Great saying about depression
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Claire my heart is broken for you and the boys family. I see so much with the girls I used to coach in field hockey (my nieces team I coached for 7 years) now these girls are teens and some are struggling handling life. its so sad. I spoke with the mother of one girl and I said if you dont do something I am afraid she is going to do something to hurt herself or worse. I think parents sometimes get so caught up and exhausted from their lives they think their kids are ok and they are not. I think as a coach I could step back and really see the changes in some girls over the years. The lack of confidence, the trying to fit in, the fear of rejection. I feel like in these busy hard times our kids get forgotten, sure they shuffle them off to games and practices and plays and school but families dont sit down together anymore and eat a meal everything is on the go. I feel for your community as well, what a tragic unnecessary loss. Hopefully a lesson will be learned from all of this and families will embrace each other a little tighter.
with that said WELCOME BACK!! You mustve been sensing my vibes...i literally was about to start stalking you the other day.
I am glad you are taking time for yourself. And as for T... remember a while ago when my onc swore my weight gain was from ...eeehh eeemmm...MIDDLE AGE?! Yeah thats what he said...f&&%$er. Anyhow, you will be happy to know I feel like after almost two years on T my body has adjusted and I dont feel like the two ton tessy i was feeling like. Now if I could only get my fat arse to the gym! Ok that's all I have time for ..I am at a clients but when I saw Claires post I wanted to respond.
I hope you are all having a peaceful day. Its beautiful here in baltimore!!
Diane
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Oh one more thing 3Jays...I am so sorry you are struggling. I have a very good friend with MS and she has been on this drug forever and since her diagnosis 15 years ago, thankfully she has not had any symptoms of the disease progressing but I know she fears that day will be coming. its like this thing hanging over her. I am sorry you are having difficulties and hope it passes or gets under control.
i was thinking about you this morning when I caught up on this thread...hope today is a better day for you
Diane
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Claire, What awful news. Sending hugs to you. I work on a suicide hotline. The pain I hear in the voices of suicidal callers is heartrending. His parents, family, and friends will need all the support they can get in the months ahead. They are fortunate to know you.
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Claire- I'm so very sorry. I don't think anything is more devastating than a child committing suicide. One of my son's classmates took his life this year and when it hits close to home like that you want to gather your own kids up and never let them out of your site. I feel for the kids today- there is way too much pressure, drugs, alcohol, cyber bullying, real life bullying, media telling them how they should be, look, act. I wish they'd realize these years are just a blip and that it's not a reflection on how the rest of their life will be. (Guess we should all be thinking the same thing when it comes to BC, huh?) My heart goes out to you, your kids and that young boys family. I know their hearts must be breaking. (((hugs)))
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Just read on Mary's (MBJ) thread that she passed away last night. Someone read about it on her DH's blog. It's so unbelievable and it makes me so angry that she didn't get the right care. Maybe it wouldn't have mattered but we'll never know. She was so incredibly special and wonderful and I can't wrap my brain around the fact she's truly gone.
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Here's a link to Mary's husband's blog-
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When my dear friend Kathy died of this horrible disease last October my thought was I could honor her by living my life well. Finding joy and purpose. She had so much of that. Like Mary, so that is how we can honor her fight and beautiful heart.
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I am just gutted by Ryans news!!! I was wondering how the bone mets could have caused her death until he said that her liver shut down. I see now why the docs gave her only 4 months!! Her appointment to get her shoulder looked at by the specialist was tomorrow!!!! This from the doc who said she had a frozen shoulder and didn't check her for bone mets...!!! I am speechless...
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OMG!!! I am just so horrified I don't begin to know what to say!!!!! OH NO!!!!!!!!!!
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OMG I am so angry the more I think about all she endured. I guess it's deadly to be unemployed and uninsured in America these days. I am sick to my stomach over Mary's passing..I can't stop crying.
She was the first person to reach out to me on BCO and we shared so much together as she was a few months ahead of me. We would PM about our hair growths woes and she would always cheer me up or make me laugh when I didnt think I had it in me.
I am so sad thinking about the veggie garden that she never got to grow and the fresh start she was hoping to have in KY. I did buy her DH's book this past fall and need to get back to it ...he simply dedicated the his book To Mary with all my love.
