Calling all TNs
Comments
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On the first day, God created the dog and said, "Sit all day by the door of your house and bark at anyone who comes in or walks past. For this, I will give you a life span of twenty years."
The dog said, "That's a long time to be barking. How about only ten years and I'll give you back the other ten?"
So God saw it was good.
On the second day, God created the monkey and said, "Entertain people, do tricks, and make them laugh. For this, I'll give you a twenty-year life span."
The monkey said, "Monkey tricks for twenty years? That's a pretty long time to perform. How about I give you back ten like the dog did?"
And God, again saw it was good.
On the third day, God created the cow and said, "You must go into the field with the farmer all day long and suffer under the sun, have calves and give milk to support the farmer's family. For this, I will give you a life span of sixty years."
The cow said, "That's kind of a tough life you want me to live for sixty years. How about twenty and I'll give b ack the other forty?"
And God agreed it was good.
On the fourth day, God created humans and said, "Eat, sleep, play, marry and enjoy your life. For this, I'll give you twenty years."
But the human said, "Only twenty years? Could you possibly give me my twenty, the forty the cow gave back, the ten the monkey gave back, and the ten the dog gave back; that makes eighty, okay?"
"Okay," said God. "You asked for it.."
So that is why for our first twenty years, we eat, sleep, play and enjoy ourselves. For the next forty years, we slave in the sun to support our family.. For the next ten years, we do monkey tricks to entertain the grandchildren. And for the last ten years, we sit on the front porch and bark at everyone.
Life has now been explained to you.
There is no need to thank me for this valuable information. I'm doing it as a public service. If you are looking for me I will be on the front porch.
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Brilliant
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ha ha haha.... great joke. Thanks for the explanation.
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Good luck with your surgery Tazzy. What are you having done? Sorry if you posted that already, I can't always keep up with our chatty group.
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where is our beloved Cocker Spaniel??? We miss you love
Maggie
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Hi Born... I am having mx to righty, SNB and ALND. SNB is for research purposes only - they are taking my nodes (not sure how many yet - BS estimates between 10 and 20) regardless
. I was hoping for an immediate recon but BS advised against it as I have a high % rate of recurrence. 0 -
Was Cocker starting rads this week? I know she had to go away during the week to get this done- perhaps she doesn't have internet access while she is away? I sure hope that's all it is!
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Inmate - I'm so sorry to hear about the latest skin mets diagnosis. Hope your next chemo kicks this cancer's butt - you've been through enough.
wrssmith2x - as far as what I had to endure for this local recurrence... basically all I've done was lumpectomy, SNB and rads. The surgeon wanted to be sure she got good margins, though, so I have a huge scar about 5 inches long on the underside of my breast. I did 28 days of rads, 3 of them boosts on the scar, and that whole area is pretty agonizing right now - burned, blistered, open skin plus pain in the ribs. Strange but most of these bad SEs kicked in after rads were done.
And now the only thing left to do is reconstruct this breast, for the second time, once it's healed. I've decided against further chemo since both my onc and the specialist I consulted can't give me any conclusive data on if any of them help with a strictly local recurrence. I am going to do Metformin, and Letrozole (sp?) since I had 1% ER+.
Emotionally... I am OK. When I first got the news of the recurrence I was crying, screaming, not eating, throwing up, thinking suicidal thoughts because I knew I couldn't go through it again. I think not having to do chemo once more is what's kept me sane. I am better mentally now. I enjoyed my summer and my STD from work, in spite of the daily rads TX. Got to spend lots of time with my kids, swim, rest, and did neat little day trips like caving and tree climbing.
I must confess to taking a lot of drugs, though, to try and keep my mind in a happy place, because once that fear works its way back in I fall apart in a very bad way.
I am very much in the mindset of trying to find beauty and happiness in the little things around me... the smell of my son's hair, sunflowers blooming in my garden, gorgeous clouds in the sky... because if I thought life was fragile before the recurrence, well now I feel like I'm hanging on by a thread.
Hang in there, ladies, and we'll keep pushing our way through this together!
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What a heartfelt post, Minxie. Read it twice.
Feeling blue today. My navy son was due to come home in August. His cheif canceled ALL time off for the entire squadron until further notice. They are doing pre-depolyment inspections and he is putting in 12 to 14 hr shifts.
Sending love and hugs to all.
Gonna send out a search party for those MIA girls.
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Hope - ((((hugs))))))
Tazzy - woohoo to surgery date!
love this forum, such supportive people
Hope cocker is ok!
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Oh, Navymom, that is so disappointing. I really hope they don't keep him too much longer. It sounds like tough shifts, I am sure he needs a break and wants to come home to see you.
Minxie, I get what you are saying. Once is bad, then twice it's like oh crap, this stuff is serious, I better have fun and enjoy every moment I can while I am here!
Hi TifJ! I hope you are right, cs just can't visit with us at the moment.
