August 2010...anyone starting chemo besides me?!
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What? Did I put you all in a coma? LOL
Ginger
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Ha! Coma. (c:
I lived in Des Moines as a kid. Where in WA are you?
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Ginger:
That is really great that you found a class to help you learn your new machine and some new techniques. I wish there were general "tech" schools where we all could go to learn our phones and fancy gadgets we love so much! It is really wonderful that you found such a school.
I have been meaning to tell you, as you named "names" on that doctor in Chicago, before I hired a PS when this bc first started, I interviewed a number of them. One of them was such a gargantuan ahole, I will put him on blast some day but, and the reason this is pertinent, when I was sitting in his lobby there was a woman who had a $6000 balance with him. She was there to charge up some more crap and it turns out she was on the "board" of some charity. The "board" in totality was her and her boyfriend! She was also going on about her trip to Belize that was only around the corner. I just got the impression that she was the sole beneficiary of this "charity" she established. Reason I know about her balance is because she quite candidly asked while I was sitting there waiting. These "humanitarian" projects and fundraisers oft times go way off track and greed takes over. There was just a guy outside the local grocery store collecting money. He was handing out some piece of paper regarding his "organization" I guess, to lend legitimacy. I gave because I really wanted that paper. It turns out his "organization" is on a Connecticut watch list. I just got the distinct impression he was pocketing every dime and was fundraising for himself.
Not that any of these issues are plaguing the organization you are involved with but remember that distance provides perspective. Take a year off and reevaluate. You may never go back to it. I finally, after many moons, know what people mean when they say ‘you just can't help.' Everything becomes so convoluted...problems. Step away, maintain your health, draw perspective and enjoy your sewing class.
Finally, everything runs its course. Perhaps your time with that organization (the one that you knew it to be) has run its course. As for putting us on a coma on this thread, the tumbleweeds have been beginning to blow here. This is a good sign. This means we are all getting healthier, back to our normal lives and our thread may have run its most active course. Occasionally I know people will come back and post but it is winding down and has been for months. I will always stop by and post here and there and others do as well but we are also running into the busiest part of the year for everyone with the holidays.Ginger, give yourself a break. I think, based on what you have said, you have devoted an enormous part of yourself to things you believed in for many, many moons. You are no fool and will give all of yourself when the mission is whole and warranting appropriate results. When this is no longer the case, you have to walk away.
Relax now and enjoy your granddaughter and sewing class and some more lighthearted things for a while. The only constant is change....embrace, woman!
Good day!
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I am in Eastern King County, unincorporated Redmond. I grew up in Chicago.
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Hi Ginger - That sounds like a very good plan to take a year off from the charity. I just don't have patience with things that pull me down anymore. Actually I seem to be short on patience period. Hmmm, that's probably not good.... I like to sew too. It's especially helpful for remodeling store bought pants I have found. I need to teach my daughter next summer.0
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Ah Lizzy, nah, we are legit. No one takes any salary and we even pay our own way back and forth to Haiti. While we are at themission we pay for our room and board. We are truely volunteer. Haiti is just hard on everyone, for a long time I couldn't even go into a US grocery store. For me one of the biggest current problems is my ability to communicate orally and I feel quite useless on the board meetings which are all over the phone. It is complicated and I think what I am going to do is step back from full activity,with board acknowlegement. I did the incorporation years ago, was a grant writer, pres, speaker, presenter, among other things. There was a time when I was doing most everything. Now there are more people and they need to carry more load. Hopefully I can advise and remind of 501(c)(3) regulations. I justr need to stop putting the pressure on myself.
Thanks Lizzy for your response. I hope you are enjoying your new boobs and the drains are behaving themselves. Perhaps this will all lead to a new season in your life too. I would enjoy a time of uncomplicated pleasantness. It would probably be boring but I'd like to give it a try.
