The dumbest things people have said to you/about you
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squidwitch - that "put on weight" thing reminded me of 3 months ago, I went to visit my former workplace. Of course, out of all the group who was sincerely hugging and congratulating me on finishing the treatment, one b@tch (known as one) comes to me and says the same thing to me. I made an absolutely horrified face, let my jaw drop, made my eyes huge, looked at her and said" oh, no! Are you sure? when did it happen? Oh my goodness, what am I going to do?" then came back to my normal face and continued "I dont' get it, you thought BC treatment addled my brains or something? Do you really think I needed you to inform me that I gained weight, and I cant' read a scale and check on my clothing?". It's really hard to put all this in writing, as it cannot show the tone of voice. She got all red in the face and backed off and left the room. There was a moment of silence in the group, I said "Doh!" and then everybody started laughing and congratulate me on not losing my "orneriness" lol.
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HA! DAY girl.... I love it!! You were awesome!!!!! Yes... I don't think the 'real world' out there, know that folks with BC get immediate: " I can't take stupid people now syndrome." Even my beloved DH when he tries to joke.. I kind of cringe.... Bless him . Thankfully he's getting used to it and now doesn't cringe when I tell people how I REALLY feel. " Look I'm down, depressed, ugly and bald... now if you can't commiserate.. THEN DONT TALK AT ALL and GO AWAY! HA!" You go girls!
Squidwitch - with you!
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Day- You are my hero!!! Wish you could bottle some of that kick ass orneriness 'cuz I could sure use a dose!
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so, where DO we go; when we " move on" anyone?!!?? 3jays
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so, yesterday, its' long story... my last BFF the last one standing, told me she was "ditching" me at her baptism party for her son, cause i don't smoke, and and i quote.. can't keep up anymore..i was gonna go out with her NEW BFF for a ciggie, but nope DIS invited! who knew.. at 60, my DH doesn't do it, but my friend trades me in for a new, shinier, faster, and def. sleeker model... im really hurt, been cryin, but i need to get po'd so i can throw er under the bus with the rest of the f
riends who can't take the old model.. 0 -
oh 3jays - my heart hurts for you. There are so many stories from ladies on these boards about this - people we have loved and trusted for years cast us aside. We are just the same inside - a better friend probably as we have learnt the value of life and true friendship in time of need - but for some reason, in their view, we are just not worth the effort anymore. Losing a good friend at any time is so very hard but it hurts even more if we are up to our eyeballs 'in the swamp' when it happens. 'Friends are for a reason, a season or forever' - maybe she was just a 'season' not a 'forever' - I hope someone else comes into your life to fill her place.0
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She wanted to ditch you at her son's Baptism party? What kind of party is she throwing where you would need to "keep up?" anyway? Maybe she is having a life crises and her personality has fragmented, I can't think of any other acceptable explanation. Seriously, what the hell?
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3jaysmom- I've been reading your posts on here for awhile and I just wanted to say that I would be honored, thrilled and incredibly happy to have you for a friend. You're caring, friendly and hysterically funny. (What more could anyone want?!?) It is her frickin' loss- that's what I say! Throw her under the bus? Hell, throw her under the train.
raeinnz- Love your quote "Friends are for a reason, a season or forever". Just seems like ALL my friends are seasonal! During this past year I lost my newest BFF (1 year) and my oldest BFF (32 years). After 30 years I thought the one BFF was a "lock" but, damn, she was seasonal as well!
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Barbe - I was thinking of what your sister said about the bad kind of cancer and wondered what makes cancer good or bad...I am so sorry that she said that to you, seems so dismissive of all you have been thru. What she would say about people like me (or Elizabeth Edwards): stage 4, bone mets but no surgery (it had already spread) and the onc is holding off the chemo until its the only option ..instead he put me onto hormonal therapy (I am lucky to be 3+ and responding well at the moment). Do we also have the good cancer since no chemo, it isn't something that will be cured or fixed.
I can't tell you how many people have questioned whether or not I really have cancer (including some medical staff).
Seems to me cancer is cancer there is no good kind. All forms of treatment have repercussions or unwanted effects, all leave something behind, so we deal with it during treatments and some deal with the fallout after finishing treatments be it physical, mental, emotional.
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I'm sure you all have heard the saying..."the more I know of people, the more I love my dog"? Well, I have 5 french bulldogs and they REALLY love me, bald, fat and boobless, all I have to do is feed them... good trade off if you ask me.
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I have a sheltie. He never says the wrong thing. He full of kisses. He makes me want to play with him when I'm down. And he makes me laugh. I'd say that is a great trade off!
