The dumbest things people have said to you/about you
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I usually drive myself... even drove myself on surgery day (had DH pick me up after). Once I told my doctor that DH was "over at Starbucks" and he probably was but not at the one across the street.. he wanted me to have a driver when I had my drains pulled cuz the office is a 1 hour drive but I didn't want to bother anyone. Sometimes I really want my mom (she passed away several years ago). This experience has made me more compassionate and aware of the needs of others. I don't think anyone who hasn't had an experience like this realizes how much it means to us when they offer to help and actually show up.
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WALLAN.. WHAAATT T HE h....?!!I DON'T EVEN THINK I HAVE ANOTHer REPONSE TO THAT ONE!!sorry, wandering fingers bad tonite..A STORM, that was a great one..HADLEY.. i'm so sorry you have to go thru that.. i have sons that cold. some of us have wonderful families. i came out with the short straw, there, also..I would like a new one for christmas also. im totally stealing your comment about the witness protection program!! we'll have to stick close together, ladies, for all this sh** storm!!0
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veggy- Gosh, it's almost disappointing when they don't say something stupid!
Wallan- Yes, my BFF told me also, "I don't know why you're so upset. It's not like it's going to kill you or anything." (Her justification was because I ONLY had DCIS.)
Astorm- Frying pan! LOL!!!
Hadley- OMG, loved the Witness Protection Program comment! We should so start one of those for people who truly need to get away from the idiots in their life. Better yet, let's sign up all the friends and family we want out of our live and have them be sent away. (Tell 'em it's Witness Protection or under the bus they go!)
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A-Storm, you crack me up!
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Hadley I love it! Can I use it? I have a pet peeve of when people say "How are you?" and then keep talking. They never want to hear. So now when they ask, I can say "medicated." That'll shut them up.
hehehehehehehehhehehehheehhe
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How are you is my latest pet peeve--my good friend once said the only appropriate answer is "fine". But "medicated"--sheer genius!!
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Hi Everyone, I think it's very amusing (and very sad) that I have been told at least 10 stories since diagnosis 4 months ago, who have died within weeks and months of their diagnosis! I don't want to be rude b/c I think these people don't know what to say...BUT for the life of me I don't know why everyone has the desire to tell me of the saddest stories they know.
I also love the "bad cancer" story. Everyone seems to think that if I have Stage 4 cancer that I should suffer as much as possible ie I should have chemo, that I should lose all my hair, that I should "look the part"! xox
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A Storm - I too wish I have my Mom. My sisters came to "help" but it didn't go very well. However my amazing and wonderful cousin whose Mom passed away from breast cancer was totally there for me. I hope I can do the same for someone else as it certainly means everything. Family is hard. I remember having an allergic reaction to a bee sting while on vacation and my Mom and sister made me first drive back to the hotel and then I left by ambulance while they went out to dinner and I took a taxi back from the hospital! Oh well.....
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I have had two surgeries and have just now been given an appt to see the chemo oncologist on Dec. 23. I recovered from both surgeries very well, and feel fine. Early detection, early stage and all that. Of course I don't look sick. I look pretty normal. But it's still off-putting when people come up to you and say the famous, "You don't look sick." or "You look good" or "You look fine". Why should that bother me? Under any other circumstances, it would be a compliment. But for some reason, as most of you have also attested, it is really, really irritating. It's almost like they're suggesting that you're lying - - you don't really have breast cancer. If you did, you would look horrible. I think it really makes people feel better and they somehow console themselves with the idea that if "you look good" then this cancer must not be as bad as they always thought it was.
Usually I just bite my tongue and stare back at them or say a very weak thank-you. I don't have the energy or the quick wit to come back with anything. The whole experience just wearies me. I admire all of you who seem to be able to use humor against this disease . . . I never did have much and now I'm afraid I have none at all. *sigh*
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Since my treatments started I have found that two of the other volunteers at our senior center have moved from the category of respected co-workers to friends. I too have been irritated by the "you look so good" type of comment, especially on days when I don't really feel that way. Both of these men care enough to really look at me and actually see. They do tell me I look good occasionally, but always when I really am feeling better. I have a tendency to keep pushing myself to get the job done even when I am exhausted. Both make sure I don't do that, for which I am grateful. When so many of the women on this journey we share have found that some they thought were friends really aren't, I feel fortunate to have added two to my admittedly short list of friends.