Tazzy-I had the same news as you, have to wait for reconstruction. I wanted immediate reconstruction also. I have to wait a year because I had rads, now I am thinking I may wait a bit longer, just don't feel like I will be ready for surgery anytime soon.
Sending love to all!
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Good to hear from you Bak- how are you feeling?
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Navymom.. that news sucks. hope you get to see your DS soon.
Bak.. Bs told me at least a year - I was so pissed at first...now I have my date and will only be in hospital overnight then to home comforts, its OK.
Think I've been in a bit of denial about my surgery. Last chemo was June and although I knew that surgery was next, without a definite date I've been able to not think too much...now reality has hit again and yes I have cancer and yes I need more tx and I've been a real tear drop tilly today. I know its a good thing to have my surgery... I mean it will get this bloody thing out of me - but I dunno I am really nervous now and I hate this pissing disease.
Anyway enough ranting and whining - I'm off to have a beer while I can
Wishing each and every one of you a peaceful evening.
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I must say you ladies impress me, the way you call each other out. Every since I have started chemo I have a real hard time just focusing long enough to read all the post let a lone who said what. You ladies rock and if I have not said it to each of you I would like to now THANK YOU!
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Minxie, hang in there. We are all here for you and things will get better. So sorry you have Togo through this again. I am sure Inmate and Hope and everyone who has had mets understands what you are going through. I have to say that ever time I read one of you has had a new dx or mets I get a lump in my throught and feel sick to my stomach. I only know you all from reading your posts on this board but I feel linked to all of you through this sister hood, crummy as it may be. It's great to have the resources of other women who have been through a similar journey.
Enjoy your children and do nice things just for you. You deserve it. I will be praying for you and sending good, healing thoughts your way!
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Oh! minxie...my heart goes out to you - hugs don't seem enough. Here am I bitching and whining about my first surgery. I cant even imagine what your mind must be going through. I'd be with you on the drug taking to find a happy place.
I am amazed at how much strength I get from you ladies - at how much strength we get from each other.
Love and hugs to you all xx0 -
Tazzy - we're all waiting with you.
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Thanks Karen. I am just not a weepy person, but here I am today able to cry at commercials !
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Minxie: Thank you for your honest post and for letting us into your emotions. I to had suicidal thoughts when I was mid way through chemo. I was SO sick and exhausted and just wanted to be a mom again to my kids and my life to be normal. I sat in my bathtub and bawled and couldn't stop. I was thinking about going to the kitchen and taking all the sleeping pills I had been given to help me sleep with the steroids when my DH came home because he forgot something for school. He found me in the tub bawling and stayed home and called the doctor. I was given an anti-depressant and anti-anxiety. That helped me SO much and I was able to finish my chemo and not miss any rounds. I still take the anti-depressant and my sleeping pills are still locked up in the kitchen cabinet. I haven't told many people this story but I know you girls will understand.
Tazzy: Sorry to pry but how does your surgeon know that you have a high risk of recurrence? You totally don't have to answer that if you don't want to.
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Borntosurvive,
I had my last chemo in may and my BMX May 29 th, I still take half a Xanex to sleep at night and another half when I am feeling anxious. I would love to wean myself from it, but sometimes it is what gets me through. Does anyone else take an anti anxiety? Is it normal to still be on it after tx is over?
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Born..oh yeah..you are normal...ok...as normal as the rest of us...I never took much ativan but now I wish i did...my onc said it would give me 6 hrs of sleep but for some stupid reason I didn't take it...ok I will be honest with you ...I would rather drink wine than take ativan...since you aren't supposed to do both I chose the wine...a little more social...lol...you really have to do what it takes to get you through this crap and no one will hold it against you...it's there, it's offered to us...not much different than taking anti nausea meds in my opinion....one is to fight off the nausea, one to keep us somewhat calm and get some much needed sleep...it all works for me.
Hope...stay here with us please....however, you may want to read on this board about the brain mets thing...I'm sure there are alot of ladies that will give you great advice....but your home is here....
Tazzy...when is your surgery? I want to be sure that we are all hanging with you at that time...!
Minxie...glad you don't have to do chemo again...I sat with my friend while she was getting her adriamycin push and I tried to remain calm but man..did it bring back memories....
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I am so happy I found this forum. All of you are so supportive.
I have been feeling really lonely lately. I feel like nobody understands and then I read the post of women going through so much more than I am and I feel guilty for feeling the way i do. I am not sure how I am supposed to feel. Sorry I think I am just venting. Had an issue with tachycardia yesterday after my taxol/cisplatin therapy and feeling a bit scared.
Thanks for listening.
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Bornto... dont mind at all sharing my story. My MO and BS both said the same - could tell from my original path results from the type of cancer I had. Like when I asked why they weren`t advising me to have both breasts removed... answer was that if I was going to have a recurrence it would likely recur anywhere else in my body, not my breast. Great news. My Dad`s family has a history of cancer - all types. I am waiting to hear back regarding the heredetry program and if I have the gene.
