Have any of you found love after your diagnosis and treatment?
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What's he texting for?? Did he give you the money yet, I'm with you on that on for sure!!
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DF - He's texting to say even though he had a date, no one compares to me. He's the first real game player I've been with and I'm not buying his lines. He will pay me the money, I'm not worried about that - he's got a good job and knows I'm right about the whole thing.
KAryn
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Wow he's pretty open that he's being a player now, too bad for him. I mean could you ever really trust him? No way!! I agree, can't live with them, can't live without them!
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Speaking of texts.... I just got one from my "ex" and he said uh... I called yesterday! hmmm...
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DF, I didn't know he told you he still loved her. Well, you do what your heart tells you, but I think this is a bad situation, all around (for you). But if you disagree then maybe you should take his calls.and see about getting together again.
Kward, I don't think you will ever see that money again (been there). But maybe he will prove me wrong. I was burned in that kind of situation twice so I will never front the money for travel plans ever again with someone. THEY can pay, and I will pay them back, but I won't make the reservation in my name with my cc.
Where is HRF? Wasn't her consult today/
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The way he said it wasn't like he was still in love with her, more like she's his ex, they've been together since high school and have 2 kids together. Lots of people still love their ex in a caring way, not in a way that makes you want to rekindle a horrible marriage though.
So I responded to his text and just said, I was at the movies when you called.
Hope HRF posts soon!!
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I totally misunderstood the whole situation, it sounds like. And he is calling all the time, too - things seem pretty much the way they were before, no? I am sure he will ask to get together, probably this weekend. Are you going to?
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No he called every day at least once, text many times and we'd talk for hours, he'd tell me how much he'd miss me, couldn't go more than a few days without seeing me, etc... I saw him last on the 9th and he's made NO effort to see me since then, and has called every 3 days or so. He has said he doesn't know if he can continue dating me, until he figures his issues out and not even sure about it then.
He just text back and said he busted his phone on Friday and got a new one yesterday. I am not sure I believe that but, I said ok.
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Well, you are on his mind, that is something (or he wouldn't be in touch). I admire his honesty, at least. I don't know, DF - it does sound like he thinks of you often.
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I know, but he can't decide if he wants to really still be dating me. What do I do with that?
It's so hard to just walk away and be cruel.0 -
Hi everyone. Had my consult today. I really liked the doc and she has an outstanding reputation. So she went through the whole thing with me and said I am definitely a candidate for DIEP and she put me on the list. She wants me to lose 30 pounds before the surgery because it will go better and I agree with her. So now I have a goal. I have to check in with her in 6 months to let her know I'm on track. So hopefully by this time next year I will be a new woman
Dragon, sounds like your guy is thinking about you a lot. Will you talk to him to find out if he is less confused?0 -
That's awesome, the DIEP will for sure make you a new woman. I love everything about how the procedure went. If you have any questions let me know
Sure sounds like that. I know now why he was calling because the whole match thing happened on Thursday. We talked for a few Friday morning and he was supposed to call me that night but never did.If he calls I'll see what he has to say.
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Thanks, Dragon. I am worried about the recovery as I have heard it is very difficult and takes a long time to recover
If he calls, can I suggest that you know what you want to say as well? It would be nice for you if could move out of this Neverland state where you don't know what's going on with him.0 -
I know each person varies as far as how the recovery is. I myself found it to be SO much easier than the bmx myself. Not a huge amount of pain, more uncomfortable and achy. I stopped my pain pills after the 1st week or 2? You can do it, the worst part is the drains, but you're familiar with those!
Yeah I need to make some notes of things to ask or maybe things i need to say and get clear.I still don't know what his family and the counselor told him as far as how he should be proceeding or handling things. I hate to assume, but it doesn't seem they told him to continue dating me, or dating period since he removed his match account NOW.
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Sounds like you had a reasonably quick recovery. I found the bmx to be not as bad as I had anticipated. Yeah, the drains were not fun but not painful.
Good idea to have your notes written out to keep you on track. Best not to make assumptions
There's a great little book called The Four Agreements It's a guide to live your life and it says: Be impeccable with your words. Don't take anything personally. Don't make assumptions. Always try your best. Simple but powerful0 -
The drains i had with my bmx were no probelm at all. The hip ones I had after my DIEP were a pain just because of location. But totally doable for sure!
I like that saying, it sounds like something we could all take to heart.
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Hrf, just make sure you don't go on any crash diets - do it slowly - you have 6 months. I am excited for you! Had I been a DIEP candidate, I would have gone that route. It looks so natural; I think you will be very happy. And you don't have to worry about replacing implants down the road like I will be.
DF, I am no expert on matters of the heart, but it is seeming to me like he genuinely misses you. First I thought he was stringing you along as a back-up, but I don't think that anymore.
