The dumbest things people have said to you/about you
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Well, I saw the buses on here last night and had no clue what it was about... but I've got to tell you I just laughed a big hearty laugh here!! You gals are so amazing and hilarious. Too funny.
I posted this is another thread tonight... but it might merit re-posting... in honour of all those who just seem to say really random, self-absorbed things in relation to other people's very real health issues....
the Drama Llhama: http://arherring.files.wordpress.com/2010/09/drama-llama.jpg
I've been trying to just steeeer clear of them! ;-)0 -
nextstepsfromhere --I am so sorry to hear about all that you have been through and are going through. I cannot even imagine what you are dealing with with all of this. One thing did spring to mind though, which was as I read your post and your first mention of how your husband had acted with you, I was SO very happy to see a couple of sentences later that you left him. That is amazing and so strong of you to do! You do not deserve to have that kind of toxic presence in your life.
And having recently gone through the ending of a 5 year relationship, and dealt with much depression, I can honestly say that although a partner can be helpful in hard times, the wrong partner can actually make things much worse, and make you feel way more "alone". It can actually be a true relief to discover just how much support you can find elsewhere--true, reliable support. Sending you many positive thoughts.
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Mel, I can't believe she had the nerve to come over there, let alone say that to you. Someone needs to stomp a puddle in her head because she is just mean.
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"Drama Llama" I LOVE that! I'm going to carry that picture around in my head and people will wonder why I grin and giggle when I come across a human version! Thanks for sharing that one!
nextstep--I went through the entire process without a partner. I found friends I never know I had, and I think I actually ended up getting more help that I would have from a husband or partner! It has it's very, very hard moments, for sure, but it can be done.
veggy--my mom has never said anything like that, but she sure can find the oddest stuff on the internet and grill me about why I didn't do this treatment or that treatment, or tried this special diet or that magical supplement. Partly it's her loss of memory, but it's annoying all the same. She finally got the never considered cured part when I was really irriated and answered her "What date will be you considered cured?" question with "the date on my death certificate, if the cause of death isn't recurrence or mets." She's never brought up the "C" word again! I'm a bit over 3 years out from diagnosis, finished the surgical part of treatment with a bilateral reconstruction last summer. There are hours at a time I don't think about/worry about a recurrence or met showing up. I've even had a whole day once or twice. The fear/worry never completely goes away, but it does become less intense over time.
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One thing I know for sure. I love my mom but she can drive me crazy… and still does even with breast cancer. Why should I think she would change. ;-)
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MelG- OMG! What a total b****! If anyone deserves to be thrown under a bus (and then run over repeatedly) it is your partner and their ex. I mean how low can you go? Cheating with someone whose partner is going through BC treatment? No one deserves to be treated like that, especially you, and I just pray there is karma for people like her. (And him, too!)
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I had been living with a guy and had moved out a couple weeks before I received my first cancer diagnosis (this was 23 years ago). The guy told me that he was glad we broke up before I found out because he knew he couldn't handle it. Men can be such jackasses.
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VJSL8- Amen!
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Nextsteps: You mentioned about your fear about a recurrence. I cam across a book called "Spinning Straw into Gold" written by Ronnie Kaye. She is a psychotherapist who addresses all these issues really well, I think it will help most women who have this fear.
Everyone: Thanks for ruuning my little old lady over!
I've started writing a book about my life and thoughts, so the kids will know intimately what I felt etc when they grow up. I might include a chapter of funny comments that have been quoted here, what are your thoughts?
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Mel-
OMG! That woman just earned herself a lifetime's worth of BAD Karma! Surround yourself with love and good people and don't let that woman near you, call you or anything. Dump the bastard when the time is best for you.
Jessica
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Thanks all who replied to my post. Jessica - I dumped him immediately. We were together for three years and he was seeing her the whole time. I just sat looking at his ex after *that* particular comment and thought "how did I let these awful people into my life". I too believe in Karma. His life is now unravelling spectacularly. His ex was just such an awful woman, I find it hard to believe that she could ever be truly happy.