Titan... Im with you on the wine - that is my drug of choice too. But totally respect whatever else works for others. Surgery is August 2.. countdown has begun. Just hate the fact that this f*cking disease is now a reality to me again.
30yearold - glad you found us - sorry you had to. Dont ever ever feel sorry for feeling how you do and never ever guilty cos some have it worse. We all have bc and have to deal with it the best we can. some days are better than others... but one thing you have found a great home. Here we can scream, yell, laugh, cry - whatever our emotion just get it out.. we`re in this together.
Love to all, peaceful dreams of kicking cancer`s butt.
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good eve ladies. So i got a callback from the dermatologist from the 2 biopsies I had done on my back and one has come back positive for cancer. crap and crap....it is just a basal cell carcinoma not really all that serious but does have to be cut out on Aug 28th....what's 1 more scar anyway. At least it is not melanoma! My ma had that a few years back and has to go every 3 months for life now. Ever feel like you just need a break and wonder why you just can't catch one?!
Maggie
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Gemmy, I still get my Xanax script filled. I don't use it often, but it is a great way to help with sleep problems. Sometimes it is so difficult to shut off the worry train...and sleep allows the body and mind to gather strength for what the next day will bring. I am 3 years out and if I feel I need to use the xanax, I do.
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30yearold - Welcome! I'm glad you found us. Having this dx and going through treatment, is a bit like falling down the rabbit hole. We're here for you. No one trumps anyone here. We all have our own journey, we just share our light for those behind us or for those who's lights are dim.
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Minxie.....I hope your skin is getting better each day. I was fortunate to not get too burned from rads, but I think the fact I had Tomo therapy helped. Did they give you anything to put on it?
I can understand the challenge at keeping the fear at bay. My most challenging time is in the morning. Putting on happy music helps for me. Once I get on with my day I can fill my time and head with happy activities. Keep taking whatever helps and let your doctor know how you are doing both mentally and physically. Big Hug from me!
Love to you....dawn
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Brow.....that's the beginning of chemo brain. Make sure you get a good system together to help you remember the important things. I ask my friends to remind me the day before or day of an event/date as I was sure to forget. They were happy to help. The other stuff I put on a big calendar on my fridge. Not pretty, but effective.
Tazzy.....you should bitch and whine. It is your first surgery for crying out loud! We all did. Well, I know I did.
30.....Please do not feel guilty. You have a right to feel any way you want. There is no right or wrong way, just your way. I am not going through more or less than you, but breast cancer, just like you. Keep hanging on this thread and you will never feel lonely!
Mags.......Crap, Crap, Crap! For freakin' sakes my dear! I collect scars too.
Navy....Sorry you are missing Navyson. I'm sure he is missing you just as much!
I'm getting my panties in a bunch for my appointment tomorrow. If I can start chemo tomorrow I will. It looks like I qualify for one of the trials. I will talk to the doctor tomorrow. He doesn't even know that I applied yet. Although, he probably does now. I hope he is not offended. The mets have spread/gotten bigger in the last two days and it is sure making my anxiety go through the roof. I have become a pretty snappy person lately. My favorite thing is to yell at stupid drivers. Thankfully it hasn't included any hand gestures thus avoiding any road rage incidents.
I too have an Ativan prescription but have found that a more green approach has worked well. Might not be for everyone. I find it effective on nausea and anxiety.
Gotta try and get some sleep. Nite sweet ladies.
Love to you all.
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Ladies, ladies, ladies so sorry to put you through all that worry. Just before I went away I spent two days trying to clear all my work thinking I would catch up with you all when I arrived at the lodge. What did I do, left my bleeding lap top at home so couldn't do a bloody thing. I didn't want to give my family my log in because this is my private site and if they read my posts they would worry so I had to wait until I got home tonight. So very very sorry to make you all worry.
The Lodge was quite an eye opener for me. The first and second nights I was there I was just so lonely. I knew nobody and it seemed very strange without my family, home and animals around me. I could so cheerfully have walked all the way home. But gradually I started to make some friends and by the time I left today it was so much better. I was so freaking scared about rads and so far it has been nothing to get uptight about. I just hope it stays like that cause I'm back there on Monday morning. The last week has flown by so quick though.
I will catch up with everybody's posts tomorrow but I must say how sorry I am to hear about Hope and Inmate. I just can't take it in. I was so hoping you both would be ok. I just cannot believe this has happened to you both again. It is just not fair. You have both been through so much and it's time cancer realized that. Just think of all the worst swear words you can think of and that's how I feel right now. I've just got to get my head around this somehow as I am sure you do. My heart is with you both with lots and lots of love.
On a brighter note baby Baker James is absolutely gorgeous. Can just imagine his giggles when blowing raspberry's on his little tummy. Congratulations to the new Nana Luv as well. What a lovely little baby. You must be so proud.
Tazzy hope everything goes ok for you my mate. I feel so flaming down after reading the posts on here tonight that I will have to reply properly tomorrow.
My tears and love are with you all and I will be thinking of you and wishing you a peaceful night. Annie
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