Calling all TNs
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Hello everyone. My first mammo since diagnosis is next week. I go between *knowing * everything is ok, to freaking out. I have scar tissue that I can't stop pinching and probing. Just here looking for wise advice on how to deal with the anxiety!!! I can't go to the spa (working right after). I never ask for it, but help.
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anothernycgirl and wendeeB
I am thinking of you both and sending the Best Vibes. Oh, this is the hardest part. Sometimes, it's all good and sometimes the anxiety Sux! Just Keep thinking ...it will be Fine!
Love, arlene
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Thanks Shorfi and Arlene.
(I called the dr's office this afternoon, and was told that the nurse would call me back with the results, - it is now after 9 PM here, - no call back. So, of course, I am thinking that it must be something that the nurse couldnt report, so the dr will call when not busy? ugh)
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oh, anothernyc...I think they got busy and forgot? My former gyn forgot" to tell me an endometrial biopsy was normal, and GI doc never called to tell me that a polyp biopsy was fine. I am thinking they are quicker with the abnormal results, so yours must be normal.
Hugs!
Arlene
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Thanks, Arlene! I hope that you are right!
How are you feeling? This weather has been much too hot for me, - the cooler forecast for later in the week sounds nice!!
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Hi all,
I joined BCO in July with DX of IDC and found out today when I saw my BS I am TNBC. So glad I found this forum as I did a good job of freaking my self out reading the doom & gloom. Reading all the positive posts has helped ease the anxiety along with some calming essential oils to my feet.
Next step is to meet with the PS to discuss reconstruction & schedule my Bi-Lat mx with the BS & PS. Originally was going to have BRCA text then wasn't. ..but back to yes I am. I am the 3rd of 4 siblings to be diagnosed with BC. I'm going with the Bi-Lat for peace of mind and also is my BS recommendation given family history. If BRCA + will be undergoing a little more surgery besides TEs then onto chemo and whatever else is needed.
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Anothernycgirl,
Yes! It is too hot for me. I only enjoy the summer if I have my feet in the water, my butt in a sand chair and my brain in a good book...Or jumping in the Waves! This summer has felt very long, I guess because of finishing chemo, going back to work, then recon sx. I just can't wait to be more physically active. I still have a spot on my lollipop suture line, right reduced breast, that is a lil infected and open. So no weights or Spin, yet. But I will try to be patient. Yikes! Not easy for me. Lol. And I try to put most of the past months in a box, to open only when I want. Thinking about BC every day just makes me crazy, and anxious.
Can't wait to hear your good results, Another!
Arlene
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welcome, xjerseygirl,
I am sorry you have to be here, but it sure is a good place to be to learn, be supported and even bi&ch, if you need!
I have only been here 7 months, and have found all on here to be so helpful and understanding. I have learned to for the most part, to stay off the internet when it comes to TN. Doom and gloom does not help, at all.
It's good you are having genetic testing. Knowing your BRCA status will give you info important to planning your treatment. It's a tuff road, but we are all here to support, answer questions and share info. When you start chemo, there will probably be a thread started for the beginning month, and you will be able to talk with people going to the "chemo bar" at the same time, and with some of the same chemo regimens. Know that TN responds well to chemo---one of the positives I learned on the internet. Lol
Hugs to you,
Arlene
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Finally heard from nurse that my liver #s went back to NORMAL!!
The earlier rise must have been from weeks of tylenol I had been taking after surgery! I do still have abdominal discomfort, so I may be having a sonogram (if insurance approves). Now, my potassium level is too high (?), so I have to go to primary care dr, but needless to say, - I am so relieved that the liver panel was ok!THANK YOU, THANK YOU for your good wishes and for holding my hand while I was a nervous wreck! I love you all!
Xjersey, - as Arlene wrote, - this is the best place to be when dealing with this nonsense! You will get through it all, and everyone here will help!!
Hugs and BE WELL wishes to all!
May your news always be GOOD NEWS from now on!!
oxox
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Doing the happy dance for you anotherNYCgirl
. I am so relieved and happy for you.0 -
anothernycgirl,
YAYAYAYAYAYA!!!!!
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Good news AnotherNYCGirl!!! WooHoo!! I've had off and on abdominal/pelvic pains for months and ultrasound and CT scans showed nothing significant. So try not to worry if they order one for you. Let us know what the doc says about your potassium. I'll be praying for that as well! But enjoy the good news! Man, what a relief
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NYCgirl, yahooooooo! Now celebrate!
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woohoo!!! Thank you God. So happy to hear this nycgirl. What a great way to start the day. 😊
Welcome to the new ladies. Stay strong, ask any questions you like & know we are here.
Have a wonderful week ladies & gents.
Hugs
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THANK YOU, again, my sweet friends!! You are the BEST!!
