Ladies in their 30s
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Joining this post... I'm 33 years old and was diagnosed earlier this month and am making my way through all the doctor appointments. Happily married to my wonderful hubby for 4 years, but family planning is now halted due to the BC diagnosis.
I have to admit, I'm still in the completely freaked out stage at this point and am relying on all the positive attitudes and great information that has been provided to keep me grounded by all the awesome folks here.0 -
Cuetang - hang in there! The initial whirlwind of diagnosis, tests, appts is the worst. Once you have a plan in place it starts to get somewhat easier. If you're looking for other threads, try the IDC 2012 sisters. Won't matter that you're 2013. I wouldn't have made it through the past 6 months without those ladies. Big hugs!
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To all you ladies just diagnosed - hold on to your faith and don't be afraid to share your fears too! I was diagnosed on September 28th and have made it through a double mastectomy, 4 cycles of Adriamycin/Cytoxan, one hospitalization, three rounds of Taxol/Herceptin, and I have a bunch more to go. I'll have radiation after that. There are moments I want to cry and moments I want to sing - I try to give myself permission to embrace it all. There is no one right way to get through this journey, so be forgiving to yourself, give yourself time to heal physically and emotionally, and know you are never alone!
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Thank you ramols! Just the fears of how far this has spread has been hard to control. I guess it is really a "hurry up and wait" thing with cancer.
kmadigan -- thank you for sharing your experience. hopefully I'll be able to handle this as gracefully as you are doing!
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Hello ladies, yet another newbie
34 yrs, got Dx last month. I have a 3 yr old and were planning for the second one. Brakes to that now . BMX scheduled next week. It took a while to get to that decision. I was hesitant to remove the other healthy one. But after 3 opinions decided bilateral it will be. I was told as I have dense breasts which makes it tough to find things in self exam or US at an early stage. Although mine is papillary kind which is low grade, I am still worried. Nice to see others who have beat it gives me hope and strength. Anyone know about recurrence rate of papillary kind ? Thank you all. Xoxo0 -
Bhlri - sorry you have to be here, but welcome. I'm going to offer you my two cents on recurrance rates and you can take or leave it. Don't think about it. What will it get you? Worry about what might be? Based on your Sig line - looks like you caught it earlyish. So go through your txt and move on with life. I have a 2 1/2 and 5 year old. The thought of leaving them used to paralyze me with fear. I eventually changed my mindset and stopped thinking about recurrance rates. Never even asked my docs for the stats. Do the fears creep up on me? Sure - we're only human. But why add to our fears with numbers that are really guesswork. Our minds are powerful. Think long term txt success. Good luck with these next steps.
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Hello Ramols - Thank you for the inspirational words. I am trying to be as positive as possible. There are both times. I have gone through many tough things in the past and have been able to face them without much dificulty. I have always been a strong person physically and mentally. Have been the bolster for my family and friends. Guess this diagnosis has thrown me off balance. Need to find my foot hold again. The part that is tough to accept is I thought I was doing everything right to maintain myself healthy and with no history of BC in family, this was a shock
. I know this will sink in eventually. I am glad I came to this forum and get good support. Will get through this with all your support 0 -
bhlri - it is a life changing and shocking diagnosis no matter how you shake it. Does have a way of pulling the rug out from under your feet. The beginning is the hardest. Once a treatment plan is in place, things start to get a bit easiser. Check out IDC 2012 sisters for more support here on BCO. Its not as active as it used to be since many moved over to 2013 survivors - but still plenty of awesome ladies there helping each other get through this crappy hand we've all been dealt. Take it one day at a time. Hang in there!
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Just to add my two cents..... my feeling is don't look at the stats. I accidentally came across the stats for mine last week, and it was a sucker punch to gut. I have a 9 month old, no history of breast cancer in the family, and worked out to stay healthy throughout my entire pregnancy. I can't imagine not being here for her. My doc said the stats are not me; they are just a number. The fact is the stats for every one of us are either 0% or 100% - you either won't get it back or you will. Being Stage 1, you probably won't, but you need to stay vigilent anyway. Plus, the medicines are changing so frequently that many of the 5 & 10 year stats probably aren't that accurate because they were from treatment protocols 10 & 15 years ago.
On a seperate note, when the fear creeps up, let yourself feel it and then move forward. Easier said than done - I know. My husband and I are taking advantage of the counseling they offer at our treatment center, and our therapist said it is unhealthy to always try to remain positive because you could be repressing some very potent emotions. At some point you have to let yourself feel the fears and figure out how you would handle the what ifs, and then you can free your mind to move forward with your life. I'm still trying to work through that part of it because I always am trying to find the positive aspect to al of this. It sounds counter intuitive, but his point does make some sense.
