Calling all TNs
Comments
-
AL, - I hope "MrsAL" knows what a great guy she has!!
0 -
al
Haha! I like the red couch story!
And well put. We hope we are fixed!
But there are so many reminders. Ugh.
0 -
Thanks everyone!! I appreciate all the insight and advice and most of all the kind thoughts and hugs!! I have always wanted to stop moving around and establish some roots. He knows this and he told me that his driver personality is what makes him the way he is and I have to accept it! He has to have a lot of praise and appreciation but he doesn't give the same back to me lately. I blame his mom for part of it because she's always told him he's perfect, he doesn't know how to fail, and he deserves the very best, etc. In her mind I'm worthless because I stay at home. I do get income from oil and gas wells so I bring in a fair share to help with the bills. Although he could marry a millionaire and that still wouldn't be good enough in her mind. He was awesome when I was in treatment. I saw a side I never thought he had, but now he tells me he's just not good at empathy. I'm going to try to let things cool down before having a sit down with him.He's hard to talk to because he shuts down when he doesn't hear what he wants. He's just not good with confrontation. ALhusband your wife is very very lucky!! Thanks for your insight! I'll keep you all posted. Please keep praying. Thanks so much for the support everyone! Love you guys!!
0 -
Definite smart move taking some time to cool down. my weapon is to Always start with "I feel" -- I have been frustrated with DH as we bought a tiny house in TN when I got diagnosed. Yes, fixer upper, but no where near ready. And I am concerned on some level how long I can enjoy it.
You may feel the same. You are finally at peace , and this is where you want to be. Simple as that.
Will he meet with a counselor?
I know my values have changed so much: so much less stress, less bitching, less worry, faith stronger than ever. I just want my little peace of country for respite.
Write down some I feel statements: ie I feel sad that you want to leave here, because I feel so happy here, finally. etc.
Hugs, love
Kath
0 -
Well I finally got my computer back all well again and the bill wasn't half as much as expected which was a bonus. I even sent in my laptop for a tune up as well. But geez you ladies have been busy.
Cassylou I agree with adarkadapte the best thing to do is to contact your onco if you haven't already done this as you may have some inflammation in the breast that requires antibiotics. Hugs to you.
WNYMom I can understand your "what ifs" they are so debilitating and causes such anxiety especially as your mom passed with TNBC but try and stay positive, keep busy and try not to go there. Everyone is different and you can beat this. Sending hugs.
Curly you are right cancer sux big time but you would have had a huge shock with your dear friends liver mets diagnosis. Crying is not wasted as you are hurting for her but there may be some treatment she can have because I have often heard of liver mets disappearing with some types of other treatment. Try and stay your usual positive self for her and you. In your pocket.
Another what can I say that the other ladies haven't said. I am over the moon about your "Normal" liver enzymes. I don't think the nurses and docs ever put themselves in our place when it comes to getting back to us with results but I am joining Shofi in doing the happy dance. Hope your tummy troubles clear up soon as well. Do they know what is causing the trouble.
Hi to you Meadow. Good to hear from you and hope you are doing well.
wendeeB anxiety is the killer for us. It manages to creep into our thoughts every time until we can't think straight. In your pocket for a clear mammo. In the meantime stop keeping pushing your boobs around you will make them sore. lol.
Welcome Xjerseygrl. So glad you have stopped reading the doom and gloom and have come to us for positivity. Hang in there and take one step at a time. Hugs
greenae your summer felt long and my winter felt long and I am so over it. I can't wait to shed some of these winter clothes and spring is only a month away. Don't think about BC every day, think about how you will soon be able to enjoy your weights and spin class. They will soon come.
Toby so glad your hair is slowly coming back in. I was auburn with way hair now it has got silver tips and is dead straight, such a bummer. Yay to going wigless you brave lady.
LUV what can any of us say to make you feel better. Some men just can't take the long term route (not you AL). He was awesome to you whilst you were undergoing treatment but as far as he is concerned that treatment is now over and done with and its, right, ummm where shall we move to, not taking in the fact that you are happy where you are and want to put down some roots. Maybe he thinks your anxiety will be less if you have a new town or home to think about or maybe he is just a wanderer and expects you to keep up with him whenever or wherever he wants to go. Would he be able to get another job easily. Why is he always so discontented and not happy to make a forever home with you. Would he go to couple counselling with you. Maybe you both need to sit down together without anger, and say exactly how you feel without interrupting each other and if you feel you are unable to talk to each other without anger creeping in then write it all down and give it to him so he can read it and take in how you feel just for once. Every marriage needs compromises from both parties not just one. Do you feel you could follow him to the moon and back and if not, why not. Has your marriage reached its expiry date or how would you or he feel if you did separate. You have a lot to think and talk about my friend but I hope it all turns out good for you and you are happy whatever the outcome.