OXOX
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Xjerseygrl I'm an Xjerseyguy. I'm here because my wife, also an Xjerseygrl, was diagnosed with TNBC in 2013. We're in Alabama now, hence the AL in ALHusband. Welcome! Eevn though I'm sure there are far better things and places that you'd like to be welcomed to. This is a great group.
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congrats congrats congrats AnotherNYC!!!!
Warm welcome and gentle hugs to all of the new comers. Everyone said it correctly: incredible group of strong women, full of advice, guidance, at any time.
My PS also thought I would just need radiation, or else I would have had mastectomy also. Oh well------
My hair is coming in nicely: going to go wigless finally at work, etc in September, the day of my first chemo
Prayers for all
Kath
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First off, Mods, if this in the wrong place I'm truly sorry!
Guys I'm in desperate need of prayers. Also I know there are bigger worries on this board so please bear with me or skip over this post. Well, here goes. Ny husband comes in tonight and asked if I wanted to move back to TX where we moved here (NC) from. He's always wanting to go somewhere different because he hates being in one place long. Last week it was Myrtle Beach. Anyway I told him I wasn't ready and didn't want to move. He asked why which he knows why because I tell him every time he mentions moving! It's because I'm not comfortable changing Oncologists yet. Well he blew up and told me that wasn't a good excuse and not to tell him he doesn't understand! I told him anyway though. He then told me part of moving forward is leaving the place and doctor I'm comfortable with! My Onc is among the best in the nation by the way. I told him I was tired of him wanting to move somewhere different every week. Then he really got mad and told me to divorce him! So I'm in tears! I haven't said anything yet but am thinking of telling him that if I'm holding him back from doing something that makes him happy then we need to call it quits. We honestly haven't been happy in awhile. He thinks I should have moved past the fear and worry a long time ago. He's moved on and every time I express a worry he just gets upset and I end up cuddling my dogs or pillow since he won't hold me or anything. Sorry for letting it all out. I'm just hurt and scared. Anyway, thanks for reading and for any insight! XOXO
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Oh LUV, I'm so sorry for your situation. I'm sure you must feel devastated and betrayed. I have no insight or advise, just warm hugs with a big dose of friendship. As you know, others will be along to offer support too. Jan
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Oh Luv, I am so sorry that your husband is being so difficult right now.
I know how you feel about moving away from drs that you are comfortable with, but I also know that it's hard on our husbands, too, that we are holding them back from doing many things. (My husband wants to travel and I am not up for that yet.)A while ago there was mention on these boards about a book for husbands to help them understand how we feel. Maybe we can go back and find the book title? Mayyyyybe he would read , at least parts of, it??
Any chance he would go with you to talk with one of your drs? or a mediator type person?
How long have you lived where you are?
Would you consider moving back to TX? Would you be willing to take a trip and look around with him? Maybe you would find it to your liking?
My Mom had mastectomy many years ago, yet moved to FL (from here in NY) one year later. She found new drs in FL and was very happy there.
I dont blame you for wanting to stay if you are happy, especially if he likes to move around too often!
I hope that you and he can find a solution!!
Hugs from NYC
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Thanks Jan! I appreciate it! XO!
AnotherNYCgirl, the problem is I'm really truly happy where we are. The weather is better and my allergies don't kill me like they do in Texas. I also find that the best therapy for is going to the Doberman rescue. I've volunteered at other places before and I have never been truly happy like I am here. So it's not just the doctors that's holding me back. I've gone everywhere he's wanted to our whole 16 years of marriage. I wish he'd do what I want for once. We have been here for five years. Before we moved here we built a house out in the country where we were and were only in the new house for eight months before we moved to NC. We had a place in town when he decided to have a house built and I asked him if he was sure we would be there for awhile before having the house built and he said yes. Haha! Right! My doctor and therapist have both talked to him but he has the idea that he's the only thing I need to be happy. I'm dead serious! He doesn't like other's telling him what I need. They've told him I need the least amount of stress possible and to be where I'm content, etc. That's not to say if we "had" to move that I wouldn't but this isn't a have to thing. I'd love more than anything to be closer to my family but I know as soon as the weekly sinus headaches and constant congestion sat in that I'd be miserable. Then I'd be going to the doctor even more and I despise doctor's offices now. You know what I mean? I wish I could forget I had cancer and not have the worries I have but it's hard for me. If we move I'd also have to leave the young breast cancer survivor support group here I attend once a month. It's not easy to find those that are for younger survivors. We have girls that drive one to two hours come because this is the only one close. Of course I'd always have you guys for support if we moved so that's a plus!
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Luv
I'm so sorry you have to deal with this right now. I honestly don't think anyone other than the person walking the journey (hubbies included) really understand what we need or want after this cancer thing. I don't have any advice either. I'm sending you lots of hugs, love & prayers though & I believe after all you have fought to be here that you both will find a middle ground somewhere.