Regardless, you are supported by us all, and we understand the fears. You do what works best for you:)
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kmadigan - some valuable two cents from you! Thanks for sharing!
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Hi guys, it's lovely to read all your messages of support. Although we are statistically not well represented, it is somehow reassuring to know we are all out there doing our best, that we understand one another, and that we're not on our own.
I agree with ramols that the beginning is the hardest. Once you get on your treatment plan and have a few answers under your belt you will get your head around all this. From the impression I get of you bhlri, reading your posts, I have no doubt whatsoever that you will get your 'foot hold' again. One of the positive things to come out of this experience for me is that I have discovered I am actually quite strong and very pragmatic - who knew?! You just need to give yourself the chance to assimilate it all - it's a big learning curve!
As for stats - I had a chat with my brilliant consultant yesterday and we agreed that, for an individual perspective they are very limited in value. If I have a 70% 30% chance of something, for an individual it's like 50-50% as I could just as easily be in the 70% group as the 30% group. The practitioners I deal with seem to have a quite healthy disregard for stats! (although I know sometimes they can help you get a handle on things).
My husband said something very helpful to me once which might help others for those moments of tension/panic? I was getting impatient as I had to wait a week for my lymph node results. My husband pointed out that the results would be the same whether I spent the week worrying about them, or whether I just got on with living my life and having a good time. I know it sounds obvious, but I found it kind of liberating and realised I had a choice. I know there are a few decisions to be made along the way, but then there's a kind of freedom in thinking it's all in the lap of the Gods - so you can just get on with your life and have a great time!
xxx
Dx 2010, 8mm, Grade 2, 2/10 nodes, ER+, HER2-
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Hi ladies,
I'm not new to BCO but new to this thread. Was diagnosed triple neg in June 2012 at the age of 32 (20 wks pregnant with first baby at diagnosis). Finished chemo yesterday and I'm starting rads on 20th Feb for 28 sessions. Looking forward to being finished tx but it's a strange feeling too, like the safety net is being pulled from underneath me.
For those of you starting out with tx let me assure you that chemo is very doable!!
Are there any other triple negs out there? I know it does tend to hit younger women! It'd be great to connect with you.
Much love to you all
Carol x
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Carol - I am triple negative as well, 33 at diagnosis with 2 small kids. Congrats on finishing chemo! I am 1/2 way through chemo and am just counting down until April. If i stay on schedule I finish chemo the day before my bday. I feel the same way...I just want to get through rads and then finish out my surgeries (removing left breast and ovaries/tubes).
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Hi there been spending days trying to read this while forum.. Finally just stopped to introduce myself.... I am 31, diagnosed in October with clinical stage 2 breast cacner.. I say clinical because I haven't had my surgery yet, am actually doing chemo first.. Only 3 more chemos to go and then I takes month to let my body recover and then onto surgery..l I know I have one postive node but won't know how many until surgery.. May never know because hopefully chemo will kill whatever is going on in nodes by the time surgery comes... Tumor is shrinking on a good note.. But it is definitely hard with so many people I met having their surgery first.. I wish I could say it gets easier but it's still a daily struggle and maybe I will feel better when I am further out from my treatment and not staring at cancer everyday in the face.
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Hi Jenjel,
It sucks being here. I get so scared when I read about TNBC on the net, esp if it happens at a young age. I spent a lot of last night torturing myself about it but am feeling better today. I think it's because I've finished chemo now, it's such an emotional place to find yourself in. Hate it and hate cancer! I have no idea what stage I was when I was diagnosed but I was a grade 3. I had a pCR after surgery (did neoadjuvent chemo) and I'm hoping that'll stand for something re prognosis! I hope we are still connecting 5 yrs from now xx
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Mumtobe.. That pcr means a whole lot.. Especially with tnbc... It's great.. I do believe it stands for something ..congrats!!!
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Hello - Joined this past week but new to this forum - just found it tonight. Put my three little ones to bed and finally sat down!!! I am in the same boat as so many of you. Just turned 37 and got diagnosis of DCIS with unclear margins and then went searching for more with more studies and another radiology opinion and found 1 more "highly suspicious" area in same breast and another area in right so have been in the deciding mode of how much surgery to do. I have decided on BMX - left was going to have to happen with something in 2 quadrents and now with right having "?" something I have made my decision. Now the next questions I have struggled with is the whole reconstruction issues. Have been asking questions on the DIEP forum and see another PS next week for 3rd opinion then I HAVE to make desision and get some surgeries scheduled.