AL, I thought your initials meant you were called Alan as my hubby is. But from a male perspective you hit the nail on the head with your post. Well done you wonderful man.
0 -
ALHusband, thank you for your great explanation and perspective. My husband is a great guy and has supported me every step of the way, but I know the way we think about my cancer is different. He's a "fixer" by nature and he doesn't tend to dwell on the past. Both of those aspects of his personality are very desirable as far as I'm concerned, but it does help explain our different reactions to my cancer. Your concept of the "rear view mirror" and the differences in our new normals makes a lot of sense.
0 -
Hi everyone! I have not been on BCO for about 6 months. Before that i was quite active on various threads. The 6 month time out was devoted to getting our 15 year old house ready to sell (a lot of major renovations to a small house) in Northern Virginia. The move was necessary as my really supportive husband had turned 71, hated his job and commute and really needed to retire. We couldn't afford to live in NoVA on retirement income so we found a home in Wilmington NC that we could afford. We are now located there. I am suffering terrible homesickness!!! I lived in NoVA area all my 64 years.
In December I will be 3 years out. I really put BC on the back burner since March--no exercise, now very poor eating habits. I didn't even keep my 6 month follow up with my oncologist whom I like (Dr. Denduluri). I think I just didn't want to say goodbye. Having lived here about a month, I'm finally getting my priorities straight. I'm looking for a good TNBC specialist and am willing to travel several hours from here (UNC?) I've read a few comments on the board this morning that mentioned UNC. Could anyone weigh in on this? I am looking for someone who is not only up on TNBC but also has a good bedside manner.
Thanks so much,
Peggy
0 -
ALHusband: Thank you so much for that perspective! No, you're FAR from a moron, and I understand your "rear view mirror" analogy. You seem like a wonderful guy–no "blame the victim" stance/vibes, which is commendable. Glad to know that there are guys like you supporting their wives through this hell!
0 -
I spoke with him last night and he said he just wants me to move on. He says he would like to find a place in the country here if not TX. So he is willing to compromise I think. If we find a place in the country here I'd still be able to see my docs here. I'll keep you all posted though. Please keep praying though.
I do have a new worry though. I've been having more vaginal discharge and hopefully if it is anything it's just my period trying to come back. More of a worry is that I feel what I think is a lymph node in front of my ear! I had some decent sized red bumps in my hairline above the ear. They never hurt or itched but were red. There's still some redness and it looks a little flaky/dry in that spot. One fear is infection because I'm scared of antibiotics due to my CDiff history. Of course the other worry is cancer. They say nodes swell either from infection or cancer. Does anyone know if anything else can cause them to swell? I can't see it but if feels like a small pea.
Peggy, you asked about UNC. I was treated there and my Onc is Dr. Muss. He's not a TN specialist but he is one of the top cancer docs in the nation. However I think Dr. Lisa Carey at UNC is a TN specialist. I've heard good things about her. I love Dr. Muss!! He has great bedside manner as well. His nurse navigator is a gem too!
0 -
Cocker...ha ha! I guess I've never posted it but my name is Mike!
0 -
Peggy-I loved Dr Dendeluri too# she recommended Dr Anders. She is super smart with great bedside manner
0 -
Luv, - Dont let everything make you think cancer!! Yes, - your hormones are probably trying to bring back your period, - and a bump by your ear could be an insect bite, or a cyst, etc! Check with the dr if you are concerned, - but don't let your imagination run away with you!!
Sounds like your husband is wiling to compromise! That sure sounds good!!
0 -
LUV you are so dear to our hearts and I hate what you are going through but your post said it all. Your hubby wants you to move on because as Mike said "he can't fix it". He can't fix your worries or your anxiety because he just doesn't know how to. Some men just can't do this and it cuts them up. Keep that compromise going and even if you move to the country you will still see the same doc's. Perhaps you may even get your hubby to agree to stay somewhere for say ten years with a bit of luck. Saying many prayers that you both can work this out. xxooxx.