Their relationship seemed amazing and I feel so deeply for him and cant imagine how senseless this all must seem.
I am sad beyond sad tonight. I thank you ladies again for all your support.
Group HUG
Diane
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I don't know what to do with all this anger. I wish we could all show up with torches and pitchforks on the f***ing stupid doctor's doorstep. How could no one have taken her pain seriously when she was a previous cancer patient? How could they order an MRI for 4 months in the future. I mean WTFH! I just want to scream! Maybe it wouldn't have made a difference but we'll never know. I'm just so mad at the world right now. Mad at doctors. Mad at Komen- race for the cure my ass. Mad at this f***ing disease. I know the anger is keeping the tears at bay. Just keep thinking Mary should still be here.
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Hi Gang, Miss you all terribly and will read the past two or three pages over the weekend to catch up with all of you. Just needed to be with friends who new Mary and experience this terrible news with you. How can this be? We didn't meet for lunch last October in L.A. because her shoulder hurt from when she fell in the boat and she was packing for Kentucky!!! How can she be gone? I am so so sad. In shock actually.
On her thread I shared this but will post it here too. A woman I barely know called me today to ask is she could walk in my honor in the Avon Walk. I said I had someone else who deserved the honor more, but because I didn't know Mary's last name, I said it was Mary Angel. I didn't know at the time that she actually was.
Tears are flowing. . .
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Oh Lindsey.... that was such a lovely thing to do for Mary..... I didn't know her well but from a few sites but she touched me in so many ways. It all just seemed to have happened so quickly. When I read that the Doc had said 4 mos I just knew that couldn't be right it had to be a better prognosis and then to have it happen so very quickly. I just hate to think of how horrible that pain must have been and for the doctors to have not helped her. Just feel so expecially terrible for her husband as they just seemed to adore each other so much. So very very sad....
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We all are grieving once again for someone taken too soon. We have all been touched and made better by her caring and giving nature. And as we know, there will be many who follow in our footsteps facing the diagnosis of breast cancer and the surgeries and treatments that while we hope are curative we never know. The surgeries that are disfiguring and change our lives forever. There is so much taken away from us. But............... nothing can take away our spirits, our ability to love and give and share in life's joys.
I think Mary knew that. I think we honor her by trying to live with joy and hope. I think we honor those who have gone before us by continuing to educate those about this disease and being honest and not Pollyanna Pink about what it is and does to us.
And finally we honor those gone before us by trying to live our lives with intent and joy.
The tears are good because we can honestly grieve and then be refreshed to continue the fight.
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hope- I just turned on my computer this morning and your is one of the first posts I read. It moved me to tears. I hope you will share that same post on Mary's thread and would be completely honored if you'd allow me to re-post it on my Facebook page as a quote from "Hope". I think it would help so many to see the true effects of BC and not the pink washed version of events portrayed so often.
I am just so sad today. You hear every day of another BCO member lost but this is the first to touch me so closely. I think before now I have been in somewhat of a protective bubble just dealing with issues of tweaking recons and emotional issues. The reality of what this disease can do has now hit close to home for the first since my Grandma's passing so many years ago.
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Kate of course you can. I am wrapping my arms around you ...........
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And this one-
Dec 23, 2010 10:01 am
MBJ wrote:
I just want to say that I am so glad that I found you all here and big, big hugs to all of you. After 7 days of rain the sun decided to come out and I need to go out and show my face to the world.
Happy day!
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Hopeful - I think you picked the perfect screen name. Beautifully said!
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stanzie thank you. I too like Mary am blessed with a husband I adore and who cherishes me. These past two years we have grown so close and realized a marriage that we had only dreamed of. While we had a good marriage before it is so much deeper and connected now. So I have to give credit to him for helping me in the journey, through all the many complications. The recon continues after two years and he is there with me every step of the way still. I have hope because of his love. He told me he promised himself he would love me unconditionally through this when he heard my diagnosis. He has and continues to do that every day. He inspires me and I am in awe of him. He is my hero and the reason I am determined to find hope and joy and live with intent.
And I continue to try to live the journey with honesty in order to educate and help those women that follow in our footsteps.
This site is a tremendous source of strength for all of us. We truly can be ourselves and share our joys and tears and anger in a safe place. I have been blessed by so many here. Thank you ladies.
