Ladies in their 30s
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So I also happen to be a psychologist. If I may, the fact that you’re both afraid to talk about it is where the conversation should probably begin. It might help to make it feel safer for both of you.
You might also benefit from connecting with other family members and partners who are struggling with similar concerns.
As for the contacts issue, it sounds important to you so it’s worth discussing with her. It might be a great pathway to establishing even more trust in your intentions to support her.
Don’t get lost in the support that both of you provide to others. You’re both especially equipped to deal with issues like this. It’s just harder when the attention needs to be on your own life. Now is the time to take that equipment and use it to nourish your own relationship and your own well being.
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Hi ToughCookie101,
Thanks for understanding. It's difficult for both of us. I still can't understand how strong women like yourselves deal with these news and change in life. My respects go to all of you. I think she forces herself to go to work in order to not sit at home and think of everything coming. Plus she likes working with the kids. It is difficult to come home and talk about these very real issues, but i think we're both drained in different ways. We can stay on touch and watc TV and know what each one is thinking without having to say a word. I as her sometimes, "are you ok, how are you feeling" just to know, and i get this sort of angry response of yeah i'm fine, which I get because i hate being asked those questions.
isn't it weird how your friend and us as well can go to work, take on other people's problems, forget our own and try to help them? Human nature i guess. I know she's a fighter as am i , we're both realistic about this and will do whatever necessary.
I do have a question. I don't know if you have gone through surgery yet or if you are, but if you did or are going to, would you want your fiance to be present? not to ask his/her opinion, but just to be there? I offered and would like to go with her like i have been at every chemo appointment, but this would be different.
Anyway, thank you for taking time from your day to answer some stranger regarding his issues with this.
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Looking- my husband came to the hospital the day of my surgery, and I had arranged for my best friend to come after work to keep HIM company so he wasn’t going crazy waiting. I was mostly out of it that whole day because of the anesthesia, so I was glad they had each other to talk to. I imagine she would want the company, especially pre-op when you’re just stuck there waiting on a gurney...but I’m not her. After, I just wanted to sleep
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Hello. I was diagnosed late last year. I am 33. I have two boys that will be 10 and 12 in a couple months. Thankfully my husband and family have been so incredibly supportive.
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Hello everyone.
I am a 34 mom to a 2.y.o. had 3/4 chemo rounds. Last one was on Mar. 6..2018
Tripple positive IDC. Diagnosed on Nov.28,2017 ( feels like an eternity ago...)
Finally found thus forum,and I have been on this website since January 2018 when I started my chemo..
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Hello, I too was just recently diagnosed in December at the age of 31 with Triple Negative Breast Cancer, Stage II, Grade 3. I am almost through chemo, finished AC and now completing the Taxol treatment. AC was easy for me with no real side effects other than fatigue and headaches. After my first Taxol treatment I was having bad neuropathy in my feet and legs a few days after, that was at dense dose scheduled every 2 weeks. My oncologist decided it would be best to change my treatment plan to the low dose weekly instead due to that side effect I had. I had mixed feelings about this at first, since with the DD plan I would be done 4/8 but now I won't be dont until 5/11 but hopefully in the long run it was the best decision, I would rather not rush the treatment and have less side effects and less risk for the neuropathy since the days I did have it it was awful. After chemo I then move on to decision on surgery, luckily the tumor is responding well and has decreased in size by over 50% and have another MRI soon to see the progress again. For me the options will be mastectomy or possibility lumpectomy with radiation, I am struggling with the idea of making that decision. Any helpful hints out there with deciding?? I'm sure there are so many things that contribute but looking for other younger women experiences with both.
thanks
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crystal- Sounds like you made a good choice for your chemo. (Well, there are no GOOD choices, they’re all sucky choices we have to make!) As far as deciding between lumpectomy and mastectomy, there’s no guarantee that you won’t need radiation after mastectomy. With lumpectomy it’s standard, but I ended up node positive with LVI, so I had to get rads after my mastectomy.
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Hi Crystal, these are all hard choices! I was diagnosed November 2017 at the age of 33. I had a unilateral nipple sparing mastectomy on Feb. 1st with immediate reconstruction (placement of tissue expander). My tumor was in the axially tail, so perfect placement for a lumpectomy, however one of the reasons I choose mastectomy was to hopefully avoid radiation. I also carry a rare variant of unknown significance in the ATM gene that might possibly increase my risk of recurrence if I undergo radiation. My sentinel node was clear, no LVI, however I did end up with a focally positive margin, which no one was expecting. Since I had a mastectomy, they can't go back in and take anything else. So I am now on the fence for radiation. My radiation oncologist thinks best to avoid rads if I do chemo, but she is consulting with other radiation oncologists as we speak. I will likely be starting four rounds of Taxotere Cyclophosphamide next week, but that is still being confirmed. I am also hoping to have the other breast removed and a tissue expander placed at the same time as my exchange surgery. Good luck with the choice, and take comfort in knowing that you are making whatever choice is right for you.