0 -
Hi, am wondering if anyone could give me some advise. As you can see below I have just had my second primary removed, though first TN. I am a stage 1 so mastectomies are not being recommended as I have no known family history, though I am one of very few females in my family. I am having genetic testing done just in case. I am very unsure how to proceed here as don't want to find myself with a third primary or recurrence of this TN. I am due to start chemo in the next couple of weeks. There are so many posts to run through here so thought someone who has a similar diagnosis to me may be able to help.
0 -
kal52: I'm also TN and waiting on (more) genetic testing to determine how to proceed, re: surgery. Right now I'm an "uninformed negative" with regards to BRCA1 and BRCA2; in a few weeks, I'll find out whether there's something else going on–in other words, a possible familial cancer syndrome–or I've just got "bad luck."
0 -
Luv I've been thinking about you and your situation about your dh wanting to move. I hope by now you and dh have found a compromise. I think I would just unglue if my dh came up with such an idea. We moved here with me kicking and screaming all the way. I'm happy now, but wow, what an adjustment. So have you been able to ask him to explain why he believes the move would be beneficial - to him or to you? Does he have real facts that life is better elsewhere, or does he simply get restless? Would he compromise to make a plan to wait to move in 5 or 10 years so that you can continue with your current medical team? Or simply tell him you simply are not moving and see what happens. So sorry you have this frustration. I've been thinking about what I would do in your situation and sure hope you can find a happy solution. Love ya, Jan
0 -
Cocker thanks so much for the kind words and prayers! XOXO! You're all dear to my heart too!
Jan, my husband says he wants to move to the country so he can have some acreage and grow some stuff like table grapes, strawberries, etc. He has always been restless, so this potential move isn't because he can't fix me. He wants to build a tiny house and is also wanting a place in Myrtle Beach. When I say tiny I mean like a house under 1000 sq ft. Our current house is around 3200 sq ft. Now I don't mean I want a big house, but I have no clue where we will put everything! He's already scheduled a realtor to come over Wednesday night! I secretly hope it doesn't sell. I hate the hassle of trying to sell because you never know when they may schedule a showing and it's just a pain because I'm the one who deals with all of it and it's not even my idea to do this. It wasn't the previous three times we've had it up for sale either. I had to cancel many showings because I was at the rescue on the days they wanted to show it or was out running errands and the dog's were in the house, etc. At least he's willing to stay close to my doctors so I can't complain too much I guess. Thanks for thinking of me. I love you too! XOXO!!
One other concern is the thing I'm having checked in front of my ear this morning. I don't know if it's a node or what but I'm nervous! Then there's the vaginal discharge that's increased the past week. So I guess I'll see if she will send off a sample of that to check for infection. Ugh!!! Thanks again everyone. You ladies and gentsare the bomb!!! Sorry about mentioning the discharge Mike. I know you won't have any idea about that since you don't have that issue. Haha!! You men are lucky to not have to deal with that!! Well, unless of course you have some kind of crotch critters! Ha!!
Love all of you so much!!!
0 -
kal52, if I'm not mistaken recurrence rates are pretty much the same whether you have a mastectomy or lumpectomy, unless stats have changed the last two years. My breasts were so small so mastectomy was my only choice. I did the double mastectomy and don't regret it. Take some time to think about it and get another medical opinion if need be and make the decision that you are most comfortable with. Some more folks here should be along with some advice too. Hang in there and welcome to the group. We are sorry you have to be here but this is a wonderful group. We lift each other up and will lift you up and hold your hand too. XOXO!!
0 -
@kal52: I also did the genetic testing for the BRAC1 and BRAC2 gene mutations. It seemed like it took forever to get the results, but my results came back as negative. I just had a lumpectomy for TNBC and was told by my doctor that recurrence rates are pretty much the same whether you have a mastectomy or lumpectomy. I have pretty small breasts, but the surgeon was able to get clear margins. I also had two lymph nodes removed which were also clear. I meet with the doctor on Wednesday to determine chemo and radiation plans. It's a hard decision to make. Good Luck with whatever you decide. I know it's going to be a battle, but one that I am going to win!
0 -
Hi everyone, I'm not new to BCO and have been active on some other threads, but someone suggested I check this one out, so here I am! I'm 44, dx at 44, Stage IIa. I had a BMX with immediate reconstruction, DIEP flap (left) and DIEP flap + muscle-sparing free TRAM (right). I'm currently 3 weeks post-op today, and other than still having 1 really annoying, stubborn drain, my recovery has been pretty good. My neurologist has been on top of pain control and I'm doing my PT exercises to stretch my shoulders, especially the left. They removed 19 nodes, but only 2 were positive. My port placement is scheduled for 8/26 and chemo is scheduled to start on 8/31 - 4 AC dose dense every 2 weeks and 4 Taxol dose dense every 2 weeks. I also started counseling in a BC support program at a local university as soon as I was diagnosed. I knew I'd never get to the surgery if I didn't.