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My last cat of 4 who is called Bogie because we never see him (actually, one over par), now glues himself to my side and knows when I don't feel good. He tenderly steps on my belly when I'm lying in bed instead up just jumping on and plasters himself against my leg to let me know he's there. Has nothing to do with my body heat.....really!
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kelben - yep, animal love is something specia. I have an English cocker spaniel and he adores me.
(((Kate))) Even though these women have broken our heart and trust it is hard to stop loving them though isn't it? 32 years or 1 year, the attachement can be as strong and the hurt as bad. I am sorry you have been hurt by these women and your sister. Re read what you wrote for 3jays - that is how I feel about you.
EWB - 'good cancer' is an oxymoron (a figure of speech that combines contradictory terms). Anyone who says that must be a 'moron'.
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"good cancer" is just as much an oxymoron as "good morning" in my book! Let's see, there's also Jumbo Shrimp, accurate estimate, adult male, baby grand (piano).
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EWB- I can't believe someone (especially in the medical field!! OMG! ) would question whether you really have cancer or not! I think a lot of the public assumes cancer =chemo- if you aren't bald, you must be faking it!
comeback- Why the hell would I ever make that up?
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imays- hoping you hear good news soon! We all know how waiting is the hardest.
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I too lost who I thought was my best friend but now having the chance to look back with hindsight - I realize she never was the friend I thought or made her out to be. I carried the whole friendship and just attributed thoughtfulness to her that never actually existed. So, yes it has been horribly painful but just recently not so much. I think I'm finally realizing I'm much better without her.
Just don't even begin to know what to say EBW - amazing.
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I have found the friendship issues harder to bear than the BC ones. To think that people who you hold so dear could be so cruel at a time when we really do need them is one of the most challenging things to understand. I just don't get it yet, like many of you, it has happened to me. One actually didn't return my calls, emails etc for 3 weeks and when she did, she said she just needed space as it's been hard for her to have this going on! I don't know. All we can do is learn how to be better friends ourselves and hope we don't get burnt again in the process.
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Just got back from LAST chemo girls! WHOOHOO! and got to ring the bell! Thanks so much for all your good wishes...VERY much appreciated. For the first time...in a long time.. I feel there might be a future.
We are still there inside, we may have cancer, be hairless and boobless but WE stILL SHINE inside. OK not every day...but some days... My bald head shines beautifully when I have a hot flush.
For those of us that have so called'friends' that run... tHEY DON'T DESERVE US~ Look at what my dogs did for me without asking after my last chemo.(check avatar pic) THEY Could feel something wasN't right. Cute eh? Natch I had to move them off as the heat was killing me.
OK getting ready for any S e's the next few days. Hugs and Super Best wishes to all....Lets find a REALLY big bus! eh?
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outsidethebox: Congrats!! I finished my last one yesterday. Feels good, doesn't it?0
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Kelben- Definitely agree with the dog thing! Besides my DH I think it was my 2 sweet Yorki-poos, Scout and Piper, that got me through treatment.
raeinnz- {{{{{{{{{{{{THANK YOU!!!!!!!!}}}}}}}}}}
Stanzie- Hey, girl! I'm starting to realize the same about the loss of my friend- that it was a one-sided friendship for a long time. Funny how I didn't realize it at the time.
outsidethebox- Such a sweet pic! And for you and LadyinBama-
{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{CONGRATULATIONS ON KICKING CHEMO'S BUTT!!!!!}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}
(I know you probably feel like it kicked yours but yahoo for being done!)
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Day,
I just read your post. You knocked it out of the ballpark. Woohoo! I'll find my voice yet
3Jays,
I am so sorry for the hurt your "friend" caused. It sounds like she was planning a baptismal bar crawl? Was there a planned rave in the rectory? But yes, I have had two friends run for the hills, one who told me I was a burden during a previous extended illness, and another who never called me back after my bi-lat mastectomy (she's anti medicine, and my choices were too hard for her...) really?
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mumorange,
I had just posted something similar. I hope your dear sweet friend received the help she needed when she learned of your illness. She is probably spending a year abroad traveling on a spiritual journey to help her deal with everyone else's problems. What a gal.