How have you ladies with young children let your kids know what is going on. So far I have been pretty hush hush - my little daughter (3) is a bit young to understand but boys (6 & 9) are a bit older. I don't want then scared for anything but really need them to be prepared for my post-surgical time- with boys you know that will be hard!!!
Thanks - and goodnight to all.
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Hi 3mom - sorry you have to be here, but you're in good company. I too was 37 at diagnosis. Then my boys were 2 and 4. Now they are 2 1/2 and 5. My 2 year old didn't really need to know anything except that mommy had boo-boos on her chest and couldn't pick him or, nor could he jump all over me. My 5 year old was a bit more perceptive and seemed a bit emotionally affected. I stayed light on the details, but was honest about the fact that i had surgery and would need to go to the dr's a lot for special medicines and checkups. It wasn't until further into the process when it was clear he was picking up on snippets of conversations and storing up words like chemo and taxol, that I realized I should help him wade through the waters a bit. I finally used the word cancer but vaguely described it as cells that grow but shouldn't be there, and that the medicine the dr's give me makes sure the cells go away and I stay healthy. He seemed pretty satisfied with vague information. I think what the little ones need most is assurance that mommy is ok and that the dr's are helping. My chemo nurses also suggested not tying hair loss to medicine, as that might make them be afraid to take meds. So we just talked up the idea that mommy was going shave her head like daddys for fun. And he seemed to buy it. Now that i'm leaving daily for radiation, he seems a bit upset again. But I again had a pretty general conversation with him and it seemed to help. We agreed to make a calendar together so he can mark off the day and we can celebrate the day I go for my last appointment. I think vague honesty and lots of hugs and reassurance is the best you can do. Good luck!!!
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Hi 3mom sorry U r here and idont even have amy kids yet.. but would really love some in my future.. but as u can see you have amazing people here like Ramols to help guide you ..good luck
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Mumtobe,
I was 34 when I was diagnosed with TNBC last year...grade 3 as well with mammary node involvement. Had neoadjuvant therapy then BMX then rads. Scheduled for reconstruction now but looking back I realize that although it was bad going through it all, it could have been worse...and for someone somewhere it was or is. It is definitely a very scary experience...I'm still fearful of the surgeries...as I lost a friend/coworker unexpectedly when she went in for a "simple" surgery(not cancer related) but all we can do is be asstrong as we can and fight through it all. Every stage of treatment completed is a victory!0 -
Hi ladies,
This is my first post. I was diagnosed at 34 last year. I'm now 35. Yesterday was my last radiation treatment. I can now say that I'm past surgery (was lucky - had lumpectomy and SNB with second surgery to clear a margin), a round of fertility preservation, 8 rounds of chemo, and now 33 radiation treatments to my breast and lymph nodes.
It has been quite a journey. I could go on and on about my daily trials and tribulations since it feels like breast cancer has taken over my life and I'm almost obsessed with it. You actually have to be obsessed to deal with everything and take care of yourself. And I don't feel like it is over quite yet. Not by a long shot. I still need some hair, would love to have some more energy, need to save my career, need to face going on Tamoxifen, need to conquer hot flashes... the list goes on and on.
But, I"m sending all of you YOUNG ladies good thoughts for your health, recovery, and happiness. More importantly, I'm sending you hope for resilience. This is what keeps me going and what I try and focus on. I've put my favorites descriptions of it below in quotes.
- Resilience is an "ineffable quality that allows some people to be knocked down by life and come back stronger than ever."
- "Rather than letting failure overcome them and drain their resolve, they find a way to rise from the ashes.
- "Resilient people are able to change course and soldier on."
I believe that I am evolving into a much stronger and better person than before. I manage everything about my treatment, my side effects, and literally try to dominate them. You have to congratulate yourself for surviving every single challenge along the way because it takes strength.
p.s. I just ran a 1/2 marathon on Sunday, beating my time from pre-cancer, with one week of radiation to go. I have to tell myself every day that this, all of the doctors, and all of the various treatments, etc. will not stop me from doing the things that I want to do as a young, active women.
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Hi ladies, just found this thread and read most of the more recent posts . One thing we have in common other than BC is that we are all such brave, brave 'girls' fighting this beast!!
I was dx in Aug 2012 at age 34. I have had 3x Taxoteres treatments and am starting my last cycle out of 3 of CMF. No rads for me as I had Hodgkin's Disease/Lymphoma when I was 18 years ( Had Mantle radiation thus the reason why i'm here with BC) !!!!