In addition to this lovely BC experience, I have several chronic illnesses: fibromyalgia, peripheral neuropathy, IBS, psoriasis, and some autoimmune issues. I also have 6 meningiomas (benign, stable). These, my age, TN status and 2 precancerous polyps sent me to genetic testing. My family comes from a small community in Poland/Lithuania/Bello-Russe that had a lot of intermarriage there and here in the U.S., and my parents were 6th cousins - not that close, but.... My sister, ever the humorist, said, "Well, with your medical history and our family history, I bet every single one of those genes is going to be inconclusive." Thanks, lol! Hopefully I'll have those results just before I start chemo. My MO is, as he delicately put it, "quite concerned" about the possible side effects considering my already beleaguered medical conditions. But we won't know until we know, right? So I'm planning to prepare for the worst and hope for the best.
A little about me aside from BC: I come from a close-knit family, very supportive. I'm married 17 years to my DH, who is from Ireland and is and has been amazing through all this and beyond. We have no kids and we live on Long Island. We are owned by one cranky, head-butting, screeching, 15-year-old, skinny, perpetually shedding cat named Olivia. I work part-time for a pharmaceutical wholesaler, help my husband in his electrical contracting business, and I have my own graphic design business specializing in papercraft, greeting cards and small gifts (all on hold at the moment). I love to cook, read, golf (well, can't as much in the last few years) and travel and do so as often as possible. I suck at gardening, even though I love doing it, and anyone who prays should do so for the poor orchids some well-meaning visitors brought.
0 -
kal52 I think the BRCA test results are necessary for you to make an informed decision. If you turn up being BRCA1 or BRCA2 positive...the diecision is pretty much already made for you as I believe pretty much any Oncologist would strongly recommend bilateral mastectomy. My wife had already had a lumpectomy when her genetic testing results came back that she was BRCA2 positive. The unanimous recommendation from all of her doctors was bilateral mastectomy, so back to the operating room she went.
0 -
Hi Bunny! welcome to the group! You will be glad that you found us!
This is a wonderful place!Great that your surgery is behind you, and you sound like you are doing well!
As for the AC/T, it is ok, but if you find otherwise, perhaps your onc can divide the A & C, as mine did. I had one full dose, but then had just the C, and then just the A (3 more of each) and then the dd T. Although it took longer , it was more tolerable for me!
Keep healing and keep posting!
0 -
hello, Bunny. You and I have a very similar diagnosis for BC and I turned up BRCA1 positive, although I have skipped the autoimmune train. I and several other triple negs lurking here will get 4 AC and 12 weekly Taxotere/Carboplatin doses (the order seems to depend on the oncologist).Check with your doctor on the Carboplatin. It seems to be the most recent chemo regimen for triple negative tumors and shows some good promise in stopping recurrence.
Scrunch Olivia from me.
0 -
Thanks ms cocker. I need someone in my pocket. my tummy is a wreck. my mammo is tomorrow at 0800. Ugh. I try to give myself the same advice I'd give someone in my shoes, but it's not working. All prayers, well wishes, and all clear vibes welcome. Thanks y'all, as always.
0 -
Teka...how absolutely adorable!!!!
Ladies take care and I will check back in a couple of days. I am due in the OR tomorrow at 6am. Keep me in your pockets.
0 -
Teka: LOLOL! Ka-yewt!
shorfi: Good luck! *Hugs*
0 -
Peggy,
Yes, as someone else mentioned, Lisa Carey is one of the top TNBC specialists in the country
0 -
Shorfi we will be in your pocket tomorrow and praying everything goes well. Check in and update when you can!!
0 -
Sending a hug to you ((LUV))
Mike! I smiled when you said that. I think you have a whole different persona now!
Hello sweet Cocker
Welcome Bunny!
So, my heart is so heavy. We had to put down our old man horse today, Tonka. He was so very special, so gentle and wonderful. He was about 30, and had cancer of all things. We and the vet helped him crossover, surrounded by love. I am worn out, and sad. Thanks for listening
0 -
Ah Meadow I'm so sorry. Horses are such great animals. My son loves them. His nightly prayer is that he will own his own horse one day. Sending your family a lot of hugs & love tonight. 😔
0