Hugs, Ginger
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My new friends, those of you who pray, will you please pray for me. My husband came in Monday night and out of the blue said he was leaving and wanted to separate. He has moved to the lakehouse. He said he felt ignored and no longer loved. I told him I know I haven't been focused on our marriage; my focus has been just trying to survive with TWO cancer diagnoses. Long story short, he's gone. Apparently had been planning this a while. Told me Monday and had movers here Wednesday. It's been a crazy week. We have an appointment with a marriage counselor next Wed. so at least he is willing to talk about it and maybe work things out. You ladies have meant so much to me the past year or so. Thanks for your prayers and support.
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Oh Lady! I think if I remember right you hadn't been married very long before you got the first diagnosis. I don't even know what to say. I hope that you will be able to work things out. I am sad, you have been through so much. ((((hugs))))
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(((Lady)))
You will absolutely be in my thoughts and prayers.
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Lady I am so sad to hear this news. I too hope you can work this out.
Sending prayers and big hugs.
Love Ginger
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Good day, warriors-
I hope you all are remembering to smile at yourselves in the mirror as you pass by as it works to support your beautiful spirits! I wish I did not have so many inches of scarring, a drain and all this stuff going on because I really want to make a huge pile of leaves and dive right in! I am so serious...my lawn is a bit of a hill sloping down to the street, and because I am the last house on a dead end, if I got a good roll going, I could go right out into the street without a care in the world!!! May I live to enjoy leaf pile diving next year!!!!!
Lady: ((((((HUGE HUGS))))) I am so sorry for what you are going through and I just cannot believe that he walks, at this time, and in such an organized manner. My father knew a really nice guy who as soon as he found out he had cancer his bitch bag wife left him. My father was always so disgusted as to how someone could do that. I am so sorry for you but you know, people have asked me how I can go through this alone and it is amazing etc... and, to be honest, I think it is wicked easier to go through it without a spouse/boyfriend than it would have been to go through it with someone because I was the only person I had to worry about each day and it was great. The bottom line is with a cancer dx, the newness wears off, the dx wears off, everyone falls back into their original roles and, I am sorry to say, men are needy. They require a lot of attention and sex and all the other crap that goes along with their neediness and should their needs not get met, well, the world might as well be coming to an end. Women are forever nurturing but who the heck nurtures us? I saw my stepmother totally take care of my father in his final years and all I could think was who is going to do that for her? Write yourself a new ticket and try desperately to not see this as an albatross but as a chance to get to know your post-cancer self without having to cater to someone else's needs while you do it. Cater to yourself and wallow in that love, nurturing and caring you can now direct to the most important person in your life and that is YOU. There is so much I can say but I really have to caution myself because I know the emotional toll this must be taking is quite enough. Just remember, I care about you and my words come from a place of love and support. Please, as you go through the 5 "stages" remember, there is a upside to anger. It will come. If you need anything, PM me....I am here.
Ginger: sadly all you need are human beings to complicate things irreparably! Money will make a huge mess but it is not a necessary component for muckiness! Honestly, it sounds like you might really just need a break. You devoted a lot of yourself to that cause, it seems, and one person is very incapacitated against the human tide of desperation our 3rd world countries present. You might just be coming to terms with your own limitations. I know how this feels...I used to think I changed in a phone booth as well!!! You have been through a lot also with a physical move of at least 1000 miles across the country during a cancer battle all while you welcome your little love nugget, your granddaughter, into this world is an awful lot. You are correct in that a period of pleasantness might be boring but it sure will be nice! Relax, you surely have earned it.
Well, it seems quite likely I have a clot in the left breast and will have to go to the OR next week so they can issue a "cease and desist" order to my blood clump! Aside from that, the right drain seemed to have gotten infected but now it seems to be under control. My only real problem these days is wicked sharp pains in my right thigh and now in my left thigh. I am going to talk to my doc on Monday about this. It might just be nerve upset somewhere along that highway in my body manifesting in my legs and after all I have been through, I am lacking worry about this facet of my journey!