I have a DH , 3 year old son and great family and friends to get me through this.
Staying strong and positive minded is what's keeping me going...looking at my son every day makes me smile and laugh and know that this is a battle I'm going to win and keep going for a long time! (we have to think positive thoughts right)!
I am having my BMX with immediate reconstruction in May . Have already had lumpectomy in September. I was not ready in my head or my heart to have the BMX instead of lumpectomy so my onc and BS agreed that we can do lumpectomy to get rid of the lump and nodes that were effected 2/10, had axillary node clearance a week after Lumpectomy and chemo 3 weeks later.
I'm on the home stretch now, will be starting my last cycle(over 3 weeks) on Weds 27th Feb, then 6th March will be last IV with the last chemo pill on the 12th March, my 35th Birthday!! am thinking of washing it down with a glass of wine...lol ( I wish) !!
Chemo is bareable...harder this time around with a 3 year old, but have kept going, working part time (for sanitys sake), managed house hold duties, shopping etc. There was not one day that I didn't get out of bed ... we still need to keep going and keep our strength up. Yes theres been ups and downs, hell yes.....i mean I would find myself crying just looking at my son thinking the worst but I would snap out of it and move on.....
As hard as dealing with BC is physically and emotionally, we can all beat this.
So glad I have found this thread sounds like some of us can get through surgeries together too !!
Take care everyone.
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Would love to hear stories of young women who r a few years out.. Think we am all use hope and postive stroeis of some people further out... Will help lessen fear for some of us still I n the heart. Of treatment... Will post my story in a minute.
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Hi ladies been on many other boards many other boards and finally decided to post here on this one.. I guess i came here indeed for some advice because I am nearing the end of chemo then surgery but more imprtanly I have some radiation questions... Surgery route is still up in the air defintely do mastectomy with diep.. just notright away bc of possible rads.. prob mastectomy eith tissue expanders...
but my question right now is more for option to do radiation or not... This all depends on node positivity at time of surgery... I have one more weekly taxols to go.. My question to u all is the same....if there r no positive nodes after chemo and we r getting a mastectomy... R they still going to radiate... If there r still positive,hen rads is a definite
Also, i Was staged clinically at 2 with some lymph node involvement....
I know I had postive node before they tested one that looked funny on MRI I think( don't know for sure how many) chemo but if after, there is nothing In the nodes both my bs and onco think it would b overkill to radiate there if they r doing an ALND as well.... Any thoughts... Hopefully there won't be anything in the nodes come surgery time for me but now I am confused about radiation regardless.. I am young(31) so I would think they would want to b more aggressive... But all docs deem radiation unnecessary unless there is still something in the nodes.. I am so confused and don't know what to do...advice please!
Yes i am younger.. 31 and still scared to death.. Right ow i battle with depression and fear of not gettingto grow old...
But I went for two opinions and they both opted for pre chemo route... I think chemo was a definite with my age,tumor size( about 2.5 cm), grade and node positivity.. ( although they all said node involvement was microscopic. They were surprised that there was involvement cc. However i don't know how they would really know that until surgery) and my tumor being high grade.. They also mentioned five to ten years on tamoxifen( switched to ten after study came out)) and then move onto AI for another five to ten.. So basically 20 to 60 years of hormonal medicine ..l haha will take it if it will control cancer... As I am highly er/pr postive...
Any feedback will be greatly appreciated on any subject that I wrote.. Mostly radiation thoughts.. However I am a scared little girl( young woman actually) who is sick of burdening my family (parents)with my fears about the future and this disease... As doctors seem to be so positive about my prognosis. So is everyone . I don't see why I can't be either...