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I hope he misses me, I guess time will tell and his actions will have to really show that.
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He knows you are not sitting around waiting, either - that's huge incentive for him. With Michael, he knew I wasn't dating others - and that was not a good thing. They want you more if they think there is a chance someone else might come snatch you up....
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I did tell him I would wait, but I think it was good for me to not answer his call yesterday, and to take a while to answer his text today, and that I'm not calling him and begging. He also can see like I said on my facebook, that my life is going on and I'm having fun. He's missing out!!
I guess it reverts to playing hard to get again?
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Men's brains work differently than women's. That's the challenge. A number of years ago I read the first Mars/Venus book (trying to understand a guy) and he talks about how sometimes when men feel like they are getting close to someone, they might retreat - go back into their cave and that is something women are supposed to understand. DF, maybe a little bit of that is going on with your guy too.
Fearless, I agree - no crash diets. I have to do it slow and steady. I have 5 more weeks of work and then my goal is to go for a walk first thing every day. I"ll actually try doing some this summer as well but it's just been much to hot recently. And then I need to plan out my meals properly - which I know how to do. It's a lousy excuse but the past 2 years have been so difficult both physically and emotionally that I have had too many days where I've felt "what's the use?" Being left by a guy I trusted didn't help my self image either. So between chemo, sitting a lot, and Arimidex - it does make it harder - but not impossible if I put my mind to it.
Dragon, I feel like I am waiting with you for the phone to ring.
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I think you may of hit it right on. Like things started getting stronger with us, then his ex threw him for a lip and his schedule and his son and he just put the brakes on all of it. I don't know if he'll come around or not. He has no idea that so many people are aware of the situation and "waiting" for him to call
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He'll never have to know that we exist.
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Dang, he better call or we'll be waiting for nothing lol!! I tell him I talk to my friends about everything, this is no different.
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omg ladies... I'm super duper worried about him. He sent me a text tonight. Saying he was planning on calling, but in a depressed mood and didn't feel like talking and that he's in a bad place again. Do you remember I said a year ago he was like this and was suicidal. So I wrote him back and said well if you don't feel like talking then there's not much I can do. I wish you would let me be there for you and open up to me.He said, I'm so sorry. At rock bottom, and ready to give up on everything. You deserve so much better than this. I said I'm trying to help you and wish you'd let me. He never responded. I sent him one a bit ago and just said, did you get my last text? I'm really worried about you
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Dragon, sorry his message was a downer. Clearly he is thinking about you. Tread carefully though and as much as you want to help him, don't assume responsibility for his wellbeing. As women, we want to fix things but don't go there. Your relationship is too young for this. I might sound cold but I'm not really - just that I have been there and know what can happen. If he has ongoing mental health issues, you can be supportive, but don't think you can fix anything. Is he getting help? Unfortunately, these types of things can easily turn into a codependency situation. You can help him by encouraging him to get help and letting him know you are there for him But don't become his counsellor!
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Mike used to tell me what a "bad place" he was in, too. Then I would find him on Match.com, lol! Not saying your guy is BS'ing, just that a lot of guys say that as an excuse for their absense or silence. But I don't think that is the case here. DF, I think when he is ready to talk to someone, you will be the one he calls. But on the other hand, I guess you can't tell him you are there for him and then not answer the phone, so just be sure and answer if he calls.
Hrf, yes, the Arimidex and treatment history make it so much harder, but you will get there! Just the fact that you went for those consults is HUGE. It means you are ready to move forward. As for the diet, I think 2 pounds a week is a healthy way to go. Personally, I count calories when I want to drop a few pounds. I don't like to deprive myself of anything, so calorie counting works for me - then I can still have that glass of wine or piece of chocolate. Do not go below 1300 calories a day.
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I know he met with at least one counselor, wanting to find 1 he liked. He was going to meet with a couple.
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Hi Fearless. I think 1300 calories makes sense. I also want to incorporate more physical activity which I know will be difficult at first but I do have a goal now. I'm not expecting this to be easy but after tomorrow all my work stress will be over. I promised to do a 2 hour presentation tomorrow to people who are working on their Principal qualifications. Then I can just focus on myself
My ex-husband had a lot of issues and would shut me out. Turns out he was basically an unhappy person who had poor coping skills and he would expect me to fix his life or he blamed me for his unhappiness. It was a roller coaster ride with him for 15 years until I finally realized the toll it was taking on me. He actually had always been that way but I thought I would be able to make him into a healthier person0 -
DF, is he on anti-depressants that you know of? I was on them for a few weeks and they made me feel weird and I went off them. Maybe he is on meds of some sort.
Hrf, 15 years is a long time. It will take work, but you are going to put all that behind you. And you sound like an amazing women - your love life is not over yet. At least that is my prediction!
Off to work, ladies...hope you both have great days!
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