I have to say that, from reading through this thread, there are some truly awful/insensitive people out there... Some of the posts had me reeling. Loved the bus... Love Mel x
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What do you do when the dumb thing people say is to your children. My daughter is seventeen and is having a hard time accepting everything. Yesterday when she was at church the minister came up to her and told her to tell me "I had her sympathy" She came home so upset.She asked me "You are not going to die are you?" I was so mad I wanted to ring this person's neck. I might add I used to be a person who attend this church every sunday till this minister and her husband, who is also a minister, came and we had a disagreement. I now only attend if my daughter is in some. If the minister had just said any other word but sympathy my daughter would of been okay but to her that means someone dying.
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writing about yourself for your children is a wonderful idea. I would think they would be happy to know that you shared with others and could laugh at cancer and how it can cause people to say really stupid things.
you may have to talk to this minister, because otherwise, I assume that your daughter will be anxious around her, assuming she will say something else upsetting and the minister will interpret your daughter's distress iin her presence as an invitation to say even more inappropriate stuff.
Although I was a bit younger, 13, a friend's father who was a doctor, upon hearing about my father's symptoms, asked if he smoked. As far as I was concerned, in that moment, he gave my father lung cancer. And irrational as it was, I hated him after that.
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Thanks Jelson.
dmho: My eldest daughter is 18 years old, she just completed her HSC (Australian most imortant exam which determines what you do at university). As she was walking into the very FIRST exam, full of anxiety b/c they have been studying for this exam for 2 years, she was stopped by one of her teachers who asked her "How is your mum going? Has she had anymore surgery?" ...!!!!!!!!!!....Luckily that week I was having a really good week, trying my upmost best to make things "as normal as possible" for her exams, trying to laugh etc etc etc My daughter said she re-collected herself quickly, told her I was fine, and then walked in to do her exam.
This stupid woman could have ruined my daughters career! AND not only that...when she saw me 2x she did not bother coming up to me to ask me how I was directly. B_TCH!.....xox
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Kouragio - I am sorry that lady was so hurtful to you. Unfortunately that sort of comment may haunt you for a while but I hope you live a long and happy life with your children just to spite her.
MelG - glad you threw them under the bus asap! You rock!
nextstepfromhere - it is obvious where your ex gets his sensitivity from! Under the bus with them both. Onward and upward - girls can do ANYTHING!
3jays - I love the buses! I laugh til my belly hurts everytime one pops up!
Delilahbear - Do you still use green nail polish? I wore the same bright green crocs to all the BC appointments or hospital visits I had (I even remember getting comments about how fresh and colourful they looked). They were some sort of weird talisman when I was feeling terribly insecure about my life I guess. I still have them but I just can't wear them now - just too many uncool memories associated with them.
dmho - definitely talk to the minister. Someone in that position should know better how to handle those sort of situations and as she clearly doesn't, she should be told or other people will be hurt by her comments however kindly they are meant. Hopefully she might rethink the words she uses when she is handing out 'sympathy' to impressionable teenagers or learn to say nothing in the future.
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im glad you guys are enjoying the bus.. i found another whole treasuretrove in google last night , so look out!! i went to alot of trouble to get firefox to accept photobucket, just to find out, maybe that sites a problrem for me.. so, i googled under the bus, and have a new bunch.. love south park, tho, the best..
someone said something inane tonite, and i just mubled "under the bus" to myself, and kept walking.. its like my new mantra..
RAEINZ.. ive been meaning to ask.. my sisters' name is Rae.. its the 1st time ive seen it , except her. named after my g. pa. who was a raymond..also, i have "fake" crocs for 5.oo from a dollar store here. in every color.. i have panic attacks, and my therapist used to tell me, "look at your feet..where are you, whats' happening, etc.. to ground me to here and now.. i now have them in every color of the rainbow, and am famous 'round here for my shoes. they take bets what color i'll bee. so, maybe a new, new color is in order, and retire the green ones. they did their job, sweetie..
i think writing stuff downs a great idea. ..stupid ministers! what's the deal, lately? i usually have a better feeling with them.. did they add "stupid comments " to the test when you get your Dr. of Divinity, or what??jeesshhh!! 3jays
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Hi 3jays - Rae is not so common here either and most of them are shortened Raewyns. Mine is not shortened and is RAE because my initials spell my name - my mother thought that was neat and I do too so I kept my maiden name when I married. Two of the other Raes are in my life at the moment - one at the school I work at and the other in my tennis team - very confusing when someone calls 'Rae' on the tennis court especially. My Mum must have liked the name as my younger brother has Raymond as a second name!0
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I think the "did they smoke?" comments to the friends/family of someone with lung cancer are very insensitive. When someone has a heart attack, do people ask if they had a poor diet? One would hope not. And some people still think strokes are caused by being an angry person! There seems to be a lot of "compassion-challenged" people running around out there.