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thank you all so much. it rocked my world, but i have here to come to; you all lift me up so much..KATE, thank you so much for all the compliments. you ARE my frined here, on the thread.. i don't need to approve an application, dear one.. i want to apologize for my last "bus " photo. i never get tinto politics..didn't even know it was political, and am deleting it because not what i intended.KELBAN, if you look somewhere, by mistake, the very 1st pic i got on here, was one where i was bald, steroid swollen, and my little boy chiuahua was licking my bsld head. i have a boy and a girl.. he's so intuitie, he's been approved as my service animal, go figure..al 5 lbs. of him. he's the best!right here, at my feet, as i write..EWB, i saved you for last.. i who usually can find something, have my mouth grimaced shut.!! i can't imagine ple in the health field doubting ANYONE saying they have cancer; IN YOUR SITUATION, THAT JUST MAKES IT EVEN WORSE. I HATED THAT I HAD TO HAVE CHEMPO.. IVE BEEN WHINING LATELY ABOUT HOW MANY SE/S I HAVE LEFT FROM IT..ETC.. YOU REALLY SNAPPED ME OUT OF IT TONITE..(sorry about the caps, ladies.. a wandering hand, no emphasis intemnded )well, i won't be whing anymore; i'll just thank God that it WAS one of my options. you with be with me in thought tonite when i lay my head down, dear one...3jays0
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i don't know ho i missed the whole thing with you, squidwitch; im so glad i re read the page. peop;le really are jack holes, aren't they? but..OTTER, i have a bone to pick with you.. i wet my pants laughing last week, and now, tonite i laughed so hard , i peed them again.. and they're my big girl panties.. i goota wear depends when i read YOUR stuff..!! r u a comedy writer, cause if your'e not, you should be!!my DH is going to tell his coworkers the story(no names) but, he heard me laughing hysterically..poor man, he's so traumatized by me lately; he comes tearing out mof the bedroom at 6am. thinking im crying in the liv. room alone, crying hysterically.. after he calmed down, he read the whole thing.. including the BAM! and drum roll. then, it was his turn to be hysterical with laughter. he also read some of the sweet things you've said to me. he, and i, are so greartful to this great sistah hood we have here. ya all have my back, even as i have yours...goota go shopping to walmart today (no, for real..not a rain man thing ) and take my Gson for Christmas lites for our house.. wed. is Nana and Zeida day for him..gonna pick up some big girl panties, too, since you guys are so funny.. now, im being facetious.... 3jays. gonna tuck it in now , its bedtime for me..0
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Hi Ladies;
I just wanted to post a few comments here. I was recently diagnosed (a few weeks ago) and so far here's what I've gotten:The obligatory: "well, maybe you'll get perky boobs out of this mess"
The MIL comment of the year: "well, you know, if you were more spiritual, you might not have gotten cancer"
My own mother: "I don't know what I did to deserve this..."
and my favorite MIL comment: "well, you'll get through surgery, I can tell you about the time I had my tonsils out..."
Thanks for all these posts. People are just too funny sometimes.
Thanks for this board as well!0 -
Don't usually come on here so early but am glad I did today. You girls are in rare form- all comedy writers. Nothing like starting the day laughing so hard that my Earl Grey tea comes squirting out my nose. (Thanks for that, BTW, now I've got to go get some screen cleaner.) No matter how down I am I always feel better after coming here! Thanks for a great start to my day!!!! :-D
slcst12- Wow! Nothing like getting all the asinine, insensitive comments out of the way in the first couple of weeks. They wasted no time. I'd like to say you've heard that last of them but.......
Just know we understand and we're here to listen anytime you want to vent, laugh or cry. Sorry you had to be part of the BC club (the club that no one wants to join, the hazing is a bitch but the sisterhood is for life) but just wanted to say welcome!
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OK, here's one said not to me individually, but to the public. Had the Today Show on this morning, which happens next to never and I was reminded of why I don't watch much TV. They were doing a story on Elizabeth Edwards, which was fine. I respect how she dealt with the difficult times in her life. But then they go back to the Today Show studio to a commentator (not one of the big names; I'm working on figuring out she is) who says that Mrs. Edwards "embraced" and "owned" her illness, which is what we all need to do. She goes on to say that we're all going to die sometime, so if we have something like this happen, we should embrace and own it. My first question for her is does she have a clue what she's talking about? Has she been diagnosed with a life threatening disease? If not, I hope she never does, but I sincerely doubt that she'll feel like "embracing" cancer. And it's not a dog (which I love and my 2 dogs are second only to my children) or a car or a piece of jewelry, you don't own cancer. If anything, it tries to own us. Who would want to own it, anyway? Stupid, stupid, stupid!
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"Embrace" it?????????????? "Own" it?????????????? What the he!! was that woman talking about???????????
She probably is up there in the running for the WORST thing said on this thread.
I am appalled at the incredible ignorance and insensitivity she displayed. Mrs. Edwards was a courageous woman who recognized her own mortality and came to terms with it in ways most people can't. That comment is an insult to her memory.
I am Stage IV, and I have no intention whatsoever of "embracing" cancer. Just the oppposite - I plan to do whatever I can to fight it every step of the way.
It's LIFE that I embrace.
Leah
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so, where DO we go; when we " move on" anyone?!!?? 3jays