As for my boobs, she is a wicked talented surgeon. I am so happy I found her and so happy that ckptry, with all her years at MSK, encouraged me to find a new PS. That helped a lot and this PS is just wonderful PLUS every time I go to the office I actually "see" her and she is incredibly busy and popular...all good things. I am also down to just one drain = YAY!
That is it from here....waiting for the VNA! I have a new VNA company also and they are much, much better than that last one! Things are looking up.
Good day, all-
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Thanks all. I love you ladies and knew I could count on you to understand. I'm doing better today. Like Lizzy said, I think it's almost easier to be alone. I don't have to try and be "normal" or keep house or cook dinner or anything except take care of me and the dogs! My pastor told me the other day that he thinks DH is making a huge mistake, and I have to agree. I think the longer he is gone, the more I won't miss him, if that makes sense. Don't get me wrong, he's my husband and I love him, but you have to have second thoughts when someone ups and leaves like that.
Anyway, just wanted to check in and let you all know I was ok. And, of course, to see how everyone else is doing.
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Lady: you have a WINNING attitude and a heart of gold. Let your pastor, little dogs, family and friends see you through this and you will be just fine. You are right in that the longer he is gone, the less you will miss him. Someday the "how could he" mentality will set in. For now, however, day-by-day and KEEP BUSY! Join a hiking club or learn how to line dance or join a knitting group but by all means, keep busy!
As for not having to make dinner, clean the house blah blah blah you might just come to LOVE your new life! You do what you want, when you want and how you want....it is a pretty good life! he he he!!
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Lady: {{{{{HUGS}}}} What a difficult thing to go through after everything else. I am soo sorry that this has happened to you. I will keep you in my prayers that you have the strength to see yourself through this.
Debbi
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Lizzy: I am very sorry to hear about your blood clump. You have had so many complications along the way, you deserved a smooth recovery. But you are a strong one and I am sure in the end you will come through with flying colors. Good luck next week, I will be sending positive healing vibes your way.
Ginger: I think you are absolutely right to take a step back. Sometimes we need to step away in order to focus ourselves. You can always go back, but it has been a long and difficult year for you so some time away might just be what you need to renew and refocus. I think the sewing club is a wonderful way to find some alternate socialization. How is that grandbaby doing anyway??
Lady: I just read your response and I agree with Lizzy..you have a great attitude and that will help you immensely as you continue on. I too found it easier to go through this all alone. While I do have kids to worry about, I don't have to worry about a husband, and that has been a great relief this past year and a half. No male bullsh** to worry about. I agree with Lizzy, try to keep busy and get out, don't stay at home it gives you too much time to think and possibly feel bad. And remember we are all here for you!
Debbi
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Sptmm: So good to hear from you! I am so happy you checked in! I have been wondering about you. No male bullsh*t to deal with is very nice. They are often times more of an unnecessary and cumbersome distraction than they are help. To be honest, and all the people at Yale that wondered how I have such a good attitude and am doing so well, I always felt that I never wanted to tell them the truth which is BECAUSE I am alone! The only one I have to worry about is me and it is nice because, in the end, and because the male and female roles in our society, the arrangement often is men take and women give...that is just the way it is. I honestly feel bad for those who had/have spouses during bc, or life in general (joking!). My mother told me the whole story before I even got into it so I could make an educated decision. Thank god she did!
Deb, as for my stupid lumps and bumps, my PS is excellent and I am sure I will be fine. I am going to need 1 more procedure for symmetry but I knew that going into this. I thank you for your kinds words and am sure I will be fine.