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I love the comment, "How's the family doing?" "Unmedicated!" I'm going to steal that one. I rarely laugh out loud but htis one was for real.
The nurse I had to hook me up had cancer too. I get the monitor off in a few minutes. YAY!
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Is it better to have someone tell you, you look good, or for them to tell you, you look terrible and why aren't you at home?
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fryin pan? what happened to the bus?hehee0
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3 jays
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Usually when you look bad you know it! I've gone in to work and someone says you look terrible and then I feel worse...thought I was doing better.....sigh.
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I think my co-worker is going under the bus.... We job share and because I was off most of the summer with chemo brain and sooo tired, she had to work mostly by herself. When I told her I was going back to work, she said " since my summer was a right-off, it'll be nice to get some time off. I felt great to go back to work.
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this is my fav.. for your coworker,kelbean 3jays
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You all keep me laughing!!! The bus 3jaysmom is absolutely making me roll! Can I throw one (or twelve) under? Someone contacted me for a reference. She said she'd call ages ago, of course, never did. She started the request by letting me know she thought of me every day. Right,I guess that's why she didn't call.
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MHP70, of course that's why. She was SO busy thinking of you she didn't have time to call.....
Leah
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Exactly six weeks post bmx I wasn't able to have chemo because I hadn't yet healed. So, I go off to an outpatient debridement proceedure and am told by PS that she might have to take out the tissue expander. I am frustrated and start crying. She says, "Don't worry about it, honey. 2012 is going to be a wonderful year." The last thing I remember before going out is thinking, What The HECK that is a year away!
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btw, I kept the TE and she said she 'thinks' she got all the dead and infected tissue. Hopefully chemo can procede next week.
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I love the bus Jays. This lady now is acting as if absolutely nothing has changed with me. Geeeeeezzzz.
Hadley: If you are sure these people somehow read your info. that totally is illegal and I would at least mention it to them and give them an earful. But if you aren"t sure then you are stuck with two people that are bound for the underside of the bus.
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Hadley, they really couldn't read your info without a lot of machinations. Well, Maybe the ex couldn't. The doctor maybe could. You need to give the doctor the heave ho,
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Hadley, if these people are at a hospital or clinic, the medical records people or the IT peolple should be able to access and see who has looked at your medical records. They(MR or IT) should be made aware that this may be going on, and should be able to block in some way who has access to your records. I would ask. And they should be reprimanded in some way, along with being put under the bus.
Becky
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Hadley, I agree with Becky. Contact the Medical Records Dept, or the patient advocate office, tell them what you told us and ask for a record of who has accessed your record. They have to give you that information if you ask, once a year, that's part of the HIPPA regulations. Then you can go back and ask why that doc and your ex had reason to access your records. If they can't give you a legitimate reason file a complaint with the Joint Commission. Don't worry about making trouble for anyone--this is your right to privacy and the hospital's responsibility to you. If those people are in a position to access records they also have been told about HIPPA rules and regs and the consequesnces of accessing records they do not have a need to see. The fact that the consequence is usually termination is not YOUR problem, it's theirs.
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What makes you think they know???
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Hadley, If he the Dr. is not involved in your care, he has to abide by the HIPPA regulations also. You can report him to the US govt. (for what good it will do). You could also try filing a complaint with the hospital, he could lose his priviliges there, or at least be limited to the records that he may access.
Becky
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My mother recently had a fall and has bruised her ribs......so she decided to tell me at great length how hard it was to sleep and move in bed.
Don't think it ever occurred to her that the same thing happens when you have a mastectomy???? It was all woe is me.
Some people just do not think
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At our church Christmas party Saturday, my pastor said "now that it's over, aren't you glad you've gone through all this?" and I said "no...." and he says "but you know you are strong and you can get through it" and I said "no...." Geez, I never doubted my strength, or my gratitude, or my appreciation for life or any of the other things that cancer supposedly teaches us. And nothing is "over" except that I had my final chemo last week.
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3 jays 
