of being lied to about pain control and not being able to use my arms for IVs or blood pressures, she said again "after all you've been through this will be nothing. Don't worry so much." Don't worry so much? I wanted to ask her if she was making a bad joke! I finally told them I wouldn't deal with this until after the holidays so now I'm back to waiting for the office to call in January. Oh, boy, this is not going to be good, is it?
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NativeMainer- I can definitely empathize. Since I turned 50 this year my GP wanted to order a colonoscopy for me, too. I said, "No, sorry, I'm done being poked and prodded for 2010. Catch me next year." She thought I was kidding but I told her I had reached my limit of invasive procedures and one more would make me postal. I say our bodies, our choice.
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Kate and Native m-Mainer- I totally relate too. My body has beenthrough ENOUGH! I picked up my beloved DH from his colonoscopy yesterday. He mentioned I should have one too. 'ARE you KIDDING???? I too am DONE with being poked and prodded...2 children, a mastectomy....AND CHEMO. I"m TOTALLY DONE> !
Kate- I love the phrase- 'Yes they're fake ...' Can I use it on some people please, when I have my recon?
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NativeMainer: I understand completely how you feel. I have a colonoscopy scheduled for 12/27; I'll let you know exactly how this goes, if you want.
Julie
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I told my radaition doctor the same thing when she wanted me to go for a CT scarn for my liver in 6 months. I said no. She then said in a year and again I said no. I am sick and tired of being poked and prodded and having nuclear waste put into my body. I do not want to undergo another test for a few years. Its my body and I am telling them what they can and canot do. I don't like being a puppet and doing everything they want me to do. They can scedule the test but I will cancel. No test is a "walk in the park" especially when we have gone through so much.
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Veggy - Totally!
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Thank you! I have been ranting about this since I saw her a few weeks ago. I have had 3 tests done on the liver and nothing has changed. The last one no one called to tell me the results. I worried for nothing. No more. When I am ready I will let them know.
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Veggy " This is your theme song... "YOU GOT THE POWER" d...dd..ddd DD
Sorry thats my pathetic attempt at the chorus. HA!
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outsidethebox- Not only can you use the phrase after recon you can get a t-shirt that says it! Just go to cafepress.com or zazzle.com and type "Yes they're fake" in the search box. They have a couple different styles.
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Love it Kate! Thanks so much for info. Can't wait to see the looks on some folk faces in the new yearl HA! ALmost ... I said.. almost... making me look forward to surgery again. NOT!
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I guess I must be the lone masochist - I had my BMX on 09/17 and elected to schedule my colonoscopy for 12/27. Believe me, I am also tired of being poked, prodded and tired of seeing doctors, but thought I'd get the colonoscopy over while I am still out on medical.
Now, just for grins, my PS told me today that I would need to get the left TE replaced, which will take place Monday.
Fun, fun, fun.
Sorry, I just had to vent.
Julie
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outsidethebox - You may call it power but I call it anger. It has taken all these years (and I thik it was the cancer experience) to learn to say no and speak up for myself. I forget what cartoon it was where the character yelled,"I have the power!" or was it pro wrestling?!
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Native: I'll be the bad guy and tell you to go ahead and have the colonoscopy, IF it is needed. Is it a screening test you are due for; are they looking at something that showed up on another test? This particular thing is dear to my heart because my father died with colon cancer that could have been cured if it had been caught early - he was stage 4 at diagnosis. It is just like with our mammograms - early detection is vital for the best outcome. I had a colonoscopy the week before I started chemo because I was due for it (it was the 3rd one I've had) and I knew I couldn't do it once chemo started. It was important to me to get it done. The test itself is no big deal because they knock you out; it's the prep before that is awful! You have to drink this vile liquid that makes you have to stay in the bathroom all night.
Anyway, just my 2 cents. Please - all you ladies - don't neglect other aspects of your health because you are weary. Take a break, take a breath, and just do it.
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LadyinBama: That is EXACTLY why I'm getting my colonscopy done - to try and catch anything (if it exists) early.
This way, I hopefully have ALL possible health issues knocked out and off my plate by the first of the year.
Julie
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Well, another plus of being Stage IV. My onc says no colonoscopies! YEA! BTW - I just did spell check - don't know whether I spelled colonoscopy correctly. You should see the suggestions - cloudscape?? kaleidoscope??
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The "hide your tail" comment had me on the floor. I so often think of those things I should have said but I guess I say enough as it is. I wore a $45 wig through the summer (hotter than hell) during chemo and everyone had to compliment me on how good it looked. I refrained from saying, "if you think this looks good, my real hair must have been crappier than I thought it was". I find that one of my favorite comedians sums it up pretty well. "You can't fix stupid".
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NativeMainer,
I agree with you that a colonoscopy is not a walk in the park. The preparation is uncomfortable and the prep solution can have side effects. The procedure requires a light general anesthetic and anesthetic always has risks. There are risks associated with the actual procedure. Any doctor worth his or her salt would insist on a pre procedure meeting to discus all your concerns and to go over your medical history. I would change doctors if I were you.
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NativeMainer - I understand your colonoscopy fears well. I started the year 2009 with a colonoscopy and ended it with implant exchanges and nip surgery. Total of 4 surgeries plus a colonoscopy, it was not a year I care to repeat. Except for the IV for the saline and diprovan, the colonoscopy itself is not bad. The prep for it, however is not a delight. Hope you can get your fears relieved by the gastro doc.
Nancy
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My PCP told me he wouldn't put me through a Colonoscopy because by the time something in there grew enough to cause me any problems I would be dead from the bc.
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Please tell me he isn't your PCP any more. That is truly horrendous.
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keeping chairs out, in case...3jays 