Lady: go to RedBox and rent some funny movies...."Bad Teacher" is out there and although this one might not be the best "title" for you to pick up, if you did not see "Brides Maids," it is very funny! My friend also belongs to something online called "Meet Up" and it is not some dumb dating service but more like people that just "meet up" to do things they like. Like my friend loves to go out to dinner but is pretty much very independent, self-sufficient, has a great career and well, guys come and go. She joins these restaurant meet up groups and they meet and try out all different restaurants in the area where she is. I, myself, don't like to eat at too many restaurants because I cannot stand that I *know* full well what they will do to cut corners and how dirty those kitchens can be but for me, I want to learn how to ballroom dance so I might join that kind of group at some point. There are all different kinds out there so go find them and get busy!
I know you don't have that bad weather in winter where you are but a nice way to meet people is mall walking. NOBODY laugh but I did mall walk one year and it was nice and let me tell you, those people get a move on and they are competitive. Like I would see somebody up ahead, like in front of Nordstrom, and I would speed up and eventually seek to pass that person! Good times! There were some my age- a few nice guys that were just out for some exercise. Clearly the median age is 70 but they are a positive, spirited 70!
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OMG. You crack me up! How many people did you trip? (c: Ballroom dancing....... me too! And the restaurant thing, yep, but I don't care! Oh, and blood clump, healing vibes and amusement at the name coming from here. I hope for no blood clumps in December. Bad Teacher..... noted.
BTW. Thank you all. The conversation on this thread helps me so much and I have you all in my thoughts and prayers.
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Lizzy: This week I've been changing everything at the house over to my name and I switched from Dish to DirectTV. I get free movies for 3 months and I was clicking through yesterday and found "Bridesmaids" and recorded it. I love the new show Mike & Molly and the "Molly" character is in it, so I figured it would be good. I'll have to go watch it now!
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Adey: tripping old folks at the mall walking events?!?! Perhaps....!! I am serious, they cook! Some of them I thought were using roller sneakers! When I worked in lower Manhattan, there was an NYSC on Wall St. It was in an old bank and was 4 floors, 5 including the basement/locker rooms. In any case, all the escalators were, of course, turned off as, after all, this is a gym! Well, the same with those mall walking hot spots...all escalators off. Again, and just like NYC, when coming up from the 4/5, the escalators were, of course, on moving millions of people but the right lane was for the "riders" and the left lane was for the "climbers." This mall that I walked at had the same etiquette only the escalators were off and there was a slow and fast lane!!!! Funny *s*!!! I better stop....I will scare ladyinbama away from mall walking!
Yeah, ballroom dancing...I always wanted to....I also want to learn tenor sax. Just some stuff i want to do. I think as I head into the years where hip gyrating in the nightclubs has been relegated to the dust bin of history, and as it should, and where dancing so as not to break a hip is the new goal, it might be time to learn something less rambunctious! Here is to us learning a proper waltz!
Lady: when you are ready, a great vaca/pick-me-up for any woman but, in particular, American woman of a certain age (over 45ish) is Sicily! Italian men, as we all know are wildly amorous! I don't even think "wildly amorous" even gives proper justice! In any case, in Sicily there is a love of "older" American women and even if you are not looking for "that," I once knew a woman who would just go back and revel in that attention! She loved it...65, looked great, fought gravity with a few trips to the nip and she found those trips to Sicily to be particularly enthralling! Maybe you owe yourself a little jaunt after the holidays!
Did I tell you all about when I was on a 1st with *this* Italian guy but, when I was flirting with the slightly post-St. Pat's Day Irish leftover visiting Manhattan! In any case, I dumped that guy I was dating but not quickly enough because I so wanted to race off with that (rather principled) Dublin man but the Dublin man was upset with me for basically "jilting" the guy I was with, while he was still there!!!! Principled men...the bane of my existence!!!
In any case, about the Irish boys---always hysterical (with the pint!), strong wit, good looking and, here goes a TMI, but I have fallen victim to laughing my pants off on more than one occasion!! So, my point is, go to Sicily, go to Ireland, enjoy the boys and come home and tell us all about it, Lady....HAVE SOME FUN! If my boobs are all fixed up, I just might join you! I am going to need a serious MAN holiday next year and to avoid clingers/complications, I will be heading across the pond!