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Thank you for the feedback ladies!! Yes I agree no easy choices to make! But it makes me feel better knowing that there are other young women out there going through the same process and able to make choices that are best for them. My oncologist hasn't spoke to much about the specifics yet such as radiation or anything, they are waiting until I am closer to finishing chemo but I do have an appointment with my surgeon next week so hoping I learn more about what he thinks then and better understand what my team sees and what is going to be the best plan. I have a lot of questions about the radiation piece still so it was interesting to hear the discussion on that and how that contributed to the decision making. Again thanks for the responses That is the key message I have to take in, is that whatever I decide is mine and whats right for me.
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HI All, J
ust introducing myself. 34 from Ontario Canada. It was confirmed today that I have bc and I was told that because there were so many masses which developed so quickly, I would be looking at a mastectomy and chemo. I have a hard time beleiveing that since there are still so many follow up tests to do. I'm worried about myself of course, but I'm having a harder time time thinking about how to do this with my kids. And how to tell my kids (ages 5 and 8). My husband also just took a new job (which we need him to keep!) that has his working out of town 50% of the time. Ugh, just venting on that part.
Has anyone been told that it's general protocol usually to be more aggressive with younger bc patients. I was told today by my case coordinator that most bc patients under 40 get chemo. ANyone else hear this?
I'm glad to meet all of you, even if it is under unfortunate circumstances.
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Hi Roots,
I was diagnosed in November 2017, I am 33. I was several times informed that ladies under 40 usually get fast growing cancers...i didn't need chemo and my cancer doesn't grow fast, which makes me wonder why...
I only hope I got the correct treatment.
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Hi Roots, I also live in Ontario (Ottawa), and I was diagnosed last November at the age of 33. I did hear the general consensus is that women under 40 OFTEN have chemo recommended, but not always. They CAN have more aggressive cancers (don't fret, they are still treatable, mine was aggressive at grade 3 and lymph node was clear As Valentina points out, they aren't always more aggressive in younger women). Also, sometimes they are more aggressive with younger women since we have a lot more life left in us. However, every case and treatment plan is different. I had a 2cm tumor, and it was in the perfect spot for lumpectomy. I oped for a unilateral nipple sparing mastectomy with reconstruction. I currently have the tissue expander in place, and so far I don't regret that choice. I am actually going to see about getting the other breast removed too. Smaller, hormone positive cancers, lower grade, are less likely to need chemo.
Do you have the pathology of your tumor yet? As you mention, there are so many more tests to do, that I think the comment they made to you about likely needing chemo is preemptive. The cancer I had was very high ER & PR positive, and I could have opted just for hormone therapies and radiation, however I decided to do chemo and the hormone therapies (no rads). My oncologist put more weight on the hormone therapy in my case then the chemo, but every case is different. Some people only needs rads and hormone therapies, etc. There can be many options.
I start chemo next week. I actually just made the final decision today to do chemo, I found that a hard choice. I don't have kids yet, and freezing my eggs failed. I am taking a chance loosing my fertility, among other side effects, but I weighed the risks and begrudgingly decided to do it. I'll take a few months of pain for long term gain. Try and take it one step at a time, since until they have the full picture, they can't really guide you on the next steps. The waiting part is hard, but it will get easier.
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Hiya, Roots. I had just turned 35 when dx and I think it is standard to be more aggressive with younger patients. We can take stronger, longer treatment and we tend to have more aggressive cancers, so I think it's a two-fold approach. I feel pain for you thinking about your kids. Mine were so young that I just told the truth and they had no concept of it and still don't, really, even though the twins are now 5. You know your kids and know how best to handle this situation. Praying for you, mama!
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Hi ladies
I was first diagnosed at 36 and I just turned 40 two weeks ago and am dealing with a recurrence. I hope you allow me to stay in this group I’m starting TC chemo next week and am nervous....I do not have kids and hope that chemo won’t throw me into menopause. Either way docs already spoke to me about possibility of gestational carrier etc...it’s good to know there are at least options even though it was not the life plan originally in mind or even imagined. It’s a lot to take in but I guess we just have toroll the dice and enjoy the ride as best we can.
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Hi May07,
sorry to hear about your recurrence...
how do you feel?
which treatment did you get 4 years ago?
best wishes
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Hi! I had lumpectomy and whole breast radiation first time around. It was such a shock because I requested my first mammo and they Allowed me to get it because I had a history of paternal and maternal aunts with breast cancer. I will never forget that pit in my stomach when they told me they needed me to come in for more imaging. My mother was diagnosed 2 years after me. I had my first round of chemo 2 weeks ago and I'm feeling ok 25% done! I'm trying to stay positive and keep my life as normal as possible....Im even dating I had an glass of wine the other night for the first time in a long time and it was nice. I'm cold capping to save my hair ...fingers crossed.
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May07, I am glad to hear you are doing well!! 😊😊 best wis
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Hi all, I'm new to this site. I am 38, diagnosed at 37. I have read lots of articles since my diagnosis in September that has been very helpful. I can’t seem to stay out of the OR 😟. I had a double mastectomy and reconstruction with tissue expanders placed in October 2017. December 2017 I developed a staph infection on the right side (cancerous side) and went back into surgery to have my expander removed and a washout done. I was on iV vanc during my hospital stay, then an oral antibiotic for a week. I just had surgery again in March, four days before my 38th birthday, to have a new tissue expander placed. I was so excited to have two breasts again for my birthday! This past weekend I developed another staph infection, Now after four surgeries, I am back to having my right expander gone again 😟. My doc wants do a flap from my back. I'm so scared that I will have two new scars, and still get infected. I'm really hoping for a better outcome next time.