Hang in there. Thank you for sharing. Xoxo
G
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Luv - That just sucks. Sounds to me like he's not interested in what makes you happy. It's all about him and where/what he wants. As much as I'm all for working hard on a marriage (I just celebrated my 29th wedding anniversary), but I also think you deserve to be happy. Sometimes we (wives) tend to bend over backwards for our husbands. With the circumstances we have all been through with breast cancer, we deserve happiness even more then ever! I know I sound like a bitter person, but I assure you, I'm not. I have a wonderful husband who has supported me through my journey and is truly my soulmate. However, I watched my sister-in-law suffer through a long marriage, always bowing to what her (now ex) husband wanted. After 35 years of marriage, she is on her own and has finally found real joy. I hope you take the opportunity to talk to him about it again and maybe you can include some of the other reasons you're happy where you are (allergies, doby rescue, support group, etc.). Maybe you can explain it without his initial anger that he felt when you didn't jump for joy at his suggestion. If he's used to you up and moving on his whims, you probably caught him off guard. Let it sink in with him and try talking about it again. If he doesn't want to consider how these decisions need to be made together, then maybe he doesn't deserve you. Wishing you lots of love and support. With everything you've gone through, it must feel like the rug has been pulled out from under you. We're here for you and sending positive thoughts your way.
Hugs,
Kathy
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Luv, - sounds like he will be forever moving around. You seem to have given in to all of his wants, - and now are happy where you are. Can't he see that?
I agree with what Kathy wrote!!
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Luvmydobies: Thirded! Your husband sounds like a narcissist, unfortunately. Sadly, a lot of what you wrote (not the circumstances, but your husband's general attitude) reminds me of my own dad and the way he acted around/towards my poor mom when she was going through her two bouts of breast cancer–as though she'd been preventing him from "having a life," and was nothing more than a nuisance. Dad finally stepped up to the plate when it was too late and Mom was terminal with ovarian cancer.
You need to put yourself first, Luv. Your husband's purely selfish. You're fighting for your life.
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Fourth, I'm sorry I don't have words of wisdom. It just sounds like he will always be moving- have you talked to him about why he always wants to move? I truly think this next while should be about you.myour comfort and happiness. As little stress as possible while you try and find your new normal. I hope you can have a discussion with him without him getting angry.
Hugs xxx
Shari
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luv
I am thinking of you, too. Fifth!
The book is Stand By Her, recommended by Shari, I think? A great book, I read it, SO refused. We were having troubles before BC, and they intensified during treatment. He resented my sisters and friends, and Refused to read the book. I think it's all about control. I think when (some) men feel they are losing, or have no control, they try to exert some elsewheere. We still have troubles, he's trying, I am trying, but we all know it aint easy! There has to be calm communication, listening and compromise. I hope you two can work on this together. We have enough on our plates with this TN BC, if you ask me.
Hugs and Good Luck,
Arlene
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Since the dawn of time, it's kind have been the man's job to "fix things". It's what we do. We "fix things". (Not implying that women can't by the way. It's just "what we do") When our wives get BC...we are helpless to "fix" it. This causes us a great deal of stress. I remember how much I hated the helpless feeling almost more than anything. I can fix almost anything (or know someone who can), and I've always been the "problem solver" in our marriage, and I couldn't (nor did I know someone who could) fix the BC for my wife. What makes that stress go away is when all of the treatment is done and the docs give the thumbs up and the N.E.D. That's as close to "fixed" as we can get as husbands. We grab onto that and hold on and say to ourselves , "There. It's fixed". We as husbands often drop the ball after the N.E.D. because we tend to want to get BC into the rear view mirror and then out of view completely...as soon as possible...and get on with life. I have caught myself doing it and my wife has caught me doing it and I've had to take a step back and realize that while this is getting smaller in her rear view mirror, it will NEVER be completely out of view...as I'd like it to be. I've failed to recognize that there's a "new normal" that includes some fear and anxiety and I need to recognize this. LUV you said you've been moving around for 16 years. That's apparently your husband's pre BC "normal". It may have been your pre BC normal once too. But there's now a "new normal". I can understand how he can fail to see that because I've been there. He feels a little stress when you speak of Oncologists, etc because in his tiny "man mind" like mine, is "Isn't it fixed?" You must, in as nice a way as possible, explain to him (without condemning him) what the "new normal" looks like for you, and that it includes some fear and some anxiety. It doesn't mean you're not "moving on". It just means you're moving on a little differently, and a little more cautiously, than he is, and that a major move is not really in your "new normal" just yet. My wife is very good at articulating to me what her "new normal" looks like. It's helpful! There! I've babbled and tried to help and I'm not good at putting my thoughts onto paper. You're welcome to tell me to shut up and call me a moron if you'd like. By the way...today is my wife's 2 year "chemo versary".
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Al, a very eloquent explanation and insight. Thank you for sharing, it always helps to have a male perspective!
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My wife and I compromise on everything. For instance, she wanted a red couch and I wanted a black couch. We compromised and got a red couch. ;0)
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