P.s.. I am way too into googling and it has poisoned my brain as to a lot of factors, studies, prognosis and stats about my cancer and age point to not such a good outcome... I am always looking for stories on this site that prove otherwise..that's all for listening.. I know I rambled....would love some feedback
I hate hearing younger women have a worse prognosis... Aren't we stronger to fight this.. And who says its more aggressive in all of us.. I know they say most women have grade 3 tumors but what else makes it so much worse... It sometimes haunts my thoughts0 -
Hi Shari, I completely understand your fears! I'm 33 (was 32 at dx). I have a toddler at home and I was dx'ed stage AND grade 3. So yes, I definitely know your fear! I don't have much advice because after chemo I still had positive nodes, radiation is a definite for me. But know that you are not alone. What helps me is keeping busy, limiting my time online, and trying to live a much healthier lifestyle from that of which I used to live. It helps me to know I am doing what I can on my end and not just sitting back and letting the doctors do all the work. Now that I am on the last book I bought about fighting cancer with nutrition I am going to start researching stress management. From what I've read that's an important peice of the puzzle....which is what I told my hisband when I made the massage appointment for tomorrow morning
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I thank u so much for writing me back Kelly.... I am also a teacher ... I know what I say about keeping busy, as I am tRyjng and trying to limit my time online as well.. I just really don't want to stop coming kn these boards.. I feel they help a little with my sanity and I have developed relationships with some of these women... But googling definitely adds to the anxiety and stress and I too agree on cutting that out is part of the puzzle... Nutrition and exercise could b part too.. Hope it's ok when I have my splurge moments teehee.. Please feel free to write me anytime.. Glad to not feel so alone.... Granted don't want anyone here with me either but someone to relate to always helps
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I'm somewhat new to BCO and just stumbled across this thread. I've met some really fantastic women so far that have given me so much support, love and most of all information and feedback from real women who have been there.
I was diagnosed in December and had a BMX with expanders. I nearing the end of my fills (thank you Jesus!) and will have my final exchange in a month or so.
I have 3 kids with my youngest being 2. It's been very hard not being able to lift or carry her. Thankfully, I did not need any chemo or rads so my kids have been pretty okay through this.
Now I find my biggest struggle is just wanting to feel "normal" again and wanting a better life physically and emotionally than I had before BC barged into my life. Just not sure how to get it.
Does that make sense to anyone else?
Anyhow, thanks for letting me say hello.
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Hi all, I'm 36 and was dx September 2012. I've been following some other threads, but it's the first time I join in. I'm scheduled to start rads in two weeks (had neo-adjuvant and extensive lumpectomy) and next week I'm going in for a CT planning? Not familiar with rad terms yet...
I've been married for 3 years, no kids yet, and the hardest thing for me has been that I've had had to follow docs' suggestions, without any single one of them ever trying to relate to me or find out more about my life. They're top notch docs, but they suck big time in that respect. I've had to google my way through my therapies (I wasn't even told my neo-adj medicines), because every time I see a doc the last several months all I get is a "don't look for more information on the web, that's the protocol, if you don't follow it, you'll have a recurrence or a metastasis, if you follow it you may again have a recurrence or a metastasis-by the way, keep your spirits up, it's very important".
My questions are left unanswered and I just don't have the resources nor the strength to look elsewhere anymore. I expressed my concerns and hesitation about rads to my BC today and he got very obviously upset with me, because I question and don't want to follow what they tell me (his exact words-it's true though). I've been doing really well both physically and emotionally, but today has been hard.
I know rads are part of the protocol, but for me it'is important to understand how something works in order to process it mentally and no doc so far has helped me with that, despite my attempts. The first time my RO scheduled me we spoke for 2 minutes literally and all he said was my breast would become a bit swallen, pink and firmer, but that would go away over time. Now I know that's not all and I had to go see him again. I do need reassurance that it will be ok to sign the consent form, as I just can't get over the idea that my breast will not really be "alive" any more after the rads. How can I allow that on my body and live with myself afterwards, if I don't understand the benefit for myself?
Could be the medication talking tonight (currently on tam and zoladex), but even that thought doesn't make it any less real for me.
Sorry to go on so long about it, but right now I honestly feel to the core of my heart immensely tired of it all. I saw my husband crying today, telling me he's so sorry he can't do anything for me and I guess that was it.
I'm afraid I may never be able to put all this behind me and don't know what "normal" can be anymore. Oh, well....I've been here before and hopefully tomorrow will be better...
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Lia13, because u had a lumpectomy, rads is a given.. I know it sucks but the two go hand in hand.. I am almost done withy neoadjuvant chemotherapy and I will be having a bilateral mastectomy and if I have any postive nodes at surgery , I will be doing rads too. Maybe if there r not postive nodes.. I wrote my situation in prior posts if u want to look....I know it sucks and it's confusing bc it seems all doctors have different protocols.. And fear of recurrence is an ever present fear but Internet has been my worst enemy....tRyjng to stay off of it but here I am
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Hi i had breast cancer twice two surgries are planned this yr oophractomy and recon. Best way to feel normal is keep yourself busy rest eat healthy surround urself with positive friends. Time is a big healer we gone through a lot go for vacation. It will take months some times yr to recover from side effects of chemo
U have gone through cancer which was hell. You will feel normal too0