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Hi Kms2016-
We want to welcome you to BCO. We're so sorry for all the setbacks you've had, it sounds very frustrating and discouraging. You may find some good advice and get input in the surgery forum: https://community.breastcancer.org/forum/91 or the reconstruction forum: https://community.breastcancer.org/forum/44. It's very likely many members have endured similar circumstances, and may be able to help you decide how to proceed!
The Mods
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Kms2016, I'm so sorry you are having such difficulty with the expanders. Did the doctor have any ideas why this keeps happening? I know that flap surgeries are usually very successful and look more natural than implants alone. Sometimes a second opinion can be helpful
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Hi May07,
As of right now, my PS doesn’t really have any answers on why it keeps happening. Now that I have my results from my most recent surgery, I’m going to take it and talk with an infectious disease doctor before I have any other part of my body cut on. That would be awesome if the flap surgery ends up being successful. It’s really upsetting to me that I won’t be able to go swimsuit shopping this summer. I live on the beach, and am only able to look at it. At least the positive with all of this is that I am now cancer free, so I amso grateful for that 🙂
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Thank you for the links. I will definitely have tolook at them. You are correct, it is definitely very frustrating and discouraging.
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kms- I too had an exander and implant infection and am no longer a candidate for implants on my cancer side. I am going to have a flap eventually (just had a baby so everything has been on hold since I got pregnant) I can't decide between back or belly but my PS said that the failure rates are extremely low so I will try one last time.
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Hi ladies, I am brand new here as I was just diagnosed last wed at 33 (the phone call no one ever wants). I went for my yearly gyno exam and my dr felt this small spot and kept questioning it. I am so glad she pushed me to go get a mammogram and ultrasound. Finally a needle biopsy gave me the results no one ever wants. Honestly though I had this gut feeling from the time my dr felt the spot and questioned it. I also just got off the phone with the dr office and scheduled my mri for Friday. And hopefully genetic testing in the next week too. My anxiety level is through the roof and hopefully I will start getting some answers soon. I’ve been scrolling through so many posts and reading posts from those who were in my shoes years ago gives me some comfort that I will get through this.
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SL101984, sorry you have to be here with us, but welcome. I was also diagnosed at the age of 33, on November 15th, 2017. I found my lump myself in September weeks before my 33rd birthday. I got it checked out right away, but I was "low risk" so my original tests weren't rushed. When I was first diagnosed, but didn't have a lot of answers, people kept telling me I was at the hardest point. To be honest, I had doubts about that, however the more information I gathered, and the more through the treatment processed I went, the better I felt. They were right. I went through all of the genetic testing too (mine all came back negative). I had my first surgery Feb. 1st and had my first round of chemo April 4th. Every step has made this easier, but there are bumps for sure. Please reach out if you have any questions or just want to chat. I feel like at this point I have had every test under the sun, like most of us on here. I know this is cliche, but one step at a time, one day at a time, and soon it will fly by! I honestly can't believe it has been over 5 months since my diagnosis already. I have had set backs and am not int he clear yet, but take it one part at a time.
Sorry if some of this doesn't make sense. Chemo brain is real! lol
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Hi SL101984, I was also diagnosed at 33...last November. You are not alone! I had surgery in December, rads in January till end of February and I am currently on Tamoxifen. I feel great, actually even though I was depressed with the diagnosis..physically I was and I am feeling great. Feel fee to contact me any time.
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So sorry you have to be here, SLL. I was diagnosed at 31 (2 months before my wedding!!) I had a bilateral mastectomy in January and I am currently undergoing chemotherapy. You probably have so many emotions right now and my biggest advice is to let yourself feel everything. Give yourself a lot of grace and cry/be angry if you need to! I completely understand that anxiety. Just know that where you are is the hardest part for a lot of us. Once you have a treatment plan, you start to gain more control back. Find a surgeon and an oncologist that you trust. You are going to have a lot of choices to make and appts to attend...so stay strong and know that we are all here for you as you start this journey. Please reach out if you have any questions.
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thanks ladies for the kind words, I picked up imaging yesterday for my meeting with a new surgeon tomorrow. I am officially diagnosed with ILC, which looks very treatable but because of my age I think I am leaning towards dmx to be as aggressive as possible and according to articles on here ILC can be very sneaky not always easy to find. Peace of mind going forward is a big deciding factor for me, I don’t know if I can handle constant poking and prodding and the anxiety of did it come back this time?
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SLL, go with your gut. My tumor was a "perfect" candidate for a lumpectomy. It was in my axilary tail. I opted for a UMX (nipple sparing) with immediate tissue expander placement, and am having the prophylactic MX at the time of my exchange surgery.
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thanks toughcookie! Now if my gut would make up its mind lol....
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