Keep smiling, girls!
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Lizzy: You crack me up!! Italy is on my bucket list. I've always wanted to go there, and not for "that."
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Hi all!
So I haven't been reading too much lately, but I think off all of you very frequently. Hard to believe that a year ago, we were all getting through chemo! I miss having the time to check out the boards, but I don't miss the reason I don't have time. I will be honest, there are so many pages I just sort of skimmed the last page from our group.
Lady in Bama - OMG! Be strong...you have been through so much. I hope however this situation resolves itself, you are happy. You really deserve a bit of happiness after everything you have been through.
Lizzy - It has been a crazy long road to recovery for you as well. I hope things get back to normal soon for you. No more complications!!!
Things have been good here. Been so busy with my 4 and 6 year olds. Soccer season is over but boy scouts and school are still here. I have also been going to a ton of doctors appointments. I am thinking about having the other breast removed in January with an immediate DIEP reconstruction. Been seeing plastic surgeons and breast specialists. I am nervous about it, but I know I need to take the other breast off for my own piece of mind. When I had my mammogram in June this year and then when I had my very first breast MRI a few weeks ago to make sure there did not appear to be any surprises, I was a wreck. Plus, I have been walking around lopsided for almost a year and a half. I never got a real prosthetic and have only been using the soft form they sent me from the American Cancer Society. I am nervous but looking forward to it. I will feel great to put on a bra and not have to continually move my form around. No more looking down and realizing it is up near my neck!
Wanted to stop in and say hi. Scouting for food this morning with the cub scouts and then painting the garage. Hope you all have a good weekend. You will all remain in my thoughts and prayers! Hope to pop on more often!
Take care and big hugs,
Michelle
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Lady...so sorry to hear your news. Sending you hugs and strength. You are a warrior (sounds like that 80's song--but so true). You will get through this. Canceris so hard on the whole family...it xcan terrify everyone and people have a hard time dealing with that.
Everything is good on my side...work busy, kids busy. Heading away for hockey tournament next weekend and we booked to go away as of Dec 30th. Will spend New Years in the Caribbean!0 -
Good day, warriors-
I am sore today and taking it easy. Someday I will feel whole and comfortable again...I hope!
Lady: If I can keeping you laughing, that is ALL that matters! Did you like "Brides Maids?" Funny movie. Just keep yourself busy. Oh, btw, I mentioned "meet up" but I did not give you the URL=www.meetup.com!!! when you are ready, there are groups out there to join in and have some fun. Actually, I am sure there is a football game meetup group in your parts....now, from what I understand, that is something you would really love! Here is something for you to giggle about: the VNA was just here and asked me if I lived alone. She said she and her husband moved in with her mom who was sick at the time and just recently passed. She sheepishly admitted she CANNOT WAIT to live alone and that she envies my existence! She said men are ok but they are just a lot of work! As she was living she commented on some of my art and she kept looking around and saying how cozy it was and, to be honest, I think she started making her plans to go solo right here in my living room today! She was a lovely woman but has gotten to the point in her life where she wants to take care of her and her alone. I picked up one of her gloves and I said "you want to know why women die from bc? This is why" and I pointed to all the fingers hanging from the glove as being all the things/people/entities in women's lives that take, take, take and hardly every give because women are nurturing. I told her I am strong because I don't have these people/things draining my resources. You will grow to love the peace, quiet, your little dogs and the love you will find for yourself as you take care of you and only you for a change. Embrace it, woman! Plan your trip to Italy, also...get working on that bucket list!