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The last two days have been a struggle here at my house dealing with our friend's loss. . . I trully appreciate all the support yesterday--my son and husband are just beside themselves with grief. and then I come here and read about Mary. . .All too much for one week. . .BC sucks. . our medical system sucks. . . there is a place in hell for Mary's doctor. . . parents shouldn't lose their children. . .I am so angry. . .
But I know that both my friend and Mary left behind a family that loved them immensely. Mary was lucky to have a DH that loved her so. And I am pretty sure she knew that she had friends here that held her dear. I cannot give my family enough hugs lately--and do want you all to know that even tho I stepped away--I came back because I realized how much everyone here meant to me. Thanks for being my rock. You don't know how much you all mean to me. sorry I'm rambling,
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claire that is the beauty of this site right.......... that we can step away if we need to but come back when we are ready and be greeted so openly and sincerely
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Claire - Yes this all is too much for one week. I am so very sorry for such a huge amount of pain your family and friends are going through. I just know reading you all are hugging each other and being there for one another then I know you all will be all right. As that is exactly what you all need to heal. I agree with hopeful - that is what friends are for to be there when you need us.
Hopeful - wow, I'm so very very happy for you to have found such an amazing man who adores and appreciates you as you certain do the same for him. Kate and her husband has such an amazing supportive relations ship as does Barb, and Claire sounds like you too. Diane - maybe there really is more hope for us out there somewhere as well!
Big hugs and sending lots of love to everyone in honor and rememberance of Mary....
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I just saw that Ryan posted this on Mary's facebook
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thanks, DiDel, for posting that.. although there's nothing they can do now, for my condition, i appreciate that you're all here for me, when i need the support..
the way may be long, or short, for me.. i just hope i have the dignity and love mary had, as she fought.. ms, i know, is different, and accept that. im just so sad for ryan, and marys' passing.. makes me more committed to loving my lioved ones more actively, for however long it is...
Im so sorry for the fsmily of that young boy, cymblsastic, and yours.. i'll keep a cnadle lit for all the broken hearts, tonight....3jays
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I downloaded all of Mary's music and have it on my phone now. She had an amazing voice! Last night some friends of ours had a St. Patrick's Day party. The husband is in a band and plays gigs around town and they were playing at the party. I asked him if he knew any songs that had the name Mary in it and would he dedicate it to my friend who had passed away from breast cancer? He played "Arms of Mary" and it was so moving. I don't have a video of it but it's been performed by lots of different artists. Here's one by Keith Urban. Love the song and he's easy on the eyes which I know Mary would appreciate!
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Awwww- Kate that is just so lovely! I know she would have been thrilled by this!
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Again thank-you Kate! i listened to the song and was touched,a strange thing because about 8 months ago i lost a friend to a blood cancer and her name was Mary also. .I was closer to her husband because he was thw guitar player in a band my husband played in for years.We were all quite close this was back in thelate 70"a into late 80's crazy rock n roll days.Also listening to Mary's music reminded me of how mant cassettes we have in this house of my husbands music.... i knew there was something about Mary ,ha just like the titlle of the movie,but she was special and now she is watching us and fighting for us behind the scenes i know it.... i too put Hopes post on face book it was so perfect.Do you want to be face book friends? that would be fun ,something diffrent...take care God Bless
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beacher- Would love to be Facebook friends! I sent you a PM! You're lucky you have those recordings of your husband. After my (step)dad passed away my mom realized she didn't have anything recorded of his voice and still misses being able to hear him. So I'm going to hunt through our old videos and see if I can find something. Don't know why we got out of the habit of video taping stuff as my son got older. You just never know when the last time you hear someone's voice will be the last time.
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Wanted to add I had a rough morning today. My DH's Parkinson's meds are causing him to have hallucinations. I guess it's pretty common but this morning was really bad. He was so scared and sure that what he had seen was real. It took hours to calm him down. He was convinced he woke up with a snake in our bed. (I was already up and in another part of the house.) He has a good friend down the street who, even though he was convinced it was a hallucination, came down and helped him tear apart the entire bedroom looking for it. I thought that was so sweet. (He didn't want me in there because he was convinced it was there and was trying to protect me.) I felt so bad for him because he was so sure it was real. Funny, don't remember Michael J Fox ever talking about this stuff.
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