Or, very fearful people who want to be reassured "it" won't happen to them. But that's no excuse for spewing painful remarks.
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This one is not too bad but this is what my husband said to me this morning... I wasn't feeling well and he rolled over in bed and kissed me and said 'I'll be so glad when you are feeling better' real sweet like, and I thought awww how sweet, then he says 'because I want to do naughty things to you'. I thought You Have Got To Be Kidding Me! lol
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dawney, I still thought "Aww, her husband looks forward to doing naughty things to her." So many women here have had problems with their SO being repulsed or afraid of being intimate with them again, I thought it was nice. Maybe give him credit for a good thought and demerits for really bad timing?
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riley, it didn't bother me that bad, it made me laugh really. He has been right there with me every step of the way, even now when I am bald and have only one breast. I love him dearly!
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Lucky you!
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raeinnz - Yes, I still wear the green nail polish. It is really sort of a light green (Orly Green with Envy). I have an OPI "Jade is the New Black". It is like emerald green and I can't wear it too often. The Orly has softer colors. I figure that one bottle of nail polish is cheaper than a mani/pedi so if I don't like it I throw it out. My favorite is really a lite blue Orly color. I get lots of compliments on it, but since it is getting towards winter (89 today so winter is really only a term) I find wearing more browns. Come spring I will come back with the funky colors - maybe in time for my next, unexpected surgery in March or April. Everytime I have had surgery, the staff always is commenting on my nails. The polish sure lasts a long time after surgery since I can't do anything.
3jaysmom - glad you are getting some new busses. I think the others are getting a little "gunked" up from running over all of the insensitive people we report. Be ready as my boss is not going to be receptive to another surgery so I will probably have to throw her under again. I am going to try and not tell anyone why I am taking the time off, but probably will have to to be able to get the time when I need it. This time it is really not expected as had surgery with alloderm in Aug. on rt. foob and now will need it on left. Should have had them both done at same time, but lft never bothers me and now it is bottoming out as well.
Hope everyone has a good week and keeps the idiots away with their insults and insensitive comments.
Trying to get into the Christmas spirit. Last year I had surgery a week prior to Christmas and was in ER and the PS office Christmas eve with an incision that split wide open while I was at work.
At least this year I will be able to enjoy some things a bit more, but must work Christmas day and Christmas eve have 2 jobs to work.
Nancy AKA Delilahbear
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nancy, im ready with the buses, have no fear.. just murmering " under the bus " is helping me, these days lol
my mum hated that i wore green nail polish. said it looked like i had an infection. im into the brown/orange /gold family now. am using nail laquer, rather than polish, it stays on better, i think...we all try so hard to look good, no hair, my chemo bloat, but pretty nails.. ya gotta use whatcha got!!
i thought your husbans was sweet,dawney, but don't mind me.. we don't have those moments often here. its just tramua that's not resoved for the 2 of us. he is with me 110%, never missed a dr. appt. or tx; evenwith a jerkboss who didnt know "how can your wife get appts.so fast, no one can, bring me a note.." he's still getting notes, and telling him where he can stuff threm. the college already warned him about FMLA; but a jerks, a jerk. i think he needs to go under the bus again!! nite, ladies 3jays
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nextstepsfromhere:
I wish I had been standing there with you when your mother-in-law said "I know you shaved your hair so you look sick.'
I could have said: "I know you hide your tail so you look human."
What a piece of work. I am sorry you had to hear that.
Sandy
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Nancy, we aren't allowed to have nail polish on during surgery here in Canada! They make us take it off...we gots ta be neked!
3jays what the heck is the difference between laquer and polish? Except for the price?
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SandyAust,
that response for nextstepsfromhere was beyond excellent!
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Sandy- Loved your response! Someone needs an Iphone App to record all these to have at a moment's notice!
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OMG, Hysterical laughing @ sandy's response!!! I wish i had the quick wit to come up with these things
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