Mommichelle: good to hear from you again. The very angst you experience when going for the mammos and MRIs is exactly why so many people get prophylactic bmxs. If I ever had to go through this past year and a half again all because I wanted to hold onto one of my breasts, I have no clue as to how I could have dealt with such a situation which is why I knew the other one had to go. Best of luck, it is not an easy choice. Consider Brava and Microfat grafting and all the new options available to you. Also, Adey from this thread is going to a renowned reconstructive facility in NOLA. If you search "NOLA" you will several threads talking about what they do there. There are so many new options available to us, check it all out. Good luck with this tough decision.
Rachel: the Caribbean for NYE....wonderful! I love, love, love being in a warm climate for NYE! Good for you...splendid idea!
Ok, so I bought Adele's "21" cd and I love every song on it! Not since Maroon 5's "Songs About Jane" have I loved an entire CD so much! Music is such a gift.
Good day-
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I went to a quilt show with my DD yesterday. I saw some beautiful quilts. I also bought a CD of a harpist that is all recoded out of doors and beings with a section where the wind alone is causing the strings of the harp to call. It is really neat.
I went to a machine embroidery class again today and am starting to get it. I have been away form it all for so long. This is also the first group of women whose names I know who are not medical personnel. It is all giving me lots of daytime energy.
I am having a hard time with ongoing night terrors. My husband tells me I woke him screaming 6 times between 10:30 and 1 AM. I recall only the last time with him yelling Wake up! wake up! tHIS IS TERRIBLE! Arimidex? Could that cause this? I don't feel like I am getting restful sleep. Duh!
Laters GInger
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Good day, warriors-
Hope you are all well
Ginger: that outdoor harp CD sounds wonderful. I received a meditation CD through survivorship clinic and although I have been unable to verify, it very much sounds like parts were recorded in nature. It is so nice.
Night terrors? Ugh...well at least you don't know about them! Except for your dh's reports, that is! I wonder what is causing this? Did you think of seeing someone just to talk about it? Ever since dx I get this feeling, only at night while lying in bed, that I am falling. It stops shortly thereafter and does not make a lick of sense as I am not even sleeping when it happens. In any case, that is nothing like night terrors. You poor thing. I feel bad for you.
As for embroidery, I am so glad you are keeping up with the class. Good for you
I went to a few church fairs this weekend in search of a handmade and embroidered xmas tree skirt, to no avail. I will try again this weekend. I am looking for something in particular.Lady: I hope you are doing ok. Check in and give an update, woman!
Well, I did a few things around the house yesterday so this morning, after getting my drain out, I got a massage as a reward! Felt wonderful! Oh yeah, no more drains....both are GONE! YAY!
Good day, girls-
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Yay for no more drains Lizzy!!! Wishing you a super speedy recovery. I have been enjoying my upper body weights a lot. I did what you said and now work toward 4 sets of 12 reps. I am doing 6 and 7 pounds for most of the positions. I need to add more abs and lower body stuff. I really like working out with the weights, I try to maintain every other day. It's fun!0
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Omaz: that is great news! Working out with weights is great and don't forget, you can actually eat a little more as a result. Your body really needs more calories when lifting even if it is a protein shake with a banana. Oh, I meant to tell you, as for lifting, use 2-3's so you are working 6 on both sides, you know? I know you said you have a mismatch of like a 6 and a 7, I believe? Lifting gives the body such a fantastic infrastructure it is amazing. I am so glad you are enjoying it. When you will really enjoy its benefits is when you are 90! You will be totally thankful of every second you put into lifting!0
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I am still using the mismatch - what does 2-3's mean?!
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Hey ladies- just checking in, ave a few minutes before i have to get the kiddos up and hopped online
I wish i had everyones phone numbers LOL cuz i can text all day long just dont get time to get online (unless i am doing research for my final) LOL
I almost got online while i was at school lol i think about y'all all the time! Lizzy did you have your surgery? If i recall it was coming up... i will try to get online after class before i pic up the kids
heres an artical i am in
btw i feel like someone hiding out sending a secret message LOL having to be so brief!
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ps the physical thearpy 3x a week is helping a lot with the nubness!
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